There is no build up. No slow burn. This is raw, powerful, and all-consuming. No part of the landscape is left untouched.
And then I hear Jeremy give a guttural, powerful roar beneath me. His hot cum shoots into me. My core clenches around him. My whole body trembles…and then I collapse onto him.
He catches me and holds me close. Our fevered bodies are drenched with sweat. My heart pounds so hard that I feel every beat through my entire body. For a long time, lying there against Jeremy’s chest, our upper bodies bare, I feel his heartbeat, too.
Its rhythm matches mine.
Chapter Thirty-Five
LILLY
That is more or less the way we live for the remaining weeks of the summer.
I feel like I’m in paradise. Time spent with Jeremy is like time spent in heaven. He’s loving and caring when he needs to be. He’s fiery and passionate the rest of the time.
Not once do we have an argument. Given the prevalence of such occurrences in our past, that’s unbelievable.
Then again, almost everything about our lives now is beyond belief. The simple fact that I’m still alive, seemingly safe, being looked after by my lover and his brother, given where I was just months ago, is astounding.
The fact that I haven’t suffered a single relapse, and have been making tangible progress in my recovery almost every day? It’s ludicrous.
There are no outside pressures or demands on our time. Jeremy has divorced himself completely from his company. There is no more uncertainty, no more worries, no questions looming in the background. Sometimes, when I think of that, all I can do is laugh. Laugh with joy; laugh with disbelief. Laugh with some intoxicating mixture of the two.
If this is the way I’m going to spend the rest of my life, I couldn’t be happier.
Of course, there are Dr. Telfair’s warnings to think about. But those things will concern me only so very far into the future. For now, I’m willing to turn a blind eye.
Besides, Jeremy gives me more than my fill of things to be concerned about.
We fuck like animals. I think we must be setting some sort of world record for the number of times we have sex. Jeremy’s appetite is voracious. It’s insatiable.
Luckily for him, mine matches it.
It could only be that way with him. I am sure that had we never met, there would never have been a man in my life who could evoke the same passions. Not even close. It’s the combination of everything about Jeremy: who he is. What he’s done. Who he continues to be. It’s the development of a relationship. The path we took to get here. The struggle and challenges we faced along the way. It’s the culmination of all those things plus the knowledge of how close we came to never having this that make our life together so special.
Once-in-a-lifetime? Not even. What I have with Jeremy is once-in-a-thousand lifetimes. Once in a million. I’m so impressed, so absolutely certain, that we are the only ones on planet earth to share something like this. Just thinking about it makes me feel high, drunk, giddy, and absolutely love-struck all at the same time.
About two months into my stay, I finally feel ready to visit the nearby village. Jeremy and I make a dream date of it. He looks dashing, in his fine white linen suit. While I still can’t spend much time under the midday sun, Jeremy’s skin has taken on a dark tan reminiscent of the weeks we spend on our Caribbean getaway.
This is better. I did not think anything could top our time there. But this is so, so, so much better. This is, quite literally, heaven on earth.
But if there’s one thing I should have learned in all the time I’ve spent around Jeremy since being taken out of Yale, it’s that good things are never meant to last.
My first inkling that something is about to go wrong comes the night Jeremy and I return from our first foray into town.
--
Dr. Telfair greets us when we get back. The sun is red on the horizon. It casts a particularly zealous glow on his face.
He is vibrating with excitement. The moment he sees us top the hill, he leaps from the veranda and runs to meet us halfway up the slope.
“A breakthrough!” he exclaims, as soon as he reaches us. “Lilly, Jeremy. This is miraculous!”
“What?” I ask. I can’t help but be energized by his excitement. “What? What happened? What is it?”
“While you were gone,” he says, “I ran more tests on your blood. And I found something so amazing, so spectacular. It’s been staring me in the face this whole time. I’ve just been too preoccupied with traditional ways of thinking that I’ve been blinded to it.”
“Good news, at last?” I ask, only half in jest.
“The best!” he exclaims. “The very best, Lilly. Jeremy, you’re going to be thrilled.”
