They’re in a relationship, and I just need to come to terms with that. He’s been spending an awful amount of time away from her to be with me, and I can understand why she’d be upset.
Our car ride and the entire school day are peaceful, up until the last bell of the day, and I suddenly become anxious about the meeting. We all ignore our teacher shouting after us about the homework as we speed-walk out of the classroom.
I gather the necessary items from my locker before slamming it shut, jumping back with a racing heart when I see that Hayden is hiding behind it with a satisfied smirk.
“Did I scare you?” He chuckles, pushing himself off the wall when I begin to walk away with him trailing behind.
“You startled me, but you didn’t scare me.” I point out grumpily, scowling while I adjust the strap of my backpack on my shoulder.
He rolls his forest-green eyes, his smile only curling up more. “Whatever you say, love.”
I ignore his patronizing tone and the triumph he feels for scaring me. “I thought I told you earlier that I wouldn’t need a ride home?” I ask, wondering why he is following me.
“You did,” he says simply, and I peek up to look at him. “I just didn’t want you to get lonely on your walk to the office.”
“You’re right. I could get very lonely on my one minute walk.” I sarcastically state, stumbling a bit when he bumps the side of his body into mine. “You’re really full of yourself, you know that?”
“Only for you…”
We approach the main office doors after walking up a few stairs. I spot my mom already waiting outside on the bench, seated next to Wylie who is playing some game on his handheld and Leena in her carrier on the floor.
The hallways have cleared out in record time, only a few students lingering for afterschool activities. My mom sees the two of us and stands to press a kiss to my head before embracing Hayden.
“How are you, Lori?” he asks, swiftly pecking her cheek.
A light blush rises when she smiles. “I’m a bit hazy from a lack of sleep because the little one seems to be a night owl, but I’ve never been happier. You?”
“I’m doing great.” Hayden’s gaze falls down on me and sends a sweet smile my way, and I hold back a frown, curious of his strange behavior.
My mother looks at him with a loving gaze, holding back the urge to coo at us. She’s always adored Hayden like her own, despite everything he and I have been through. She always gives him the benefit of the doubt but worries about my well-being when I’m with him. She does appreciate everything he’s done for me over the years but also hates the way we fight.
“Do you really not know why they want to meet with us? Because I’m nervous.” I scratch my arm with a shaky hand before picking at my fingers.
“Don’t be so worried, sweetie.” Mom grabs my wrist to give me some sort of comfort, stopping me from pulling off skin till they are raw. “I’m sure everything is fine.”
Right about that second, the secretary steps out to call us back, saying the counselor is ready to see us.
“I can stay and watch the kids?” Hayden offers, nibbling on his bottom lip while glancing at my sleeping sister and brother who’s too engrossed in his game to realize what’s going on.
My mom thanks him quietly, before answering, “That is very sweet, but you don’t have to do that.”
Hayden peers down at me, knowing I’ll give him a truthful response, unlike my mom who doesn’t ever want to inconvenience someone or accept help that’s being offered.
“We’re okay. Just go home and do your homework like a good boy.” I tease, reaching up to ruffle his soft hair.
He grunts and pushes my hand away. “Evil…” he mumbles, fixing his wavy locks. “Call me later, okay?” He bends down to press a soft kiss to my forehead, bidding my mom goodbye before turning the corner.
“He is a total charmer.” My mom chuckles to herself, moving to pick up Leena while I take Wylie’s hand.
“Tell me about it. He could probably charm his way through life,” I say more to myself, but I know my mother heard it because she nods in agreement.
The guidance counselor welcomes us in from behind her desk. We take a seat in the two chairs placed in front of it, letting Wylie sit in my lap, but he’s still moving his fingers around on the device.
I’ve never been in here, nor have I met the counselor, but she looks to be in her mid-thirties. She seems very nice when she introduces herself, attempting to get my little brother’s attention, but he rudely shakes his head, focusing hard on his video game.
