'Under the circumstances, she could not.'
'And when Lord Perry saw you again at Lady Rumsden's ball in London—'
'He...asked me again to be his mistress.' Desiree took a deep breath. 'He told me that I might as well accept his offer because I could not hope to do better. And when I said that I knew he could ruin my reputation in London just as he had in Steep Abbot, he informed me that...my reputation was already lost because you had told all of your friends and acquaintances upon your return to London that we had been...together in the River Steep.'
'Desiree, I swear, I told only one man of our meeting in the woods,' Sebastian said desperately. 'A gentleman I thought of as a friend. But it was he who spread the tale and he who embellished it to make it sound far worse than it really was. Only think, Desiree. Why would I have gone around talking about you? I didn't even know who you were. I had seen you once and knew nothing about you, save that your parents were dead and that you were not married. From your conversation I was able to glean that you were well educated, but I knew nothing else. All I saw was a beautiful young woman who enjoyed swimming in a woodland pool.'
'And whom you suspected of having loose morals.'
'That's not what I said!'
'But you must have thought it, my lord. Why else would you have asked me to be your mistress? In truth, you are no better than Lord Perry. And it does not matter whether you told one or a hundred people,' Desiree cried. 'It was enough that you recounted the details of your escapade in the country to one man, and that you both enjoyed a good laugh at my expense.'
'Desiree, please—'
'Well, I am not laughing, my lord,' Desiree told him angrily. 'When Lord Perry asked me to be his mistress and I turned him down, he told me that he would use every means at his disposal to ensure that I did eventually agree. And that's why I left London. I was not willing to endanger Lady Charlton's good name. I did not want to make her look a fool in front of her friends, when it became known that the lady she had chosen to be her companion was a woman of questionable morals. I turned down the position as governess to your friends for exactly the same reason.'
'Desiree, for God's sake, why didn't you tell me any of this?'
'Because it didn't matter. What did, was that I left your aunt's house—and London—as quickly as possible. Lord Perry was waiting for an answer. I knew that I was running out of time. So the morning after Lady Appleby's soiree, I went to one of the service registries in town and applied for a position. Eventually, I was lucky enough to be offered one.'
'But without any letters of reference, how did you secure it?'
Desiree blushed. 'I wrote to my friend Helen at the Academy and asked her to provide me with one.'
'I hardly think the recommendation of a friend and fellow teacher would have accomplished what was required.'
'No, but one signed by the Signora Helene de Grazziano, Comtesse de Coverdale was.'
Sebastian nodded. 'So you lied.'
'I did what I had to do!' Desiree cried in frustration. 'I needed a position, Lord Buckworth. And while this might not be exactly what I would have wished for, it has provided me with a roof over my head and a steady wage. More importantly, it has given me a chance to start again. I came here with my reputation intact and I keep to myself as much as possible. And that is the way it will be from now on because I will not let myself be hurt again. Not by you or anyone else.'
'Desiree, I had to ask,' Sebastian said, praying that she understood. 'Perry made it sound as though—'
'Yes, I know how Lord Perry would have made it sound,' Desiree said bitterly. 'Why would he not? He has no reputation to worry about. I was a lowly teacher at a girl's school; a woman he felt perfectly within his rights to approach with lewd suggestions and improper conduct. He would not have treated a lady in such a way. Indeed, I wonder if he would have attempted such a seduction had he known that I was the granddaughter of the late Sir George Owens. I venture to say he would not.'
'Desiree, let me take you back to London,' Sebastian said earnestly. 'There is no need for you to remain here any longer. My aunt misses you terribly and so do I. Come back with me and everything shall be as it was.'
Desiree looked at him askance. 'But don't you understand what I have been saying, Lord Buckworth? Nothing will ever be as it was! How can I go back to London knowing what I do now? How could I.. .walk into a room and hold my head up, knowing that half the gentlemen in the room are seeing me as Lord Perry does? Wondering, perhaps, if I would agree to be their mistress, if I would not be his—or yours?'
