“I’m spraying the—”
“Would you forget about that now? Didn’t you hear the part about the volcano? Particularly the part about the volcano going boom? In fact, gimme the thing,” Max ordered. He took possession of the sprayer and quickly wheeled it over to where the drunken American was passed out. Lifting the young man’s arm he draped it on the sprayer, turned to Tuli and said, “Let’s go.”
Chapter 20
Mafi was pacing and smoking in the Samoan station’s rec room, a room furnished with cushioned folding chairs, two couches, a television, a ping-pong table, a pool table and a pinball machine. Andrea apparently had yet to bring her talents to bear in this room for the walls were all white.
According to the station clocks it was nearing three-thirty a.m. yet everyone was awake, yawning but conscious, seated in a semi-circle before which Mafi was pacing. After returning from their adventures, with Max filling Koni and HeyHowYouDoing in on what the American had told him, Koni had immediately awoken Mafi who then called this emergency meeting, apologizing to his guests who had needed to be stirred from their sleep. First Koni repeated to them all what Max had learned; while he was doing this Danielle had leaned over to Max and asked, “Why were you over at the American station?”
“Bachelor party,” Max told her in a whisper. “Strippers, the whole works.”
Now that Koni was done Mafi had taken the floor and took some time to pace and smoke as he gathered his thoughts. Finally, he said, “Hank Lesser is one of the foremost volcano experts in the world. He is an amazing man, really, and any serious discussion about volcanoes always involves him. And from what I have heard the sensing equipment he uses is remarkable, far better than what we have here, and much of it is of his own design. When I first arrived here I was looking forward to collaborating with him but the Americans have not exactly been hospitable to us.” His cigarette was finished and he lit another one.
“I will admit I did not like those tremors we felt the other day but I did not think them cause for alarm.” He ceased pacing and looked at the tourists. “Mount Erebus erupts virtually every day,” he told them. “But the eruptions are what we call strombolian in nature and come from the persistent convecting lava lake at the summit. I know that probably means nothing to you but in laymen’s terms what I’m saying is that all the volcano really does is spew out bombs of rock and ash. And the lava ejected is so viscous it does not travel very far. In other words, a typical eruption on Erebus is not at all as dramatic as what happened at Mount St. Helens, otherwise we would not be stationed this close.”
“So maybe Doctor Lesser is wrong?” Katie ventured.
Mafi pursed his lips.
“Predicting volcanic eruptions has never been done with any accuracy,” he said, resuming the pacing. “And our own equipment here certainly has not suggested a major eruption was coming.” He took a deep breath. “If it were anyone other than Doctor Lesser…”
“That’s right,” Max cut in. “Doctor Lesser is a pioneer in the field of predicting volcanic eruptions.”
“Max, knock it off, you’d never heard of the man until tonight,” Danielle said.
“He and I went to MIT together, Danielle, and I’m telling you he’s a genius; I used to cheat off him in Calculus. I say get the plane warmed up, Mafi, and let’s get outta here ASAP.”
“Mafi?” Katie asked.
The Samoan shrugged.
“If it were anyone other than Doctor Lesser,” he repeated. Then, “Perhaps under the circumstances, until we have more information, it would be best to follow the Americans’ lead and evacuate. Our friends the French will accommodate us for a few nights; their station is not near Erebus.”
“Actually I was thinking that my friends the Hiltons would also accommodate us for a few nights; like in New Zealand.” Max said.
Mafi smiled.
“Yes, of course,” he said. “That would perhaps be even better.”
“But I don’t want to leave Antarctica yet,” Katie protested.
“Katie, did you not hear the parts about the volcano and my old school chum Doctor Lesser?” Max asked.
“So why can’t we stay a few days at the French station, then?”
“Because the French don’t like you, Katie,” the writer answered. “I didn’t want to tell you this before but I’ve received complaints.”
Just as Katie opened her mouth to respond to this an explosion stopped her; in fact, not only did it stop her from speaking it stopped the hearts of everyone in the room. For several very long moments there was silence, all present being stunned into a state of dumbness. What they had heard sounded like the blast of a distant cannonade and soon after the ground was trembling again, much harder than the tremors experienced earlier in the week. Sounds of glass breaking, of items falling from tables and high shelves, of a ruptured pipe spitting water and equipment alarms going off in the lab next door created a cacophony accompanied by the lights flickering wildly. Mafi, the only one standing, lost his balance and fell to the floor. Some of the women started screaming and the Henshaws began reciting one of the psalms.
Then another blast tore the air and the trembling of the ground intensified. Cracks appeared in the walls and overhead lighting fixtures danced wildly, throwing crazy beams of light all over the room before a few of the bulbs exploded.
It was Andrea who managed to crawl over to the window and raise the blinds. She then gasped at what she saw. Everyone turned their heads to get a look and immediately the screams, prayers and exclamations doubled.
“Are we enjoying being, yet, Katie?” Max said just before everything went dark.
***
Max was making a list on a sheet of yellow legal-sized paper.