“So are you going to continue blabbering,” Jeremy asks with a bit of a brotherly tease, “or are you going to tell us this great news?”
“No,” he shakes his head. “No. I’ll do you one better. I’ll show you!” He grabs my hand. “Come, quick, to my lab!”
I yelp as he pulls me after him, and then laugh with Jeremy as soon as he catches up. I’ve never seen Dr. Telfair this excited, this passionate about something. It really must be great news.
We reach the entrance stairs to the basement. That area has been sequestered to house all of Dr. Telfair’s equipment. I’ve only been down there once. Being underground, it induced memories of my captivity. I almost had a panic attack.
Luckily, Dr. Telfair realized what was happening and quickly ushered me out of there. That was pretty much the only near miss that I’ve suffered in my entire time here.
He stops and looks at me and Jeremy. “Wait here,” he says with an eye toward me. “I’ll bring my computer and…”
“It’s fine,” I interrupt. “We’ll go with you.”
He blinks. “Excuse me?”
I look at Jeremy and tighten my grip on his hand. He gives me a reassuring squeeze back. “We’ll come down there with you. I’ll be okay.”
Dr. Telfair’s about to speak. But, then shuts his mouth and nods. “Okay.”
He goes down first. I start to follow, and then I am tugged back by Jeremy. He looks at me in earnest. “Remember,” he says, “I’m right here with you. I won’t let anything bad happen to you.”
“Thank you,” I give him a tight smile. Dammit! Now that I’m actually faced with the prospect of having to make good on my word, all my nerves are on edge.
I focus on the warmth of Jeremy’s grip, on the strength emanating from him, and take my first step down.
It’s a long, dark, narrow flight of stairs. I try to ignore the suffocating, claustrophobic feeling that the walls evoke.
“Did you know that I fell into a pit underground when I was twelve?” I say to Jeremy. I struggle to keep my mind occupied with words and not focus on where I’m going. “I almost died in there. I thought I would.”
“You never told me that,” Jeremy says. “Watch your step.” He points out a divot in the old stone stairs. “What happened?”
“I was out exploring the woods,” I babble. “By myself. Actually, you know what? Memories of that time helped me get through the first weeks you kept me in the dark.”
“Lilly…” Jeremy growls a warning. “This might not be the best time to talk about such things. Particularly given where we are?”
“No, it’s all right,” I tell him. “I’ve moved past that. I can speak of it with no emotions attached,”
“So what happened when you were twelve?” he asks, steering the subject toward safer waters.
“I found an old, abandoned cabin. I scaled the wall and dropped inside. I looked around, then stumbled, and fell…” I trail off and shudder, suddenly recalling that grating, incessant, irritating bird. “…down rotted steps into the basement. I broke them all on the way down. And then, when I came to, I couldn’t reach…”
“But you got out, obviously.” Jeremy smiles. “How’d you do it?”
“See, the thing is: Even though I tried
to build up some sort of platform to reach, in the end, it wasn’t me. It was…”
I stop, realizing that the ending of the story is perhaps not the best thing to tell Jeremy.
“It was what?” he asks.
“It was… somebody else.” I mumble, under my breath. “Never mind. It doesn’t matter. It was so long ago. Hey, look.” I glance around the space before us. It’s filled with hooked up machines and medical equipment. “We made it!”
“Who saved you, Lilly?” Jeremy prompts.
“Somebody,” I say. He gives me an inscrutable stare. “A man,” I hedge.
Before us, Dr. Telfair is booting up his computer and flipping the switches to turn on certain machinery.
“Tell me,” Jeremy says. His voice carries that deep-seated command that I cannot say not to.
I look at my feet, suddenly ashamed for hiding, then ashamed for being ashamed. “Paul,” I say. I shake my head. The auburn hairs of my wig fall around my face. “Paul saved me.”
Jeremy’s eyes hone into me. “Paul?” he asks.
“Yes,” I say.
I can see the calculations going on his head. He’s considering that timeline. If I was twelve, it happened eleven years ago. That means that his mother and Paul were…
“Why didn’t you tell me before?” Jeremy asks. For the first time in our whole getaway, he sounds angry.
