Talia Jager

by Without Hesitation

  My wandering led me to a downward slope, it was slight, but it enough of a decline to create a puddle or a small pond from a good downpour. I quickly lost my footing on my dissent and fell to the ground. When I tried to get up the whole world spun, so I sat with my back against a tree, trying to steady myself. I was alone with my thoughts. Completely alone. Rage bubbled up and trickled over before I could stop it. I was lost on a planet I knew nothing about. There was no food or water, and very likely no way home. I drew deep breaths trying to keep from breaking down, but my body racked with sobs.

  Pushing myself up, I continued on. The day wore on and I didn’t find water. If I didn’t find some by tomorrow, I’d be dead. Or very close to it.

  I came to a clearing that led to a cliff. Inching closer, I looked over. There was a beautiful meadow below with green grass and flowers. I had to get down there. There had to be some water down there.

  It would be dark soon. I should set up camp and make my way down in the morning. Set up camp. I laughed. It’s not like I had a tent, bedroll, food, or anything like that.

  I collected some twigs, but exhaustion hit before I could get a fire going. I lay down, closed my eyes and immediately drifted off to sleep.

  When I woke in the morning, my body ached. My throat was parched. I licked my cracked lips and forced my eyes open. My stomach growled loudly and I thought about going back to sleep. No. I couldn’t do that. I had to get up, find water and food, and figure out what to do. That was what I had to do. Right? I couldn’t just let myself die here. I was the Empress of Valinor. My planet, my people needed me. My side still throbbed with pain. I pulled up my shirt and examined the wound. It was bleeding at such a slow rate, I knew I wouldn’t bleed to death, but it wasn’t healing.

  I needed to clean it and that required water. I pushed up to my feet and began walking, stumbling every few feet, trying to find a way down.

  I was getting sleepy again. Needing something to focus on to keep me alert, I thought about Everleigh. First, I thought about the kiss we shared at the space station. The one I thought would have led to more. The way her lips felt against mine. Her sweet, yet earthy scent. Feeling her heart race against my own. Then I thought about when she turned me over. Handed me to a monster like I was some kind of pawn. Something she could sell. How could she be so cruel?

  My head swam. I stopped walking and I clenched my teeth, trying to steady myself. But with my eyes closed I saw Caspar coming toward me with a rope. He was going to tie me up again. Blindly, I turned and hurried through the trees, trying to find a place to hide. He was right on my heels. His laughter filled my head, sinister and taunting. I tripped and fell.

  Get up! Get up and run!

  My body screamed in protest, but I kept going. Was he still back there? I turned and looked back. I didn’t see anything. I stopped for a moment and listened. I heard no sounds of pursuit and suddenly I realized that he might have never been chasing me at all. Starvation, dehydration, plus numerous injuries from being tortured for I didn’t know how many days…all of that could cause hallucinations.

  “Kace!” It was Bristow’s voice.

  I spun around, looking for him, before I could catch myself. “No,” I said, shaking my head. I had to keep moving. These hallucinations were working against me and running blindly on a foreign planet would get me killed.

  “Akacia! Wait!”

  It sounded so real. Against my better judgment, I turned to look in the direction the voice came from. Bristow appeared a few feet away from me, his face frantic, sweat molding his brown hair to his brow.

  “Are you real?” I asked, my voice sounded ragged and small. “Are you really here?”

  “It’s me, Kaci. I’m really here.”

  I ran toward him. “You found me!” But instead of feeling his arms wrap around me, I ran right through him.

  He disappeared.

  I was definitely hallucinating, but that didn’t make this loss feel any less real. I dropped to my knees and wailed, not caring if anyone or anything heard me. There was something wrong with me. The skin around the wound was red and angry. Infected. If Caspar was right and I had these nanites that healed me, why wasn’t I healing? Maybe he was just full of it.

  Water. I needed to get to water. Just had to find my way to it.

  I took a few steps, then a few more, and then fell to the ground. It was no use. I wouldn’t make it. My eyes closed and I dropped weightless into the darkness.

