For someone younger than me, Channing is a hell of a lot smarter than I am. I hold my breath when she reaches out, wrapping her hand around my arm and gives me a gentle squeeze.
“Trust me when I tell you that, I’ve been with a man who always thought he could do better than me. I’ve been a dirty little secret. I’ve been used and abused, and Beaumont would never do any of those things. If he’s with you, it’s because he likes you. Not for any other reason. These guys, they just aren’t built that way.” She shrugs.
Shaking my head, I set my uneaten cake down on the tabletop. “He did once. He spent a year with me only to turn his back and walk away.”
Channing shakes her head. “I didn’t know the Beaumont of ten years ago. I can only attest to the one that I know now.”
She doesn’t say anything else. Rylan and Beaumont suddenly appear and our conversation dies completely. Beaumont slides his hand around my hip and gently tugs me against his side. He doesn’t say anything to me, instead he watches Channing as she curls her baby against her chest.
I didn’t even see her turn to pick him up from his carrier. Rylan reaches for him and she rolls her eyes but smiles as he takes him from her grasp.
“You know I’m only allowed to actually hold him when he’s at work, right?”
“You love it,” Beaumont murmurs.
“I do,” she breathes.
I can see that she’s telling the truth too. Her eyes are focused on Rylan and Reese, and they fill with wetness at the sight of them together. Her words fill my mind, playing on repeat as I watch without really seeing anything.
If he’s with you, it’s because he likes you. Not for any other reason.
I want to believe her. I want to believe every single word that she’s said, but I don’t know if I can. I bite the corner of my lip, wishing everyone would leave and that they would take me with them.
I don’t want to deal with my own feelings, not at all and especially not with Beaumont. I don’t want him to know that I heard him, that I know anything he’s said. I just want everything to disappear.
BEAUMONT
One by one, my friends leave. They all give me handshakes and backslaps, demanding that I keep in touch with them. I know why they want to stay in contact, they’re afraid that I’m going to take a flying leap off of my sobriety wagon. Especially now that Chelle is back in town. I don’t blame them, not at all.
I meant it when I said that I didn’t care about Chelle being back. I don’t and I doubt she gives a shit about me. However, I haven’t laid eyes on her since before she left.
Once I found out she was safe and had been playing me, I stopped searching for her, I didn’t go and confront her. I probably should have, I would have had the closure that I needed, without a doubt.
Instead, I drank my feelings, I worked and focused on myself, my life, and let the memory of what she did to me stay in the forefront of my fucking mind for a goddamn decade, wasting space.
“Ready for bed, darlin’ girl?” I ask as soon as Louis waves goodbye and closes the door behind him.
Hutton’s back stiffens. She’s facing the dining room table where there are still a few plates littering the table. The maid is coming tomorrow to clean my entire place, again, and lock it up. I don’t give a fuck about a few dirty paper plates, not when this is my last night here.
“I’m just going to clean up,” she murmurs.
I chuckle, walking toward her as quickly as I can without running. Wrapping my arm around her waist, I tug her back against my chest. She gasps as my mouth touches the side of her neck. Using my tongue, I lick the entire side of her throat, enjoying the moan that escapes when I do.
“Leave it,” I growl, nipping her skin.
“Bugs. Smells. Dirty,” she breathes.
Chuckling, I nip her neck again before I spin her around. Sliding one of my hands up her spine, I twist it in her soft as fuck hair as I look into her green eyes.
“I’ll bug bomb the whole house if I need to. Don’t give a fuck, darlin’. What I do give a fuck about is you.”
“Me?” she asks, her brows furrowing as she looks so cute and confused by my words.
“What happened? Don’t lie to me anymore, I want to know what dulled the shine in your eyes, Hutton.”
“Beaumont,” she says, shaking her head. “Let’s just enjoy tonight.”
I snort. “We will, thoroughly. But I want to know.”
Hutton turns her head to the side, her gaze shifting to the floor before she eventually brings it back over to meet mine. “You regret starting anything with me right now. You wish you would have waited until your tour was done. I can only guess why,” she mutters.
My lips twitch, but I don’t smile. “You shouldn’t listen to just half of a conversation, you may get the wrong impression,” I grind out.
“You said those words, Beaumont. I didn’t make them up,” she snaps.
Laughing humorlessly, I tug her even closer to me as I nod. Dipping my chin, I run my nose alongside hers. “I did say them and I meant them, but not for the reasons you’re thinking.”
“Then why?” she exhales.
“Because it’s too hard leaving you, Hutton. We are rocky at best. I don’t want to go because of shit like this. We aren’t stable and you’ve admitted that you don’t trust me yet, why would I want to leave for four months?” I ask.
She blinks, her lips parting in what can only be described as awe. “Beaumont,” she whispers.
Leaning forward, I touch my mouth to hers, slipping my tongue inside of her, I kiss her with everything that I have. I need her to know that this is real.
We are real.
As much as I am questioning everything, I am not questioning her or my decision to keep her as my own. I just wish that the timing was different, but Rylan was right. We can’t decide the timing when it comes to finding the person we were meant to be with.
