Harold sat there looking miserable.
Max said, “Listen, you want my advice? Forget about Arlene. You’re still a good-looking guy; go have a proper mid-life crisis with a cute and impressionable grad student a quarter of your age who doesn’t know any better, and then once that’s run its course settle down with a nice forty-something from Scottsdale who’s living off of alimony. Or what about Sloane’s mom?”
Harold shook his head, told Max that the sexual and emotional relationship he once had with Sloane’s mother had dried up quite some time ago. In fact, he suspected she was seriously involved with someone else and was also nearing the wedding altar.
“Well, like I said,” Max went on, “forget about Arlene. Since you’re only here a short while you’d be better off concentrating on winning your daughter back, don’t you think?” Max finished off his latest gin and tonic then decided it was best if he left Harold alone to consider things. He got up, dropped a fifty quid note on the table and said, “I’ll see what I can do about getting Danielle to speak to you. I’ll call you here at the hotel.” And then he left.
Chapter 30
May as well get it over with, Max figured when he arrived home after his meeting with Harold, entered his bedroom and found Danielle asleep on the bed. The disorienting effect she’d feel once he woke her up coupled with the lateness of the hour may work to his advantage. Still, though, he considered that it might be best to secure some hostages just in case and after locating her purse and doing so he flipped on the overhead light.
“Danielle,” he said, bending over the bed and prodding his wife’s sleeping form. “Honey, wake up.”
When she stirred and realized he had come home she evidently mistook his intentions. Throwing off the blanket she revealed her stunning nude figure and immediately began pulling him toward her. He lost his balance and fell atop her, her breasts pressing against his chest and her mouth firmly planted against his.
“No…babe…” Max uttered between kisses as he tried to extricate himself. “Seriously, babe, I—“
But Danielle shoved his head down onto her left breast and suddenly an erect nipple was in his mouth. He gave it a nice firm suck, eliciting a purr from his wife, and then summoned all his willpower and yanked himself away from her body as if she were a bundle of live wires.
“Max, what the hell?” she asked. She sat up and watched Max scurry over to the desk on the other side of the room. He sat on the desk’s edge.
“We need to talk, babe.”
“You woke me up to talk?” Danielle huffed. “I have to work tomorrow, Max; I could justify the loss of sleep for one or two orgasms, but to talk?”
“It’s important,” Max insisted. “Now, please, just listen. I’m afraid I lied to you earlier. I didn’t go out for drinks with Nails and that lot.”
“Where’d you go?”
“Well, to a bar but I—”
“Were you alone?”
“No, that’s what I need to talk to—”
Danielle’s bottom lip was quivering.
“Oh my God,” she whispered. “Were you with a woman? A woman from the signing?”
“What? No, don’t be daft!”
“You weren’t with another woman?”
“No.”
“You’re sure?”
Max sighed and then said, “Danielle, I think I’d know the difference between a woman and your father.”
The writer watched her morph from woman on the verge of heartbreak to woman out for blood.
“It’s true,” he said. “He turned up at the signing; he wanted to see me because he was hoping I’d convince you to talk to him.”
“He was at the signing?”
Max told her about how his bodyguards had mistaken Harold for someone with bad intentions and then how she and Katie had walked right past him when they went for coffee. He told her about dragging Harold into the stockroom and telling him to hoof it before she got back if he valued his life.
“And then you met with him later?”
“Jesus, don’t say it like that, Danielle; like I betrayed you or something.”
“Well I’m beginning to wonder whose side you’re on, Max.”
“Oh, for God’s sake; yes, I agreed to meet him for drinks. I wanted to hear what he had to say.”
“Which was?” she asked. Her eyes looked like flints. “I fail to see what would have interested you so much that you’d go meet the jerk. Did he promise to tell you that it was all a fucking mistake; that Mom and I have just been having a bad dream? Where’s he staying, the fucker?”
Max shook his head and waggled a finger.
“Oh no. I’m not telling. You’ll probably hire a suicide bomber to take the place down.”
“Probably,” she concurred. “So what did he want?”
“He wants to talk to you,” Max informed her.
“Ha! Fat chance!”
“And I think you should do it.” Max added plainly.
“And I think you both can go to hell.”
Max sighed again and took a moment to gather his thoughts.
“Look, hon, it’s time. You’ve never been one to avoid confrontation and yet you’re avoiding this one. Stop bottling it up. Go see the man and tell him face to face what a bastard he is.” He paused a second. “It isn’t healthy what you’re doing and both Katie and I are worried about you.”
“Max, do I seem unhealthy to you? Sloane stayed in bed for an entire week when she found out. Sloane quit eating for several days. Sloane has had to take time off from work. Did I do any of that? Have I not been functional?”
After trying hard to imagine Sloane not eating for several days Max said, “You don’t sleep very well anymore.”
She stared at him.
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“I mean you don’t sleep very well anymore. You used to sleep like a log but now you talk in your sleep, you—“
“What do I say?” she asked, mortified.
“Mostly incoherent stuff, really; but every now and then I catch the word ‘Dad’.”
Danielle swallowed.