'You will be no man's mistress, Desiree,' Sebastian growled, 'and you will have nothing to fear. When I am around—'
'Yes, when you are around no one is likely to approach me,' Desiree agreed readily enough. 'But when you are not, what shall I do then? How am I to protect myself against the likes of Lord Perry and his friends?'
A sudden movement at the front door of the house drew Desiree's eye, and she abruptly caught her breath. Mrs Clyde was standing in the doorway, with Caroline on one side of her and the housekeeper at the other. And all three were staring directly across the field towards them.
'I have tarried too long,' Desiree said anxiously. 'I must return to the house at once.'
Sebastian glanced in the direction of the house too, and frowned. 'Then I shall come with you. There is more that I would say to you, Desiree, and if necessary, I shall introduce myself to your employer and—'
'No, it is best that you leave now, my lord. Mrs Clyde does not allow the staff to have visitors at the house. I shall go back and make my explanations as best I can.'
'Damn it, Desiree, I am not a visitor and I have no wish to go—'
'But you have no reason to stay either,' Desiree told him, feeling as though her heart was being wrenched in two. 'I...thank you for coming, but now that the question as to why I left London has been answered, there is no reason for you to remain. Please, go back to London, my lord. Your staying here now can do neither of us any good.'
Desiree whirled around before he had a chance to say anything more and ran all the way back to the house. What a fool she had been. What a silly, ignorant fool to think that Sebastian Moore might have ever truly cared for her. The apprehension she felt over the coming interview with Mrs Clyde was nothing compared to the emptiness she felt at his cruel betrayal.
Oh yes, he had come to Yorkshire looking for her. But only to find out the truth of the matter with regards to Lord Perry. He thought no better of her now than he had on the day he'd met her in the river. If he had, he would never have believed what Lord Perry had said. He would not have blamed her for what had happened.
Well, she would not be so foolish in the future, Desiree assured herself. She refused to allow any man to reduce her to such a state again. She had let it happen once by being stupid enough to fall in love with Sebastian Moore.
She would not be so careless a second time.
Chapter Twelve
Mrs Clyde did not waste any time in telling Desiree exactly what she thought of her conduct.
'I am shocked at your behaviour, Miss Nash,' she said after summoning Desiree to her private parlour immediately upon her return to the house. 'I look out of my window to see my governess talking to a strange man' in the field, while my daughters are left to make their own way back to the house? What am I to make of such conduct?'
'We were only in the pasture, Mrs Clyde.'
'I don't care if you were in the garden, Miss Nash!' the woman snapped. 'Your responsibility is to my children, not to your fancy gentlemen friends. I will not have my staff behaving in such a disgraceful manner!'
'Do you wish me to leave?' Desiree asked, not at all sure that she wouldn't be relieved if the woman were to dismiss her.
But Mrs Clyde only shook her head. 'Unfortunately, my wishes are not the only ones to be considered here. My girls have taken to you and it is their wish, Sarah's in particular, that you remain. For their sakes alone, I shall allow it. But you will be confined to the hous
e for the next three weeks, Miss Nash, and I warn you, if anything like this should happen again, you will be turned off immediately and without a reference. Is that understood?'
'Yes, Mrs Clyde.'
'Good. You may go.'
Desiree inclined her head and turned to leave as anger and resentment welled up inside.
'Thank you, Sebastian,' she muttered under her breath as she headed for the nursery. 'It seems that you have brought me to the edge of grief once more.'
Sebastian sat in the bar at the Three Crowns and stared morosely into his glass. It had all gone wrong. Everything he had come here to do had gone abysmally wrong. And he had no one to blame but himself.
Why hadn't he trusted Desiree? Surely he'd known enough of her character to know that she would never have agreed to a relationship with Perry. And if she had ended up in one, it would only have been because he had coerced her in some way. Desiree was not the type of woman to involve herself in an affaire de coeur with such a loathsome man.
And yet, when he had finally caught up with her this afternoon and had been given an opportunity to talk to her, what had he done but let her believe that that was exactly what he had thought. Why had he not just asked her to tell him what had happened without imposing any opinions of his own?