Hutton is that too. She was meant to be mine and I’m never letting her go, never pushing her away, and never allowing her to walk away from me. Whatever I have to do to earn her trust, to make her believe, I’ll do it.
Every fucking thing she needs from me. She’s got it.
Chapter Twenty-One
HUTTON
I feel his fingertips skim my spine. Slowly, my eyelids flutter open and I’m extremely disappointed to see that he’s dressed and sitting next to me. Unlike the other day, I don’t think that he’ll undress again, not when I see a small bag on the floor next to him.
“I have to leave, but I wanted to tell you goodbye first,” he murmurs.
Biting my bottom lip, I have a fleeting thought that this might be the last time that I set my eyes on him. I don’t know when I became this needy, insecure woman, but here I am. I want to ask him when he’s going to call me, when I’ll hear from him again, but I don’t, instead I just bite my bottom lip a little harder.
His fingers leave my back, traveling up my arm, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. “The first show you marked isn’t for another month,” he rasps.
“I know.”
“Fuck,” he hisses. “How am I going to survive an entire month without the sight of you naked and in my bed?” he asks.
My lips twitch into a small smile. “I don’t know,” I exhale.
He hums, leaning down slightly as his lips touch mine in just a hint of a kiss. It leaves me wanting, no craving, more of him. Though don’t I always? It surely seems that way lately.
“You’ll have your phone with you so that we can FaceTime?” he asks.
Pushing up to sitting, I tug the sheet up to cover my breasts. His eyes dip down, his tongue peeks out and he wets his lips before he lifts his gaze to meet mine.
“I will. I’m going to my PawPaw’s this weekend, but I’ll have it with me, always.”
I try not to sound as desperate as I feel, but I’m not sure that it’s working. I’m sure that he can see right through me, down to the core of my desperation.
His eyes roam over
my face and he grins, it’s cocky but so damn sexy all at the same time. His hair hangs down over his forehead, already needing another trim.
“I’ll call you when I can. I’m going to be working on some new music while I’m on the bus, but when I take a break, you’re my first call.”
“Beaumont?” I call as he starts to shift.
I scoot closer to him, my hip touching his, feeling the rough fabric of his jeans through the sheet. He hums, lifting his hand and cupping my jaw. His fingers grip me lightly. He’s so close that I can smell the peppermint of his toothpaste and the woodsy scent of his natural deodorant.
“Yeah,” he breathes.
“I’m going to miss you,” I admit.
I want to tell him that I love him, but I know that it’s too early, that it would make all of this extra awkward. So, instead, I settle for telling him that I’ll miss him, and I will.
I’ll miss him stopping by my shop to deliver coffee, his presence after work and the way that he makes me feel. I’m going to miss everything and I hope against all hopes that this isn’t the end of us. I don’t want any of this to end before it’s really begun.
Beaumont dips his chin, his lips brushing mine again, hovering for a brief moment before he lifts his head and slowly stands, his hand falling from my jawline. My heart aches when he bends his knees slightly and reaches for the small bag on the floor.
“Be good, Hutton,” he murmurs.
“I always am.” My words cause his lips to turn up into a genuine smile. “You too, Beaumont. Be good.”
His smile fades and something ugly, a shadow, crosses over his eyes. “I will, Hutton.”
Without another word, he turns and I watch him walk away from me. Every single thing inside of me begs and pleads for him to stay. I just know that something is going to happen, something that is going to possibly break me, him, or completely obliterate us both.
As soon as I hear the front door close from across the house, I can’t help it. My eyes fill with tears and the stupid things fall down my cheeks. I cry. I don’t cry just because he’s gone and I’m going to miss him, I cry with the certainty that this will be the end of us.
I don’t know why I’ve suddenly become the poster woman for gloom and doom for insecurities, but here I am, killing it.
My phone dances across the nightstand, so I quickly wipe my face as I slide my thumb across the screen, my vision too blurry to even see the name flashing across it.
“Darlin’ girl,” Beaumont’s voice murmurs.
“Beaumont,” I breathe.
He chuckles, but it’s strained. “Missin’ you more than words can say. Sure you don’t want to close your shop for sixteen weeks, live on a tour bus and travel the country?” he asks, his voice hopeful but I know that he’s only halfway serious.
“I wish,” I sigh.
“If you said yes, I’d make the driver slam on the brakes and turn around, and then I’d carry you on board.”
My heart aches, it beats faster, but at the same time completely aches from his words. I believe him, but I also think that we need this. I need to trust him, I need to work on myself while he’s gone, and he needs to focus on his music and his sobriety.
“Maybe next time.”
“No maybes about it, darlin’. Next tour, you’re at my side,” he announces.
I hum but don’t commit to anything. I’m still not sold that this is going to work. No matter how badly I want it to, I’m going to have to see it to believe it.
“Trust me, Hutton,” he says softly.
“I’m trying,” I admit.
“That’s all that I can ask for.”
I bite the inside of my cheek, trying not to ask him a million questions. “You know, you can call me anytime you want while I’m gone. If I can’t talk, I’ll call you back as soon as I’m able,” he offers.
“Okay,” I say, feeling nervous about everything that is to come.
