But Jeremy would never let me do that. He would never simply let me go. Not anymore. Not after the near miss last night.
The guesthouse? It’s not for me. It would be neither here nor there. I would gain nothing making it my permanent place. And I could stand to lose everything.
I walk all the way to the back of the mansion, following the path that offers a magnificent view of the ocean and the cliffs. I end up at the door to the sunroom.
I put my face against the glass and peer inside. There’s the pillar, tall and triumphant in the center of the space. The black and white abstract paintings hang on the walls—even the one I once hurled at the glass panes in a desperate attempt to break free.
Now, I’m on the outside. I put my hand on the handle and push it down. And now, I am willingly walking in.
The air is cooler inside. Fresh and crisp courtesy of the AC.
The door closes behind me. I walk to the pillar and trace my fingers over the smooth marble.
“Hello, old friend,” I say softly. “A lot has changed since I saw you last.”
I make a wide circle around my former perimeter. I still remember the thin string that I found wrapped around my ankle. The tray of food that Stonehart used to try to break my will. I remember the horrible hunger that defined my existence. I remember vomiting on the floor. I remember my soiled clothes, and how skinny and wretched I felt when Rose first showed up to wash me.
I force myself to think of all that. To focus on the misery that Stonehart made me feel in his twisted quest for revenge. I do it to strengthen myself, and my resolve, for when I face him today.
I enter the closet. It’s empty. I get an uncanny reminder of the guesthouse when I look at the vacant racks. I shiver, disliking the vibe, and turn away.
I visit the bathroom. There’s the tub where Rose once washed my hair. I look up at the ceiling. And there are the tiles hiding the cameras embedded above the tub.
I look at the mirror. It’s so strange to see my arm in a sling. I don’t know how long it will take for the bone to heal. Speaking of, who was it that put my arm in a cast? Jeremy? Rose? Somebody else—a nurse or doctor who had been called in? What did they make of me when they saw me out cold and with the marks on my face? The signs of abuse were obvious…
And yet, just like there are crooked politicians, and crooked businessmen, there are crooked doctors and nurses and medical staff. Jeremy told me how easy it is to pay someone off. If a doctor saw me, I have no doubt he was persuaded into silence by Jeremy’s coin.
Whatever. That is the least of my concerns. There are much more pertinent questions on my mind: Charles’ behavior, Rose’s role in things, Hugh’s involvement.
I walk down the long brick hallway that led me to my first taste of freedom. I brush my fingers over the rough red walls. Whatever I expected when I got to leave the sunroom for the first time—wherever I thought I would be this far into the future—is definitely not here. Nobody could have predicted the way things have turned out. Hell, I was supposed to be Stonehart’s “personal assistant” for another four-and-a-half years.
And now? Now I’m walking to find the man who nearly turned me into a murderer last night.
I stop before reaching the final door. What day is it? Sunday? Or Monday?
If it’s the latter, Jeremy would be at work. Or rather, he’s supposed to be at work. Who knows if he would arrive at the Stonehart Industries building the morning after he’s gotten himself absolutely wasted?
I hope, for my own sake, that he’s home. I need to talk to him. Desperately. It has to be done face-to-face. A phone call would not do.
Speaking of, where is my cell phone? I don’t remember when I used it last. Or where I might have left it.
I’m stalling. I want to find Jeremy, but the prospect of facing him after all that’s transpired is…intimidating. The confrontation will be uncomfortable—to say the least. How do you face someone who forced you to press a gun to his head?
Is Jeremy stable? The behavior he displayed last night is clear evidence to the contrary. And I already know of his propensity to shift demeanors on a dime. Before, I thought he did it consciously. In a way, he became the man he needed to be to suit his mood.
Was alcohol the catalyst that made him so unlike himself last night? He was neither Jeremy nor Stonehart—not based on my previous understanding of the two. He was just…someone else. Someone else entirely.
It could have been the liquor. He looked like he’d barely slept. Like he’d been through the wringer and only just managed to survive.
