by Lilly James
Me: I don’t know if I would like it, not something I’ve ever tried.
I delete that text, then retype it again - Send the damn thing Lou.
I close one eye and hit SEND. “Shit.” I gasp when I see it’s sent. Now I am straying towards sexting, and I don’t know what the hell I am doing.
Best Kisser Ever - No? What have you tried?
I do the biggest gulp in the history of gulps and freeze. Is there any easy way to tell a guy that is a sex God (presumably) that you are a virgin? And you haven’t tried much at all. I’ve been kissed, had my boobs felt, but no one has ever travelled down my panties. Number 1) because I haven’t allowed anyone too, and number 2) no one has ever tried. I think boys see me, think there is no way they are tapping that because I act like a fridget, and they don’t even bother. But that has suited me just fine. Now I’m sitting here thinking of a guy that is allowed down my pants, hell I want him down my pants, but how can I be truthful and tell him, well, the truth?
Best Kisser ever: Waiting...
Oh, shit. Shit. Shit. Where the hell is Fallon when I need her?
Me: What have you tried?
“Christ, Lou!” I scold myself something stupid after I send the text because I look not only like a wimp but a copout. And asking Hunter Holland what he’s done? What a pathetic question. I already know the answer to that.
Best Kisser Ever: Everything. Obviously. Tell me what you like. Tell me what makes you wet, baby.
I am totally dodging the question. I slide my phone under my pillow and lay my head down, pulling the duvet over me. I will just tell him I fell asleep, no big deal.
Who I am kidding? Everything about Hunter Holland is a big deal.
Chapter 14
Louisa
“Dawson, get that sexy booty over here, right now.” I clench my eyes; I know what this is about. No big deal? Yeah right. I close my locker and see Hunter jogging down the hall.
“You bailed on me last night, Lou. That broke my heart.” He holds his palm on his chest. I sag because of course, he’s kidding.
“I fell asleep.” I hate lying, and I’m sure the cringe expression on my face outs me.
He gasps, “Was I boring you, sleeping beauty?”
I swallow and stare at him. “No, I just…”
“I know what it was,” He says seriously.
“Uh, you do?” Shit, he knows.
He leans his shoulder against the locker. “It was that kiss, wasn’t it? Took it out of you. Best Kisser Ever, and all.” He pretends to swish his hair out of his face like he’s in a commercial.
“Oh yeah,” My words are as sarcastic as his. “It knocked me for six.”
“Is that your new girl Hunter?” I turn around and see Giles Boris, who always seems to be bothering Hunter. The look on his face proves he’s trying to rile him.
“Yeah, it is. We’re happily married, and she’s expecting, now get the fuck outta here.” Hunter shoves Giles away from him.
“Hunter!” I shriek. “You cannot say things like that.”
Hunter frowns at me. “Does that mean we’re not married and you don’t want my babies?”
I shake my head at him, trying to remain mad but, how can I? “Hunter, are you ever serious?”
He leans against the locker again looking deep in thought. I move in, ready to hear him out. “There was this one time, in the tenth grade, and I never want to go back there. Ever.”
I groan and brush past him. “Seriously, you don’t have to be funny or crude all the time. Not around me, anyway.”
“Babe, if I ever want to be serious, I will let you know, and we will have a serious conversation about it.”
I sigh. “You’re doing it again.”
Hunter jogs to get in front of me. “I have a few things to do today, but can we meet later?”
I smile. “Sure.”
Hunter
Later…
I drag my feet as I walk up to the porch to my house, the light is still on outside, and I can smell the smoke from way up the path. Those two factors tell me my dad has been outside, smoking when he promised my little brother he’d quit. Yep, that’s my dad, a fucking good for nothing son of a bitch.
“Hunt, is that you?”
I try to close the door as quietly as possible, because I’d hoped to go straight upstairs to see Brody and not entertain my dad. But he’s clearly heard me. I look up at the yellow, smoke-stained ceiling that could do with more than a lick of paint, and cringe. I mentally count to ten and walk forward, my feet stick to the floor because the lazy bastard wouldn’t know what a mop was if you threw it in his face.