“…and then there was the time you cooked lamb Wellington for dinner and I was sick for three days” He numbered it “37” and scribbled it on the list. “Oh! And the time you took my New York Times to work with you before I had a chance to read it!” That became number 38. “And of course you were part of the conspiracy to make me buy the stupid dog.” Number 39. “And how ‘bout the time you spilled your coffee all over the front of my pants?”
“When was that?” Katie asked, staying his wrist with her hand.
“Our bi-weekly lunch at that overcrowded Turkish joint,” Max informed her. “Last summer.”
“Fuck you, that wasn’t my fault! I was jostled by a fat woman trying to squeeze between the tables!”
Appeal denied. The coffee incident became item number 40 on the list Max had entitled “Why Katie Shaw Is a Menace to My Life.”
Andrea was watching the two of them, off in their own corner of the game room, haggling and arguing over this list. She nudged Danielle who was sitting beside her on the floor.
“How long are they going to keep that up?” Andrea asked Danielle.
Danielle gave a short laugh and then she said, “Those two will stay at it until we’re rescued, probably. I know Max will.”
The entire Samoan research station on Turk’s Head was buried under snow and ice as a result of an avalanche created when Erebus erupted. Exactly how much snow and ice the station was under was still undetermined but as of now the structure seemed to holding up perfectly fine. When the avalanche first struck there was a very brief and very scary period of time when the buildings all shook, the rumbling of the cascading snow was ear-splitting and everything was plunged into total darkness out which screams, from both males and females, could barely be heard over the noise of the disaster. Fortunately, the loss of light was temporary; almost as soon as the rumbling of the snow ceased the station’s emergency generator had kicked on and everyone was thankfully able to see again.
An assessment of matters had then been taken by Mafi. After determining that no one was hurt and that as far as he could tell the building they were all in was not in imminent danger of collapse he ordered everyone to stay put and tagged Koni to join him to inspect the rest of the station. When they had gone Danielle and Katie rushed to w
here Max was sitting, took up positions on either side of him and Max had then spent a few minutes calming them down. To their credit, he had noticed, Danielle and Katie were not acting hysterical or panicky, but he could also tell that their hysteria and panic were barely contained and so he had let them cling to him tightly while he stroked their hair and assured them that everything would be alright.
The remaining Samoan scientists in the room had also not shown signs of panicking. In fact, after the initial shock had passed they seemed downright excited and had gathered together to talk amongst themselves about the scientific importance of the eruption and what it meant for their future studies.
No, the only truly panicky person in those first few minutes following the avalanche had been Flo Henshaw.
“Jesus, Earl!” Max had finally snapped after listening to five minutes of Flo screeching the Lord’s name over and over again. “Would you do something about that, please?” But it had been Katie who, having apparently gotten whatever comfort she needed from Max rose and went over to the Henshaws, putting her arm around Flo and taking on the task of calming her down.
Finally, Mafi and Koni had returned; their entrance into the rec room was met by everyone turning their heads to them and giving them their undivided attention.
“The good news,” Mafi began, “is that our radio equipment is still functioning and we were able to reach McMurdo Station.” A group sigh filled the room. “This means, I think, that our antenna array is not too harmed; let us hope it remains that way.
“What did McMurdo say?” HeyHowYouDoing asked. Koni fielded that one.
“Obviously they are aware of what happened and they tell us that other stations close to the volcano have been trapped in the avalanche as well. They also say that preparations for rescues are being made but they cannot commit to a timeframe as of yet.”
So the hunkering down began. Mafi ordered two of his team members to take stock of the available food and supplies while he had two others gather up all the flashlights present in the station. Once the flashlights had been brought to him he told the group that since there was no way of knowing how long they’d be stuck here that he was going to ration the use of the generator to conserve fuel. He allowed two flashlights to remain lit at a time to provide lighting. Everyone then began making themselves comfortable but Mafi insisted they all remain together in the game room. Katie eventually left Flo and joined Max to haggle over items on the list; Danielle and Andrea fell into gossipy girl talk; HeyHowYouDoing read; Earl and Flo chatted and prayed and the others started up a poker game.
***
“What?!” Katie now spat. “You can’t blame me for that!”
“What is it, baby?” Danielle called over.
“He’s trying to blame me—me personally!—for the overall decline of western civilization!”
Danielle was checking her fingernails and determining it was time for a visit to Nicole, her manicurist.
“Max, darling,” she said, “we’ve already had this discussion…the overall decline of western civilization can be traced back to the Olsen twins.”
Suddenly, Flo, who had been whispering with Earl off to the side, said, “May I ask something?” And without waiting for a response she continued. “I’ve been watching you three over the past few days and I’m afraid that I don’t understand the relationship you have.”
“We’re godless heathens,” Max declared, “bound for that special circle of Hell reserved for those who dare to thumb their noses at established paradigms by living life according to their hearts and minds.”
Danielle and Katie laughed. The Henshaws, however, did not. Max guessed they had no idea what the word “paradigm” meant.
“Well, Flo,” Danielle began, “I’m Max’s wife…”
It looked like Flo breathed a sigh of relief.
“Oh, okay then,” she said.
“But I’m also Katie’s wife,” Danielle finished.
It was obvious Flo was trying to work things out in her head by the way she stared up at the ceiling with her eyes squinted. Eventually she said, “I…don’t understand.”
