by Diana Gardin
I can’t act as if my dreams haven’t begun to shape my future. I can’t act as though being with a man like Dare hasn’t changed my vision of what I want out of life.
Once I’ve showered, I leave my hair damp and hanging around my shoulders in curly tendrils and throw on a pair of white shorts and strappy sandals. My mother will pass out if when I leave the house with Grisham I look anything less than like the princess she thinks I should be. My brown blouse pulls the amber out of my eyes and plunges in a low V in the front.
When I come back downstairs, my parents have disappeared and Grisham is still waiting for me at the island in the kitchen. His blue eyes run over every inch of me, making my skin feel tight because, well, he’s Grisham. One time I shoved a mud pie in his face for refusing my elegant play-cooking when we were eight.
“You look amazing,” he says. The genuineness leaks out of his words, and I smile at him.
We walk out of the house together.
In his car, I squirm as he drives through the town. I always feel a little vulnerable when I ride with Grisham. I’m used to riding around town in something akin to a tank, and now that I’ve ridden with Dare, I get the same feeling of protection when I’m up in his truck. Whether from the size of the vehicle or from the presence of the man, the jury’s still out.
“You eaten?” asks Grisham, glancing at me out of the corner of his eye.
I shake my head.
“Well, then I’m taking you to dinner.”
I nod this time. We don’t say anything else as he directs the Audi to a nice restaurant that overlooks the ocean. Grisham’s only been to See Food a few times, and I know it’s not his usual scene. Grisham, like me, has grown up with the finer things in life. But where I’d rather things be simple, he craves all things expensive and fine. But it’s just a part of his personality that I understand, despite the fact that it’s not my ideal. I do get Grisham, even if I don’t claim him as mine.
We’re seated at our white cloth-covered table and scanning our menus before he asks.
“So, you’re going to turn me down, aren’t you?”
I close my menu and open my mouth just as our waiter comes to stand beside our table.
He rattles off the specials in a smooth, knowledgeable voice, and I listen without really hearing him. When the man asks me what I’d like to order, I look up at him blankly.
“She’ll have the mahi-mahi,” says Grisham matter-of-factly. “Side of parsley potato mash and grilled asparagus. I’ll have the porterhouse with steak fries. Thank you.”
He orders for me so seamlessly that I smile in response. “You know me so well.”
His eyes are such a bright, clear turquoise that most girls would be in danger of falling overboard into them. But I’m still too stuck on another pair of eyes of a vastly different color to be enthralled with Grish’s.
He leans toward me, his expression earnest. “I do know you so well, Berk. And I want you to remember that while you’re breaking my heart. No one has known you as long as I have, or knows the ins and outs of the feisty girl you are like I do. I know what you look like when you’re ecstatic about something, and I know what you look like when you’re devastated. I can read you like a book, and that’s because you’re the best chapter of the best book I’ve ever read. I know you think I’m not the guy for you, but you’re wrong, Berkeley. You’re so damn wrong.”
His eyes fall to his clasped hands after that, and mine fill with tears. God, I really do love him.
“But I’m not in love with you, Grish. Don’t you want that? You deserve it. You deserve to meet a girl that falls into a heap at your feet, that can’t wait for your hands to meet her skin. You deserve a girl who’s yours and only yours.”
He raises his eyes and narrows them. “Who are you into, Berkeley? I noticed you didn’t answer your mom when she asked you where you were today.”
I sigh. “I was out with a guy. A guy that I like very, very much.”
Grisham sits back in his seat. His cheeks are flushing a brilliant scarlet, a sign that he’s upset. “So you’re not picking me because you want someone else? That’s fucked-up, Berkeley.”
I reach across the table and grasp his large, warm hand in mine. “No, it’s not. Don’t be angry with me, Grisham. We’ve been friends for too long to let it end like this. You’re my best friend, you always have been. And you always will be. But that’s all we can ever be.”
