by Virna DePaul
“So what else do you want to know?” he asked.
There were so many things she wanted to ask him and even she was surprised by her next choice. “You said sometimes you like to dominate a woman in bed. What does that mean?”
To her surprise, his eyes flickered with unease. Why?
“Do you really think we should talk about that?”
“You said ‘anything,’ ” she said lightly.
“Why do you want to know?”
“You’ve proven you can keep your cool with me. But I’m curious what you’re like when you’re with someone you can lose control with.”
“First off, let’s get something straight. I’ve never kept my cool with you. Ever. Just because I don’t act out of control, doesn’t mean I don’t feel out of control. You understand the difference?”
She searched his eyes for a moment before quietly saying, “Yes.” And she really did. For a while, it had gotten all mixed up in her mind, the fine line between wanting and doing, but she understood how Noah could feel out of control without acting that way. Hell, he’d proven it to her time and again.
“Second, when I dominate a woman sexually, that’s when I’m under the most control. Because I don’t want to hurt her, because I know a woman is softer, smaller, and, yes, weaker than me, so I have to be even more deliberate in what I do and say and use.”
She frowned. “Use?”
His mouth tipped up and he caressed her cheek with the back of his fingers, much like he had at the bar. Instead of snapping at him like she’d done then, she leaned into his touch, rubbing against him like a kitten. “For a former Playboy bunny, you really are quite innocent.”
She immediately stiffened, then quickly tried to back away from him. “Rape victims aren’t innocent.”
He wouldn’t let her. Noah wrapped his arms around her and hugged her. “Of course they are. Or at least, they can be. Just like a Playboy bunny can be innocent, too.”
She frowned and stopped trying to get away. “Like most men, you seem a little preoccupied with that. Don’t be so impressed. It was a fluke, me being in that magazine at all. The editor was hanging around campus, looking for fresh faces, and for some reason he took an interest in me.”
Noah bobbed his eyebrows up and down. “I can think of several really nice reasons. If you want me to take inventory, I will.”
Despite herself, she laughed. It amazed her, this man’s ability to one minute drive her out of her mind with lust, then in the next make her laugh. “I was flattered at the time. And I needed the money. Plus, I guess I had something to prove. I was so much more quiet and studious than my friends. Labeled the good girl of the group. I wanted to do something shocking for once. I knew people would make assumptions, but I couldn’t have known—” She couldn’t have known men would view those photos as a challenge, one that entitled them to rough her up in order to get her to do what they wanted.
The enjoyment she was feeling from being in Noah’s company gave way to darker thoughts, including shame. The fact was, she’d been abused by several boyfriends before one raped her. She’d been too embarrassed to tell Noah that, so she’d implied the burglary had been committed by a stranger rather than by someone she knew. Realizing what she’d been about to confess, she pressed her lips together.
“What?”
She shook her head and took a deep breath, then reached up to wrap her arms around his neck. She desperately wanted to return to that place where being in his arms took her away from her past. “Never mind. You’re supposed to be telling me about you and your women, remember?”
She tried to say the words lightly, teasingly, but she almost choked when referring to “his women.” Jealousy was a living, breathing thing inside her.
His eyes widened, then narrowed. “Is this where you trick me into talking about other women, get pissed, and throw me out?”
She flushed guiltily and lowered her arms. Looked down and twisted her hands together. “So what if it is?”
“You don’t have to play those games. If you want me to leave, then just ask me. If you want me to talk about my sex life, then don’t get pissed at me when I do. I told you, you can ask me anything, and I mean it, but I don’t want to get skewered because of it.”
She kept her gaze on her hands. “I’m not—”
“Look at me, damn it.”
Instinctively, she did what he said. He leaned close and took her hands in his, his golden eyes holding hers. “I’ve been sexually active since I was fifteen years old, querida. I’ve fucked a lot of women. I’ve made love to a few. I’ve loved even fewer. Yes, I like to dominate sometimes, and that means I’ll use my body, my brains, and whatever else necessary to get the job done. I’ve used blindfolds, cuffs, ball gags, crops, dildos, ropes, and even a mask or two. I’ve had sex with two women at once, I’ve fucked a woman while she sucked off another man, just like in the movie we watched, and I’m a member of the mile-high club. Is that what you wanted to hear?”
She tried to pull away, but he shook his head. “I’m not done yet.”
Despite the way she struggled, he lifted her so she straddled his lap. That way, the more she struggled, the more she rubbed her luscious body against his.
Breathless and afraid of the emotions swelling inside her, she stopped fighting him.
“I’ve fucked women up the ass and let them use toys to do the same to me. When I was just a stupid kid, I had sex while I was high. Occasionally, I still like to have sex when I’m drunk. I like the 69 position, but my all-time favorite position is the one I was in earlier, with my head buried between a woman’s thighs and my tongue shoved up her pussy.”
“Stop it—” Again, she tried to get off him and this time he wound her hair around one of his hands, effectively holding her still but not hurting her.
