The thing he said about losing control cut so close to the bone that it scares me.
He’s right, of course. My whole life I have had to be the one in control. There was no other way to live. Being in control was what helped me to survive on my own.
But now, things were changing. Feelings I would never have expected a week ago are blooming in my chest.
They all center around Rich.
‘I will take care of you.’ His promise sounds too good to be true. I have never had the luxury to rely on somebody else.
I sit on an empty bench and look at my hands. I trace the spot on my forehead where Rich kissed me. Why was he being so sweet all of a sudden?
Maybe it is love. But I’ve been burned enough times not to believe in fairy tales. Life is no Disney movie. When the clock strikes twelve, there is never a prince who will save you.
Except… Could Rich be my prince? Could he pull me from my solitary existence?
I think about what Min said. ‘Does he inspire me to be a better person?’
I think, yes.
‘Do I want to be with him through the highest highs and lowest lows?’
I know, yes.
Still, a creeping doubt in the back of my mind prevents me from embracing the idea fully.
Is a week enough time to know that you love someone? Is that brief amount of time sufficient for you to truly know a person?
Everything I went through with Abby tells me, “No.” I thought I knew the girl. How wrong I had been. She turned out to be a lying, irresponsible leech.
Not that I can ever compare Rich to Abby. They are nothing alike. But my experience with my roommate tells me that I need to remain cautious. I can’t jump into Rich’s arms because my heart wants me to.
I have responsibilities that don’t involve Rich. I have my work, my education. All the things in my life I’ve tried to straighten out after leaving the orphanage. All the things I put on hold while going on this wild run with him.
As much as it hurts to admit, maybe leaving Rich now would be the best thing for me. I’d cry about him for weeks after. But if Min was strong enough to endure a clean break, maybe I can be, too.
The difference is, Min has a chance to go back. If I leave Rich, there will be no going back.
I stand up and start to pace the patio. I’m restless. I’m anxious. I’m a confused mess.
No. No, I cannot just leave Rich behind. I can’t just forget about him. Even if I wanted to, I know my mind will never let go.
I take a deep breath and try to calm myself. I don’t know what to think. I wish I had someone to go to for advice.
I dig under my shirt, pull out my locket, and open it. There’s not enough light to see the picture. It doesn’t matter. The image is permanently etched in my mind.
I hold the locket tightly and bring it to my lips. “I wish you were still around to tell me what to do,” I whisper. “I wish I could have had the chance to know you, dad.”
I hold the locket close to my face for a long time. Then I sigh, and tuck it back under my shirt. Wishing for things to change never accomplishes anything. Actions are what determine a life.
I slump against the railing. I can’t remember ever feeling this uncertain. Min thinks I should tell Rich how I feel. I’m terrified that he might not feel the same way. Even if he says he does, how am I to know that it will last? I can’t begin to fathom the true inner workings of a male mind. What if a week is too short a time? What if he says he loves me now, then grows bored with me in the future? Where will that leave me?
Nowhere, that’s where. I’d be lost. Rich’s analysis of me was frightening in its accuracy. I do need to be in control. If I go any further with him, I risk losing what little control I have left over my life.
Rich had sacrificed everything for his sister. I’d seen them together today. Their love for each other is undeniable.
That puts me in an awkward position. Family comes first, right? I don’t have any direct experience, but that is how I’ve always thought things work. If things come down to Rich having to choose between me and his little sister, who will he pick? If it’s a question of mine or Min’s safety, whose will he protect first?
I swallow the lump in my throat. I have no doubt that it will be Min. They have a blood bond. Rich and I have… what? A few strong feelings? An unsteady relationship based on less than a week together?
How can I know those feelings will last ? I ask myself.
That makes up my mind. The uncertainty is the reason Rich and I can never be together. Not in the way I might dream of. One week is just not enough time to know if you love a person.
I stand up, my decision sealed. A quick cut will be for the best. Maybe I can even leave without seeing Rich. That way, I won’t risk changing my mind.
Every step of the long walk across the rooftop hurts more than I can bear. I feel absolutely hollow inside.
I pause in front of the door. I take a deep, steadying breath. This is it. There will be no changing my mind after this.
I reach for the doorknob… and catch the reflection of the stars glimmering on the shiny metal.
My breath catches. All the memories of last night come flooding back. The way Rich stared deep into my eyes as he entered me. The way he called out my name as we orgasmed together. The possessive way he held me afterward, like nothing in the world could ever come between us.
No. No, I can’t leave Rich! I can’t forget the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
I swing the door open and run down the stairs two at a time. I can’t believe how close I’d come to making the biggest mistake of my life.
