Joseph watched the effect of his words. The doctor stopped clicking the pen and put it down gently on the notebook on his lap.
“You’re very astute, Joey.”
Fuck you, asshole. You don’t get to call me that. “If I weren't, I wouldn’t be alive. Knowing my environment and my enemy is essential. My name is Joseph.”
“I’m not your enemy and Ember called you Joey.”
“You’re not my friend. Therefore you’re a potential enemy. She is the only one who calls me Joey.”
“The fact you limit your friends isn’t surprising. Why is Red the only one who calls you Joey?”
Because I love her, fuckwad. “I allow her to do so.”
“Do you have to control everything? Even what people call you?”
Well, no shit, stupid. “Yes.”
“Why.”
“I want to live.”
Joseph waited for several minutes. He knew this game too. The doctor was waiting for him to add more to the conversation. Keep waiting, doc. Hell will freeze over first.
Finally, the man spoke. “You almost didn’t live. Your last assignment almost killed you.”
“Yes.”
“Tell me about it.”
“Clarify the question.”
“Tell me what happened after your cover was blown.” The shrink crossed his leg at the ankle and leaned back into the chair willing to wait for an answer.
“I was taken.”
“And then?”
“I woke in a dungeon with my hands tied to a wooden pole. They didn’t secure my legs.” Joseph stopped and focused his vision just left of the man’s ear as the doctor wrote a note on his pad. “That was their second mistake.”
“Go on.”
“Things got uncomfortable. You read my file. You know very well what happened.”
“How did you endure the pain?”
Joseph blinked and looked back at the man. “Clarify the question.”
“According to the medical records your skin was peeled off your back. The pain must have been excruciating. How did you deal with the pain?”
“I focused.”
“On what?”
“Killing the mother fucker.”
“And did you?”
“Yes.”
“How?”
“I freed my left hand and severed his carotid artery with a scalpel.”
“How did you escape?”
“I ran.”
“Just ran? Nobody said anything to you about the strips of skin hanging off you? The blood? That must have been obvious.”
“An old woman saved my life. She hid me underneath the floor in the kitchen of the compound where I was held. Two days after she moved me out of the crawl space, they found it. She refused to tell them where the women of the village had hidden me. They pulled her into the town square and raped her–broke every bone in her body and then eviscerated her alive as a warning to others never to help the enemy again.”
“Intelligence reports indicate all the men in that compound were mutilated and dismembered.”
“Do they?”
“Yes. Did you do that, Joseph?”
“No.”
“Then who did?”
“I don’t speculate.”
“Ah heck, just this once, give it a try. It’ll stay between us.”
Joseph stopped looking past him and focused on the man. He noted the way the doctor shifted uncomfortably under his stare. No different than any other man.
“I killed them, doc. Clean, quiet. When I finished, I opened the compound gates and drove one of the guard’s trucks away. The women must have done what is indicated in the reports.”
“Women? You believe old women committed this…this atrocity?” Rampant disbelief dripped from the man’s inquiry. Inquiry…hell it was an accusation.
“Aside from the fact that it takes a fair degree of strength to dismember a body and I was not at my best, those men took everything from that village. They murdered husbands and sons. Daughters as young as eight vanished into the compound never to return. The women spoke of the screams they heard at night, the helplessness and guilt they lived with. Those bastards kept them alive to be servants and the dogs were treated better than they were. I’m an assassin, Doctor. They were victims. I made it safe for them. What they or anyone else did after I left isn’t my concern.”
“You’re very matter of fact about this abomination.”
Joseph laughed. He watched the doctor flinch. Yeah, the man may be tough, but he didn’t do evil well.
“I don’t fabricate drama or surround myself in fantasies, doctor. You asked for the facts then you asked me to speculate. I provided you both. How you process the information isn’t my concern. Your outrage is your baggage. You deal with it.”