  Wet, cool, liquid, poured over my lips. I opened my mouth and the most refreshing water I’d ever tasted soothed my dry mouth. I swallowed, coughed, and then opened my mouth for more.

  My eyelids felt leaden, but I managed to open them and there was Everleigh. This must be another hallucination and I was okay with that. I didn’t mind dying if she was with me. She could hold me until death came and took me away. I’d go happily. Peacefully.

  “I’m here,” she said. “I know you don’t want me to be, but I am. I found some water not too far from here. Got a fire ready to go, too. I’m going to get you there.” She put her arms under me and picked me up.

  Perfect. In her arms. I rested my head on her chest and listened to her heartbeat as she carried me away. Dying in her arms seemed like a good ending. I let my eyes close again.

  “Wake up!”

  It took a minute, but I finally managed to open my eyes. Death was supposed to be quieter than this.

  “I need you to understand what’s going on. Your head looks fine, which is just weird, but there’s another wound on your side. There’s something in it. I can get it out, but you have to let me.”

  Maybe it wasn’t a hallucination?

  More water dribbled in my mouth. I could barely make out the cloth she was squeezing above my lips.

  “I will wash it best I can, but there’s no way to close it up. No tape. Nothing.”

  My focus sharpened for a moment and I thought back on survival class. I pointed to the fire and then to her knife. She looked back and forth and her eyes went wide, but she took the knife and put it on a rock over the fire. She left and returned with a stick. “Only thing I could find.” She held it out to my mouth and I let her put it in and I bit down.

  Everleigh wiped the wound with a cloth, and then squeezed water onto it. She took a deep breath and stuck her fingers in the wound on my side.

  The pain…a pain like I’d never experienced before ripped through me. The muffled scream I let out seemed only to touch the very edges of how much it hurt. My fingers grasped at the ground beneath me. I felt her fingers as they fished around for whatever was in there. Finally she pulled it out and looked at it. “Metal.”

  Using the cloth, she washed the wound again. She took the knife, almost glowing red, and our eyes met. I nodded. She took the knife and pressed it to the wound in quick bursts. I chomped down on the stick, screaming. Death was definitely not this agonizing, this was living.

  Once my heart stopped racing and my breathing returned to normal, I licked my lips.

  “Here. Eat.” She pressed something to my lips.

  I squinted, trying to see what it was.

  “They’re berries of some sort. Not immediately poisonous or I’d be dead. Figured it’s better than nothing.”

  I opened my mouth and let her pop a few of them in. Bursts of sweet juice filled my mouth as I chewed.

  The light from the closest sunstar was already dimming. Night was falling again. My eyelids felt heavy.

  “Sleep, Empress.”

  I kept quiet and after a minute of staring at her, wondering if this was indeed real, I closed my eyes. Guess we’d know in the next day if Caspar was right. If this wound healed, I had nanites in me.

  Before my eyes even opened, I could feel a difference. No more pain. Not even soreness. Everleigh was sitting next to the fire. Her dark hair had been pulled back into braids.

  She turned and our eyes met.

  My heart leaped at the sight of her, the way it always had, the way it always would, bu
t then rage broke through, boiling through my veins. A broken, guttural sob ripped up from my throat before I could stop it. I cursed myself for letting her get to me. I cursed myself for wanting to let the rage go and take her in my arms. I cursed myself for trusting her in the first place.

  She got up and started coming toward me. I turned away. She didn’t deserve my tears. Didn’t deserve to see me like this. I wanted to be strong. Crying just showed weakness.

  “Let me check your wound.”

  I tried to pull away from her, but my body was still weak from the lack of food and water, and she easily jerked me back. Her fingers brushed over my skin and my heart betrayed me by skipping a beat.

  “You’re healed.” Her face twisted with confusion. “Completely.” She looked from that wound up to my head where the injury had been. Then meeting my eyes, she questioned, “What are you?”

  I yanked my shirt back down and pulled away. She hadn’t stopped staring at me and it was becoming uncomfortable, but I had no desire to explain right now. I didn’t even know if what Caspar said was true. Though everything pointed to exactly that.