“But I have never hurt a woman, in bed or out. I have never cheated on a woman I’ve been dating. I have never told a woman I’d call when I wasn’t going to. And I have never, ever fucked a woman who is planning on going straight from me to another guy just because she needs sex therapy, but more importantly because I’m so desperate to touch her, to have any smidgen of contact with her at all, that I’m willing to sacrifice everything—even my pride—to have her in my arms.”
He was breathing harshly, his nostrils flaring, his eyes lit with the truth of what he was saying. Suddenly, his lids lowered. “Shit. I’m sorry.” He released her hair and let his hands fall to his sides. “Go on. I won’t stop you. In fact, thanks for cooking dinner, but I think I should go now.”
She had to clear her throat a couple of times before the words would come out. “Technically, you haven’t fucked me yet.”
His eyes flew open at her words. “Stop it, Jenna.”
“Stop what?”
“Whatever game you’re playing now.”
“I—I thought we were playing together, but I guess I was wrong.” She climbed off him and this time, he let her. He didn’t move as she looked down at him. She was magnificently naked and unashamed, her hands on her hips. “And talk about playing games. What was that bullshit you just pulled? You were trying to scare me so I’d push you away, right? Well, guess what, I’m not scared.”
He stood and walked toward her, but she didn’t back up. “Is that right?”
“Yes, that’s right.”
“Prove it.”
He hadn’t really expected her to call his bluff, which is why he was shocked when she dropped to her knees before him, unzipped his pants, and tugged them down, along with his boxers.
“Jenna—” he began, but lost the ability to speak when she sucked him into her mouth.
His eyeballs rolled back into his head.
Her mouth felt like heaven, but she was no angel. Not at the moment. She was the aggressor now, pumping him with her fist at the same time she sucked the head of his dick, occasionally swirling her tongue around it. This time, he let himself bury his hands in her hair and guide her, showing her what he liked, includ
ing how deep he wanted her to take him. She choked at one point, sinking her fingers into his ass when he tried to pull back, and just took more of him. “That’s it,” he heard himself say. “Take me down your throat. Take my cum, too.”
Abruptly, she pulled back, the loss of her warmth causing him to shudder. “No,” she said. “This time I want you to come inside me.”
He refrained from pointing out that he had been inside her the last time he’d come; inside her mouth. He knew what she wanted and he wanted the exact same thing. He just couldn’t believe he was going to get it.
“What about protection?”
“I’m on the pill. And I’m clean. But if you don’t want to risk it—”
“I’m clean, too.”
He reached for her but she shook her head. “Take off your shirt.”
She didn’t have to tell him twice. He practically ripped it off, then shuddered when she smoothed her palms over his chest and abdomen. Leaning down, she kissed and licked his nipple, making him hiss.
He turned with her, intending to lay her on the couch and move on top of her, but she slipped from his grasp and pushed. Somehow, he was the one that ended up on his back, moaning in anticipation as she climbed on top of him.
“Are you going to fuck me good and hard, Jenna?” he whispered, even as he raised a hand and caressed her cheek. Her eyes were glittering with desire and he wanted to pump his fist in triumph.
“Instead of answering that question, why don’t I simply show you?” She balanced on her knees above him as her fingers guided his dick to her tender opening and the pink, puffy folds slick with her girl juice. She rubbed him against her, drenching him with sleek heat, and he reached behind him to grasp the arm of the sofa, his fingers digging in deep. Although he wanted to grab her hips and shove her down on him, he wanted her to take him even more. Knew she needed to take him.
But first …
“Kiss me, Jenna.”
To his shock, she shook her head. “Why? I thought you wanted a good, hard fuck.”
The words seemed foreign on her lips, another dark, secret layer revealed. “I did. I do, but …”
She leaned down, still stroking his dick while her mouth hovered over his. “But what?”
She licked his top lip, then immediately pulled back when he tried to capture her mouth.
He dug his fingers even harder into the fabric of the sofa, struggling to get enough air. “Don’t play games with me. Not now, querida. I want you too much.”
“Don’t worry. You’re going to get me. After everything you’ve done today, you deserve it. Only it’s going to be my way.” Straightening without kissing him, she slipped the head of him inside her, watching his face as he gasped, then eased him out again. “I think I like the idea of making you wait though. Of making you suffer the way you’ve made me suffer these last three weeks, wanting you so bad I ached at night.”
“You should have said something. I ached the same way. I still do. Please. Put me inside you again.”
She did, letting him dig a few inches deeper this time before she lifted off of him.
He moaned with frustration, then moaned with pleasure as she once again rubbed her clit with the head of his dick, her movements faster and more jerky as her own need to climax barreled through her.
“Oh God. Oh Noah,” she hitched out.
“Take it. Now, Jenna.” When she simply stared at him, he let go of the couch, grabbed her hips, and poised her pussy above the spear of his dick. “Lower yourself onto me.”
“Or what?” she challenged.
He stared at her in disbelief. What had happened to the sexually needy but inhibited woman seeking hands-on therapy to get over the trauma of her past? She was gone. In her place was a woman so caught up in her passion that she was fearless. It made him want to grin, but it also made him want to answer her fearlessness with his own.