He doesn’t say anything else until our food arrives, he just holds my hand silently, tracing small circles on my skin.
When we finish our dinner, he finally meets my gaze. “I think since you shattered my world today, you should at least go out with me while I drink my sorrows away.”
I can hear the teasing tone in his voice, and I know that we’re going to be okay. There’s never been anything that Grisham and I haven’t been able to get through to the other side of, and now I know this will just be another one of our scrapes that we manage to survive together.
“Okay.”
We drive down the road to one of the busiest bars on the strip. I move to open my car door, when Grisham reaches over the console and grabs my arm.
I look at him questioningly, and his face is lit green by the interior lights on the dashboard. “I didn’t say I was giving up, Berk. You know I’m not a quitter.”
Well, shit. That I’m not expecting. Grisham is an extremely competitive guy, and apparently I’ve just lit the ultimate fire under his ass. The determined gleam in his eyes lets me know that I’m playing with a man who is used to winning at life, and I sigh in frustration.
“You have to respect my wishes, Grish.”
He nods. “I do. But you also have to respect my right to do everything I can to change those wishes.”
“Gah! You are so stubborn sometimes. And this is the worst time for stubborn Grisham to make an appearance!”
He grins, his perfect rows of teeth on display. “I love you, Berk. I gotta do everything I can until the fat lady sings.”
Silently, I thank the navy powers-that-be that he’s going to be moving to San Diego in a matter of days. Then I give him a sardonic grin.
“I’m going to need a drink, then.”
I walk into the very crowded bar, and Grisham leads me with a hand on my back to a secluded table. He gestures me into a seat, and I roll my eyes dramatically at him before I sink into it. He signals the waitress and orders himself a bottle of something imported, and an enormous margarita for me.
I narrow my eyes at him. “You think getting some tequila in my veins is going to change my answer? You’re such a rookie, Grish.”
He throws his head back and laughs. “Even if it doesn’t change your answer, it’s just fun to watch you get loose. It always has been. And I’m usually too buttoned up to get loose with you. If I have to leave the Audi in that lot out there and call us a cab later, I will.”
My eyes grow wide with mock shock. “Grish, what are you saying? Leave your precious baby here to fend for itself? I’m shocked at you!”
“The things I’ll do for you, girl.”
I’m suddenly jerked to attention when a deep, rough voice that I’ve come to know so well greets me. “Hey, Berkeley.”
The familiar rush of heat to my core that comes from hearing my name roll out of Dare’s mouth accompanies a light feeling of excitement from the surprise of seeing him here. But when I look up into his eyes, they’re full of hurt that I can only assume comes from seeing me here with Grisham. My desire to reassure him is instant and overwhelming.
“Dare, this is my friend Grisham.”
I can see the relief wash over his face and the beginning of a smile when Grisham decides to take matters into his own stupid, stupid hands. He stands up and offers his hand to Dare.
“Grisham Abbot,” he says puffing out his chest like a penguin. “Berkeley’s friend, for now. But if I have anything to say about it, she’ll be my fiancée soon. You are?”
I will kill him. I will murder Grisham Abbot tonight by
running him over repeatedly with his beloved Audi, and they will never, ever find the body.
The look on Dare’s face is enough to terrify me, and it should absolutely be making Grisham wet his expensive pants. But Grisham just stands there, not allowing his gaze to leave Dare’s face. I’m trying to stand, to get my damn chair to scoot away from the table, but my limbs are so heavy with dread that I’m having trouble making them work.
And then Dare is moving away from the table, walking quickly as the sea of bodies parts before him.
I finally stand, and slap Grisham hard on the arm. “Grisham Avery Abbot! You did that shit on purpose!”
He shrugs, plopping back down into his seat as the waitress wearing a bikini top two sizes too small brings our drinks around. “What? Who was that guy?”
“He’s the guy I’ve been seeing! But you knew that, didn’t you?”