“Hmm.” I manage and peer around the doorframe. My dad is sitting in his old brown armchair that could do with a patch up job, and he’s watching the football game. What normal fathers and sons should do when they sit and watch it together. Ha. Fat chance of that ever happening.
My father turns in his chair. His black hair, olive skin and brown eyes make me thank fuck I don’t look anything like him. If I had to look at a reflection every day that reminded me of my old man, I think I’d find the nearest cliff… and jump.
“I cooked your dinner, kid. Spaghetti, just how you like it.”
I look past his eyes and set my gaze on the TV. “I’ve already eaten.”
My dad groans. “Ah, come on, kid. Stay, watch the game?”
“Don’t,” I warn. “I didn’t come to have dinner with you. I came to see Brody really quick. I have things to do this evening.”
My dad’s smile fades, and I watch him pick up the TV control with a shaky hand and remove the mute button. I turn and head on upstairs, hearing the familiar creeks of the floorboard beneath my feet. Those sounds should bring comfort to me, but they don’t. Nothing in this house brings comfort to me anymore.
“Hey, kiddo.” I find my little brother in his room, playing on his XBOX, and grab him in a headlock. It’s my way of giving him a hug without being all girly because he hates that–being thirteen and so cool and all.
“Hey, you staying for dinner?” He’s all hopeful every time he asks this question, and I get this painful stabbing sensation in my chest before I decline. I can only describe it as guilt.
“I have plans, bro. But another time?”
He shakes his head and throws down his controller. “You always say that. Why can’t you just stay, Hunt? Just once?”
I look down to where he threw the controller and pick it up, anything to avoid the way he’s staring at me. “You know why, little man.” I throw the controller to him, and he catches it.
“Quit calling me that. I’m not a little man anymore.”
“Oh, I forgot,” I laugh, picking up a baseball from his bed. “You’re a big man now. Thirteen and growing.” I throw him the ball, and he catches it.
“Please stay.” He begs. His question pains me, and I miss the ball when he throws it back, letting it bounce against the wall behind me.
I bow my head down on a sigh, guilt ripping me apart inside. “I can’t sit with dad and act–”
“Like what?” He interrupts. “Like a family?”
Family? I want to say we ain’t no family. I love my little brother to pieces; my dad can rot in hell.
“He had another coughing fit today, Hunt. He’s coughing up blood!”
I shrug. “Probably a bad chest.”
“He fell over again too because he’s so weak, and it took me ages to try and pull him up this time. He doesn’t eat. He looks skinny as hell. I don’t get it.”
I frown, remembering how I had to drive over here the other day and not meet Louisa at the Bowl Haven like I planned because Brody couldn’t pick him up by himself. The thought of Brody’s small and skinny frame trying to help my dad up on his own this time slices through me like a guilt trip. “Why didn’t you call me?”
“I did. You didn’t answer me. I called from dad’s phone.”
I can remember seeing my dad’s number on my screen, and now I feel sick with guilt that
I rejected the call eleven times. “Where’s your phone?”
Brody’s head drops, and I see the frown line that is creasing his brows. “I lost it.”
I know when he’s lying, so I push some more. “Brody, what happened to your phone?”
“Nothing okay!”
I recoil a little, his attitude stunning me. I sit beside him and nudge his shoulder with mine. “You can tell your big bro. Shoot.” I’m waiting for the lines of, ‘I’ve lost it, or it was rubbish so can you buy me a new one.’ All he needs to do is ask.
“Mitchelltookitoffme.” He says the words so quick it sounds like one word, and I don’t catch it because he rubs his mouth with his sleeve to make them sound jumbled.
“Okay, you need to speak up brother.”
Brody suddenly flies off the handle. “Mitchell took it off me, okay!”
“Woah, woah, woah.” I try to calm him down before he punches a hole in the wall. “Who the fuck is this Mitchell kid?”
“A boy who’s been bullying me for months. But you wouldn’t know that because you’re never around anymore.”