And on top of all that, it was very possible that he had cost Desiree her job. He had seen the look on Mrs Clyde's face when she had stood in the doorway and glared at them. And he knew what Desiree would have had to face when she walked back into that house. But what was he to do now? Go back to London? Leave Desiree to her miserable existence here? Because Sebastian knew that's what it was. Her carefully worded answers hadn't disguised the truth for a minute. She might care for one of the young girls in her care but there was certainly no affection or respect for the master or his wife.
Sebastian signalled for another drink and remembered again Lord Perry's smug complacency. God, when he thought about what the bastard had done, he felt like killing him. He could only imagine how Desiree must have felt at being trapped in a room with such a man and knowing what he intended to do—what he would have done had it not been for a most timely interruption.
But then, at the same time, how humiliated Desiree must have felt at being discovered by Mrs Guarding herself; a woman she admired and respected. And then to be dismissed by that same woman for conduct that had nothing to do with her and everything to do with a rich, powerful man who selfishly used others for his own pleasure and amusement.
How can I go back to London, knowing what I do now? Desiree had told him. How could I... walk into a room with Lady Charlton, and hold my head up, knowing that half the gentlemen in the room are seeing me as Lord Perry does? Wondering, perhaps, if I would agree to be their mistress, if I would not be his—or yours?
Hearing again the despair in her voice, Sebastian abruptly got up and began to pace. He could not bear the thought of anyone thinking of Desiree in such a manner. Making a mockery of all that she was. Ignoring her gentleness and compassion, and seeing her only as a beautiful woman to be used and bedded.
All right, damn it, so that was what he had once thought too, but those were not his feelings any more! Desiree would never be just that to him. Because if he was ever fortunate enough to have her in his bed, it would be because he wanted all of her. Not just her body, but her mind, her spirit, and her intellect as well.
Then tell her that, you fool, the voice said in his head. Tell her and be done with it.
Sebastian abruptly stopped pacing. Yes, of course that's what he would do. He would go back to that dreadful house tomorrow and he would demand to see her. And when he did, he would get down on his knees and beg her to forgive him.
He hoped to God that it wasn't already too late.
Sebastian called at Banksburgh House at precisely eleven o'clock the following morning. He knew that he was calling in advance of the socially accepted time, but he could not believe that in such a dismal place the niceties would be adhered to. Besides, the wait had already tried his patience sorely enough.
He was met at the door by a dour-faced butler who informed him that the master was not at home. When Sebastian presented his card and told him that he wished to see the lady of the house, he was grudgingly admitted to a chilly, cavernous hall and asked to wait. Moments later, he found himself being led into a large, cheerless drawing-room, where he was greeted by an obsequious Mrs Clyde.
'Lord Buckworth, I am honoured by your call,' she said, visibly flustered by his unexpected arrival. 'Most honoured indeed.'
'I hope I am not calling too early, Mrs Clyde.'
'Not at all, my lord. We do not keep town hours here. We rise very early at Banksburgh House. Can I offer you some refreshment?'
Sebastian politely inclined his head as he removed his leather gloves. 'Thank you, no. This is not entirely a social call. In fact, I have come on another matter altogether.'
'My lord?'
'I wish to see your governess.'
'I...beg your pardon?'
Sebastian smiled at her look of astonishment. 'Yes, you heard me correctly, Mrs Clyde. I wish to speak to Miss Nash. I believe you saw me talking to her in the field yesterday afternoon.'
'Well, yes, I did, but—'
'By the by, I apologize for sending your two lovely daughters back to the house without her,' Sebastian said before the woman had a chance to continue. 'Miss Nash was most upset at my doing so, but what I had to say to her was for her hearing alone. And I thought that with the house being within such easy distance there would be no problem.'
'Well, no, of course not, Lord Buckworth, however—'
'Good. I am relieved to hear it,' Sebastian interrupted smoothly. 'I should not like to think that Miss Nash was reprimanded for something that was not her fault. And now, if you would be so good as to send for the young lady, Mrs Clyde, I will trouble you no more.'
