“You don’t know what you’re saying,” I mumble. I lean forward, toward him. “You don’t know who I am.”
“Only because you haven’t let me know the person inside,” he says. He puts his forehead to mine. “Please, let me be the one you share with, Celeste.”
I close my eyes. A tear leaks down my cheek.
James wipes it away with his thumb. “Tell me.”
I swallow once. His hand moves to the back of my head. He cradles, then me pulls me toward him, gently.
Our lips touch. He kisses me so softly, so sweetly, that I’m a goner. My defenses crumble.
I melt in his arms.
My eyes flutter open. I look at him. I touch his cheek, trace his jawline. I stare into those beautiful green eyes that seduced me at the end of summer.
“I think,” I whisper, “that I’m falling for you.”
I tense up as soon as the words leave my lips.
Feelings: They’ve been my greatest enemy since Brad. I’ve done everything I could to avoid them… But, it’s impossible with James.
“Oh, sweetie,” he whispers. “That’s what you’re afraid of?”
I give a feeble nod.
“Well, let me tell you a secret.” He holds me by the shoulders and looks me straight in the eyes. “I fell for you a long, long time ago.”
I stare at him. “When?”
He gives a crooked smile. “The moment I heard you laugh.”
“Wait, wait, James, you still don’t know me—”
“I do,” he insists. “Have you seen me with another woman? I’ve just been cautious of saying anything for fear of pushing you away.”
I can barely believe my ears. Here is James, the most spectacular, wonderful, handsome, sweet and caring and amazing man admitting he has feeling for little old me?
“You were afraid of that?” I whisper. I sniffle again, feeling this overwhelming bloom of happiness swell up inside. It’s tinged by darkness that tells me, deep down, that we can never have an ever-after.
But for now, I choose to ignore it.
“I knew you’d try to run,” he admits. “I knew it would happen eventually. You said as much when we began. You made me swear I wouldn’t follow you. But damn, Celeste, if I can ever make good on that.
“And then I came home and saw you packed, and I freaked the fuck out. I couldn’t stand to lose you over nothing. You matter to me, Celeste. You’re more important than all the awards and any of the accolades I’ve gotten.
“You know, it’s a little bit astounding. It shouldn’t be this way. I mean, you haven’t told me a thing about you. Your entire past is shrouded in blackness. But it doesn’t matter, Celeste. Do you see?”
I exhale. “I feel the same way about you,” I say softly.
He holds me tight. “So let’s change that. Let’s dive in, head first, together. Whatever happens, wherever we go? Let’s have life take us there.”
“That’s awfully romantic.”
“Fuck it, woman, you bring it out in me.”
I giggle, then smile. “Yeah?”
“Yes. For the past month, haven’t we just proved how damn compatible we are?”
“Yeah,” I say. I smile even wider. “I guess we have.”
“Even if I don’t know about your past, it doesn’t matter. I know you. You’re fun and spunky and full of life. You have the greatest attitude about you. I don’t think you realize just how special you are.”
My heart melts. “You’re making me blush.”
“It’s all true, Celeste,” he insists. “I don’t know who your men have been before who didn’t show you the proper appreciation. But damn if I’m going to be like that. I’ve held back my natural instincts with you. I’ve restrained all the impulses that you arouse.”
I quirk an eyebrow at him and look down at the seam of his pants. “All the impulses?”
He laughs. “Well, maybe not quite. But a good majority of them, yes. Fuck what I promised you before, though. That was a lie. If you fucking run… I will chase you. I’ll hunt you down and make you mine, no matter where you go. You’ve cast your spell, and now? There’s no getting out.”
I just shake my head in disbelief. “Who are you, and how is it possible you’re real?”
“You know,” he says, “I ask myself that exact question about you every single day.”
And then he kisses me and leads me upstairs.
3.
Many hours later, I’m lying in James Landon’s massive bed, my head resting on his wonderful firm chest. He strokes my hair and hums to himself.
I feel… spectacular.
For that last two hours, James made me feel cherished. We didn’t just fuck. We did something special.
He touched me in all the ways I love, but they were made more meaningful by the significance of every kiss, every lick, and every nibble.
James has blown past all my guards. He says he fell under my spell. That idea makes me laugh. I fell under his spell, and he reeled me in like a carp on a line.
It can’t last. I’m still sick. Falling in love won’t fix that.
In fact, love is the reason I really need to get away. I can’t stand the thought of hurting him.
“So are you going to tell me now, Celeste?” he asks.
“Hmm?” I turn my head toward him. “Tell you what?”
“What happened the night you fainted on me. What they told you at the hospital.” His arms come around my chest. “What you’re dealing with.”
A nauseous feeling comes over me. Those have been my personal secrets for so long. But with James… I feel an intimacy I never thought possible.
I take a deep breath.
“I have a shit heart,” I tell him. Start with the smallest issue first. “I found out in college. I had surgery… but it’s still bad.”
“Hmm,” James intones. He touches the spot beside my left breast. “This is from the operation?”
“Yes,” I say. There’s no point lying anymore.
“So when you fainted,” he asks, “it had to do with this?”
