The paper catches. Both of us watch, entranced in our own ways, as the licking flames spread across the bottom. Black ash falls to the floor.
Jeremy snuffs the match. And still I stare, astounded, at the burning piece of paper held in my hand.
It’s a measure of my disbelief that only when the flame reaches my fingers, and a sharp pain shoots up my arm, do I let go. The remaining strip flutters to the floor and curls into itself as the fire consumes the words that bound me to this man.
He rises, slowly, and steps over the remains. I stare at him, craning my neck up, up, up, as always.
“Now what?” I whisper.
“Now,” he says, running an unhurried hand through my hair. “We make love.”
Chapter Thirteen
Waking up the next morning is like nothing I can imagine.
Jeremy, last night, was tender. He was caring. He was unrushed and unhurried and just… perfect.
It was not a heated, all-consuming session. We’ve had that before. In the bedroom, I’ve experienced domination. I’ve experienced being taken by force, against my will. I’ve experienced deep passion and the rush of unbridled desire.
What I’ve never experienced before… what I’ve never had with him… was true lovemaking.
And yet, that was exactly what last night was. When he slid into me, both of us aroused from the foreplay… the way he stared into my eyes… the way he held my body to his… it was something special.
Special because of what that moment meant. I was no longer bound by any darn document, enforceable or not, to make myself available to him. I was not forced into doing anything against my will.
There was no collar. There was no contract. All there was, and all there ever will be in the future, was a man and a woman making love. A man and a woman, both of them free, both of them equals, both of them accepting and giving all at once.
Of course I find the bed empty again this morning. Jeremy’s already at work.
I feel bliss that comes from not having anything in the background, stuck in the back of my mind, detracting from where I am. I must have had the first good sleep since before the summer.
I discover a note waiting for me when I go to put my slippers on. It’s signed at the bottom not with Jeremy’s initials, but with his full name. I’ve never seen that before.
The note reads:
You are my sun and my stars.
You are my sin and my repentance.
You are mine, Lilly. I will never let you go.
But you, my dear, are free to leave me.
If you do, I will drop everything and follow you to the ends of the world.
I will make you say those three tiny words to me.
But you will do it as a free woman.
Tomorrow, I will introduce you formally to Simon, my driver. He will be at your beck and call at any moment. You may go wherever you wish with him. I trust you.
Tonight, if I return in time, we will call Fey. You will arrange to meet with her in Oregon before she and Robin leave for school. You will take my private jet. I will not accompany you, nor will I listen to your conversations with her. You may tell her, or anybody else, whatever you wish.
I trust, however, that you will use your best judgment in the things you reveal. You are now in a position to hurt me, Lilly. It is my sincere hope that you don’t.
Jeremy Stonehart.
“Wow,” I breathe. I barely know what to make of things. This letter does not come from the same man who abducted me. It’s almost like it’s from someone else. Either he was acting before, acting the entire time, or else he was deliberately hiding the side of himself he’s showing to me now.
My money is on the latter. Knowing what I do about Jeremy, thanks in no small part to the things Charles revealed about his past, lets my understanding of the man grow.
I can picture him as a youth, and imagine all the struggles his upbringing caused him. I can envision that type of environment giving rise to the personality traits dominant in Jeremy.
I can also imagine, and I can see, how for his entire life, Jeremy had to act like… well, like Stonehart. Weakness was something he could not tolerate. It was something his father did not tolerate. Jeremy could not allow himself to be anything but a success. The persona he shows to the world, the side of himself that he reveals to the public… it is always strong, infallible, in control.
That is the man I first met. He seemed inhuman. A machine, devoid of warmth or feelings or emotions. That was the man who kidnapped me.
Somewhere along the way, the defenses fell. The walls broke down. Maybe it began on our trip. Maybe it began—I swallow—when he first realized he had feelings for me. Back when he fought against those emotions. The outcome of that struggle resulted in my being shocked by the collar.
But I don’t hate him for it. Not for that specific episode. There are other things I hate him for. But now that I understand him more, what he did to me… it makes sense.
Christ! Am I really telling myself that the abuse I was put through makes sense? It can’t. It shouldn’t. It was sadistic and cruel and demeaning and…
Evil.
Evil. That is really the best way to describe Jeremy when he was Stonehart. But even evil comes from a source, from some initial seed that sprouted and took hold of a person’s soul.
Jeremy was not always evil. Children are not born evil. He became that way because of his upbringing. His formative years were defined by consistent feelings of inadequacy and neglect. I know enough psychology to know how much that affects a person’s psyche.
So, Jeremy became the man he thought he should be. He became cruel and vindictive. His entire being was centered around Stonehart Industries. Stonehart Industries was created as a method of revenge, as a way to get back at, and prove himself to, his father.
I wonder what Jeremy’s father would be like if he were alive today. Maybe he still is—I don’t know. I also wonder what Jeremy’s two brothers are up to. What they’re doing, how they’re living, whether they are in poverty or not. In the story Jeremy told me, he sounded absolutely determined to bring all of them down. And he did.
But what happened to them next?
The point is not to get lost thinking about Jeremy’s family. The point is to say that I do understand—really, I do—the root of most of his inhuman behavior.