“I—didn’t think it was important,” I say quickly. I desperately want to change the subject. I look to Dr. Telfair for help. But his full attention is on the computer screen.
“Important? Lilly, this is vital information. If you owe your life to Paul, and you didn’t tell me before…?” He trails off, looking seriously pissed now. He releases my hand and steps away.
“So what?” I ask. “Would knowing that have changed how you’ve treated him? What does it matter? You know he’s my father. Obviously. You know his importance to me. He and I are linked by blood. So what if he saved me once? I owe my life to him just by virtue of being his daughter! It shouldn’t—doesn’t—change how you view him.”
“No.” Jeremy says gravely. He places two fists against a brick wall. “But it changes how I view you.”
“What are you talking about, Jeremy?” Irritation is slipping into my voice. Dr. Telfair says something in the background. I ignore him.
Jeremy shakes his head. “If I had known…” he mutters.
I stalk up to him, grab him by the shoulder, and spin him around. “Tell me!” I demand.
Jeremy’s eyes narrow. They’ve become dark. It’s a dangerous look.
It’s a look I know very well from when he was just Stonehart.
But he wouldn’t hurt me now, so I’m unafraid.
Jeremy glances over my shoulder at his brother. “Give us five minutes,” he says.
Dr. Telfair starts to protest. But Jeremy cuts him off. “I said, five minutes. Now!”
I start at the exclamation, and turn my head quickly. Dr. Telfair looks just as shocked. Then determination flows over his features.
I placate him before he can speak. “It’s okay,” I say. “I need to talk to Jeremy. Preferably…” I glance at my future husband, the mirror image of his twin. “…alone. But only if you can condone it.”
“If that’s what you want, Lilly,” he agrees reluctantly.
“Yes,” I say. ‘It is.”
Dr. Telfair gives a curt nod. He looks at his brother. “Five minutes, exactly,” he says. “And then I’ll be back.”
“I’m counting on it.” Jeremy almost sneers.
When the doctor leaves, I turn on Jeremy again. “So?” I demand. “What is it?”
I only realize now how successful my attempt at warding off associations with being underground was. I haven’t thought of it once.
“Paul’s dead,” Jeremy says simply.
“What?” I stagger back. I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut. I grasp for something to hold on to. Finding nothing, I stumble to the nearest wall.
Jeremy makes no move to comfort me.
“Dead?” I whisper. “What? How?”
“He killed himself by jumping off the cliffs behind my mansion in San Jose,” Jeremy says. Not a single shred of emotion enters his voice.
“When?” I repeat.
“Three weeks ago.”
“Three weeks!” I gasp. I bring both hands up to cover my mouth. “Three weeks, Jeremy? Three weeks, and I’m only finding out now? You’re only telling me now?”
“I discussed it with my brother. We both agreed. It was too soon. We would risk disrupting your equilibrium.”
“He’s in on it, too?” I hiss. “Is that why you told him to leave the room?”
“You need only one lightning rod for your anger,” Jeremy informs me. “That would be me.”
“Anger,” I repeat. “Anger. Anger! You think I’m angry? I’m fucking furious!”
“I did it solely for you,” he tells me. “For your benefit—and for your recovery. Nothing else.”
“Oh, and that’s supposed to make me feel better?” I roar.
“I had every intention of telling you…in time,” Jeremy says. “Once we deemed you ready.”
“Oh, once you deemed me ready. Is that it?” I scream. “Gee, thanks, Jeremy! That makes me feel so much better.” I wave my engagement ring in his face. “What about this, huh, Jeremy? What about truth? What about honesty? What about all those things you promised?”
I’m starting to breathe really, really hard. I’m close to hyperventilating.
Jeremy makes no attempt to calm me.
“I did not lie,” he tells me in a voice as cold as ice and sharp as a freshly forged sword. “Did you ask me if your father was alive? No, you did not. Did you ask me how he was doing? No, you did not.”
“I assumed…” I begin.
