“She could have called me and cancelled the brunch, Ronald. I do have a phone, you know.”
“She was afraid she would miss you, and she also just thought it would be nice if we had a chance to chat as old friends once again.”
Carol sat quietly for a moment, stewing over her mother’s actions. The mimosas were served, and she found herself reaching for hers immediately, needing the fortification.
Lifting her eyes to Ronald, she took him in. Tall, but not as tall as Tom. Well dressed, dapper, but not like her Viking. Handsome, but not gorgeous. Smooth, manipulating. Not like Tom, who as he says, let’s get it all out so we can deal with the shit. Smiling, she couldn’t help but think of how much Tom had come to mean to her.
Ronald saw her smile and relaxed. “I knew once you had a chance to think about it you would realize this was a good idea.”
Glaring at him over her mimosa glass, she almost choked as the liquid went down the wrong way. “A good idea?” she sputtered. She continued to cough for a minute, trying to get the liquid to go down the right direction.
Ronald glanced around with an uncomfortable look on his face. “Can’t you cough quieter?”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” she asked. “You are more concerned about other people looking than me choking?”
Ronald reaching across the table to take her hand said, “Of course not, that came out wrong. Please forgive me.”
Pulling her hand back from his, she suddenly felt very weary. “I think I need to leave. This was a bad idea, Ronald. I feel tricked by my mother, and we just don’t have anything to talk about.”
“No, no wait. Our food will be arriving in just a moment, and I promise, I am just here out of a favor to your mother. She did mention that you were coming to the Charity dinner?”
“Yes, I am. Did she also mention that I was bringing a date?”
The waitress brought their food over, and Carol had to admit to herself that it smelled heavenly. Looking at the eggs benedict, she couldn’t help but quickly add up the calories in her head. Stop. This is fine. Just eat a little, eat healthy, and you’ll be fine.
Nodding, Ronald replied, “Yes she did. Is it that man that I saw you with several weeks ago?”
“His name is Tom Rivers and yes, that is who you saw me with.”
“What does he do for a living?”
“Ronald, I am not going to sit here and be questioned about my choice of boyfriend.” Fighting the desire to shovel the food in, she forced herself to pace. Slowly cutting bites of food assisted her in not eating too much too quickly. Angry that she was having to use these tips again, she knew that stress was always going to manifest itself in overeating.
“Well, I thought he seemed very nice the evening I met him. I was pleased to see you with someone so caring.”
Narrowing her eyes, Carol assessed the man sitting across from her. Something’s not right. Ronald and her parents had never given up on her becoming his wife so that the law firm could stay in the family.
Plastering a smile on her face, she agreed. “You’re right. He is a very nice man.” Looking down at her half eaten brunch, she knew she couldn’t eat another bite. “Well, Ronald, this has been nice, but I really must be going. I have to work tonight and want to get home in time to get some errands run first.”
Not hiding his surprise, Ronald stared at her. “You work at night?”
Laughing, she replied. “Yes Ronald. Nurses have to pull all sorts of shifts. I usually work the graveyard shift in the ER.”
Visibly paling, he retorted, “I can’t imagine what kind of man lets his girlfriend work at a hospital in the middle of the night!”
The smile leaving her face instantly, Carol stared at Ronald with thinly veiled indignation. “He is the type of man who sees me for exactly who I am. Loves me for exactly who I am. And does not try to make me into anyone else.” Rising, she tossed her napkin on the table. “Good day, Ronald. I suppose we will see each other at the dinner, but I think that will be the last time we associate.” Turning, she walked steadily toward the door. Striding through the awaiting crowd, she headed to her car.
“Carol wait,” a deep voice called out from the entrance. Not recognizing the voice, she whirled around. Jake was jogging over, concern etched on his face. Dropping her gaze to her feet, she felt her heart drop. Oh great. How do I explain this?
“Carol,” he spoke gently. “Are you all right?”
Raising her head to look directly in his eyes, she smiled. “Jake, what are you doing here?”
Blushing slightly, Jake seemed to debate what to say for a moment. “I was…having brunch with…a friend.”