He shrugs again, and I want to slap him repeatedly in his smug face. “How would I know that? He’s not your type, Berk. You don’t do dark and dangerous. What is he, an MMA fighter?”
“He’s an ex-Army Ranger, Grisham, and now you’ve pissed him off. Your funeral!”
He reaches for my arm as I turn away from him, but I pull it out of his reach. Then I hurry after Dare.
When I catch up to him, his wounded expression is enough to send my pulse racing to the moon and my heart to clench so tight within my chest it hurts.
“Let me explain,” I plead.
We’re standing just outside the bar, still too close to the waiting line of people for my taste. I move over into the shadow of the brick wall on the opposite side of the door, and I sigh in relief when he follows. He leans against the wall, staring at a spot just over my head. His face is hardened, and I would think he wasn’t affected if it weren’t for the heavy rise and fall of his chest.
“Dare,” I say tentatively. “Grisham is not my fiancé. He’s not even my boyfriend.”
His light-green eyes flare as they finally lock on my own. “Then you and he have a communication problem. Because he sure as hell thinks there’s more to it than you do.”
I nod, a little frantically. “Grisham and I have been best friends for…like, ever. Our parents go way back, and we’ve just been thrown together our entire lives. My parents are very…controlling. They’ve always thought they could decide every detail of my life, and I’ve had my work cut out for me carving things out for myself. Well, the latest thing they’ve decided is that I’m going to marry Grisham and become a navy officer’s wife just like my mom. And so a few days ago, Grisham proposed.”
My voice trails away as his eyes widen and his mouth goes slack.
“Your dad…he’s navy?” he asks quietly.
I nod.
“That’s why you have an issue dating guys in the military?”
I nod again.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
I sigh, tugging at a stray curl. “I don’t know…it never really seemed like a time to bring it up. My dad…you’ve seen him. He’s not just navy, Dare, he’s an admiral. He’s used to controlling everything and everyone. I’m just something else he gets to control.”
Dare blows out a heavy breath, and then he reaches for me. I go very willingly into his arms, and his crushing embrace nearly drags a sob from my chest. He buries his face into my neck, inhaling deeply.
“Nobody can control you, baby.” He breathes into my ear. “You’re too strong.”
I feel anything but strong as my knees wobble under me and a shiver runs along my back. I feel like with one more breath in my ear, one more sweet word, one touch of his lips, he could break me into a million, tiny little pieces.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “Grisham proposed to me because he thinks he wants to marry me. But I told him no.”
I feel his chuckle. It’s mirthless, but it causes his body to vibrate. “That guy? Isn’t taking no for an answer, Berkeley.”
I nod. “Yeah. Grisham’s pretty used to getting whatever he wants. But he knows he’s met his match when it comes to me.”
“Does he know…”
“That I’ve been seeing you? He does now.”
Dare’s quiet for a minute, just holding me still in his arms. Then his muscles tense, and I pull back so I can see his face.
“You think he’ll go to your dad?”
There’s no fear or apprehension in his question. There’s just a cool sense of his own brand of determination. I shrug.
“I’m not sure what Grisham will do in this situation. I’ve never been in it with him before. The Admiral is definitely going to lose his mind when he finds out I turned Grisham down and I’m not going to San Diego with him. But I don’t know how much Grisham will want him to get involved.”
Dare’s gaze is made of steel and ice when it meets mine. “Are there any other ‘complications’ I need to know about, Berkeley? Because I think at this point, we should pretty much put it all out on the table.”
I can feel a flush creeping up my cheeks. “No more complications on my end. How about you?”
A shadow crosses his eyes, and the pregnant pause tells me that there are definitely things he hasn’t told me. “Dare?”
He shakes his head and takes a step back. “I think we’ve dealt with enough tonight. Let’s take a breather from it all, all right?”
My mouth falls open as I stare at him. “Are you serious right now?”
His stare is unwavering as he nods.