Alcohol was a contributing factor. But it does not tell the full story. Something kept him awake. Something made him reach for the bottle.
I get a flashback to the night he’d removed the collar in the Caribbean. He was in a similar state then. Distressed. He’d admitted it was because of his concern for me.
Could that same concern have propelled him into looking like he did when I awoke last night?
But damn him, where was that concern when he backhanded me at dinner? Where was that concern when he broke my arm?
I can’t let it affect me. I won’t. I will not be influenced by his remorse. No matter how much of it he might harbor, it will never justify what he did.
So, stability? I’m not sure of that anymore. Stonehart was unpredictable. But he was always—always!—in control.
A Jeremy who does not have control frightens me more than anything.
I take a deep breath, dragged my feet long enough, and open the final door.
The lobby is as spotless and sterile as ever.
“Hello?” I call out. My footsteps echo against the marble floor. “Jeremy, are you here?”
I wait for an answer, even though I expect none. If he is here, he’d probably be in his office. That one room seems to be the point where we always find each other at times of duress.
I go to the dining room first, though. I want to see if there is any evidence of that ill-fated dinner.
Nope. The room is perfect. In fact, the bright morning sunshine seems to make a mockery of everything that happened the last time I was here.
I walk through the kitchen, pausing before the pantry-that-is-not-a-pantry. The one with all the monitors inside.
I hesitate. Do I want to go inside? I’d turned the cameras off a long time ago. But maybe there is a certain safety afforded in having them back on. Could they have been enough of a deterrent to prevent Jeremy from transforming into a merciless monster at dinner? Could the threat of footage leaking have kept me safe?
Maybe. Ironic as it is, I would feel better confronting Jeremy Stonehart today knowing that our interaction was being recorded. I don’t want the world to see what he did to me when I was his prisoner. But now that I’m free, and our roles have shifted, I think I can stand to send footage of that out…should the need arise.
So I walk into the pantry and punch in my access code. I feel a bit of anxiety in the second it takes for the system to accept my password—has Stonehart taken back control?—but when it goes through I see, for the first time, that Jeremy was actually truthful.
The cameras are all off, as I had left them. A few quick clicks of the mouse and they are back on. Images of the house fill the screen. I scan them one by one. Each room is empty. Every hallway, every bathroom has been abandoned.
I look at the camera in Jeremy’s office. To my surprise, he’s not there. Am I alone in this house? Do I have to wait until nightfall, again, to be able to talk to him?
Then a brief flash of movement catches my eye. I look at the screen and see, in the corner, what I think is the edge of one loafer. It’s hard to tell with the camera’s resolution. And then—there! I see it move again, low on the screen.
It’s the camera in a basement room. I try to pull up other cameras in that space. There are none that give the appropriate angle. I didn’t just imagine the foot. Jeremy is there. He built this house. He probably designed the camera system himself. So, it would only make sens
e that he knows the blind spots.
The interesting thing is that he would have had the presence of mind to anticipate my use of the cameras again. Or maybe he’s just there as a precaution. Jeremy is always one for contingency planning.
I pause just before turning away. Should I leave the cameras on, or turn them off? Do I want the house to be blind, or do I need the extra layer of safety?
I don’t want a repeat of last night. That scares me much more than Jeremy assaulting me in the heat of the moment. A broken arm can heal. A bullet through the chest is forever.
It takes an unexpected amount of willpower to hit the ‘record’ button. But hit it I do, and then I log off. Whatever happens between me and Jeremy next will not have the benefit of remaining hidden.
I steel myself for the upcoming encounter and leave the room.
I descend to the basement and pass the pool. A quick glance at the bar tells me that Jeremy has kept drinking. Fuck, but I hope I don’t find him intoxicated again. The last thing I want is for him to be as far gone as he was last night.
I make sure to strike my feet particularly hard against the floor so he knows I’m coming.
I enter the distant room and find him nursing a drink. He’s reclined on an armchair with one hand thrown over his eyes.