Remembering what Tom had told her about Jake only seeing women outside of Fairfield, she realized that he must be out on a date. Blushing herself, she looked back down, not knowing what to say.
“Are you all right?” he prodded. “You looked angry back there.”
“I’m fine, Jake. Thank you.” She reached out, placing her small hand on his arm. “Really, thank you. That was,” she pointed toward the restaurant, “supposed to be brunch with my mother. She pulled out and sent an old family friend instead. We don’t see eye to eye on most things, so it was not a pleasant meal. But I am fine.”
“All right. I just wanted to check on you after I saw you leave so abruptly. Are you okay to drive back?”
“Absolutely. I’m fine, so please…go back and enjoy your brunch.”
He nodded as he assisted her into her car and watched her pull away. She watched him in her rear view mirror. Good friends. That’s what Tom has. Good friends. And good to me too.
The drive to Fairfield was going to take about an hour and a half, and she felt anxious as she started the drive. There was a rest stop about thirty minutes down the road and without thinking, she pulled in. Walking into the empty ladies room, she could feel the unexpected, but familiar, feeling of wanting to purge. Damn. Why now?
Standing over the toilet, she leaned against the stall wall. The idea of the eggs benedict swirled in her mind, along with thoughts of her mother’s and Ronald’s manipulations. Reaching her fingers to her lips, she forced herself to bite them instead of sticking them down her throat. Ronda says to talk to someone supportive when the urge comes. But I never had anyone who knew my secret. My shame. Until now. What if he rejects me? Shaking her head to clear her thoughts. He won’t.
Pulling her phone out of her purse, she dialed his number. Picking up on the first ring, she heard his familiar voice.
“Hey angel.”
Silence. For a moment, she couldn’t think of anything to say.
“Angel, what’s wrong? Where are you?” She recognized the concern in his voice.
“I’m on my way home, honey,” she said weakly. “I just…needed to hear you…your voice.”
“Carol, tell me right now what is goin’ on, babe. You’re scarin’ me. Where are you?”
“I’m at the rest stop halfway home. I just felt like I needed to… um… you know. And I thought of…calling you. If…I talked to you, then…um…I wouldn’t do anything.”
“Oh angel. Let me come to you. You stay there, and I’ll come right to you.”
“No, no. I don’t need you to do that. I just needed …to hear your voice. I just needed…to know you are there.”
“Angel, I’m here. I’m right here for you. You don’t need to do this. You’re strong. You’re beautiful. You’re a survivor. And baby, I love you so much it hurts sometimes.”
Smiling, Carol held the phone tighter as silent tears slid down her face. “I know. I just needed to hear it right now.” Taking a deep breath, she wiped her tears. “I’m good. I’m going to get back in my car and head home.”
“Come straight to my place, angel. My house is closer than your apartment. I’m gonna be right there waitin’ and I want you here with me. Drive safe, and I’ll see you, okay.”
“Yeah, Tom. I’ll come straight there.” Hanging up, she used the restroom and went over to the sink
to wash her hands. Looking into the mirror, she stared. Her hair was still pulled up into the sleek bun from earlier. Taking her clip out, she let the blonde tresses fall messily around her face. Using a paper towel, she wiped some of the makeup off then looked back into the mirror. Looking back was Carol. The Carol she knew. The Carol she liked. The Carol that smiled back at her in the reflection.
*
She knew where Tom lived, but had never been to his house. He usually picked her up from her apartment, and she got the feeling that his house was…sacred. Something not to be shared with just anyone. He had told her that he lived in the house that he had grown up in, on the street where he became best friends with Jake and Rob. When his parents moved away, they deeded the house to him.
Driving into Tom’s driveway, she grinned as she saw him lounging outside on the porch waiting on her. Her car had barely stopped when he threw open her door, pulling her out and into his embrace. Not willing to let her go, he kicked her door closed, saying, “Lock the doors, angel.” She held on to his neck while clicking her car remote in her hand. Tom carried her up the porch stairs and into his house, still not willing to let her go. Sitting down on the couch, with her straddling him, he cupped her face, his eyes searching hers. Satisfied with what he saw there, he pulled her back into his chest.