After a moment she asked, “What do you expect? Why am I not allowed to have this affect me somewhat?”
Now Max took a moment to compose his thoughts. Finally he said:
“Danielle, look, this family of ours is a pretty well-adjusted little group despite the fact that the three of us each have different sexual orientations and Katie and I have to share your affections based entirely on your whims. Even though we occasionally rub each other the wrong way the Fates have been kind to us; we all love one another and we all regard one another with respect and consideration. Now, if one of us should go cuckoo for some reason, perhaps because she—or he—isn’t addressing a very large problem appropriately then there’s a risk that the delicate balance in this household will be upset, with disastrous results.”
“Max, you’re kidding me, right? You’re the one who upsets the delicate balance in this household on an almost daily basis.”
“Sweetie, even when I’m at my worst you and Katie know I’m harmless, that I’m just being me. I don’t think I ever come close to truly upsetting the balance.”
Danielle shrugged.
“Now, look,” Max went on, “I don’t know why I’m being so insistent about this—”
“Why are you being so insistent? And don’t give me any bullshit about delicate balances. This is precisely the type of affair you never want to be bothered with.”
She had a point, Max conceded privately. He sat there frowning for a bit while he tried to puzzle this out. Why did he care? Why was he involving himself in this? Sure, he liked Harold well enough and had always gotten along fine with him, but still…it wasn’t like Max to be so easily persuaded to bother with something that really had nothing to do with him.
Then it came to him. In fact, the answer was so surprising it made him chuckle.
“What are you laughing about?” his wife queried.
; Max looked up at her.
“After your father,” he said, “I’m the man who loves you the most. It’s your father and then me; we’re the top two guys in the Danielle Edwards fan club. Now, when I agreed to meet Harold for drinks it was gonna be just that: drinks. I was gonna let him say his piece and then I was gonna try to get outta there without bringing him home because the last thing I need is another one of your relatives shacking up here. And you are absolutely right, my love, I’m not the type of guy who wants to be immersed in this Edwards family drama; hell, up until I met with your dad tonight I didn’t give a fuck if you didn’t speak to him ever again. But I realize something now; I realize why I want you to at least see him once more.
“It’s because I can understand how much your father loves you and therefore I’m able to put myself in his shoes. My God, if I ever screwed up so bad that you never wanted to see me again it would drive me crazy, and my one thought, day and night, would be ‘How can I get Danielle to speak to me just once?’”
Max began pacing.
“You see, all your father wants is his day in court, and I feel sorry for him that he’s not getting it. I feel sorry because I know what it’s like to love you so much that the fear of never speaking to you again hurts me. That’s why I’m doing this. Trust me, I’d rather be hopping into bed and fucking your brains out, not pleading Harold’s case.”
Danielle sat silent for several moments looking at Max with a bemused expression.
“In your own weird way,” she began, “you’re being very sweet. Mr. Scrooge grows a heart, so to speak.”
“Oh God, knock it off,” Max muttered.
After sighing Danielle said, “I just don’t know if I can forgive him that easily though.”
“Who said anything about forgiving him?” Max pointed out. “I don’t really give a fuck if you forgive him, Danielle; that’s a decision you have to reach on your own. All I want is for you to let him get what he wants to say off his chest; otherwise the man is not gonna have any peace. I’ve told him you might not forgive him, that he should be prepared for it, but at least let him say how sorry he is.”
After a moment Danielle said, “I don’t know; I’ll think about it, okay?”
“I can’t have you dawdling over this, Danielle.” Max was speaking sternly. “Number one, your father needs to return to the States fairly quickly; number two, I personally want this taken care of, not only for the reasons I just stated but also because I know Harold won’t stop. He’ll keep flying across the Atlantic like goddamn Lindbergh hoping he’ll get to see you and ensuring that I won’t get any peace in my own home.”
“I said I’ll think about it, Max.”
“And I said that’s not good enough.”
“And I say fuck you, I’ll think about it.”
With a knowing nod Max replied, “Okay, I see. You wanna be stubborn. Fine.” He sat down at the desk and opened one of the drawers. “I want you to know, however, that I’m prepared to make you cooperate.” From the drawer he extracted a pair of scissors.
“Are you planning on stabbing me?” Danielle asked cheekily.
“Oh God no. Too messy. No, I plan on using these scissors for something far, far worse than stabbing you.”
Reaching into his pants pocket he pulled out something that Danielle had trouble making out from her vantage point across the dimly lit room.
“What I have here,” Max began, “are all your credit cards.” He fanned them in his hand like a deck of playing cards and then placed them in a neat stack on the desk. “I lifted them from your purse before I woke you up.”
Danielle stiffened. Her eyes went from the cards to the scissors.
“Max…what are you doing?”
“Nothing, as long as you promise to meet your father tomorrow.”
“Max, you’re not that stupid.” Her eyes were flashing, a look she gave any bank employee who dared cross her.
“I wouldn’t underestimate my stupidity, Danielle,” Max replied with an impish grin.
She answered that impish grin with a wicked one of her own and then said, “You’re bluffing.”