“Lilly,” he says. “I was wondering how long it would take you to find me.”
He’s wearing exactly the same clothes as last night. Why hasn’t he changed? He usually takes such care in his appearance. Now, it looks like he doesn’t give a damn.
The erosion of Jeremy Stonehart discomforts me more than I can say.
“Did you sleep?” I ask him.
He barks a laugh. “Hah!” Then he pushes himself up and blinks. His eyes take a long time to find me.
Fear freezes my insides. One look at his face is enough to tell me that all he’s been doing since leaving me has been drowning himself in drink.
There are deep, dark welts under his eyes. I can’t even see the whites around his irises anymore. His pupils float in a sea of red.
His stubble is almost thick enough to be called a beard. There are lines on his forehead that have never been visible before. And even though his voice is steady, he himself wobbles as he rises.
“You look good, Lilly,” he says. “Much better than I do. Congratulations. You should be proud.”
Oh yeah, he’s definitely drunk.
“Did you even stop drinking?” I ask. I bite my lip, then take a chance and walk over to him. He sits upright and watches my approach. I kneel down, supporting myself on the arm of his chair. “Jeremy…what are you doing to yourself?”
He looks at me like a man lost. Like he’s all alone in the world and does not know which way to turn.
His eyes search my face, and then fall to my broken arm. “I’m sorry,” he says hoarsely.
“I don’t want your apology,” I mutter. “Nor do I want your remorse. I want an explanation, Jeremy. The one that you’ve avoided giving me for so long.”
He takes a deep breath. “I fucked things up, didn’t I?” he asks. Tendrils of despair fill his voice. “I ruined everything we’ve built.” He reaches up to touch my cheek. I turn my head away and don’t let him.
He lets his hand fall in defeat.
“I’m sorry, Lilly,” he says again. “I don’t deserve you. You should leave me. Now. You should leave me now, and I promise I will let you go. It will be the final demonstration of my love. Because… because, fuck, look at you!” He touches the finger of my broken arm, the marks on my face. “I did this. I did it to the woman I love. Emotions…were riding high that night. You did not listen to me. I acted on impulse. The whole dinner—that entire catastrophe—was a grave miscalculation on my part. I thought I could handle it. Confronting the demons of my past in Hugh and Rose. Melding it with what I have in the present in my house and prosperity. Shielding myself from it with what I have in the future, with you.”
He coughs suddenly, choking on a bit of saliva. I’ve never seen Jeremy like this.
“You need to change,” I tell him softly. “To shower. To sleep. You’re not making any sense right now. I’ll take care of you until you’re sober and rested. But then? Then, Jeremy, we will have a solemn talk.”
He laughs in my face. “You’ll take care of me? After everything that I’ve done to you? Are you insane, Lilly? Or am I the crazy one? I am giving you an out. Leave, now, and don’t look back. Forget about me and everything that’s happened. Forget—”
“Jeremy,” I say his name softly, but firmly. “I can’t do that. I can’t just forget.”
“Of course,” he says. “Scars of the past mix with scars of the present. You still haven’t had your revenge on me yet.”
“Revenge?” I say, startled. “What revenge? What are you talking about?”
“You want to ruin me,” he says. “You want to get me back for all the things I did to you in the dark. I know you do, Lilly. I can see the desire on your face. You think you hide it. But, I fear to say, you are quite transparent.
“I know what it looks like to search for revenge. I know the final triumph that comes when you get your vengeance. I’ve done it. I’ve lived it. I’ve been there.
“So you can’t hide it from me, my sweet Lilly-Flower. I know that is the reason you stay. But I’m warning you, you will not be successful.
“Do you know why? Because you’ve already done it. Look at me!” He sneers. “Look at me. Hiding in the dark, hiding in the basement from the woman I love. The very same woman who wants to drive a stake through my heart.”
“Jeremy, no.”
“Just listen! I gave you your chance. You could have pulled the trigger. You’d be rid of me. Doesn’t that speak of the desperation I feel? Doesn’t it show you how far I’ve fallen? How far you’ve struck me down?”
