"Which doesn't include ridding vampires of the taint."
"Is there a reprimand in there?"
"I suppose there is."
"Do you believe there is a reason for livin'?"
"Is this a cog-in-the-clock-of-life lecture?" I chuckled. "I heard it from my mother and I've said it to my daughter."
"We are who we are for a grand reason. Not everyone knows their purpose, but they serve it all the same." She leaned forward and touched my shoulder. "You should tell him how you feel and ask him for what you want. Lorcan is a lovely soul, but as stubborn as—well, as you." She winked at me.
Then she faded away and it was as if she'd never been there.
I thought about what Brigid had said and shivered. If I was going to cross to the Other Side, I wanted only two things. One, that Tamara would be cared for and two, that I could make love to Lorcan. Making love to Lor seemed like a very selfish wish. I knew that he had feelings for me. And heavens above, the man could kiss.
Was it wrong to lust after a monk?
The phone call wasn't as heinous as I'd dreaded. A woman answered; her voice was cheerful as she called her husband to the phone.
"Evangeline?" Michael sounded both pleased and surprised.
Six months ago, I received a letter from Michael. It was the only secret I had ever kept from Tamara. My reasons for not responding to the letter were mixed, filled with right and wrong justifications. Michael had no parental rights. He'd made his position very clear sixteen years before. Tamara was mine and I couldn't bear the thought of sharing her. Then there was the fact that I was a vampire—how was I supposed to explain that? I sighed.
As much as I believed in the power of forgiveness, I had found precious little to give to Michael.
Now I had no choice. Tamara could live in a world where parents didn't drink blood for dinner.
"I'll be honest," I said. "I wasn't sure I would ever call you."
"I know you don't think I deserve a second chance."
Yes, you do. We all do.
"All I can say is that I was young and stupid. My parents—well, they made it easy to walk away from you, Eva."
I knew from Michael's letter that he was a very successful architect married to his college sweetheart. They had two children, a four-year-old boy and a ten-year-old girl. He had hired a private detective to find me, and once he had my address in Broken Heart, he'd mailed the letter. He wanted to see Tamara; he wanted to be part of her life. He offered to send child support, including back pay.
I wouldn't be human (figuratively) if I didn't admit to a little nyah-nyah-nyahing. And, yes, I realized I had the upper hand. Michael would be my puppet and I would pull the strings. But these thoughts were unworthy and they didn't occupy my mind for too long. The truth was that I was scared. Scared of losing my daughter. I had been a single mother for too long. Like I said, I plain didn't want to share her.
"Evangeline?"
"I'm sorry." My throat knotted and my eyes ached with the need for tears. "I haven't talked to Tamara. I didn't tell her about your letter."
"I see." He paused.
"I'm dying, Michael. I need… would you… shit."
"How can I help? What do you need?"
"I need you to be her father. After I… when I… go… I need you to take her and raise her and love her." I cleared my throat, clutching the receiver so hard it cracked. "Are you willing to do that?"
"Yes." He didn't hesitate. I blessed him silently for making this difficult conversation easier on me. "When will you talk to her?"
"Soon. I didn't want to get her hopes up."
"I know this is difficult for you, Eva. But I want you to know how sorry I am about everything. I hope Tamara can forgive me. And I hope you can, too." He sighed and in that sound I heard his pain, his loss, his worry. Michael wasn't evil incarnate, not a two-dimensional creep. He was a man who'd made mistakes and choices, just like every other human being. At least he was trying to make things right. If he was reaching out his hand, then by golly, I would take it.
But I didn't know if Tamara would join the forgiveness train. As a teenager, she angsted about everything—from a pimple to a Cure song—but knowing that your father left you and your mother to fend for yourselves—yikes. Mending that wound would take a lot of work on Michael's part.
And I wouldn't be there to help.
"Evangeline?"
"I'm sorry. My mind keeps wandering. Let me talk to Tamara. I'll call you back." I hesitated. "What's your wife's name?"
"Susan."
"Is she… I mean, what's she like?"