The doctor paused and glanced at his notes before he underlined a word and cleared his throat. Twice. “Okay, let’s backtrack for just a second. You said leaving your legs untied was the enemy’s second mistake. What was the first?”
“They didn’t kill me immediately. Rank amateurs.”
“Tell me, do you care about the lives you took?”
“Bingo. The money question sprung after a distraction. Do they teach that in Shrink 101? Every fucking one of you have the technique down. I don’t have sociopathic tendencies, doctor. Why don’t I save us both some time and effort? Do I value human life? Yes, I do. Would I have taken those lives if it were not for the requirements of my job, for my safety, or to protect those women? No. Did I have average family attachments growing up? Yes, I love my family. They’re big, noisy, and messed up, but they are mine. Do I have healthy relationships with women? If you asked me before Ember came back into my life, I would say no. I used women for sex. Do I have problems dealing with what I do for a living? Absolutely not. I have never had a sleepless night. I trust my handlers at Guardian implicitly.”
“Since Ember came back into your life? You knew her before?”
“Yes.”
“Would you care to elaborate?”
“No.”
“You threatened to kill me if I kissed Ember again. That is territorial and in direct conflict to your stated reasons for killing—your job and safety.”
“Yes.”
“Please explain.”
“Ember is a part of me and you threatened that part.”
“With a simple kiss?”
“Yes.”
“Don’t you trust her?”
“Of course I do, but I don’t trust you.”
“Why not? Guardian does. Gabriel does. He directed you to talk to me.”
“If a complete stranger did the same to your woman in Hollister would you trust him?”
Doctor Wheeler shook his head as a smile parted his lips. “No. Can’t say that I would. But I don’t think I would threaten to kill him.”
“No, you’d just think it. The difference between me and your polite society? I act.”
“And still you maintain you have no sociopathic tendencies?”
Joseph chuckled and shrugged. “I’ve been tested. The results are in the records you hold. Now can we cut the hypothetical bullshit about what I would or wouldn’t do?”
“Alright, let’s talk about this past week. How many people have you killed in the last seven days.”
“Three.”
“How many were sanctioned kills?”
“One.”
“The other two?”
“Had the intent, opportunity and capability of killing Ember. I prevented that.”
“And why would they want to kill Ember?”
“If you needed that information it would have been provided to you. Not my place to fill you in on the specifics, doc.”
“You act as if this is a game, Joseph. How many of these evaluations have you gone through?”
“Is that a roundabout way of asking how many people I’ve killed?”
“Yes.”
“If you needed to know, it would have been provided to you.”
>
The shrink blinked repeatedly. “Pat answer and a complete cop out. How many lives have you taken Joseph?”
“It doesn’t really matter. What matters is that I need to be cleared to take at least one more.”
“Why? What is so relevant about your next kill?” The doc leaned forward intently.
“It’ll be my last mission.” Joseph leaned back in the chair. He had the doctor exactly where he needed him.
“Clear me for this last mission, doc. After it’s over, I’ll never have to be cleared again.”
“That’s not how this works.”
“Sure it is. You and I both know I passed every objective of this interview. Do your job and let me do mine.”
Joseph watched the doctor push his fingertips together apparently thinking before he spoke. “Tell me how many people you have murdered or assassinated, Joseph.”
“Two different topics. Murdered? One. Assassinated at my country’s request? Fifty-three.”
“Fifty-three assassinations. How many more were collateral damage?”
Joseph shrugged. “None that were innocent civilians.”
“Alright. Who did you murder?” The doctor’s question lingered for several minutes.
“The piece of shit that killed my father. I was sixteen. And yes, if I had to do it again, I would.”
“Have you asked yourself if you can walk away from this? Turn your back on the massive adrenalin spike? Will you be able to leave this life and death power behind?”
“Leaving it behind won’t be an issue. There’s little likelihood I’ll return from this mission. Next to zero. This is the end of the road for me.”
“Then why are you going?” A puzzled expression masked the doctor’s professional demeanor.