Jeremy cuts me off without mercy. “And that’s your biggest flaw. You assumed, Lilly, without asking for confirmation. Remember all the times I ensured that I got verbal confirmation from you?” He stresses the words. “Why do you think that is? I did it to avoid situations exactly like this, were our roles reversed!”
“Oh, so that’s what this is supposed to be, then?” I demand. “Some type of sick, twisted lesson for me?”
“I did not say…”
“Then what else?” I explode. “What else, Jeremy? Huh? Tell me. Tell me what else!”
He looks at me. For a long moment, he does not speak. Then he says, with all the dispassionate distance he’d use to address a street beggar, “You’re becoming hysterical.”
I am so pissed at him, so caught up in all the wrong emotions of the moment that I throw my head back and scream. Then I clutch at my hair like a mad woman, and pull.
The strands come away.
There’s no pain in my scalp. In fact, I feel nothing. For a moment, I just stare at the strands between my fingers, held out in front of me. A dull sort of question forms in the back of my mind.
If I pulled my hair out, why didn’t I feel pain?
And then the realization comes crashing into me. It’s not my hair. My hair is gone. My hair had been shaved away by Esteban and Hugh and Rose…
And suddenly I’m right there again. I’m back underground, in that awful cell, surrounded by Esteban and his thugs, Big Man, Leader, the rapist…
I stare around the room, not seeing anything, not seeing anybody but Esteban, Big Man, and Leader. Leader, here to rape me…
Oh God!
I give a horrible wail of despair and crumble to my knees. I rock back and forth, back and forth, running my hands over my head, again and again and again.
I feel hair. Is this a fever dream? No! I’m still here. This is still reality…
I give another mournful cry and start to sob, all the while rocking faster, faster, faster…
Somebody runs up to me. Dr. Telfair, I think, though why that name comes to mind I cannot say. He yells, “What the fuck did you do?” at someone else, not at me, not at me…
I b
ite my lips and start to quiver, so confused, so utterly terrified. I have hair. But I cannot feel it. Does that mean this is real? Does that mean this is fake?
I tear at the strands, trying with all my might to rip it off, trying with all my might to determine whether this is real or all imagined…
Dr. Telfair holds me by the shoulders. “Shush, shush,” he coos. I keep rocking. Another pair of hands takes hold of my arms and stops me from ripping at my hair. Strong hands. Big hands. Thick hands. Sure hands…
Big Man’s hands?
I wail once more and jerk away. My vision is spinning. There are two people before me. Two men. Two—
Jeremy. And Dr. Telfair. Twins. They’re twins!
And I’m here, underground with them, in a…
A laboratory!
The panic ebbs away. I can see clearly once more.
“What—what happened?” I stammer. The objects above me all come into view. As do the two brothers.
Neither looks at all pleased.
“Yes, Jeremy,” Dr. Telfair says. “Please. Tell us what happened.” He makes a derisive sound and helps me to my feet. I stagger up, clinging onto his arm for support.
Jeremy remains closed jawed and silent. He glares at me with something very close to loathing in his eyes.
Dr. Telfair leads me away. I sit on a small bench by one cold, rocky, wall.
He leans down and looks at me. “Are you all right?”
“Yes,” I say. I feel weak and all shaky. But the worst has already passed.
I brush the hair out of my eyes. Halfway through the motion, I stop and realize what I’m doing. I feel the wig’s strands—
“Yes, Lilly, this is all real,” Dr. Telfair informs me gently. Jeremy is brooding somewhere in the background. “You’re safe from any further distresses…” He glances over his shoulder at his brother, “…for now.”
Jeremy starts to approach. Dr. Telfair points at finger at him. “Don’t come any closer.”
“I’ll do whatever I goddamn please,” Jeremy growls.
Dr. Telfair rises and faces him directly. “What did you just say?” he challenges. He’s got the same determined look that Jeremy often wears. I know if they start arguing, it’ll be something like an immoveable object being hit by an unstoppable force. The only outcome is sheer calamity.
Uncovering You: The Complete Series (Mega Box Set) Page 112