"She's smart, kind, and funny. She reminds me of you."
It was the perfect thing to say. I pressed a hand against my aching, dry eyes.
"She's the one who said I should find you and Tamara and try to mend things. If you're worried about how she'll treat our daughter, believe me when I say she will love her."
Our daughter. Oh, my God. Never had a plural pronoun been applied to Tamara. I wasn't alone anymore. And neither was she.
"Thank you." I cleared my throat, but the knot tightening it wouldn't release. "I'll call you soon. Good-bye."
"Good-bye, Eva."
Lorcan came into my room and found me dry-crying. I heaved and whimpered, without shedding a tear, and I couldn't stop. He crawled into the bed with me and held me, cooing nonsense and stroking my hair.
I felt such pain—such horrible, wrenching pain—and I was drowning in it. The loose ends of my life were tying up. Tamara would have a father. The Consortium would have my library and my house. And Lorcan … I stopped blubbering and looked at him. He was the only loose end left, I supposed. How neatly the things in my life were weaving together—and it was a tapestry nearly finished. I should be grateful for such blessings. But fear blew through me like an Arctic wind. I didn't want to die.
Oh, God.
I cradled Lor's face between my hands and kissed him. When I pulled back, his silver eyes were mercurial. He took my hands and kissed each wrist. Pleasure zinged through me.
I gazed at him, words tumbling around in my mind. I wanted to tell him everything I felt, everything I wanted, but it wasn't fair. I would certainly feel better—the tapestry weaving its final threads—but I doubted Lorcan would appreciate my sentiments.
"If things were different," I said, "we could… date, I guess." I laughed at the idea of vampire dating. "I like being around you, talking to you, holding your hand. I wish we could—"
"Eva." He pressed a finger against my lips. Then he smiled—such a lovely smile he had and so rarely did he show it. My heart turned over in my chest. Oh, heavens, he was beautiful, right down to his soul. "There's something you should know, a stóirín."
"What?"
"I love you."
Chapter 21
"I love you, too." I hugged Lorcan tightly. Finally, someone loved me. I was worthy of love. Yes! All I'd ever, ever, ever wanted was someone to love me. Oh, please… please love me.
The Arctic wind blew again, chilling me to the bone. I shivered. Lorcan tucked me under the covers. "You are so lovely, Eva. It's too bad I had to give you the taint."
"But you… you didn't. You wouldn't."
"Yes, I did. And because I did, you must make me pay."
My teeth chattered. For a moment the room blurred. Were there others around me? When did Jessica and Patrick and Stan get here? I heard snippets of voices.
What's wrong with her?
She's having a seizure. Hold her down. Where's the syringe?
What do you mean she's in the final stages? It's only been a couple of weeks.
Save her! Save her NOW!
Lorcan's roar made the whole room vibrate. "Lor?" I whispered.
I'm here, Eva. Don't go. Please don't go.
"Eva?" The beautiful voice drew me away from the chaos. I blinked and the people and the voices faded into nothing. I was in my room—no, my prison—with Lorcan.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"Nothi
ng's wrong, love. It's just you and me." He patted my clasped hands. His eyes glowed as bright as twinkling green stars. Oops. Wrong color. Silver. Lor's eyes were silver.
"I killed you," he said. "Then I gave you the taint. You should seek your revenge. You should kill me. An eye for an eye… a child for a child."
"Child for a… what are you talking about? What child?" I shook my head. "That doesn't make sense. I would never hurt you."
"No, you wouldn't. I keep forgetting that you're not bloodthirsty or vengeful. That presents quite the problem."
I felt dizzy, as if everything around me was falling away. My mind clouded, thickened with confusion. When it cleared again, I couldn't remember what had been said. What were we talking about? I love you, Eva. Excitement glimmered. Lorcan declared his love for me. Soothed by this memory, I smiled.
"Free me, Eva. Free me from the blackness of my soul."
"What? How?" My smile dimmed. "Forgive yourself, Lor. Didn't we already talk about this?"
"I can't forgive myself. I want to die. I want peace."