Rich’s words echo through my mind. ‘I will take care of you.’ Nothing else matters. I realize, all of a sudden, that Rich and I have more in common than I had ever thought. Nobody ever took care of me. Nobody ever took care of Rich, either. He had a father, but the man never cared. His mother had died when he was young. His sister had been very little when he left home.
He’s always been on his own. Just like me.
I feel the excitement blooming in my chest as I run through the hall. I can take care of Rich. I can be that person. Neither of us has to be alone anymore. We can have each other. We can love each other. Together. Forever.
I pound on the door as soon as I reach it. Min opens it. I leap by her. Rich is just turning the corner when I jump into his arms.
“I’m staying,” I tell him. “Here. With you.” I laugh. “I love you, Richard Blackthorne, and there’s not a damn thing you can do to make me change my mind.”
The End...
...for now!
Penny and Rich’s story continues in Change of Heart, Part 2... below!
About Scarlett
I wrote my first book, Yours to Savor, as a college sophomore in Februray 2013. Change of Heart, Part 1 came a few months later.
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Change of Heart, Part 2
Book Description
If you told me two weeks ago that I would fall in love with my would-be kidnapper, I would have laughed in your face.
Yet here I am today. Madly, deeply, and hopelessly in love. With Richard B
lackthorne. With the man who drugged me and left me for myself... but with the same man who came back for me later.
Nobody in my life has ever given a shit. I've always been on my own—before Rich.
Now, things are different. Feelings I'd never have thought possible are rushing through me. With Rich, I feel... alive. Alive, and treasured.
Yet doubts still poison my thoughts. Can a relationship that began with a lie lead to true happiness? How will Rich and I escape our pursuers? Will Min ever be free?
As I open my heart to the man I love, our devotion to each other will be tested. In this tumultuous world, friends become enemies and enemies friends. Every choice I make leads to consequences for those around me. The secrets Rich holds spread far deeper than he ever let on. When cracks begin to show in our relationship, I'm faced with the most important question of all: Can Rich and I ever find the peace I so dearly crave?
This book is a work of fiction. All names, characters, locations, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination, or have been use fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, locales, or events is entirely coincidental.
CHANGE OF HEART, Part 2
Second Edition
Copyright © 2015 Edwards Publishing, Ltd.
All rights reserved.
Edited by Gail Lennon.
Cover design by Scarlett Edwards.
Interior design by Scarlett Edwards.
Published by Edwards Publishing, Ltd.
Edwards Publishing
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Suite 107-154
Blaine, WA 98230
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Chapter One
I have never been in love.
Sure, I once thought I was, three years ago with my first boyfriend. But that was not love. Lust, infatuation? Maybe. But not love.
Things are changing now. Life feels different. I never realized what I was missing before. My decision to stay with Rich three days ago opened my eyes to everything I didn’t have growing up. Every morning since, I’ve woken up with an infectious energy. An undefined zest. Something so fickle I expect it to flee at any moment.
Except, it doesn’t. It’s precarious and ethereal and a little bit frightening, that feeling, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. It pushes me toward happiness. I wake up feeling alive. Alive, and wanted, and needed.
Not needed in the grand sense of the word, like some famous politician or the scientist just about to cure cancer. I feel needed in a much purer, much more innocent way. I’m needed by just one person. It’s more than I’ve ever had.
I was not all right before I met Rich. I was scraping by, convincing myself that I was strong. I was determined to rely on no one but myself and to hold everybody else at bay.
Well, Rich broke through those walls.
I’ve never been in love, before now. Now, I’m hopelessly, romantically, head-over-heels in love. I’ve learned that logic is meaningless in your heart’s domain. Feelings are the only things that make sense. If you had told me, just three weeks ago, that I would fall in love with my would-be kidnapper, I’d have laughed in your face and chalked it up to Stockholm Syndrome. But, now I know otherwise. There is no way to rationalize the way I feel. I’ve already given up trying.
The way Rich looks at me lets me know he cares. The careful way he studies my face, the slow, steady way his eyes drift to my lips. I’ve never felt so needed before. I’ve never felt that blooming warmth in my chest, those special tingles through my limbs.
Nobody in my life has ever given a shit. I don’t dwell on that, because there’s too much sappy sadness there. I never wanted to be one of those girls who feel sorry for themselves and expect the world to do so, too. When I was by myself, I had to be strong. To bury my emotions deep so they could never bubble to the surface. That’s what I thought being strong was.
It’s not. Strength is finding the courage to let another person in. Strength is opening your heart to him and exposing yourself in all your vulnerabilities—no matter how terrifying that may be.
In the end, that’s all that matters.
“I love you,” I whisper.
“Hmm?” Rich stirs from his resting spot beneath a tree. We’re together in a beautiful garden, lying on the green grass. The sun is bright, and I can smell lilacs and roses in the air. The sky is cloudless. Happy birds are chirping delightful melodies from the branches above.