He thrust himself up, stuffing several inches of himself inside her before slowly pulling out. Giving her no time to recover, he did it again. Then again, going deeper each time. He watched the expression of bliss on her face, watched the way her breasts bounced, and grinned. “Does that answer your question?” he breathed before slipping out of her entirely. He held her poised above him. “Now do it.”
Without a word, she did, resting her palms on his chest for leverage and thrusting herself down and down and down so his shaft pushed past the tight, clenching walls of her pussy. By the time she was done, he was buried inside her to the hilt, his balls resting against her ass. She shook in his grip, obviously trying to adjust to the size of him inside her. He gave her a minute before he couldn’t take it anymore.
Hands on her hips, he moved her, forcing her to ride him until she managed to catch the rhythm on her own. “That’s it, sweetness. I’m inside you now. You’re full to bursting with me. I’m going to ease that ache you were talking about until you can’t remember a time I wasn’t lodged inside you.”
She was whimpering steadily, the friction of his cock moving inside her sensitive tissues obviously overwhelming her. But not enough. He didn’t want her whimpers. He wanted to make her scream with pleasure and he devoted himself to that task. Rearing up, he sucked on her nipples as he continued to thrust, hard and deep and tirelessly, inside her. Even when she tired and began to slow, he kept up the pace. Eventually, he released her breasts and simply stared at her, refusing to let her hide from him even when she began to cry.
She shook her head. “No. No. It’s too much.”
“You can take me,” he promised. “Now kiss me, Jenna, before it’s too late.”
It was a defining moment, he knew. Something precious hung in the balance. Would she kiss him, giving him that emotional connection he so desperately wanted even as he invaded her body, or would she hide that last, vulnerable part of herself? He waited, feeling his own control slipping, his sperm tightening his balls.
With a cry of surrender, she leaned down and kissed him, her mouth warm and wet, and her tongue actively chasing his. He groaned and lost it, blasting his cum inside her with such strong jerks that he thought he was going to die from the pleasure. Simultaneously, he felt her entire body stiffen and knew she was about to find her own release. He reached down and thumbed her clit.
Against his lips, she screamed, long and loud, as she came.
He kept moving, prolonging her orgasm until he’d wrung the last ripple of pleasure from her body. She collapsed on top of him and he wrapped his arms tightly around her, not sure if he was ever going to be able to let her go.
He rubbed his cheek against the top her head, wanting to tell her how he felt about her, but for the first time in a long time, he was at a loss for words. Reluctant to completely expose himself when the only thing he could think about was her walking away from him to go after the man she really wanted.
CHAPTER NINE
They dressed silently. Their smiles were genuine, their sighs fulfilled, but he saw the uncertainty he felt reflected in her pretty blue eyes. She served him dinner and they ate in yet more silence, stopping every once in a while to sip wine or kiss. The air around them had an almost dreamy quality to it, but as time passed, it gave way to uncertainty, until finally awkwardness and tension began to set in. She tried to joke her way through it.
“So I guess getting you to talk about ‘your women’ wasn’t such a bad idea, after all, huh?” She’d been loading dishes into the dishwasher. Finished, she turned toward him and leaned back against the kitchen counter.
He hesitated, then said slowly, “I was a little over the top. I’m just glad I didn’t scare you off with my runaway mouth.”
Her smile was strained. Artificial. With a hint of that coolness she’d always used as a barrier between them in the past. “How could you? I was amazed you still wanted me, even after the trouble I’d caused. Even after what some bastard did to me.” The instant the words left her mouth, he could see she wanted to take them back. But it was too late. He’d heard what she said. And what she h
adn’t said.
He strode toward her, penning her in with his arms against the counter when she tried to scamper away. He hooked a finger under her chin and turned her head until she had no choice but to look at him. “Is that what you really think? That the fact you were raped somehow makes you less desirable?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“But is it what you think?”
She shrugged. “Some say women who get raped are the type that deserves it.”
“Who the fuck cares what they say. The question is, do you believe it?”
She didn’t answer, and that was his answer. “You do, don’t you? Why?”
“Look, forget I said anything …”
“Why do you think you deserved it, Jenna? Just who was it that raped you? Because I’m getting the feeling it wasn’t just some random stranger who broke into your house.”
“I don’t know why you—”
“Who. Was. It.”
Her expression tightened with anger and pain and, yes, he could see it plain on her face now, guilt. “A guy I was dating, okay? A guy I knew liked to do the same things that you like to do to women. A guy I wanted to do those things to me. I wanted him to be rough. To tie me down. To make me do things I was too embarrassed to try, even though I really wanted to. Only he liked it to hurt. A lot. And when I complained, when I told him to stop, when I decided he wasn’t the one I wanted to do those things to me, he didn’t listen. He broke into my apartment and he took what I’d been so stupidly offering.”
“Jenna, it wasn’t your fault—”
“He got caught and he’s in prison, but you know what? He’s going to be out in a few months. And do you know why? Because he bought the judge who convicted him. The same judge who six months earlier dismissed sexual assault charges against the guy who raped me. The same judge who’s low-balled the sentences of a dozen other sexual offenders. But I’m not going to let him get away with it. Because he’s the man I want, Noah. The man I’m going to seduce—the man I’m going to fuck if I have to—to get the goods to put him away.”