“If I don’t, they’ll find Ember and they’ll kill her. If the choice is her or me? The answer will always be her. I’m willing to die so she can live.”
“Does she know?”
“That I’m leaving? Yeah. She knows I won’t contact her again. I’ve told her from the start our relationship ends when I leave. She doesn’t know this is my last mission. She doesn’t know I don’t expect to come back alive. She doesn’t need to know the choices I made to keep her safe and give her a future. If you know her, then you know such knowledge would eat her alive. So, those sociopathic tendencies you think I have? They aren’t too much of a concern any longer, are they?”
“No. Loving someone so deeply would eliminate that concern.”
“Huh. You don’t say.”
Joseph lifted from the chair and walked to the door. The fact the doctor didn’t stop him gave him the information he needed. He’d get a ‘go’ for the mission. Ember gazed up at him when he opened the door. She looked like a scared kitten. He offered a hand to her. Her smile removed any lingering aggression he felt from his little talk with her friend. He pulled her into his chest and lowered his face into her curls.
“You didn’t hurt him did you?” She barely concealed the concern in her voice.
“No, little girl, your friend is alive and well. Let’s go in and talk about your week.” He kissed her temple and tightened his hold on her. God he loved her luscious curves. Her softness against him fired every protective cell in his body.
“You know you don’t need to worry, right? I was happy to see an old friend, but I would never jeopardize what is between us. You’re the only one I have ever loved. Nobody has ever been able to replace you and nobody ever will. I love you Joey.”
Now didn’t that just inflate a man’s ego? Feeling twenty-feet tall was addictive.
“I’m not worried. I’m possessive and extremely jealous. Once I’m gone, you can and will find a good man. But here? Now? You’re mine. If you have a problem with that, we should talk.
“I don’t want anyone else, Joey. I don’t think I ever have and I know I won’t go looking for someone once you leave.” She held up a hand and spoke before he could. “I’m not going to sugar coat the fact I hate what Morales and your past life are taking from me. But here and now? No, I don’t have a problem as long as you promise not to kill anyone who isn’t trying to kill me.” Her small laugh was an apparent attempt to hide the sadness he could feel wrapping around her.
“You need to kiss me, little girl, and then we’ll go talk to your friend.”
“Oh, I can do that.” And damned if she didn’t lift up on her toes and nail him with one hell of a kiss. As he followed her into the office, he decided her tongue should be registered with Guardian as a potentially deadly asset. ‘Cause damn, what she could do with it was killing him.
Joseph stopped at the large chair before he pulled her back to him and down on his lap. Ember shifted slightly resting on her hip. Her shy smile his direction made his cock perk up and take notice.
The doctor cleared his throat again. Joseph logged the annoying habit and studied the man as he prepared to talk to the woman he held in his lap. “Ember the file says you have had a hell of a week. Care to fill me in?”
He felt her release a deep sigh and sink back into his chest. Her head landed on his shoulder and she shook her head. “No, I really don’t. What has happened in the past week is between Joey and me. I resent Gabriel’s insistence in keeping this appointment and I resent Joey’s coercing me into coming.”
“Huh. Same old Red. Okay let’s do this the hard way. How many people have you seen killed this week?” Jeremiah’s voice was calm as he asked.
Ember cocked her head and then looked up at Joey. “Ahh…none. I didn’t see anyone killed. I was in the vicinity.”
“Really? What makes you think the men who Joey killed this week were going to harm you?”
Joseph tensed and sent a dagger-edged glare across the room at the doctor. Where the fuck was he going with this line of questioning?
“Dale, a friend of mine died first. He died because he discovered information that jeopardized a lot of criminals, information he’d passed along to me. The next two were going to try to kidnap and kill me. Joey stopped them, but they shot him in the process. The last was a paid assassin. He almost killed Chief. So yeah, I believe if they went after the men protecting me, I have reason to think the last three would have killed me. If not then, eventually.”