"No." Panic raced through me. What was he asking me to do? No, it wasn't fair. I was dying. I wouldn't leave Lorcan to the same fate.
"I love you. I love you so much." He sighed, his gaze sad. "If you love me, you'll do as I ask. I want to die. I want to be free."
A ribbon of understanding twirled. Oh, of course. That made sense. Lorcan wanted peace. I loved him enough to give him closure.
"I'll do as you ask," I said. "I'll do anything you ask."
"I know," he said softly. "Now sleep. When you wake up, we'll be together and you'll help me."
"Yes, Lorcan."
The prince kneeled by his dying soul mate and wiped the sweat from her brow. She was beautiful, even though her skin was as pale as the winter moon. Her eyes opened. As soon as she caught sight of his face, she smiled. "It's you," she said. "I knew you would come."
Overjoyed, he pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Yes, it is I. Your prince."
She chuckled, though the sound turned into a cough. "My prince of death. My angel of mercy. I am ready to go."
The prince's heart filled with dread. "No, my love. I am your soul mate. Worry not. I can give you life."
"I had a life," she said kindly. "It was a very good one. I was happy and blessed with friends and family."
"I've searched a thousand years for you." Desperation clawed at him. "And now that you are finally in my arms, I must let you go?"
"I am honored that you thought me worthy of such a sacrifice. Have your years been wasted, prince?"
"No. Never."
"I'm glad." She coughed and coughed. He wiped her mouth, terrified to see blood smeared on the cloth. "I can save you."
"From what?" she asked, smiling. "I don't fear death."
For the first time in a long time the prince felt fear. He had the power to save his beloved—he need only force his blood into her and she would live forever. But that was his desire, not hers.
Love was not selfish.
Love was sacrifice.
—From The Prince and the Maiden,
an unpublished work by
Lorcan O'Halloran
"Eva?"
I awoke slowly. The room was dimly lit and felt cold. None of the electronics were on—no TV or CD player or reading lamps. It seemed weird, but it was almost as though I could feel the residual vibes of other people. But no one was in here now. No one but Lorcan.
I looked at him, at the man who loved me, and smiled. "Hello, there." My words sounded like a sexy purr. His gaze flashed with surprise, but I knew that he wanted me. And I wanted him.
He leaned forward and put his forehead against mine. "How do you feel?"
"Perfect now that you're here."
His lips brushed mine, then he scooted back. "We almost lost you."
"I'm not going anywhere. Not without you." I curled my finger in a beckoning signal. "C'mere."
Frowning, he lay next to me, propping his chin on his hand. "Are you sure you're okay? You don't quite seem like… you."
"I agreed to your request," I said. "Remember?"
"Request?"
"I will give you peace, Lorcan, just like you wanted. But first…" I kissed him. He fell onto the bed and I climbed on top of him, sliding along his muscled form. "You are so yummy."
"Eva, I don't think we should—"
I put my finger against his lips. "We won't bind. There's no need, is there? We'll give each other pleasure. I wouldn't feel right about keeping my promise if I didn't give you this at least."
I sat up, scooting so that the vee of my thighs cradled his hardening cock. I whipped off my nightgown.
"A stóirín," he murmured, his gaze feasting on my nakedness. "We must not do this."
"You want to," I said simply as I unbuttoned his shirt. The material parted. I bent down and kissed the revealed flesh. I felt extremely giddy.
Something's wrong. She's not like this. But… I can't stop. I don't want to stop.
I heard Lorcan's concerned thoughts and hesitated. What was I doing? Why was I lying on top of Lorcan? How had we ended up like this?
I want you, came the reassurance. I want you and need you. I love you. Bring me peace, Eva. You promised. I cannot live without you. I cannot live. Remember?
My purpose was renewed instantly. Of course! How could I have forgotten something so important? Lorcan needed me. He needed my love, yes, but more importantly, he needed me to end his suffering.
My worship of his body continued and like the beautiful Irish god he was, he accepted my homage. I kissed every inch of skin, flicking my tongue across his nipples. I teased them to hardness and bit lightly.
