“I suppose.”
“Hey, you forgave me,” Ryan said lightly. “Maybe Michael will forgive both of us.”
“Maybe he won’t even remember us,” Sean said. “Hell, he was only four when we were split up.”
Ryan sighed. “Definitely a possibility, but I can’t stop looking now. Any idea how we can take this information and use it?”
Sean didn’t want any part of the investigation. It was one thing for Ryan to conduct his search, maybe turn up this family member or that one. Then Sean could see them…or not. But the memory of Michael, his lower lip trembling as he was led away by a different set of foster parents, made him want some resolution, too. And one look at Ryan’s expression told him he couldn’t sit on the sidelines, especially when there might be a way he could help.
“There’s a guy in the department whose brother is at the Pentagon. Maybe he’d be willing to do a little digging around for us,” Sean conceded reluctantly. “Want me to ask him?”
“That would be great,” Ryan said enthusiastically. “I know you have your reservations about all this, but seeing me again hasn’t been so awful, has it?”
Sean grinned. “Hardly. How many times have I actually seen you, though? You could start to get on my nerves yet.”
“Very funny. Now tell me about this woman we’re helping this morning,” Ryan coaxed, circling right back to the topic Sean had been hoping to avoid. “How’d you meet?”
Sean told him the story of the fire and all about Kevin. When he was finished there was a broad grin on his brother’s face.
“You are so hooked,” Ryan declared happily.
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
“Is she pretty?”
“I suppose.”
“Sweet?”
He thought of Deanna’s sharp edges and feisty independence, all of it tempered by a surprising naiveté. “Sweet enough, I guess.”
“Vulnerable?”
Sean’s gaze narrowed. “Yes,” he confirmed tightly.
“And she’s a struggling single mom?”
“Yes. What’s your point?”
“Damsel in distress. Kid desperate for a father. Firefighter with a need to play hero. You do the math.”
Sean didn’t like the way things were adding up in his brother’s head. “Oh, go to hell,” he muttered.
His brother grinned. “Not till I get a look at this woman. And before you tell me what a pain in the butt I am, consider this—it could be worse.”
“I don’t see how.”
“Maggie would be all over this,” he teased. His face took on an odd expression, and then he met Sean’s gaze. “She’s got all these nesting urges.” He hesitated, then added, “She’s pregnant.”
Sean studied his brother, trying to gauge how he felt about the news. He didn’t know him well enough to read him with any accuracy. “You sound dazed,” he said finally. “You are happy about this, aren’t you?”
“Happy. Terrified.”
“What are you terrified about?” Sean asked, even though he could guess the answer. He opted for being supportive, saying the words he’d want to hear if he were in Ryan’s place. “You’re going to be a great father. And Maggie’s amazing. She’ll be a wonderful mother.”
“Oh?” Ryan said, his expression skeptical. “Maggie will be a terrific mother, but me as a dad? I don’t know. It’s not like either you or I had a sterling example set for us.”
“Which means you’ll try all the harder to avoid making the same mistakes,” Sean reassured him, stealing words Deanna had once expressed to him.
“The same way you’re trying with this kid? What’s his name? Kevin?”
Sean sighed. “Yeah. Something like that.”
“A word of caution,” Ryan said. “If what you’re saying is true, that you’re not interested in his mom—not that I believe that for a second—then be careful. Who knows better than the two of us what it feels like to be abandoned? You may not officially be this kid’s dad, but if he’s come to think of you that way, it could be devastating if you take off.”
“Yeah, I know,” Sean said. “It’s not something I’m likely to forget.”
With that thought hanging in the air, they fell silent. Ryan had managed to hit on the one flaw in Sean’s plan to keep Deanna at arm’s length. He needed to make a decision to stay—or go—before it was too late.
Unfortunately, he knew in his heart it was already too late on all counts. There was no question that he already loved that boy. What was more important, like it or not, he was in love with the kid’s mom.
Admitting that to himself was one thing. Acting on it—doing what was right—was entirely another. But there was no question about one thing, he was running out of excuses and out of time.
Sean had been in an odd mood all day. Deanna glanced at him now and found that he was still wearing the same brooding expression she’d found troubling the second he’d shown up with his brother in tow.
The fact that he hadn’t reacted at all to the discovery that she’d already managed to find a few pieces of furniture was especially telling. She’d expected a scathing glance at the sofa, maybe a remark about the bed, but there’d been nothing at all.
Maybe it was because his brother was with him, she concluded. She’d liked Ryan Devaney at once, even when she’d realized that he was subtly sizing her up. In fact, a part of her liked him even more for that. She thought it was great that he was looking out for his kid brother, even after all the years they’d been separated. Though the byplay between them was awkward at times, there was an unmistakable undercurrent of love and a bond that was growing stronger as time went on.
Apparently she’d won Ryan’s wholehearted approval, because he’d kissed her cheek when he’d left and whispered, “Hang in there.”
She still wasn’t entirely certain what that had been about, but she suspected it had something to do with Sean’s weird mood. He’d offered to give his brother a lift, but Ryan had turned him down flat, hitching a ride with Hank and Ruby instead.