But before she could comprehend what he was doing, Max, quick as lightning, picked the top card off the stack and snipped it in two halves which fell to the floor at his feet.
“Not bluffing, I’m afraid. There goes your Visa, darling.”
“Max!”
“I’m sorry; the correct answer to the question was ‘I will meet Dad tomorrow.’ That’s, ‘I will meet Dad tomorrow.’ What does she lose, Johnny?” Snip! “Diners Club,” he called as he sliced another card into uselessness.
“Max!” she screeched in a voice that was on the verge of breaking into sobs. “Max, I will kick your ass!”
“Ooh…threatening bodily harm. Not the response I was looking for.” Snip! “No more MasterCard.”
With surprising speed Danielle scrambled to a crouching position at the edge of the bed and looked like a lynx ready to pounce on unsuspecting prey; but with equally surprising speed Max checked her by snatching up another card and holding it between the blades of the scissors.
“Careful, my love,” he warned. “This Harrod’s card isn’t made of steel, you know.”
“Max, there’s a sale this weekend!”
“And you’d like to go to that sale, wouldn’t you, my sweet? And you’d like to use your Harrod’s card and earn those bonus gifts they give you when you spend an obscene amount of money, wouldn’t you?”
She glared malevolently at him.
“Will you go see your father tomorrow? And may I remind you that there is no way Harrod’s will get a replacement card to you by the weekend.”
“Put the card down, Max.”
“Holy fuck! It’s like you’re retarded or something.” And with a sickening Snip! the Harrod’s card was ruthlessly dispatched by the novelist.
Danielle gasped and her face turned an interesting shade of green. From her ready-to-pounce position she collapsed onto the mattress with a groan and stared aghast at the little shards of plastic littering the floor at Max’s feet. Meanwhile, Max began tapping her American Express card on the desk’s surface.
“You murderer,” she muttered. “I was going to have so much fun with that Harrod’s card on Saturday. I planned my whole day around it. It was going to be my reward for putting up with Sloane the past few days.” She looked up at him and he returned her gaze evenly. “This is the craziest thing you’ve ever done, you know that?” she said.
“I dunno,” Max replied. “I think the craziest thing I could ever do is cut up this American Express card—the most powerful card in the universe. Think about it, if this card survives you can still have quite an orgasmic time at Harrod’s.”
“Okay, okay!” she said. “You win! I’ll go see my father tomorrow. Free your hostage unharmed.”
“Nice try, Edwards,” Max said. He placed the credit card between the blades of the scissors and held it there. He rose from his seat and began making for the door keeping his eyes on his wife. Danielle remained frozen, following his movements only with her eyes.
“I’m gonna go hide this piece of plastic now,” Max said, continuing to ease toward the exit, keeping the card in the jaws of the scissors. “You’ll get it back once I know you’ve seen your father, not before.”
And then he was through the door and gone.
Chapter 31
The next day, having nothing better to do, Max opted to hand-deliver his story for the Rivers Haven anthology to Katie at her office. Rachel had overnighted the CD containing the story from New York and it had arrived this morning. When he opened the Word file on the disk he reviewed her comments and suggestions, nodded at the ones he agreed with and made the appropriate changes, laughed sardonically at the ones he disagreed with before ignoring them, and then printed the thirty pages and drove into SoHo. Max’s story was one in which the main character, a homeless woman named Camilla, ekes out a living on the streets of Hackney after a CIA-chartered airp
lane rendering terrorism suspects over British airspace to Germany to be illegally tortured crashes into her apartment building. The ever resourceful Camilla adapts quickly to this change in her fortune. For example, she has a clever scheme for conning grocery stores out of money; considers loose coins found on London’s sidewalks to be a fortune and will generously split a Big Mac with a fellow homeless person without complaint. During the chilly February days she moves about from libraries to indoor shopping malls to train or bus stations to stay warm, and during the frosty February nights she’s one of the first in line to get a bed in the nearest Rivers Haven shelter.
Max gave Herb the sex change after further discussions with Jenna brought to light the unique dangers women face while trying to survive on the streets of a major metropolis—dangers Max added to the story to give it more depth and realism and from which he had Camilla escape unscathed time and time again with the kind of aplomb and quick-wittedness typically found in a Jane Austen heroine.
“God, I can’t wait to read it,” Katie enthused as she accepted the manila envelope containing the story from her metamour. She started off with a huge smile on her face but suddenly frowned as a thought occurred to her. “The only problem,” she went on, “is that I don’t have some wine here, and I don’t feel like waiting until I get back home.”
“Ah,” Max said. He knew all about Katie’s ritual for reading a new Max Bland story—the wine, the Gregorian chant CDs. “Don’t I pass a wine store on the way to your building here?” he asked. “About a block down?”
Katie snapped her fingers.
“Arrington’s. Yes.” She took up her coat. “Come with me?”
“Nah, I gotta go. Gresham’s in town and I’m meeting him for a late lunch, but I’ll ride down with you.”
In the lift on the way down to the lobby Katie said, “So I understand you convinced our Danielle to go see her father this evening.” She winked at him. “Cutting up the credit cards. Brilliant. I wouldn’t have had the guts.”
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