“I been waitin’ on you, getting’ more pissed by the minute,” he said, stroking his hands up and down her back. “Shoulda never let you go by yourself.”
Carol was silent, trying to find a way to tell him that brunch was a set up. Breathing deeply through her nose, she let out a huge sigh.
Tom, misinterpreting her sigh, assumed that she was upset with him. “I’m so sorry, angel. I shoulda protected you from your mom.”
Leaning away from his chest, she raised up to look at him, but found that she could only stare at this chest. Not willing to look him in the eyes, she hesitated.
He ducked his head down to try to meet her gaze, but finally placed his fingers under her chin, lifting her face. “Do you forgive me, angel?” he asked.
“Oh Tom, there’s nothing to forgive,” she quickly assured him, making eye contact. “I just have to tell you something and you’re not going to be happy. And I just don’t know how to tell you. And I…”
He placed the fingers that were on her chin onto her lips, effectively shushing her. “Angel, just say it. If you purged, we’ll deal. If we need to call your counselor, we’ll do it right now. Whatever you need, I’m right here with you, every step.”
Acceptance. Love. Comfort. Care.
Filled with courage, she leaned back so that she could see his face as she began to talk. Taking a deep breath, she began. “Tom, what I’m going to tell you is going to make you mad. But you have to promise me that you’ll stay calm. I handled it, and it’s over.”
His face, no longer as soft and gentle as it was a moment ago, was holding fast to her eyes. “Angel…,” he warned.
Plunging ahead, “Tom, the brunch was a set up. My mother did not come; instead she sent Ronald.”
He plucked her from his lap, setting her gently back on the sofa before he walked across the room, cursing. “Are you fuckin’ shitting me?”
Hopping up from the sofa, she walked over with her hands raised to calm him. “Tom, I’m fine.”
“Fine? Fine? Angel, you called me, crying in a bathroom, trying not to give in to the urge.”
“I know. I know,” she said with resignation.
Tom, fury pouring off of him, paced the room in frustration. She stood silently, knowing he needed a few minutes to calm. He stopped pacing by the window, standing still, looking at the view outside. Finally taking a deep breath, he turned back around, walking over to her, wrapping her in his embrace. “Sorry, angel. I’m just tryin’ to get hold of my anger.”
Hugging him tightly, “I know, honey. I’m so sorry.”
Pushing her away gently so that he could look down in her face, he admonished, “You’ve got nothin’ to be sorry for. But you need to tell me everything. And angel,” he said looking sternly. “I mean everything.”
“Honey, there’s not much to tell. I got to the restaurant and was shown to the table. There sat Ronald. I was going to leave, but wanted to know why he was there instead of my mother. He told me that mother called this morning because she was ill and asked if he would meet me instead.”
“Do you believe that?” Tom asked, doubt showing on his face.
“No.” She sighed sadly, and Tom pulled her back in to his chest, holding her tightly. “I think my mother wanted to send him, constantly hoping that I will fall at his feet, I suppose. He started asking about you, so I knew mom sent him to find out about you.”
“How did it end, angel?”
“I got angry and left. I ate a little, but was so irritated that I felt ill while eating, so I did not overeat.”
Looking up into his face, she continued, “I saw Jake. He came to check on me when I got to my car. I think I interrupted his date.”
“You must have been visibly upset for Jake to come check on you, angel.”
“I guess he saw me having lunch with a man, and I did leave rather abruptly.”
He pushed her hair back away from her face, peering deeply into her eyes. “No secret, I’m pissed as hell right now, angel.” Leaning his head back, staring at the ceiling momentarily, he then looked back down. “But proud of you. You were strong. You were tough. You felt the urge and called me.” Bending over to kiss her lips softly, he then pulled her back into his embrace.
“Angel, you gotta know, I plan on takin’ care of this.”
Carol jerked back in his arms. “How? What are you talking about? You can’t do anything, Tom. There is nothing to do. It was a situation, and I handled it.”