The sad thing is: Jeremy lived most of his life like that. He spent over twenty years carving out this persona for himself. One that allowed no weaknesses. One that had to be bullet-proof and completely infallible.
Yet the man who wrote this note is not the same man as the one I first met. It’s astounding. I’m starting to feel like I’ve managed to strip away the layers of defense around Jeremy.
Simply by being myself.
That is the staggering part. I thought that I would have to act like someone I’m not, that I would have to be just as calculating and determined as he is, to get to this point. To arrive at a position where I can hurt him.
But he said it himself in the letter: I am already there. And now that I have the power to do so, I find myself… unwilling.
“Time,” I mutter. “I need more time.” Too much has happened in too short of a time span. The collar’s come off, the contract’s been burned. Tomorrow, I’m actually going to fly out and meet Fey—on my own—and we’re just a few weeks removed from my nightmare in the dark. There’s also the standing issue of Paul, locked in that awful mental institution…
The best course of action for me, right now, is to simply wait. Wait, and let everything soak in. Jeremy’s behavior has been different. But, I’ll have to see how long it lasts. Besides, it’s not like I have anywhere to go. It’s funny. Now that all restrictions have been removed, I find myself uninterested in being anywhere but…
Here.
Chapter Fourteen
Twenty-four hours later, I am on a private jet, on my own, dressed in a fine fur coat, touching down in a small airfield in Oregon.
J
eremy was true to his word. When he came home, he let me call Fey and tell her the news. She was thrilled when she heard, and immediately invited me to stay with her and Robin at his parents’ place.
The spring semester begins next week, so the timing isn’t exactly ideal. Fey and Robin have a flight scheduled for New Haven early tomorrow morning. I thought my visit might be too close to their departure, and throw a wrench into the usual last-minute packing stuff, but Fey was emphatic that it would not. She wanted to see me again, she said, and Robin was excited, too.
I get off the plane and into the waiting limo. I don’t know anything about Robin’s parents. It strikes me that arriving like this—dressed in something so preposterously luxurious and in a chauffeured limousine—might not give the exact first impression that I want. But there’s nothing I can do about it now. Jeremy has instilled the importance of appearances in me. Clothes and luxury come with the territory.
The driver already has the address. He informs me it’ll be an hour’s drive. My phone is still crippled by restrictions. Otherwise, I would have checked out the location on Google maps. As it stands, I have absolutely no idea where we’re going.
My heart begins to sink when, nearly sixty minutes later, we’re driving through a quaint, quiet mountainside community. It feels like a village more than a real district. Everything from the surrounding evergreens to the cedar-log cabins on the sides of the gravel road instantly makes me feel awkward and out of place.
We stop in front of something that looks like a mix between a cabin and a grounded treehouse.
“Here goes nothing,” I mutter.
I step out. As soon as I do, three giant huskies come bounding from the back, barking and howling like they’ve caught sight of prey on a hunt. I tense.
“Don’t worry, they’re harmless!” A male voice yells from the garage. A second later, a tall, scraggly man appears. He’s wearing old work jeans and an L.L. Bean sweater. He has that modest, hardworking, outdoorsman look about him.
He puts two fingers to his mouth and whistles. The dogs stop in their tracks, not ten feet from me. Any closer and I think I would have had a heart attack.
The man jogs up to them and pats them between their ears. He straightens, and turns his attention to me.
“Well, well,” he smiles. “You must be the famous Lilly Ryder we’ve heard so much about.” He puts his hands in his pockets and emits a long, impressed whistle as he looks at the vehicle behind me. “That’s quite a procession you’ve got there. Fancier than we’re used to around these parts.”
Cue my worst fears about arriving this way. Already, he’s judging me for it.
Not the first impression I want to give.
The driver deposits my bags beside me.
“Oh,” the tall man says. “Here, let me get those. How rude of me.” He extends one hand toward me. “I’m Jace, by the way. And those three ruffians behind me are Brock, Ash, and Molly.”
I take his hand—and am caught totally off guard when he pulls me toward him and gives me a huge hug. He laughs as he lets go. “I was kidding about the car, by the way. We don’t judge folks by their appearance here.”
“Lilly! Oh my God! You’re actually here!” I look behind Jace and see Fey running across the yard towards me. She’s wearing the same flannel style shirt as Jace, along with a pair of loose-fitting jeans. I’ve never seen her in anything so casual.
She runs up to me and we collide in a massive embrace. I laugh. “Yeah. Here I am.”
“I’ll leave you two ladies alone to catch up,” Jace winks. He picks up my bags. “I’ll bring these to your room. Come on Brock, Ash, Molly. We’ve gotta give these gals some privacy.” He turns away, and the three dogs trot behind him to the house.
“Robin’s dad?” I ask.
“His uncle,” Fey corrects. “He lives a few houses down but spends most of his time here. They’re all a big, happy family.”
“Sounds nice,” I say, somewhat wistfully. I’ve never had anything like that. And being here, surrounded by nature, brings back memories of that summer at Paul’s cabin in the woods.
“Mr. Stonehart asked me to remain on call should you need me,” the driver informs says. “I’ll be staying at the motel. If you need to go anywhere, just give me a ring.”