“Yes.”
“What did the doctor tell you when he kicked me and Summer out?”
“That I need to come in for regular check-ups,” I lie.
“Anything else?”
“No.”
I hate how easy lying comes to me, but… but I’m not ready to tell James I have cancer. Not now, not ever.
“Okay,” he says. “Have you been going for checkups?”
“Yes.”
“Is that where you are when you say you’re at the library?”
I look at him. “You know?”
He shrugs. “I tried to find you the first week. You weren’t there. Same thing last week. I didn’t say anything because of our…” his mouth twists a little smile, “agreement.”
“Hmm.”
“Yes,” he agrees. “Hmm indeed.”
***
In the middle of the next week, James makes a surprise announcement.
“There’s a ceremonial faculty dinner tomorrow night,” he says. “I’d like you to come with me.”
“What?” I say. “Isn’t everyone going to be there? I thought we were keeping our relationship private?”
He clicks his tongue. “Celeste, I told you before. The rules don’t apply to us. I’m getting tenure at the end of the term, remember? Nobody’s going to care.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yes,” he says. “Very.”
“Do you swear you won’t get in trouble?” I give him a firm look. “Don’t lie to me now, James.”
“I promise on everything I hold dear,” he says. A smile plays on his lips. “In fact,” he stands a little taller, “I’m due to be giving a speech.”
“About what, how to be the most desirable man on campus?” I quip.
“Why Celeste,” he strides up to me. “I did not know you had such a high opinion of me. Because of that…” his voice turns low and breathy, “I think you’re overdue for
some very…“ he kisses my neck, “…preferential…” my jawline, “…treatment…” my lips, “…at the hands of your professor.”
I giggle as his hands come around my back and grasp my waist. He pulls my hips to his. I feel his cock, hard and ready.
“Professor Landon,” I say, my voice sultry and suggestive. “I believe you are taking advantage of me and my precarious situation.”
He looks into my eyes. “And what precarious situation would that be?”
“The need for a passing grade,” I toss my head back. “I can’t fail your class, you know. And I’ve been such a bad, bad girl.” I pout. “Missing all my assignments. Skipping all the tests. Ignoring my weekly readings.”
I run a finger along his hard chest. “Do you still think there’s a way… a compromise… an agreement we can reach, perhaps, to help me pass?”
“Oh, I’m sure we’ll think of something,” he growls. He smacks my ass. I jump, then give him a sultry smile.
“Naughty, naughty boy,” I warn. “Bad professor.”
He rubs his hips against me, dry humping me through the layers of clothing separating our bodies. “I can be worse,” he promises.
“Show me.”
I gasp as he swings me off my feet. I wrap my legs around his waist. My ankles cross. He kisses me hard then pins me against the wall.
His kiss turns passionate and needy. My hands claw at his back. They grip his hair. I need more of him, more of James, more of this.
In a savage move, he tears my shirt down. His teeth come into play, and he scrapes my sensitive skin.
I drop my head back and moan. He guides my legs toward the floor. My feet touch. I arch my back and stand on my toes to give him better access.
He sucks and kisses, then drops to his knees. He slides my shirt farther down, exposing my soft belly flesh. His hot breath gives me goosebumps. His tongue darts, out and he licks around my belly button.
Then his hands catch my jeans. He tugs them down. I wiggle my hips to help.
He gasps in reverent awe when he sees my panties. They are floral and pink. I know it’s his favorite color.
“You’re already wet,” he murmurs. His fingers slide past the fabric and slip inside my folds.
I gasp.
He twists them around and starts to pulse them in and out of me. He’s hitting the spot I love.
My hands tangle in his hair. I try to urge him to use his mouth. He growls against my suggestion and plunges his fingers deeper. A third joins in, then a fourth, and suddenly I am so deliciously stretched that my conscious mind retreats, and I float, supported only by the pleasure.
I feel the orgasm building. The climax rises in the distance, ready to swell and take full control. My gasps and moans and cries become more needy. The wet noises his fingers make turn me on like mad. The wave grows, surges closer to me. I’m a hair away from it hitting…
He pulls out.
“James!” I gasp, my eyes shooting open. “What the literal fuck?”
He stands up, roughly flips me around, pushes my feet apart. “I want my cock pressed deep inside you when the orgasm hits. I want to feel your muscles clench around me. I want you to come—I want you to come as I’m fucking you, and I want to keep fucking you long after your release, until you fucking give me mine.”
Shivers ripple down my back.
I feel his cock at my entrance. He pushes in. I let out one low, soulful moan. Moments later I’m shattering to pieces, being consumed by the unrivaled orgasm that only James can give.
But just when I think it’s going to let up… it doesn’t. James keeps fucking me, his hips smacking against mine, his grunts and growls as music to my ears. He touches my body, grabs my breasts, pulls my hair, squeezes me tight, and the orgasm just rolls on and on and on, until I’m completely devastated.
“James… James!” I gasp. He doubles his speed. The thrusts pierce my body. I’m afraid I’m going to be split in two. But the pain is so, so worth it because of the accompanying pleasure. There is nothing for this man I wouldn’t do.