Talk about a punch in the gut. I go from confused to speechless, to angry within a space of seconds. “What the fuck? Why didn’t you tell me you were getting bullied!”
“Like I said,” he looks away from me. “You’re not around anymore Hunt, why would I tell you? It’s not like you care.”
“Now hold up.” I stand from the bed, feeling too angry to remain in one place. “I care about you more than I care about anything in the fucking world, so don’t ever give me that bullshit. You hear me?”
Brody looks down at his feet, his shoulders rise where he’s exhaling furiously. I hate that he has the same temper as me, but he clearly isn’t using it on those bullies. Bullies? Fuck. My kid brother is getting bullied.
I take him by the shoulders and make him face me. “What have I always taught you, Brody? When things get tough, you fight. You stand up for yourself because, in the end, we only have our fucking selves to rely on. We come into this world alone, and we leave alone.”
He looks up, and the angry frown he’s displaying is aimed at me. “You’re right, big bro. I am alone. It’s not like I can rely on you for anything, is it?”
His words fucking hurt. He is so wrong; he can rely on me for anything. What he can’t count on is me to move back home and be a family. A family he wants. A brother who loves his father, and a big brother he can look up to. He can’t look up to me, and I hate every bone in my fucking body that he can’t. Brody isn’t looking at me now, he’s turned his TV back up, and grabbed hold of his XBOX controller. He’s shutting off, and I know I won’t be able to talk to him now, so I do what I feel is the next best thing. I shove off my jacket, jump down on the bed with him and take the controller out of his hands.
“Let me show you how it’s done.”
Chapter 15
Louisa
After reading Hunter's text, I sag like a balloon being burst and exhale anger through my nose. I kick off my sneakers, throw off my jacket and climb onto my bed. I can feel Fallon’s eyes on me, so I reach under my bed and pull out a book.
“Uh, you’re going to be late for Hunter. Like I care, but still.” She says.
I shrug my shoulders, but that doesn’t fool her into thinking I’m cool with the text I just received. “I, uh, I’m not going.”
“Why? You having second thoughts?”
I draw in a deep breath, snap the book closed and turn to her. “He cancelled. Said something’s come up.”
“What!” she shrieks. “This is the second time this motherfucker has ditched, Lou. What the hell is his problem?”
Well, it technically isn’t the second time he’s cancelled our plans. The first time he just didn’t turn up. Maybe he just isn’t that into me, which is totally fine, I just wish he would be honest with me. I don’t want to invest my time into him if he doesn’t want to invest in me. I know I’ll be thinking ‘why’ all night long, and I hate that I know I will. I hate that I feel like crying because I’ve been let down. I hate that my thoughts are being overtaken. Studies are what I want my mind to be filled with - not guys. Too late now, I guess.
“He said something’s come up.” I repeat, trying to sound casual, like it’s not affecting me at all, but my voice fails me miserably. “Why am I croaking? Why am I upset?” I ask Fallon because it confuses me why I am so upset. I mean, I know why exactly, because I have been looking forward to seeing him, and then he cancels on me, without an explanation, and that kind of sucks. The confusion is there because I don’t know why I am this bothered.
“Because you have been waiting for this date all day, Lou. That’s why. Doesn’t he think about anyone but himself? Please, don’t give him another chance after this. Sure, he’s gorgeous, charming and funny.” She pretends to gag. “But I don’t call him an asshole for nothing.” Her phone pings, and I know it’s Rayne, her new girlfriend, calling her to see where she is.
“Hey,” she answers. “I have a best friend crisis, so I won’t be able to make it tonight.” I glance over at Fallon and shake my head. I don’t want her to cancel her plans, and I do not have a crisis going on.
“Sure,” she continues. “See you tomorrow.” Fallon hangs up and jumps over onto my bed. “Right, fuck men, let’s have a girly night.” She does a little wiggle. “It’s all about the girls, baby.”
***
I don’t see Hunter the next day, I’m not sure if he’s avoiding me on purpose, but he hasn’t texted me. I expected a text on my phone when I woke up this morning, but when I saw I had nothing, my heart thudded.
