by T. S. Ryder
Ricky and Kurtis were fighting in the kitchen, probably over something stupid, like who got the last burrito. He needed to get out of this place. Away from the constant fighting and bickering and everybody trying to get a piece of something and being so smugly superior. He needed the spray of the sea, the calm of the hunt to clear his brain and get him centered again. He’d been staying on the island, orbiting Diana, for too long. She couldn’t be his only gravity. Not when she had three other men who were more than willing to give her what she needed.
Am I more than willing? Can I give her everything that I am? And if I can . . . can I live like that if she doesn’t give it back to me?
He fished out his phone and sent a quick text to Bobby. Going hunting. Be back in a week. He left his phone in the front room as he left the house. He needed to stop thinking . . . Maybe then he’d be able to see things clearly.
Chapter Fifteen – Ricky
Almost every single member of the clan who was within the specified age range for the college applications had sent one in.
Ricky shook his head as he and Tyrell sorted through the various hopeful letters. They all wanted a chance to increase their education, better themselves, and be able to improve the quality of life for the clan. How was he meant to narrow it down to just six? Six was better than none, he knew that.
Still, six out of a hundred or more . . . And how was he meant to know who was the best choice? Having good grades didn’t prove that an individual was good at practical application of skills – just that they were good at tests.
He hadn’t spoken more than a few words to Diana in over a week. After his initial happiness, he was now angry that Diana was taking pity on him. But he wasn’t so proud as to let his ego stand in the way of his clan’s wellbeing
Ricky pinched the bridge of his nose. He breathed deeply, trying not to lose his temper. It didn’t work. As soon as his eyes closed, he saw Kurtis’ smug little grin and heard him hiss into his ear. Charity case. As though it was an insult to reach out for help when he needed it. Rage boiled through him and before he could stop himself, his fist came down on the table with a roar.
“This is unfair! All of the Ridgeline pack have the opportunity for a free college education, yet I have to fight for half a dozen of our people to be sent?”
Tyrell didn’t look phased. “That would be bloody unfair if it were true. There are only half a dozen Ridgeliners who can go to college in a year, and they have to pay the clan back all the money that they borrow. But it would benefit the whole island if we were more cooperative with one another. Guess it’s a good thing that Diana came when she did, huh? We’ll finally be able to get that started and put us all on equal footing.”
Tyrell’s calm logic did nothing to soothe Ricky’s temper. But his second-in-command was right, of course. The Ridgeline only sent six individuals out per year, and this coming year, they’d send none. Instead, they’d be sending people from the Flatlands. It didn’t soothe his temper at all.
The truth was, he wanted something to be angry over. There was so much pent-up emotion inside him that he thought he might burst if he tried to hold it in for another second.
“Yeah,” he muttered. “It’s freaking wonderful.”
“We’re going in the right direction, Ricky. Let’s celebrate the victories we have.”
Ricky didn’t respond. He knew that he shouldn’t be so upset about something that Kurtis, of all people, had said. He couldn’t help himself, though.
His phone started to ring. He picked it up, saw the picture of him and Diana that they had taken when they had gone to the water plant, and declined the call. Then he turned off the sound, flipped it over, and pushed it far away from him. He grabbed another of the applications to ignore the stunned look that Tyrell was giving him.
“What the hell is that about?”
Ricky’s bear growled a growl that he echoed. “That’s none of your business.”
“I’m your second-in-command and your friend. Judging by the look on your face, you need to talk.”
“I don’t need to talk. I need to figure out who to send to college. God! Do I have to do everything myself?”
Tyrell frowned at him. Luckily, he didn’t say anything else. Instead, he started sorting through the applications again. Ricky bent over the paper, trying desperately to stay focused on what he was doing. His mind wouldn’t focus, though. It kept bouncing all over the place and landing again and again on Diana.
Eventually, he threw the applications down again and headed for the door. “I’m going to work on the tractor. I’ll be back.”
“Maybe you ought to go get laid,” Tyrell muttered.
Ricky pretended like he hadn’t heard that.
***
A few days of hard work put only more silence between Ricky and Diana. Every night when he came home and found the light still on in her room, he thought about going to her and apologizing for being such an asshole, but he never could. Twice it was because of the murmur of voices inside – he’d interrupt her and Bobby. Once, there were noises coming from Kurtis’ room.
This was too complicated for him to deal with. It had been a mistake to think that he could share a mate with that arrogant son of a bitch . . . And yet, every night he dreamed of being with Diana, and half the time, Kurtis was there, too.
Several days after Noel had gone off hunting, Diana came to the field he was working in. She wore a plaid shirt, a wide-brimmed hat, and a faded pair of jeans. The perfect image of a farm girl, but terribly impractical otherwise. The jeans were too tight for her to be able to bend in and the shirt was flannel. She’d bake in no time flat.
“Hey,” she greeted him with a smile.
“I’m busy right now,” he grunted back at her. “I don’t have time to play.”
Her smile faded. “I was coming out to see if I could help you. We haven’t had much time to spend together lately and I thought that I should take the step to make it happen.”
“I’m busy.”
Diana fidgeted on the spot. She picked at a hangnail on her thumb and chewed her lip. Eventually, she threw her shoulders back and looked him in the eye. “Are you mad at me?”
Ricky closed his eyes. He knew it was irrational for him to be angry . . . yet he was. And he was going to continue to be until something changed. He needed to let her know that, but . . . What was he going to say? That he was angry that she took his side in his argument with Kurtis? It was irrational and he knew that. It made no sense to be so angry, and yet he was.