I probably won’t call him, not unless I need to. I don’t want to bother him and honestly, I want to talk to him when he’s able.
“Be safe. You can stay at my place any time you want. The key is yours to keep. I wrote down the alarm and gate code and set it on the kitchen counter for you. Use my truck, too, if you need it. Louis lives just up the road, if you ever need anything, I put his number on the paper with the codes too,” he rambles, then he adds, “Don’t call Ford.”
I almost laugh, because this is his insecurities coming out and I’m kind of relieved that I’m not alone. “I won’t call Ford, I probably won’t need to call Louis either, but thank you.”
“Seriously, if you need to use my truck, stay at my place, it’s all yours to use as you wish, darlin’ girl.”
“Why?” I blurt.
There’s a moment of silence, then I hear him clear his throat. “Because you’re mine. You’ve always been my girl, but now you’re my woman and all of this is real, Hutton. I want you to feel comfortable using my things, being in my space because you’re going to be there a fuck’ve a lot when I get back.”
I don’t even attempt to hide my smile, there’s no point to it, he can’t see me anyway. But what he described, being in his life that way, oh my God it makes my entire body shiver with delight.
“Okay,” I whisper, unable to say anything else, my voice is stolen.
“I’m sure you have to get ready for work, but I just wanted to let you know that I miss you and I’ll call you when I can. Talk to you soon?”
“Yeah,” I sigh.
We end the call and my almost depressed mood lifts. The hope for the future outweighs my fears in this moment. That will change, I’m sure. My insecurities will creep back up, but if we can always talk, always reassure one another, I think that we will be okay.
Sixteen weeks isn’t a lifetime, people have spent more time apart and really, it’s only four weeks because I’m going to go to his show and see him on that stage again. Then I’m going to spend the weekend in his bed with his scent surrounding me.
I can’t wait.
BEAUMONT
“You look not only pussy whipped, but lovesick all at the same time. What the fuck happened while you were visiting this Podunk town?” Austin, my drummer, asks.
“Reconnected with someone from a long time ago.” I shrug.
He looks over to the bassist, Jesse, who snorts. “Now you’re back on the road and the pussy will be flowing free and easy.” Austin chuckles.
“Leave him alone,” Brian says.
He’s my backup electric guitar player and the quietest one of my band. He’s been with his wife since they were thirteen years old, if anyone understands relationships and holding onto one woman, it’s him.
“I’m going to see where it goes with her. I like her, always have.” I shrug again.
“Dude, what about Andi?” Jesse asks as he texts someone on his phone.
The man is never far from his phone and I don’t know who he texts all hours of the day and night, but he’s always sending messages and typing on it. He lifts his head when I don’t answer immediately, his eyes finding mine and his brow arching.
“I haven’t told her anything. I left her in LA without a promise of anything. Told her not to visit me on this tour at all,” I state.
Austin snorts. “Last year she showed up in nothing but a trench coat and stripped in the middle of the living room with an entire bus full of party people.”
I grimace remembering that, then I shake my head. “That was then. She knows better now,” I say.
Though, I don’t even believe my own words. I’m full of shit. Andi is exactly what every famous entitled self-absorbed Hollywood starlet is. She wants what she wants, the way she wants it, consequences and objections be damned.
“I’m going to crash. I didn’t get much sleep. I have some new shit to hash out with y’all later,” I announce as I rise to my feet.
Brian turns back to his phone, lifting his hand and giving me a two-fingered salute. Jesse only grunts, but Austin watches
me. I don’t know what he’s thinking, I can’t ever guess with him. He lifts his chin, then lets his head fall back against the couch and closes his eyes.
Walking to the back of the bus, I step up into the only real bedroom we have. My room. Closing the door behind me, I lie down on the bed, my feet hanging over the edge and I close my eyes.
Inhaling a deep breath, I try not to let thoughts of Andi and Chelle enter my mind. I remind myself that they’re done with me, they’ve moved on, especially Chelle. And I have moved on as well. I am not that man that I was with Andi and I’m not the boy that I was with Chelle.
I’m in a good place with myself, my band and now Hutton. I don’t want anything or anyone to screw it up, not even myself. I like her. Hell, I probably love her, and I want to trust this relationship.
This is the first time I’m being completely honest not only with another person but with myself as well. Hutton is special, she’s worth everything and anything in this world. I’m going to make sure that she’s happy too.
Digging my phone out of my pocket, I call up the coffee place that I know she loves. Without a second thought, I bribe them to deliver her and Laurie’s favorite drinks. I imagine the smile on her face when they arrive. Rattling off my credit card number, I grin as I end the call.
I’m going to keep my woman happy, at all costs. Never will she feel the way that I made her feel all those years ago. I will not allow her to ever feel used again. She’s special and should always be treated as such.
I’m going to spend my time making sure she knows just how much I adore her, just how appreciative I am of her, and hopefully that will aide in earning her trust. When I come back from this tour, she’s going to be moving into my house and wearing my ring.
My decision has been made.
I’m not wasting another fucking minute of my life.
Chapter Twenty-Two
HUTTON
FRAUD: An Unfit Hero Novel Page 16