Kevin was spending the weekend with a friend, so he hadn’t been underfoot during the painting, which meant Deanna was now all alone in her new apartment with Sean.
“Thanks for helping today,” she said as she gathered up empty pizza boxes and hauled them off to the trash can in the kitchen. “You want a beer or soda or something?”
“Nothing.”
She came back into the living room and studied him intently. He was sprawled in an easy chair she’d found in a thrift store the day before. Even with paint spattered on his T-shirt, jeans and even on the tip of his nose and eyelashes, he made quite an enticing picture.
If only there weren’t that dark scowl on his face, she thought, barely containing a sigh.
“Okay, that’s it,” she announced, standing over him, hands on hips. “What’s going on with you? You’ve been acting weird all day.”
He seemed vaguely startled that she was calling him on it. He straightened up and looked as if he might claim that everything was just fine, but she cut him off.
“Did something happen before you and Ryan got here?” she demanded. “I know he’s been searching for Michael. Has there been some news?”
“He has a lead,” he admitted.
Deanna frowned. He’d answered a little too quickly, almost as if he were relieved that she’d asked about the search for his family. “That’s good news, right?”
“Yeah, of course it is,” he said, though without much enthusiasm. “I’m going to see if a friend in the department can help us follow up on it.”
“So it’s not that,” she concluded. “Come on, Sean. Talk to me. I thought we were friends.”
To her shock, his expression turned even darker. “Yeah, that was the plan, all right.”
Her heart began to thud dully. She ran a mental movie of everything that had gone on while they were painting, but nothing out of the ordinary struck her. “And something’s happened today to change that?” she probed. �
�Did I do something to upset you?”
The corners of his mouth twitched. “You could say that, though probably not in the way you mean.”
“Tell me.”
He faced her with an anguished expression. “Okay, since you asked and I don’t want to lie to you, here it is. I’m in love with you.”
Something that felt a whole lot like heady exhilaration swept through her. Still, she noticed that he didn’t look all that happy about the discovery that his feelings ran that deep.
“But?” she asked cautiously.
His gaze held hers. “That’s it. I know you aren’t interested in having a relationship, and I’m not convinced I’m any good at them, and here I go changing the rules.”
Despite his somber tone, she couldn’t contain the rush of pure joy. Until she’d heard the words leave his lips, she hadn’t realized just how desperately she’d been wanting to hear them. She laughed and launched herself into his arms. “It’s about time, Sean Devaney. The wait was getting on my nerves.”
He caught her and clasped her to his chest, then leaned back to scan her face. “You’re not furious?”
She was almost as stunned by that as he seemed to be, but there it was. She was ecstatic, not angry.
“Furious?” she echoed, not even attempting to disguise her own amazement. “I guess not.” To prove it, she kissed him, not pulling back until their breathing was ragged.
A grin tugged at his lips. “Do you have any idea how much I want to make love to you, Deanna Blackwell?”
She wriggled against him. “As a matter of fact I think I do,” she teased.
“Well?”
“The bed’s made. There’s nobody around to interrupt. I’d say we have all the time in the world.”
Sean’s expression turned serious. He reached out with fingers that trembled slightly and brushed a stray curl away from her cheek. “You’re absolutely certain this is something you want?”
She touched a finger to his lips. “Not if you intend to talk it to death.”
He laughed. “No more talking?”
“Nope. I think all the important stuff has already been said.”
“Not all of it,” he said. “You haven’t said how you feel about me, about us.”
“Haven’t I? I thought I had,” she said, kissing him thoroughly. “Not clear enough? I love you, Sean Devaney. I never thought I would say that to another person, but it’s true. Not even I could be stubborn enough to go on denying it, when it’s staring me in the face. I love you.”
His expression brightened. Before she could guess what he had in mind, he rose to his feet, still holding her in his arms, and headed for the freshly painted bedroom. At the doorway he hesitated.
“Shower first,” he said. “Of course, I won’t have any fresh clothes to change into afterward.”
Deanna grinned. “I don’t think clothes are going to be a necessity for the rest of the night.”
“You going to join me in the shower? Or do you want to go first?”
Normally she would have wanted to go first, maybe use the time to steady her nerves before she took this next step, but right this moment she couldn’t imagine being separated from him even for a second. Despite his claim to love her, there was still a chance he could change his mind about making love. Obviously, he knew, as she did, that they were about to cross a line from which there would be no turning back.
“I’ll scrub your back if you’ll scrub mine,” she said lightly.
His eyes darkened. “Deal,” he said, his voice suddenly hoarse.
The bathroom was fairly large, with an old-fashioned claw-footed tub with a showerhead installed above. The tile floor was cool beneath her bare feet. Deanna suddenly shivered, overcome with an attack of jitters.
Sean studied her. “Change your mind?”
“No,” she said staunchly. But the transition from fully clothed to buck naked intimidated her.
Sean seemed to guess what was going on in her head. Eyes locked with hers, he reached for the faucets and turned on the water, then faced her and reached for the hem of her T-shirt. Ever so slowly, his gaze never leaving her face, he lifted it over her head.