“I didn’t do anything…”
“Oh, but that’s where you’re wrong! That’s where you’re very, very wrong. You exerted influence over me, Lilly, and that is the most critical type of power there is. You made me degrade myself into…into this.” He looks at himself. “This shallow, broken, ruined shell of a man. You think I don’t know what I did to you two nights ago? Despite all my promises, despite my efforts to the contrary?
“You’ve put me in a rare state of mind, Lilly. I dare say it will not come again. So leave now. Have your revenge. Losing you forever, letting you walk away is more than I can bear. I don’t know what will become of me. Stonehart Industries, I’ll still run.” He laughs once more. “ I fathom that will consume me to the end of my days. Something to drive away the pain. To hide from the loss. Without you, there’ll be nothing left to feel. Nothing I’ll be able to feel. And maybe things are better that way. It is what I excel at, after all. Distance. It is what I’ve built my life around.”
“Jeremy,” I take a deep breath. “You’re not well. You need to sleep. We can talk after—“
“Fuck after! We’re talking now, Lilly. I’ve made my decision. You can go. I’m not about to follow. Leave now. Leave me be. Get off the estate. Get away from my property. Maybe the gun was too much. Maybe—”
“Jeremy, “ I say. “I’m not about to leave you like this.”
“Listen to me!” he hisses, grabbing my arm. “Do you want to know my end goal, Lilly? Do you want to know what I intended to do to you?”
He’s speaking with the fervor of a madman. His fingers dig into my flesh with astounding strength.
“When I first brought you here, Lilly, do you know what I wanted to do? No. I never told you. You could only guess at it. But the truth will frighten you beyond anything you could have imagined.”
His eyes shine with maniacal zeal. “I did not want to kill you, Lilly, if that’s what you’re thinking. Oh no. It was never so crude as that. My intentions were far, far more malicious.
“I gave you five years of the contract. I did not intend you to last. Two years, three, maybe tops. Before I would cast you out.
“That
was my great ambition.
“I wanted to make you dependent on me for everything. I wanted to isolate you from the outside world so that all you knew was me. I wanted you completely in my power, completely in my grasp. The day we met, do you remember what I told you on the elevator ride up to my office? That I wanted your mind?
“That was always at the heart of it. You knew my intentions straight away. I wanted to make you so dependent on me that you would not be able to survive otherwise. I wanted to own you, Lilly. I wanted every thought that went through your pretty little head to revolve around me. I wanted to bring you in so deep that you would be incapable of surviving without me.
“And then, once I got there? Once I controlled your body, spirit, and mind? Then I would throw you out. I would dump you on the street and leave you to the wolves. You would be broken. Wretched. Weak. You would have nothing to your name. You would know nothing except how to please me. And with that outlet gone, what would you do next?
“I don’t know. It was my hope and ultimate ambition to watch you descend into madness. First, I had to teach you that everything you know revolved around me. Then, I would strip that from you, without mercy, without remorse. And you would be as lost as your father is. You would be lost, Lilly, and your mind would be gone!
“Do you see now? Do you see the type of man that I am? That is what I wanted to do to you. I wanted to break you. To make you suffer, not physically, but mentally. Internally. That was my great plan of revenge.
“Everything I set up had to do with getting you to that point. The collar. The restrictions. The rules. Even the god-damned, mother fucking TGB’s. You remember those, don’t you?” He laughs. “The Dextran spot? That was the carrot I would dangle before you. I would build up to it, lead you to believe that was my ultimate intention. Whereas in truth? In truth, it was fucking nothing!
“So go! Leave! That is why you need to get away. That is why you should run. I’ve laid out everything for you. Don’t you see, Lilly? The conquest of your mind…That is what I was building to. I knew it would be the hardest end to achieve. Your body? I could take that from you. God knows I raped you enough times in the dark. That was easy. Any man with the proper resources and enough strength could do that.
Uncovering You: The Complete Series (Mega Box Set) Page 93