I get my business study book from my locker, close the door, and he’s standing behind me when I turn around, giving me a level ten heart attack.
“Jesus.” I clutch my book to my chest, and he pulls off his Beats and hangs them around his neck. His gray t-shirt is loose, but I can still see the outlines of his muscles hiding underneath. Wow.
“Blondie, fancy seeing you around here.” I roll my eyes and push past him. He follows me, pulling on my t-shirt. “Hey, what’s up?”
I shoulder him away from me. “I have to get to class, Hunt.”
“Woah, woah, woah.” He pulls me into him, and I groan until he lets me go. But I’m facing him now, and when he glances into my eyes the way he does, it’s hard to look away.
“You’re pissed at me, aren’t you? Is this about last night?” I cross my arms and look passed him just so I can avoid looking in his eyes. “Baby, I told you, something came up.”
“It’s cool,” I say, and cringe because I don’t use the word cool. Ever. I carry on walking, but my strides turn into a brisk walk, and I almost have the urge to run, but that would be stupid.
Hunter pulls me back by my backpack strap and stands in front of me. I keep my eyes on his sneakers. “Lou, Lou, look at me.”
I sigh and glance up at him reluctantly. He’s smirking, like my actions in the last five minutes have been amusing to him.
“Why are you smirking at me?” I snap.
He fails to hide a smirk and steps forwards. “Because you, sweet little lady, must be the most adorable little thing when you’re mad.”
My smile turns into a frown, and I cross my arms again. “I’m not mad.”
He copies me and crosses his arms over his chest, then tilts his head.
“Really?” he draws the word out.
I nudge him with my elbow but refuse to uncross my arms. “Really.” Two girls that pass us attract my attention, and when they see me, then put their heads down and start whispering. “Yeah, so that’s been happening a lot lately.” I think out loud, and Hunter scowls after them.
“Jealous,” Hunter says casually.
“Of me?” I roll my eyes and turn on my heel. “I doubt it.”
“No,” he says. “Of me and you.”
I feel myself smiling. “Well, you had to be in there somewhere, didn’t you?”
“It would be boring if I wasn’t in
there somewhere.” He winks.
I stop outside my Business class door and peek inside. The lecture is about to start, and I don’t want to be embarrassed by walking in late, which means all attention will be on me.
“This is me,” I nudge my head towards the door. Hunter doesn’t seem to care, though.
“What are you doing tonight?” He nudges my cheek with his knuckle.
“Studying.”
Hunter scoffs. “Boring. Elswood is throwing a party at The State Club.”
I raise my brows. “Charles Elsewood? The posh, rich kid?”
Hunter’s expression changes, I know it’s a look that wonders if I’m into Charles Elswood. I’m not. I just know about him. “Hmm. Come with me or, bring your Marilyn Manson chick friend.”
I slap his shoulder. “She does not look like Marilyn Manson.” I glance back into class, and everyone has taken their seats. Shit. “I don’t like parties, it’s not my thing.”
Hunter leans his shoulder against the wall and groans. “I know it isn’t. You’re the shy type, I get it.”
I scowl at him and hunch my backpack on my shoulders. “Uh, maybe it’s just the fact that like I don’t like parties. Not every college student has to like parties.”
“Yep, they do.” He shrugs. “It’s the law.”
“Look, I have to get inside. I’m scared of missing something important.”
Hunter raises a brow, waiting for anything that may tell him I’m joking, but I’m not. I’m deadly serious. The thought of missing something kills me. Kills me.
“Okay,” he chuckles. “I’ll let you get inside.” He steps towards me again, but this time so close his lips brush against my cheek. “Come tonight, it would make my evening seeing you there.”
I stiffen, and I’m am aware Hunter may be thinking I just experienced a body spasm. “I’ll… uh… think about it.”
He lifts his head up, running the tip of his nose along mine as he does. “Does me being so close scatter your thoughts?” He teases.
“You’re unbelievable.” I push him away, push down the handle and open the door to a full class staring at me. I gulp, frozen in place as I notice all lips turned up into grins.