Nervousness bubbles in my stomach when she opens my file, brown gaze skirting over it. “From reading this, you’re the perfect student, Elsie.” She congratulates me, and I thank her quietly. “I just want to start off saying that you’re not in trouble, not at all! It’s actually good news I’d like to share with you and your mom. We recently have figured out that you have enough credits to graduate in January.” She grins, and I feel my mother squeeze my knee in excitement.
I know that I’m a bit of an overachiever when it comes to my education, but I wasn’t ever aiming for this. All I feel is shock and a bit of confusion mixing with that.
“Are you sure?” I ask, blinking at the woman.
“Absolutely! Only if you want to, though. You’re more than welcome to ride out your senior year like the rest of your classmates if you’d like.”
I raise my brows and shake my head with an agape mouth, just trying to wrap my head around all of this. I don’t even know what to do or how to answer. How can I almost be done with school but also not know what the hell I want to do with my life?
“Can I think about it?” It’s the first thing that comes out of my mouth, and my mom sends a sideways glance at me with a large grin.
“Take all the time you need!” The guidance counselor encourages, eyes sparkling and pearly white teeth on display.
I’m not sure what all of this means for me. If I do go for it, then that means more time to think about what I can do with my life, but then I’ll be on the outside while all my friends are still in classes all day. It’s an exciting and scary thing all the same.
The big question here is: do I go for it?
Chapter 27
Hayden
Sometimes I’d find myself lying in bed just thinking about Elsie. When I’m with her, I don’t even feel the need to dwell on the constant thought because she’s in my arms and my brain will finally rest.
The only times I let the guilt creep in for thinking about my beautiful best friend is when I have my girlfriend lying right next to me. It’s fucked up beyond measure, all of it is, but I don’t know how to deal with it properly.
I shouldn’t compare the mind-blowing kiss I had with Elsie on that rooftop to my girlfriend who cares for me. At least I think she does, but sometimes I’m not too sure. I feel like she just sticks around in this relationship so she doesn’t have to be alone.
But isn’t that the exact thing I’m doing?
Elsie confuses me. That night at the Halloween dance, Elsie had been so angry with me, and I felt like she was slipping right through my fingers, and I couldn’t let that happen. So, I did the one thing I’ve been dying to do for so long.
At that moment, it seemed like something she wanted too, even though it put her in a bad position. It was selfish to kiss her; I know that. I just physically and mentally couldn’t hold myself back anymore. I needed to know what her lips would feel like on mine, and it felt perfect.
The aftermath was enough to make me lose sleep for days on end until we finally had a breakthrough. We mutually and silently agreed it would be best to just move on and slip back to the way we’d been before. It wasn’t something I wanted, but I’d do anything to be in her life.
My feelings for her have grown immensely in just a few months. There was always that little pinch of something more, but I never let that arise until I realized that I was losing her.
And hell did those feelings grow and
take me over.
If I weren’t such a wimp, I’d drop everything for her. I’d pack a bag and beg her to run away with me. We could really do that, just be stupid teenagers who love each other too much and leave this town
But I’m too much of a coward to even admit my feelings, and I’m terrified of being alone. It’s not something I’d admit to anyone but myself, but I don’t think I could stand the thought of dumping someone who actually wants to be with me for a girl who begged me to forget we ever kissed.
Elsie’s all I could ever want, though. For now, I’ll just have to take what I can get until things fall into place, I hope.
There’s a deep-rooted guilt twisting in my gut when I look at Abby who I have hardly even touched since I kissed Elsie. She can be irritating and clingy at times, but she’s not all that bad. I try to forget the part that we met at a party during a one night stand right after I’d fought with Elsie over something stupid.
I just wanted to feel something and forget that irritating girl with the prettiest brown eyes, but all I did was think about her when I was with Abby.