Desiree was in the nursery when the housekeeper arrived. She frowned at being told that Mrs Clyde wanted to see her in the drawing-room straight away, and wondered what she had done wrong now. Surely her employer had not changed her mind and decided to turn her off as a result of what had happened yesterday?
'Thank you, Mrs Hagerty. I shall go down at once.'
'Can I come too, Miss Nash?' Sarah asked innocently.
In spite of her concerns, Desiree managed a smile for the little girl. 'No, Sarah, not this time. I think your mama wishes to speak with me alone.'
'Don't know about that,' the housekeeper said in a broad Yorkshire accent. 'There's already a fine London gentleman with her.'
Desiree blanched. A London gentleman? But...surely Sebastian had not come back? Not after what had passed between them yesterday?
Her nerves in a flutter, Desiree quickly made her way downstairs. Perhaps Sebastian had called out of respect and Mrs Clyde had summoned her downstairs to remind her again of the impropriety of her actions. Certainly that seemed a more logical explanation.
Desiree nervously smoothed down the front of her ugly brown dress and, then knocked on the drawing-room door. Upon being told to enter, she pushed it open and walked in. The first person she saw was Sebastian. He was immaculately dressed and was leaning nonchalantly against the mantle. It seemed to Desiree that his eyes were bright with merriment.
Mrs Clyde, on the other hand, was looking somewhat bewildered as she sat in her usual chair beside the fireplace, her gown of puce-coloured silk clashing hideously with her auburn hair.
'You wished to see me, Mrs Clyde.'
'Yes, Miss Nash, I did. We have been honoured by a visit from this fine gentleman, but you can imagine my surprise when he told me that he wished to see you.'
'Good morning, Miss Nash,' Sebastian said with a bow.
'Lord Buckworth.' Desiree greeted him politely.
'I was just explaining to Mrs Clyde the circumstances of our meeting yesterday,' he informed her. 'I assured her that the blame for it and for sending the children back unescorted was entirely mine and that y
ou should not be held in any way responsible. Is that not so, Mrs Clyde?'
'It is, Lord Buckworth. And while I was most upset with Miss Nash for her conduct yesterday, I am willing to admit—now that I have met you— that I made a mistake. At the time, of course, I was most concerned for the welfare of my girls, and that is what Miss Nash is here for, after all.'
'Your concern for your daughters' welfare does you proud, Mrs Clyde,' Sebastian assured her. 'But now that you are more comfortable with my presence, perhaps you would be so good as to allow me a few moments alone with Miss Nash?'
The woman's smile slipped. 'Well, it is not entirely proper, Lord Buckworth—'
'I promise you that I shall be the soul of propriety, Mrs Clyde. You see, I come with news about a very dear friend of Miss Nash's, and it is of a somewhat...delicate and personal nature. As such, I would not wish to embarrass her by making it known in front of others. You understand.'
Not looking as though she did, but obviously unwilling to say so in front of this man, Mrs Clyde reluctantly got to her feet. 'Very well, Lord Buckworth. You may have a few moments alone with Miss Nash. But then I must return her to her duties. I am sure you understand that my girls require constant supervision. Especially my eldest daughter, Caroline,' she said pointedly. 'A pretty little thing, did you not think, Lord Buckworth?'
'I did indeed, Mrs Clyde. And no doubt she will be breaking hearts when she makes her come-out in four or five years time. No doubt just like her mama did when she made hers.'
Desiree pressed her lips together to keep from smiling. Truly, Sebastian was outrageous! Mrs Clyde was blushing like a schoolgirl. But his flattery was obviously achieving the desired results.
'You are too kind, my dear Lord Buckworth,' the woman said as she headed for the door. 'Pray, enjoy your visit with Miss Nash.'
As soon as the door closed behind her, Sebastian let out his breath. 'Good God, for a moment there I thought she was going to kiss me.'
'It would have served you right if she had,' Desiree replied tartly.
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