And then he pulls out and comes all over my back. His hot semen scorches my heated, sweaty skin. I love that feeling—love the possessiveness it conveys.
This is my woman, James says when he comes on me. She is mine, and this marks her as such.
James draws my hair back, presses his lips to my ear, and whispers, “Celeste… I think you’re the one.”
***
I’m too shocked to speak. James must take my silence as acceptance. He takes my hand and walks me to the shower. We wash off together.
I go through the motions, but I’m lost in a trance. I told James last week I was falling for him. But for him to say the same thing back…?
I hope it’s just him speaking in the heat of the moment. He can’t really mean that, can he?
But everything I’ve learned about James points to one simple fact: Yes. Yes, he very well can.
I can’t let him fall. If the cancer takes over…
It would destroy him.
4.
I let James assume the only thing wrong with me was my heart.
I’m a horrible liar.
I can’t hide the chemo symptoms for much longer. It’s like putting makeup over a sweltering black eye.
It’s only going to get worse.
I was swayed by James to stay after my last (failed) escape. I can’t give in next time.
I am only the one for him when he sees the face I show to the world. I am not ever the one if he finds out who I truly am.
James does not deserve such deception. He needs somebody real. Honest. Truthful.
He can’t fall in love with a weak, sickly coward like me.
I decide to end things that weekend. After the big dinner. He asked me to come; I owe him that much.
But after, it will all be over.
5.
“Celeste? Are you ready?”
“Yes,” I call back. “Almost. Give me another minute.”
“We’re going to be late…”
“I know. I know! Just one minute, that’s all. Go start the car! I’ll meet you in the garage.”
James grumbles something, but then I hear the main door open and close.
As soon as he’s gone I rush to the toilet and vomit into the bowl.
Oh God.
I shudder as I stand up. I hate what these drugs are doing to my body.
This isn’t really living. If I have fifty-fifty odds, I’d almost rather say fuck it, forego chemo, and take the greater risk.
At least that way I wouldn’t feel completely awful all the time.
I rinse my mouth and brush my teeth. I gargle, then, just to be sure, brush again.
I take a deep breath, compose myself, and look in the mirror.
I’ve been fussing over my appearance all afternoon. Seeing how this is really the first—and last—public outing I’ll have with James, I wanted to make him proud.
I’m wearing a strapless, purple dress. The fabric is silky soft. He surprised me with it this morning. It was an absolute perfect fit.
I’ve done my makeup to the nines. My lipstick is a deep, velvety red, a color that clashes with my eyes and stands out against my pale skin. I curled my hair and put it up. Around my neck is a borrowed (Thanks, Angela!) diamond drop pendant platinum necklace.
My cell buzzes. I jump. There’s a text on the screen:
Him: Where are you?
I take one last look in the mirror, fight down the urge to vomit, and text back:
Me: Coming!!
I take the elevator down and find the Porsche idling in the garage. I smile at James and slide into the seat.
“Wow,” he murmurs. “Celeste, you look stunning.”
“Thank you,” I say softly, reaching back to pull the seat belt across my body. “Shall we go?”
“No, Celeste, I mean—you look stunning. You’re going to knock everybody out.”
He leans over. “Come here,” he growls, and he kisses m
e, damn hard.
When he lets go, I’m a flustered mess. I smile nervously. He touches my cheek.
“There,” he says. “A bit more color in your skin does you good.”
Then he grins, guns the engine, and peels off.
***
I hadn’t asked James where dinner would be. I assumed it was at the faculty club on campus.
But I’m surprised when he turns his car and weaves his way toward the Gold Coast.
We pull up in front of a splendid hotel. James steps out and gives the valet his keys. He offers me his arm.
I take it and sneak a very conspicuous glance at his amazing outfit. He’s in a black Armani suit, a crisp white dress shirt beneath. The cufflinks, I notice for the first time, match the brilliant green of his eyes.
I try to act a little bit aloof, unsure of how intimately he wants to be seen with me in public. But my concerns are extinguished when he tugs me right to his body, and with his free hand, squeezes my ass.
I swat him away. “James!” I admonish, blushing. “We’re in public!”
“And I don’t give a damn,” he says.
My insides flush with pride.
There’s a full reception room. James and I make our way through the crowd. He stops to make small talk here and there, introducing me to some of his friends, some of his colleagues.
I see a few familiar faces. At least two of my other professors are present. Thankfully, James does not seem to know them. No awkward introductions required.
“See?” James whispers to me after nearly an hour of socializing. “Everybody loves you. You’re doing great.”
I give a small, tight smile back. My stomach’s been acting up for the last fifteen minutes. It’s taken all I have not to run to the washroom.
I hear a small ripple of excited voices on the other side of the room. James stands taller to look over the heads. “Ah,” he says. “The dean’s just arrived. Come, Celeste. I want to introduce you. He’s the one who made the perfect pitch to keep me here when other universities tried to poach me.” He winks. “He’s the one who helped position me on the inside track for tenure, too. I owe a lot to him.”
Uncovering You: The Complete Series (Mega Box Set) Page 141