Yesterday, I did something that I regret. Abby was lying in bed with me, snuggling to my side while I kept my hands to myself because there was a sick feeling stirring in my stomach. She was complaining about my trip to France with Elsie, and I tried to keep my mouth shut, eventually telling her to get over it.
I felt even worse when she began to cry and blubber on about how I don’t care about her. It wasn’t long till I was trying to prove that I do care because she was so desperate to have me in that way, even though I still felt so detached.
When it was all said and done, I felt nauseous like I could throw up all the food in my stomach at any second. We didn’t even touch each other after; she just laid next to me while neither of us made a move to even brush our skins.
Nothing…I feel absolutely nothing for her anymore.
It was like she didn’t hear me the first time when I told her to drop the subject because she started talking about the art class trip, whining about how she’d be leaving the next day to visit her family hours away for Thanksgiving, and we wouldn’t see each other.
By that point, I had crawled out of bed, tugging my clothes back on again, and she did the same. We ended up screaming and yelling until she was walking out of my house with tears streaming down her cheeks.
I didn’t go after her, I didn’t even feel the need to.
Of course, I felt bad. She doesn’t deserve any of this. My feelings for Elsie is my issue to work out, but I just don’t feel the urge to wipe Abby’s tears.
***
“Are you okay?” Elsie asks from the passenger seat of my car, hand laying on my forearm to run soothing circles on my skin.
“I’m okay, just thinking.” I frown, fingers tightening around the steering wheel as we head down the street that leads to our school.
I should feel all the guilt in the world for letting Abby leave upset last night, and that she flew out of state today without us working things out, but I don’t. I actually feel more at peace than I have in months.
Even in the oddest situation, Elsie makes me feel at ease. She calms my anger when I feel like it’s consuming me. She still cares even when I screw up and hurt her. She makes my heart feel like it’s going to pound out of my chest at any second, but she can also make it ache like no other.
“Do you think they’re gonna win tonight?” I ask her, referring to the football game we’re on our way to, trying to get her focus off me.
Her lips stretch into the cutest grin, making my stomach flutter. “I think they will. They have Nick, and he’s one of the best players.” She beams, obviously proud of her newly acquired friend.
Those butterflies that were once filling me die out, only to be replaced by a jealous churning at the thought of her being so fond of him. I’ve been trying so hard to get over myself and not make a big fuss of her being with him sometimes, but I hate it.
I despise the fact that he has the ability to make her smile like I do, and I absolutely hate it when he swoops in every time Elsie and I are on bad terms.
My jaw tenses, and my knuckles turn a concerning white color. “Yeah, he’s just wonderful.” I scoff, feeling pathetic for easily showing my dislike towards him.
Elsie doesn’t do a very good job at hiding the amused smile as she shakes her head, reaching over to pry one of my hands off the wheel. She places our intertwined fingers in her lap as she runs her thumb over my palm, eyes trained out the window.
A content simper tugs at my lips, and all the annoyance I felt suddenly vanishes from my body when we pull into the full parking lot.
Elsie climbs out of the truck, and I huff, wanting to open the door for her and continue to hold her hand, but she’s too stubborn. I receive an innocent look from her that has me weak in the knees when I round the front of the vehicle to meet her.
I reach back down to fiddle with her fingers as we walk to the back of the school together, gripping onto her like she’s my lifeline. The both of us keep our eyes forward, but I know I am not the only one who let out a sigh of relief.
I feel like I can think clearer when she’s next to me.
Elsie spots Anthea who’s talking with one of the other guys on the team, who I believe is named Jake, but I’m not sure. They greet us, Jake sending a polite hello to Elsie, but I still tug her closer to me.
He returns to the field where Nick spins around to shoot Elsie a goofy wave that has her giggling, and I fight back an intense eye roll.
Once we’re seated, the game seems to fly by, and our school actually won by one point. It was an intense game, to say the least, even though I was mostly peering down at the girl next to me the whole time. I didn’t once drop her hand, and she never made a move to either, which made my heart swell more than it should.