Then he skimmed his knuckles across her bare skin, avoiding her breasts, on his way to releasing the snap on her cutoff jeans. A leisurely push had the shorts skimming over her hips and sliding down her legs.
Then she was standing before him in bra and panties, watching the desire darken his eyes. He kicked off his sneakers, then shucked his T-shirt and jeans and stood before her in briefs that did nothing to conceal the full state of his arousal. A smile played across his mouth.
“If it would help, we could jump in like this, pretend we’re going swimming,” he suggested.
One tiny part of Deanna wanted to do just that. In fact, there was something amazingly provocative about imagining how they would look with damp cloth clinging to her curves and the evidence of his desire. Another part of her cried out at being a coward. If this was what she wanted—and it was—then there shouldn’t be anything halfway about it. And there shouldn’t be any hesitation or embarrassment.
Because she couldn’t seem to summon a single word, instead she reached down and unclasped the hook on her bra and let it fall away. Sean sucked in a sharp breath as his gaze fell to her breasts. He reached out and with one finger, slowly circled first one tip, then the other. The gesture was enough to send heat spiraling through her.
Then his hands slipped past the elastic waistband of her panties and slid them off. It was no more than a quick, skimming touch and yet she was shuddering with need somewhere deep inside.
Sean saw her reaction and when she reached for his briefs, he caught her hands. “Something tells me I’d better do this myself if we’re actually going to get a shower.”
She grinned at the admission that he was as close to the edge as she was. It made her feel something she hadn’t felt in a very long time. It made her feel desirable. For too many years now, she’d concentrated on being a mother. She’d forgotten how to be a woman.
Finally undressed, Sean held out his hand and helped her into the tub, then stepped in to face her. Keeping his gaze focused on hers, he picked up the soap and began to lather it all over her with quick, slippery passes that tried to avoid being provocative. Deanna almost laughed at the concentration knitting his brow. She could have told him all that restraint was wasted. Every place he touched was on fire. Her heart was pounding as if she’d just run a marathon.
“My turn,” she said, stealing the soap and using it to work up a creamy lather which she spread slowly across his solid chest. The white foam against bronzed skin made her want to linger there, but there was so much more of him to explore—broad shoulders, muscled legs, a powerful back and tight butt. She could feel his skin heat beneath her touch, felt the tension in his muscles.
“Enough,” he whispered, his voice tight.
He turned around and drew her against him, slick skin against slippery heat. His arms loosely circling her waist, he moved slightly until the shower was cascading over them, the water in the old pipes turning cool, but not cold enough to temper the fire burning inside them both.
When they’d been rinsed clean, he shut off the water, reached for a towel and rubbed her skin until it glowed. He barely made a pass with a towel to dry himself before scooping her into his arms and heading for the bedroom.
By then Deanna was restless with wanting, desperate to feel him deep inside her.
Sean apparently felt the same urgency, because he hesitated above her for no more than a heartbeat, gazing deep into her eyes as he slowly entered her, stilled and sighed with obvious contentment.
But being together wasn’t enough, not for long. Sean began to move, the strokes slow and leisurely at first, then deeper and more intense. Deanna’s hips rose off the bed to meet him, desperately seeking a release that remained just beyond reach. The rhythm teased and tormented, promising so much but holding back until Deanna was about to scream.
/> Just then Sean’s fingers glided intimately over her, sending shock waves ripping through her. The scream came then, but Sean’s mouth covered hers, capturing the sound as he held her tight. Then he was moving again, carrying her beyond where she’d thought she was capable of going, until together they fell off the ends of the earth.
Chapter Fifteen
In Sean’s past, the morning after making love with a woman had always meant a hurried escape to safer emotional waters. Even on those rare occasions when he’d lingered for breakfast, he’d been careful to retreat to more neutral turf. He’d done his best not to give confusing signals that might suggest that the night before had been a prelude to forever.
This morning he awoke to the discovery that he was exactly where he wanted to be, where he intended to be, for the rest of his life—in bed with Deanna curled next to him, her breath fanning across his bare chest.
Even as he made that mental admission, he waited for the panic to follow. He expected some sort of fight-or-flight instinct to kick in that would have him bolting for the door. Instead, there was…an unbelievable sense of inner peace. Genuine contentment stole through him.
Gazing down at soft-as-satin cheeks still flushed from the last time they’d made love, he felt a smile curving his lips. He could do this. With Deanna he could face the future with the kind of faith that commitment required. He couldn’t imagine a time when he wouldn’t want to wake up next to her, when he wouldn’t want to play ball with Kevin, maybe even hold a baby of their own.
There it was, he thought, as the first hint of anticipated panic crept in at the thought of babies. That was the image destined to send a little tremor of fear racing through him. His pulse raced and his stomach knotted.
A baby, for heaven’s sake. What was he thinking? What did he know about babies? The last time he’d spent any extended time around babies, he’d been a kid himself. He remembered the twins’ homecoming from the hospital, how he and Ryan had held them as if they might break, excited by the prospect of having two more brothers.
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