  Nanites. I knew nothing about them and apparently nothing about my father. Or what had happened to me when I was younger. Curiosity alone would make me find a way to get home so I could get some answers.

  Everleigh blew out a long breath. “Fine. We need to get water. There’s a small stream not too far from here, but it’s downhill. Seeing as you’re all healed, you shouldn’t have any problems.”

  I pushed myself to my feet and waited for her to lead.

  “You can’t just not talk to me.”

  The hell I couldn’t. I had no intentions of ever speaking to her again.

  Everleigh began walking. Soon we were on a downhill slope, so we angled ourselves sideways and continued down. I could hear the stream before I saw it and my tongue slid across my lips in anticipation.

  Once the stream came into view, I rushed over to it, cupped my hands and drank the water. Once my thirst was quenched, I stood and looked at our surroundings. There were mountains in the distance. To my right, there were some brightly colored trees that looked similar to something on my planet. If they were, they might have fruit. I started toward them.

  Everleigh put her hand on my shoulder. “Where are you going?”

  I hated the way my body betrayed me. I hated that I nearly leaned into her touch before I jerked my shoulder away instead. Without saying a word, I continued to the trees. My stomach let out a loud gurgle as I got closer and saw they were indeed fruit. First I looked at the few lying on the ground. There were bite marks in them. My eyes searched the area for dead animals and I saw none. Most likely the fruit wasn’t poisonous.

  A few of the soft, fuzzy fruits hung on a low branch just over my head. I stretched up and grabbed one then bit into it and the juicy flesh warmed in my mouth. It was close to what grew on Valinor, but it wasn’t exactly the same. Not being positive they were safe, I waited a minute to make sure I didn’t drop dead. When I didn’t, I quickly finished the rest of it and grabbed another one off the tree. Everleigh had caught up to me and was chowing down on one.

  Neither of us said a word. We sat in silence. The air was so thick with tension that it seemed to hum around us. Everleigh started collecting firewood again and built a fire.

  At the stream, I rinsed off some of the dirt and blood from my hands before drinking more water. I felt as if I couldn’t get enough to drink. I was forever thirsty and hungry. It would be dark soon. The walk back to the fire seemed so far, and I thought about just sleeping where I was. Away from her.

  I should leave. Go off on my own again. But I was weaker than normal and not sure I’d get too far.

  Plus part of me knew I couldn’t leave her. And that pissed me off. She handed me over to a madman, but walking away from her broke me.

  Back at the fire, I laid down with my head on my arm. She took one last look at me and then did the same across from me. Wordlessly, we stared at each other. How could she betray me? Hadn’t that kiss meant anything to her? Before she could see the tears in my eyes, I closed them and let sleep come.

  Caspar grabbed me and held my head under the water. I thrashed trying to get free. My lungs were burning. I couldn’t breathe.

  I sat straight up, gasping for breath.

  “You’re safe,” Everleigh said from her crouched position in front of me. “You’re having a nightmare.”

  Turning to her, I could see the water in her eyes, shimmering in the moonlight, and my stupid heart clenched, thankful that she was here with me. The fear I felt in my dream didn’t leave me though. My chest tightened and I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath. I was warm and my head felt all fuzzy as the fear tightened its hold on me. He’d find me. He’d capture me again. I’d never be safe. My heart took off at a gallop and I yanked on my shirt.

  I didn’t realize she wasn’t in front of me anymore until I felt her behind me. She scooted up right against my body and put her arm around me. “I’ve got you. You’re safe.”

  I hated that her arms made me feel safe. I hated that my heart slowed the longer she held me. I hated that my eyes closed and I fell back to sleep in her arms.

  Chapter Nine

  Everleigh

  AKACIA WAS SHAKING AND CRYING. Even after seeing her beaten on that video and how she was when I found her, I hadn’t thought of the after effects. Seeing her like this…I drew a shuddering breath, trying to be strong, and failing horribly.