“As a doctor the Hippocratic Oath is our creed, our foundation for everything we do. Fight for life at all costs. How are you dealing the death that surrounds you?”
Joseph felt her tense and watched as she focused on the arm of the chair. She didn’t speak for several minutes. He finally glanced at the doctor who was focused on Joseph’s hand that softly circled at the base of Ember’s spine. An unconscious gesture he hadn’t noticed until this second and one he sure as hell wasn’t inclined to stop.
Her strong, steady voice finally responded to the question. “If those men had been presented to me to try to save I would have done everything in my power to do so. I have no doubt about that. What has happened around me happens everywhere in the world. Most of the time I have one or two degrees of separation from the reasons behind the aggression. That separation allows me to play at being omnipotent and I admit I routinely passed judgment on the people who caused or inflicted the suffering I try to fix.”
She lifted her eyes to Joseph and spoke to him, not to the doctor. “Joey did only what he had to do to keep me safe. I trust him to do the right thing.” She turned back to the shrink. “I have absolutely no doubt what was done was needed. So to answer your question I’m dealing. Life happens. Death happens. We can’t stop it. We either accept it or we don’t.”
“That answer is a rationalization isn’t it? Why won’t you respond to the question?”
Joseph couldn’t help the growl that emanated deep within him. What was the bastard doing? Her hand tightened on his arm immediately quieting his anger.
“Remi, I’m dealing with it in the best way I know.
The man cleared his throat and crossed his legs. “By romanticizing it? Really that’s the best way you know?”
&nb
sp; “I’m not romanticizing anything.”
“Sure you are. You have your knight in shining armor coming in to sweep you off your feet. This week is just a romantic diversion for you isn’t it?”
“You have no idea what he’s been through! What he has already sacrificed for me. Fuck!”
“What? I’m right aren’t I? You aren’t looking at the issue. You’ve made it all candy cotton clouds and valentine hearts. How are you dealing with the deaths, Ember? Oh…wait…you’re not dealing with them!”
Joseph wanted to grab the fucker’s neck and squeeze until he never uttered a word again, but neither the doctor nor Ember appeared to recall Joseph was even in the room. Ember sat up, almost teetering off his lap, and spat at the man.
“You want the truth? Okay, here is the truth! I’m fucked up and I feel guilty! It’s my fault they’re dead! It’s my fault because I called Joey! It’s my fault I ran with the damn information. If I had given the information to his employers, I would be the only one dead. Chief and Joey wouldn’t be hurt. Joey wouldn’t be leaving me to go after that horrible man! None of this would have happened! It would only be me…only me. I’m a curse!”
Retching sobs tore through her as she crumbled onto the floor from his lap. Joseph slid out of his chair and pulled her into him rocking her gently as he stroked her hair. His eyes leveling an honest to God notice of pending death at the doctor. The man watched Ember with keen interest—never looking toward Joseph.
Joseph bent his mouth to her ear and whispered, “I live in a world you don’t want to know about. The deaths that haunt you are not your fault. Morales caused this. Not you, not me. I won’t let you shoulder his blame.” She clung to him as the sobs continued. The pain, confusion and loss she held bottled up inside her, seemed to spill out in torrents
When the flood of emotion crested and ebbed, the doctor spoke. “You need to grieve, Red. What has happened and what is going to happen is not your fault. You can’t take responsibility for drug dealers or assassins. You have feelings of guilt but the reality is none of these events was of your making. Joseph killed the men, but that guilt rests squarely on the person who sent them not on you and not your man. You’ve been placed in unusual circumstances and dealt with things most of us will never face. It’s alright to grieve, to be mad, to feel confused and at times…responsible. It’s alright to wonder what if. But the truth is none of the past week’s events were your doing. None. To get through this, you’re going to have to accept that. Oh and by the way…the man holding you…the one who would kill me in a heartbeat if I ever hurt you…he’s an extraordinary man. For whatever time the two of you have, be thankful.”
Joseph Page 15