He groaned, and his hands dove into my hair and dragged me forward. His kiss was passionate… hot… consuming. I let him take my mouth again and again. I let the fires build and burn. Then I wrenched away and grasped at his pants. The zipper stuck in my trembling hands.
"Let me help," he said. The offending clothing sparkled away. Eager now, I gripped his hard length, stroking it with one hand, while with the other I cupped his balls and squeezed gently.
"I wish I could feel you inside me," I said as I crawled down and nestled between his legs. "But I'll settle for this…"
I licked his cock from base to tip. The musky scent of his maleness and the soft-hard feel of him against my lips delighted me. I stroked down until my mouth ghosted across his balls. I kissed them reverently. Then I pulled each one into the warm cave of my mouth, flicking and sucking lightly.
I released him from that sensual torture and attacked his cock again. I licked him, flattening my tongue against him as I sought his crown. When I reached the top, I sucked on the mushroomed head, flicking the sensitive ridge.
Once again, his hands dove into my hair and braced against my skull. He adjusted position, straining to get more deeply into my mouth. I accommodated him. I took every inch, slowly, teasing him as much as I could. I took him all, felt him brush the back of my throat.
Lust roared through me. It had been so long since I'd felt this way. I poured all my desire into this one act. I went down on him again and again, until he was thrusting and moaning. I maintained a thin edge of control—I had to, didn't I? Yes. I had to give him this last wonderful thing before I—
"Stop, love."
He rolled me onto my back and covered me, his cock nestled against my wet heat. His silver eyes were glazed with desire.
"I've never wanted anyone like I want you," he confessed.
"I feel the same about you," I said.
Smiling that wonderful smile, he dipped to taste my collarbone.
He didn't stop there.
Every touch made me shiver, made me want.
Lorcan stretched my arms above my head. My back arched slightly, pushing my aching breasts into his chest. My whole body was aflame. I wanted to extend this exquisite torture nearly as much as I wanted to feel the bright and shining end of it.
He kissed me, his tongue s
lipping into my mouth to mimic the mating ritual we couldn't complete. I felt his cock jerk against my clit and I gasped.
Lorcan released my wrists so that he could cup my breasts. He pinched my nipples into hardness and I moaned as little shocks of need electrified me. When his mouth surrounded my nipple and his tongue flicked the peak, pleasure jolted through me, spearing me at the core. He laved my nipple, suckling it hard while his hand tormented the other breast. Then he switched mouth and hand and I almost died… again.
We were frenzied now, touching and kissing and groaning. I felt so savage, so edged with urgency that I could barely stand the overload of sensations. I wanted to scream.
Lorcan seemed to sense that I was more than ready. He pushed his cock between the slick folds of my labia and began to move.
Joy pierced me, trembling, aching tendrils that wrapped around me tighter and tighter.
"Lorcan," I whispered as my fingernails raked down his back. "Oh, Lorcan."
The orgasm swelled, waves of rapture threatening… then wham! I sailed over the threshold into bliss.
From far away, I heard Lorcan groan as he increased his pace. I couldn't believe it when my body revved for round two so quickly. The rocking of our bodies singed me to the core. The slap of flesh, the glazed look of lust in Lorcan's eyes, and his thick, pumping cock brought me to the brink again.
"Eva!"
His cock pulsed against my clit and the second orgasm bloomed as I felt the warmth of his come spray onto my belly.
He collapsed at my side, panting and sweating. He looked as though he'd been in battle rather than in bed. The thought made me giggle.
Whispering in Gaelic, he passed his hand over my spattered flesh and the area tingled. I looked down and found myself clean.
"I had no idea getting rid of the wet spot was another perk of being a vampire."
He grinned.
I flattened him to the bed and lay on top of him, enjoying the feel of being pressed against him. I rose up just enough to look him in the eye. "I'm ready to give you what you want. I promised."
His gaze shadowed. "What are you talking about, Eva? What promise?"
Broken Heart Town 2 - Don't Talk Back to Your Vampire Page 14