“Why am I not surprised?” Max said as he scribbled yet another item on the list.
Katie turned to face the West Virginian. She, Danielle and Max had made a pact a long time ago that they would never hide the reality of their relationship, no matter who asked, no matter what the circumstances. All six of their parents knew as well as the ancillary relatives; all their friends and co-workers were aware; George Michael and the other neighbors they had befriended knew about it and Max talked openly about it on the rare occasions he allowed questions about his personal life to be asked during interviews. Of course, they only volunteered this information when it was appropriate to do so. For example, during the plane trip from L.A. to Christchurch, when Danielle and Katie had first met Earl and Flo, the two women did not divulge that they were in fact lovers and that the surly-looking chap dressed in black in seat 25D also had carnal knowledge of Danielle. That hardly fell into the category of small talk. Instead, they’d usually wait until the issue put itself on the table, like now. And when it did it had been decided that, if possible, Katie should be the family’s spokesperson; she wasn’t as caustic as Max or as defensive as Danielle.
“Danielle is a bisexual woman, Flo” Katie said. “I, however, am a lesbian and Max is straight and we all live together in London.”
“London?” Earl asked. “Well, I knew you gals lived there but I figured you lived in Houston, Darth Bland.”
“Houston?” Max took his eyes off his list to glare over at Earl. “Do you have any idea exactly how cold it would have to get in Hell before I lived in Houston?”
“But that’s where NASA is and you’re an astronaut!”
“Oh, right. Yes, that makes sense. Well, NASA has a branch in London now. Turns out England is closer to the moon; easier to launch from there.”
“Excuse me,” Flo interrupted, looking at Katie, “but am I to understand that you and Max both…well, that you both…well…know Danielle biblically?”
Without blatantly appearing to do so the Samoans all stopped what they were doing to listen to how this conversation would continue.
“Ha!” the novelist barked. “I assure you there is nothing biblical about anything we do, Flo.”
Katie nudged him to keep quiet.
“Max and I are both Danielle’s lovers, yes,” she confirmed. “But separately.”
The color drained from Flo’s face and then she shivered as though having come in contact with moldy bread.
“That’s disgusting,” she stated firmly, crossing her arms. “That is utterly disgusting. Earl, isn’t it disgusting?”
“Disgusting,” the husband agreed.
Katie met Flo’s eyes evenly and said calmly, “Well, we don’t think so, Flo,” and then left it to the Henshaws to make the next move. No use getting defensive with people like these, Katie had learned; that is, until it was necessary to get defensive. In the meantime the best tactic was to just make the other party aware that their opinions on her sexual orientation or her chosen lifestyle with Danielle and Max did not matter to her.
Danielle, however, had a different outlook on things. She had repaired her relationship with the Henshaws by apologizing to them after her tirade following the Seal Snot Incident; and for the past few days she and Katie had gotten along handsomely with the couple from West Virginia, enjoying with them all the excursions and experimentation the Samoans had invited their guests to participate in. Now, however, Danielle was icily glaring at the Henshaws. She said, “Exactly what part is disgusting? Huh? Is it the part where I’m lucky enough to have all my needs met? Or is it the part where I’m lucky enough to live with two wonderful people who love me very much?”
“It’s all of it,” Flo declared. “How were you raised that you can so easily forget the teachings of our lord Jesus Christ?”
But before Danielle could respond Max spoke up.
“An
d what, pray tell, does Jesus Christ have to do with anything?” Max asked, putting down his pen and glaring at Earl and Flo with his own icy glare. “You cannot honestly be telling me that here in the twenty-first century people need to govern their love lives according to the rules of some guy who lived back when the wheel was first invented, are you?”
Flo gasped, turned purple and appeared to have a bit of difficulty forming words.
“That is blasphemous, Darth Bland!” she finally sputtered.
“Blasphemous it may be but the way I see things is that this Jesus you speak of, providing he ever really existed, probably would have done the world a service if he would’ve kept his mouth shut back then. Seems to me that someone like him who never traveled more than, what?, fifty miles from his birthplace should not have been spouting off about how the entire world should conduct themselves. He was about as worldly and sophisticated as a house cat. Did he ever know a gay person? Or a black person? Or a Japanese person? Did he ever even have sex?”
“Darth Bland!”
“Oh, for Pete’s sake, will you knock it off with the ‘Darth’ crap, you twit? I’m not an astronaut. I can’t even believe you guys fell for that one.”
“That’s right,” Katie added. “A puny twerp like him could never be an astronaut.”
“Hey!” Max protested.
“He’s a writer, a great one,” Katie continued.
Slowly Flo’s eyes widened. She was apparently putting two and two together, albeit belatedly. She whispered something to Earl causing him to gasp in shock. Husband and wife both lost color from their already pale faces. Earl actually crossed himself and for a moment Flo’s eyelids fluttered in the same way a stage actress employs to indicate to her audience that she is about to faint.
Max couldn’t help but smile, knowing what was going through their minds. Apparently, the only thing worse than being a sexual deviant was being the guy who wrote that book.
Two for One-Relatively Speaking (The Two for One series) Page 19