“Are you guys going to the party tonight?” Anthea questions, more so to Elsie.
I’m more than aware that she isn’t my biggest fan, and I don’t have a problem with that. She knows everything that happens between Elsie and me, so I can get why she doesn’t like me. I’m grateful she’s always there for Elsie when I can’t be, though.
Elsie’s shining brown eyes lock on mine, and I nod, telling her that I want to go, but she pokes her bottom lip out. That is her silent way of letting me know that she just wants to go back home and watch a movie while we snuggle.
My heart stutters, and I almost give in, wanting to kiss her more than anything. I don’t back down, though. Instead, I smile, leaning forward to lightly kiss her cheek, and she sighs.
“I’ll dance with you.” I haggle, batting my lashes dramatically and pouting for her to cave.
“You’re the devil,” she mutters, pointing her finger in my face, and I try to bite at it, but she just flicks my nose. Anthea watches with uninterested eyes, fighting back a smile as Elsie turns back to look at her. “Fine, we’ll go.”
Chapter 28
Elsie
My throat burns a little from the smoke clouding every room in this stuffy house, and my eyes are indubitably red from the contact high I’ve gotten from people in the kitchen smoking.
I had all in intentions of staying completely sober, but it obviously isn’t working in my favor at the moment. The good thing is it’ll wear off much faster than an alcoholic drink would. I feel light and giggly, much like I do when I’m drunk but not as intense.
The bass from the music is much louder in the living room area, but everywhere else, it is drowned out. I’m surprised the cops haven’t come to break the party up, but from what I’ve heard, that doesn’t happen much when parties are thrown up here.
In the past, I never seemed to mind being under the influence at a party with the chance of cops or parents shutting it down. I suppose I never fully thought about it and how screwed we would truly be.
For the past three and a half hours we’ve been here, I’ve been sipping on cherry sodas while Hayden is on an unknown amount of beer and shots by now
. I shouldn’t have let him play beer pong twice right after he consumed an excessive amount of alcohol, but I know I’d be sober enough to take care of him.
He’s been acting so odd lately, not that I mind. He’s actually been acting extremely caring and touchy, more than normal, and he always wants to have some sort of physical hold on me. Hayden’s always been considerate in the past, but he’s been so much more lenient, especially around me.
Lately, the only thing that has mattered to him is what I want or how I’m feeling.
I would be lying straight through my teeth if I said the way he held my hand all throughout the game didn’t warm my heart and make my stomach flutter out of control. The sweeter he acts towards me, the messier life gets, but it’s also never made more sense.
For now, I know that Abby is out of town. I feel like such a shitty person that it makes me happy and at peace, but it’s not just me. When Hayden came to pick me up earlier, he seemed much more relaxed and at ease with everything.
His shoulders weren’t tense, and there wasn’t that deep scowl on his face that made me want to reach out and smooth the crease between his brows. He just seems happier, more content with himself.
I know that he cares about her. I know that. It just makes me feel good seeing him like this. In fact, I can’t help but mirror his exact emotions. Whatever is going on between him and Abby is exactly that: between them. I can’t let any of that consume me anymore.
Things have just been so off recently. The kind where you feel like something is going to shift soon, and it might change everything. I’m not sure if either of us is ready for that.
My feet ache from standing the whole time, and my stomach churns with nausea due to the cup of beer dangling in front of my face, but I don’t mention it. As usual, Hayden seems to sense my discomfort and removes the red solo cup, setting it on the counter he’s perched on.
About half way through the party, Hayden leads me to the kitchen, scooting up on the countertop and sparking up a conversation with a group of people who are crowded in here. I sway back and forth awkwardly until he tugs on my hand to pull me in between his legs, my back to his front with his arms over my shoulders so he could nuzzle his face in my hair.
The Best Friend: A Young Adult Romance Story Page 15