Rich looks at me through half-lidded, sleepy eyes. A slow smile forms on his lips. “I love you too, Penny,” he whispers back, his fingers running through the strands of my hair. “I love you more than anything else in the world. You’re my heart, my life. I would give up anything for you. I would do anything for you. I love you now and always, and far into forever. I will love you until the moon stops spinning and the sun stops rising, and longer still. Our love will transcend ages, histories, centuries, millennia. When this planet turns into a lonely block of ice drifting through space, I will love you still. Nothing can change my feelings for you. They will last forever.”
“Oh, you’re just sickly sweet this morning, aren’t you?” I tease, rolling over to my side and ducking my head in for a chaste kiss. “You’d give up anything for me? How about food?”
“I would starve for you.” Rich smiles, kissing me again.
“How about water?”
“I would die of thirst before I stop loving you.”
I smile and close my eyes, breathing in deeply through my nose. Rich’s delectable scent fills my lungs. I’ve never felt this happy, this content.
“Air?” I muse. “Would you stop breathing for me?”
“If that is what you want,” Rich replies.
“Hmm, I don’t think I would like that very much,” I tell him, snapping my eyes open to meet his beautiful, misty-green stare. “And I know Min wouldn’t be happy with me if that happens.”
“I’m hurt,” Rich proclaims playfully, placing a hand over his heart. “The love of your life has just passed away to prove his devotion to you, and all you can think of is his sister?”
“Oh, that’s definitely not all I’m thinking about,” I tell him with a naughty grin. I drape one leg over his waist, then push myself up so I’m straddling his body.
Rich chuckles. His hands go to my thighs, pushing my blue sundress up so my legs are bare. I put my hands on his chest and lean down to kiss him again. My hair falls forward as I do, creating a dark curtain that shields our faces from the world.
Our kiss is hungry and sweet at the same time. Rich’s hands glide over my legs, then come to rest on the small of my back. I feel my body responding to him right away. He pulls me close and holds me tight. I’m lost in the moment, in the kiss, in the bliss of being with him—
A crash of thunder jerks me upright. My breath catches in fright. Thunder? But it’s such a beautiful day! For a moment, I feel lost, confused.
“Hey.”
It’s Rich’s voice, full of concern. “Hey, are you all right?”
I focus on his voice, surprised that it’s not coming from below me. It’s coming from behind me. I turn my head to look…
“You must have dozed off,” Rich continues, running his hand up and down my back. “It’s all right. Nothing’s wrong. It was just a little thunder.”
I look around in a kind of daze, and recognize the inside of Rich’s apartment. Suddenly, everything makes sense. I’d dozed off, and dreamt about Rich. A heavy rain is pounding against the windows, accentuated every few minutes by a jolt of lightning and clap of thunder.
“I’m fine,” I reassure him, resting my hea
d on his lap again. That’s the position in which I’d fallen asleep. “I just had a very vivid dream.”
“You looked happy in your sleep,” Rich smiles. “What was the dream about?”
I give him a secretive smile of my own. “Things,” I respond mysteriously.
Rich’s mouth quirks a little in a sideways grin. “Good things? Or bad things?”
“Well, you were in it,” I tell him.
“Good things, then,” Rich decides, and laughs. The sound is a little forced to my ears, and doesn’t last very long.
One thing I dreamt about was right: It has been three days since I told Rich I loved him. He’d said it back, of course, but only that one time. Each time I’ve said it since, all I’ve gotten in return is a, “Me, too.” I try not to think too much about the implications. I know Rich has a lot on his mind. He hasn’t shared his plan with me or Min yet, and that concerns me.
What worries me more, however, is that I’ve noticed Rich becoming more distant as the days have passed.
“Hey,” I say softly. “You’re not in this alone anymore. You know that, right? You have me and Min here with you. You don’t have to tackle everything by yourself.”
Rich looks down at me and smiles. The smile doesn’t touch his eyes. “I know, baby. You two mean the world to me.” He starts stroking my hair, just like in the dream. “Don’t you forget that.”
“Then let us help you,” I implore. “Tell us what you’re planning. If you don’t want to tell Min, tell me. I can help. I’m not useless!”
“I never, ever, once said that you are,” Rich tells me. He doesn’t follow that statement up with anything else. I sigh.
We’ve had this conversation before. It never leads anywhere except him telling me he’ll share his plan with me “when it’s ready.”
Rich has been taking mysterious drives into the city on Amanda’s bike. He never tells me or Min where he’s going. He does it at random times, when he thinks neither of us will notice his absence. We always do, of course, but that doesn’t make him any more forthcoming about where he has been when he returns.
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