“You think I’m gonna sit back and let someone fuck with my girl. Even if that person is her mother and some old friend? Not happenin’.”
“Tom, you can’t fight all of my battles for me. Some things I have to handle on my own.”
Tom said nothing, neither agreeing nor disagreeing. This isn’t over, angel. No one fucks with what is mine to care for.
Pulling him in, she leaned up on her tiptoes to nuzzle his neck, loving the rough stubble and imagining it between her legs. She pressed her legs together to ease the building pressure. As he chuckled, she felt the rumbling deep within his chest as she tried to pull him closer.
“Impatient, angel?”
“I just really need you, Tom. All I could think about for the last part of the drive was getting here and jumping you!”
Growling, he lifted her in his arms, and she wrapped her legs around his waist. Walking the few steps until her back was pressed against the wall, he claimed her mouth, plunging his tongue deep inside.
She met him stroke for stroke, her tongue dancing with his, as the kiss deepened. Pressing his swollen dick against her, he rubbed his tight jeans against her core, providing the friction she craved. Pulling her top down below her breasts, he jerked her bra cups down exposing the creamy curved and rosy nipples that he had been imagining. Sucking a nipple deeply into his mouth, he pulled and tugged as he laved the swollen bud.
Her head banged against the wall behind her as the sensations overwhelmed her. Sliding her fingers through his blond hair, she pulled him in closer as he worshiped her breasts. First one and then the other, giving equal attention to her needs. The more he sucked on her nipples, the more she rubbed her clit against his rough jeans.
He held her up with one hand on her ass, as the other hand slid into her silky panties, thrusting up inside of her wet folds. Wet. Ready. Another finger joined the first and began their movement inside of her, eliciting more moans that he captured with his mouth. Just then, he felt her walls convulse around his fingers as she dug her fingers into his shoulders, crying out his name. He looked into her face, eyes closed, lashes resting on her flushed cheeks. A smile playing at the corners of her lips. I gave that to her. Me. No one else.
Slowly letting
her legs slide down to the floor, he held her tightly. His blue eyes captured hers in a gaze that continued for several peaceful moments.
Finally breaking the silence, she asked softly, “What are you thinking?”
Leaning his head down so that his forehead touched hers he breathed her in. “Thinkin’ about us. Thinkin’ about you being here.” He paused for just a moment. “Never had a woman here. Ever. You’re the first.”
You’re the first. Carol heard those words, allowing them to wash over her, filling the cold lonely places deep inside. I’m the first he ever let in. Into his home. Into his heart. Me. Just me.
“I love you, Tom Rivers,” she whispered.
Smiling, Tom turned as he took her hand and led her upstairs to the bedroom. Glancing around, she saw the master bedroom decorated in masculine colors of deep blue and gray. A comforter covered the king-sized bed and matching curtains that were pulled back to allow the sun to warm the room, framing the windows. Before she could peruse the room anymore, she was pulled back around to face Tom.
“You can check out the house later. Right now, I want my woman in my bed. Naked.”
“How caveman!” she laughed.
“You feelin’ good from what we were doing out there?” Seeing her nod, he continued, “You excited about what’s gonna happen in here?”
Grinning, she just nodded again, sliding up closer to him moving her hands on his impressive chest as his massive arms encircled her.
“It’ll always be about you.”
Rising on her tiptoes, she darted her tongue out and licked his mouth. “Well, then, let’s get to it,” she dared.
With a growl, he picked her up and gently tossed her down onto the bed. Pulling his t-shirt up over his head, he threw it on the floor. Unzipping his jeans, he pulled them down, kicking them off.
Carol leaned up on her elbows, watching the strip show in front of her. His body was sculpted from years of football and now his regular workouts. The muscles in his biceps bulged as he maneuvered his clothes off. Twisting back around to face her, she could see the deep lines of his abs as they tapered down to his waist. His tight black boxers were tented in the front with his impressive erection. His trunk-sized thighs flexed as he leaned forward, grabbing a condom from the nightstand.
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