I cross my arms over my chest and take a deep, calming breath. I can’t believe he’s taking a step back after I just came clean about all of my drama. Now that he knows my father’s position and that another man wants me, has he lost interest? It’s a lot to handle, true. But I just thought we had something more important than all of that.
Could I have been so completely wrong about Dare Conners?
15
Dare
I slam the heel of my hand into the dashboard, but the accompanying pain isn’t nearly satisfying enough.
“Hey!” shouts Drake. “Do you know whose car you’re in right now?”
I ignore him completely and slam an open hand into the dashboard one more time for good measure.
“Fuck,” I growl. “Fuck!”
“Yeah, man, we get it,” drawls Chase from the backseat. He reaches up and pats my shoulder. “How’s this girl got you so twisted up? I mean, she’s hot as shit and all—”
I turn around and grab the hand he used to touch my shoulder, squeezing it until I feel his bones crushing together.
“Dammit!” he screams.
I release him. “You’re my brother, and I love you. But if you talk about her like that again I’ll break a bone.”
Chase mutters to himself in the back, “Mental note: Don’t mention the B word, or Dare goes bat-shit crazy.”
Drake cuts his eyes toward me. “Slap your hand on my car again, dude, and I’mma break some bones.”
That’s fair enough, so I nod. Then my scowl returns.
I let her walk out of there with another guy. Sure, it’s a guy she says she’s not interested in. But he’s definitely interested in her. And the look he tossed over his shoulder at me as he left the bar with my girl was a smug grin that I need to physically remove from his face. I need it like I need fucking air.
As soon as we get home I sink onto my bed and text her.
Are you okay?
I wait, every muscle in my body flexed tight, for her to message me back.
I left her so I could give myself some space to think of how, and when, I was going to fill her in on my situation with Chase. Even though I’ve been keeping it from her for her own good, it’s no longer fair for me to keep my secrets when she’s shared all of hers. I want to tell her everything. I just also want to keep her safe. Thinking about bringing her into Chase’s unstable world makes me want to break things. A lot of glass things.
Once again I’m struck by how utterly crazy being around a girl like Berkeley is making me. I try and pinpoint aga
in, just like the night I met her, what exactly it is about her that strikes such a deep chord within me. It’s not specifically her looks, although when she enters a room the most sensitive muscle in my body stiffens in response to her. It’s not merely her sense of humor, even though when I’m with her it feels like someone has turned on the sun and my cheeks end up sore from all the stupid-ass grins she pulls from me. The strength and self-possession she exudes are addictive, and her easy affability leaves me wanting more and more time with her. It’s a combination of all of those things, her very particular brand of Berkeley-ness that is putting me in danger of falling for her.
My phone vibrates, and I snatch it up.
I’m fine.
Shit. Okay. I decide it’s time to lighten the mood a bit. We’ve had a heavy, emotional night. I could tell earlier that she’d been through a lot, and I didn’t help matters by melting down when I saw her with Grisham.
I find her name in my phone contacts list and press SEND.
She answers on the first ring, which brings a slight smile to my lips.
“You still don’t know that guys don’t call girls anymore.” Her voice is all cute and grumbly. I gulp down the intense desire that washes over me like the downpour that ignited our first kiss.
“You must know by now that I don’t follow social cues,” I say into the phone. “Two-word answers over text aren’t going to work for me tonight.”
She sighs, and a pause stretches between us on the phone. My fingers itch; they bend and flex as I picture her soft skin beneath them.
“It’s been a rough night, Dare.”
“Are you alone?” The question tumbles out of me; I hadn’t even planned to ask it. But I need to know she’s not still with Grisham. Once I know that, I’ll be able to think clearly again.
“You don’t even need to ask me that, Dare.” Her sigh is weary. “Answer something.”
“Anything.”
“You didn’t let me in on whatever you were holding back tonight. I get it. It took me this long to share everything with you. But now that I have…are there many more secrets you’re not giving away?”