“Thanks,” I say. “But, I don’t have your number.”
“Here.” He gives me a card. “It’s on there. If I don’t hear from you, I’ll be back tomorrow at noon to take you to the airport for your return flight.”
“You’re leaving at noon?” Fey sounds surprised. “Our flight to Yale’s around the same time. Why don’t we just go together? Robin’s parents will drive us. It’ll give us more time to chat, and—”
“I’m afraid I must insist,” the driver interrupts. Fey stops short. I frown. “Mr. Stonehart was very explicit with his instructions for me. I am to deliver Miss Ryder to the airport precisely on time.”
“Deliver?” Fey repeats incredulously. She turns on him. “She’s a human being, not some type of FedEx package! If she wants to go with us, she will. It doesn’t matter what ‘instructions’ Mr. Stonehart gave you.”
I put a hand on her arm to calm her. “Fey, it’s okay,” I say softly. I look to the driver. “I’ll be ready then.” I hand him his card back. “But I won’t need you before. Go and do whatever you want. Just don’t linger around here.”
He shrugs and gets back in the limo. “As you say.”
When the car drives off, Fey turns to me in disbelief. “Deliver?” she asks.
“Don’t worry about it,” I say. It seems that some of Jeremy’s controlling tendencies still remain. “Where’s Robin? I’ve been dying to see him.”
Fey chews the inside of her lip. “He’s inside.” She hesitates. “Working on a last-minute project for The Economist. You know, they already treat him as if he’s a full-time employee. He’s still got a semester of classes left!”
“Does he enjoy it, though?” I ask.
“Oh yeah.” She rolls her eyes. “He loves it. You know, I haven’t had more than a single hour with him since he got back from South Africa. He’s been locked up in his room, working the whole time. We’re supposed to be on our last few days of winter break here.”
“Sounds brutal,” I say.
“Kind of how the driver treated you?” She perks an eyebrow at me. “What was all that about? The nerve! Deliver. Humph.”
“Really, Fey! It’s no big deal,” I say, trying to assuage her and shift the conversation elsewhere. “Just a poor choice of words. That’s all.”
“It sounded like more than that. It sounded like he wasn’t giving you much of an option.”
“Fey, really!” I snap. “Lay off, will you? I said it’s no big deal, so treat it as such!”
She takes a step back. “Lilly, are you… okay?”
“Yes, I’m okay,” I say thinly. “I don’t need you to worry about me. Everything’s fine. All right? Don’t interfere.”
“I wasn’t… interfering,” Fey says. Her face falls.
All of a sudden, guilt tears at me. I shouldn’t be getting agitated with her. She did nothing wrong.
I exhale. “Look, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gotten mad. I’ve just had a long week. I’m back at work already, too. You know?” I lie. I hate how easily the words come to my lips.
“Yeah. I get it,” Fey mumbles. “My mom told me you seemed different when we met. I didn’t see it. I do now.”
“I’m not different!” I say, my defenses going up. “Why would you say I’m different?”
“I guess being tied up with a man like Jeremy Stonehart changed you,” she says. “I mean, look at what you’re wearing. I’ve never seen you in furs.”
I shift, uncomfortably. “They’re just clothes,” I shrug.
“Yes, but you’re also more… I don’t know… more forceful. I don’t think I’ve ever heard you angry before.”
“Come on. I’m not angry. Just a little tired from the flight. You know
how it is.”
“Yeah,” Fey sighs. “I guess I do.” She looks at the ground between us. “Everything’s changed now. Hasn’t it? Things will never be the way they were in college.”
“You’re not getting nostalgic on me, are you?” I try to make the words teasing and light-hearted.
Instead, they come out hollow.
“Just a little,” she says. She looks at the house. “Well , let’s go. I’ll introduce you to the rest of my soon-to-be family. With some luck,” she adds, “we might even get to see Robin.”
Chapter Fifteen
My reunion with Fey does not go the way I had envisioned.
I thought that the minute we saw each other, things would be the same as they were in school. That it would be like we never lost touch, and simply resumed things from where they stood before.
Nothing could be farther from the truth. While we obviously keep things congenial, I feel a… distance… growing between us. It started the moment I snapped at her outside.
I smile and am polite when introduced to Robin’s mom and dad. It’s easy to make conversation with them. They have no expectations of me.
But when I find myself alone with Fey a few minutes later, in the room where Jace brought my bags, the atmosphere becomes tense.
She looks at her phone as it buzzes with a text. “That’s Robin,” she explains. “He says he’ll be back in an hour.”
“I thought you said he was in his room.”
“No,” she says. “He snuck out to the library to finish the assignment. He says it’s quieter there. Fewer distractions, you know?”
“Yeah. I guess I do.”
She shifts on the bed across from me. I can feel that distance growing. Fey must sense it, too, because she’s careful not to meet my eyes.
“So…” she begins, looking everywhere but at me. “How are… things?”
“Things are good,” I reply automatically. Our gazes cross for a second, and then we both quickly look away.
An awkward silence looms.
Uncovering You: The Complete Series (Mega Box Set) Page 56