  I had to do something and there was only one thing I could think to do—hold her. I lay next to her and pulled her close. I thought she might push me away, maybe scream at me, maybe get up and move, but she didn’t. After a few minutes, she actually calmed down and drifted back to sleep.

  I watched her sleep for a few minutes. Her hair, tangled and a little dirty hung in her face. I gently brushed it behind her ear, repeating the motion until I fell asleep, too.

  In the morning, I woke with my arm still over her. I could tell by her breathing she wasn’t awake yet. My throat was dry. I should go get some water, maybe bring back some more of that fruit, but I didn’t want to leave her.

  After a few more minutes, I sighed and got up as quietly and carefully as I could. I wandered around the woods for a bit and collected some herbs I knew would freshen our breath. Upon finding a fallen tree nearby, I started cutting at it. Soon I had created a small bowl. It would work. First I went back to the fruit tree and gathered a few, then I went to the stream and filled the bowl. I drank three bowls, then filled it to take back to her.

  Akacia was awake when I got back to camp. Her eyes drilled into me, icy blue, and alight with fury as I knelt in front of her. She was so angry that I could feel it wafting off of her. I wasn’t sure, however, if she was angry because of my betrayal or because she betrayed her own feelings when she let me comfort her.

  I handed her the bowl and was happy when she took it and drank the water. I put the fruit in front of us and let her have her choice first. She chose one and ate it. Laying out the herbs, I said, “It freshens your breath.”

  With arched eyebrows, she took one and popped it in her mouth. I stuck the rest in my pocket.

  We weren’t going to find a way off the planet by just sitting here. When she was feeling better, we could venture off to find help—if there was help, but we needed to stay a few nights for Akacia to rest. Her body might be healed on the outside, but she was raw on the inside. My mind wandered a lot in the silence. I wondered how she healed. She wasn’t an AI. She bled. Were all of her people like that? Was she special? I thought about if it really mattered. Did it change the way I felt about her?

  Not one bit.

  Days and nights continued. Some nights Akacia cried and I held her. Some nights she was calm. Some nights she didn’t sleep at all.

  She still didn’t talk. She was healing. I gave her the time. I said things here or there, but mostly just kept to myself and watched her.

  Just before sunset, Aka
cia was staring at the stream, watching the water. I could tell by the way her body shook, even from behind, that she was crying. I sat next to her and put my arm around her shoulders, hoping to comfort her.

  She shoved me away. Her eyes were full of fear. I held my hands up apologetically. She shook her head and jumped up. I followed. She was breaking down. Losing it. It had finally gotten to be too much. She took a swing, hitting me under my eye. I could have stopped it, but I didn’t. I deserved it. She cried out and swung at me again. Her fist connected with my lip.

  She waited. Waited for me to fight back.

  I shook my head. My own hot tears slid down my cheeks. I wouldn’t fight her.

  She threw herself at me, pounding my chest with her fists. She cried out and started to collapse.

  I grabbed her shoulders, steadying her, and easing her to the ground.

  “I’ve got you.”

  She let me hold her while she cried. I ran my fingers through her hair and hummed. How I wished I could go back and change things. When she fell asleep, I carried her back to camp and lay next to her. I cherished every second because I never knew from one moment to the next if she was going to let me near her again. During the night, she let me hold her. In the daytime, the anger returned. Touching was off limits. I started to stand and go to other side of the fire where I could sleep, she roused and her hand searched for mine. I took it and she interlaced her fingers with mine. It was a simple gesture, one that made me warm and hopeful.

  Chapter Ten

  Akacia

  WHEN I WOKE, I COULD feel Everleigh’s arm draped around me. I wanted nothing more than to turn in her arms and put my lips on hers. I dreamt of loving her, being with her, being hers. I could feel the way she felt about me when she held me. I could see it in her eyes. I began to wonder if it was possible.

  I took the extra minute this morning to stay in her arms.

  A rumble in the distance caused Ever to stir. She sat right up when the second rumble came. “Storm,” she mumbled. “We need to take cover.”