“You don’t have to answer that. It was a stupid question. It’s obvious that you’re mad at me. And you have been ever since I said that Kurtis should help some people from the Flatlands go to college. I don’t understand, Ricky. He’s mad at me, too . . . That I can understand. Noel’s furious with me. He left without even telling me. And I know why he’s mad, too, but I don’t understand what I did wrong with you. Please tell me. Bobby’s the only one that isn’t mad at me. I just . . . I want to make it right, but I don’t know how. Please.”
Her voice shook and when he glanced at her, tears rolled down her cheeks. His bear slapped him hard. If it had been facing him, he’d be dead from the blow. The urge to go to her and take her in his arms and kiss away her tears was almost too much to take, but he held himself back and didn’t respond.
What was going to happen when she realized that having four men all over her wasn’t that fun after all? He’d be the first one to get kicked to the curb. It was clear to everybody that she had something special with Bobby. Noel was the hottest bear on the island, and Ricky had seen the way he could move his body. Kurtis was rich. He could buy her everything she wanted.
Ricky? He was just he workaholic who smelled like engine oil and dirt when he came home.
“Diana . . . ” He sighed as he shook his head. “It’s not you. It’s me. And it’s something that I have to work out on my own.”
“Okay.” Her voice was small, then grew stronger. “But you had bett
er figure it out. I can’t just hang around being buffeted by all of your tempers. I’m not perfect, and I know this is weird for everybody. I want this to work. I want it more than anything. I need all four of you in order for that to happen, though.”
“I know.” Ricky turned and smiled at her again. “I just need a little time, okay? I’m still figuring out who I am in this group. Who I am if I’m not plowing a field.”
Diana nodded. She still cried softly, but she seemed more at ease. She moved forward a little and laid her hand on his. “Just remember that you can plow my field, too.”
The words sent a swirl of heat up through his body. He tightened, and for a moment, his mind darted to all the places he could take her for some privacy. The barn. The silo. There was a little grove of trees up there. Maybe even against the tractor tire . . .
He shook those thoughts from his head. Maybe Bobby was onto something when he said emotions needed to be sorted out before sex was involved. While Ricky was certain that he and Diana would have very, very satisfying sex if he ripped her clothes off then and there, that wouldn’t solve the problem that was here right now. He managed a smile at her.
“Once I’ve figured out my own head, I’ll talk with you. Okay?”
She nodded. “Okay. Are you sure there isn’t something I could help you with, though? Kurtis told me that you might need some extra attention right now.”
Kurtis. Of course. Ricky’s nostrils flared as he snatched his hand away from her. “So that’s why you’re here? I’m not going to be your charity case, Diana!”
“What?” Diana’s brows knit. “What are you talking about? I don’t see you as a charity case. I am concerned because you’ve been down and—"
“I don’t need help. Okay? I have been leading this clan since I was fifteen years old. I can do this on my own. I am not helpless. I have been able to take care of things just fine before you came along. I’m not some helpless cub that needs a mother hen smothering him. I work because I like to work, and I don’t need you to come over here thinking that I need to be taken care of, okay? I can take care of myself!”
Diana’s hands clenched. “I am going to leave before I say something I regret, but this? This is really shitty, Ricky. It’s really shitty.”
“Yeah?” Ricky kicked the tire as she walked away. He wanted to shout but bit it back. What was the hell wrong with him?
And what the hell was wrong with her? Was she incapable of seeing him as a man who could look after himself? He didn’t need her to come in and act like his savior. He’d have figured out how to send his people to college without her, and he’d have found a mate if she had never come. His life wasn’t easy, no, but he had always dealt with it.
Tyrell spoke from behind him. “You’re a real idiot, aren’t you?”
Ricky whirled on him. “Watch yourself! I am the alpha.”
Tyrell held up his hands but didn’t back down. “You are the alpha. And I remember you as a scrawny fifteen-year-old, freshly orphaned, with the entire clan looking at you for leadership. People saying that you couldn’t do it and your determination to prove them all wrong.”
“You don’t have to remind me that half of our people didn’t want me to be the alpha.” Ricky had struggled for years to gain the respect of his own clan members, let alone the respect of the other clans. Fifteen was a hell of a young age. While other kids his age were going to school and giggling about crushes, he was in an office figuring out how to deal with boundary conflicts and negotiating prices for the trade of goods. And he’d had to do it all by himself.
Sure, he’d had Kurtis to share his troubles with, but he couldn’t even remain his friend because of the rumors, the knowing looks people gave them as they walked down the street.
Tyrell moved a little closer. “Accepting help doesn’t make you weak, Ricky. She cares about you and wants to be there for you. And you? You need to resolve these feelings you have for Kurtis.”
“I don’t have—”
“Yes, you do.”
Ricky shook his head. “I’m not gay.”
Tyrell rolled his eyes. “No, I know that. It’s obvious from the way you look at women that you like them, but there is such a thing as bisexuality. And apparently, pansexuality is also something. Slightly different, though, maybe . . . ”
Ricky rubbed his eyes. He didn’t have time to keep up with stuff like that. He didn’t want to talk about this.
“It’s also possible to love more than one person at a time,” Tyrell continued. “If you don’t believe me, take some time to actually look at Diana. She loves you. She loves the others. Get your head out of your ass . . . Now, I am going to go and work on the opposite side of the island. Please don’t send anybody after me to kill me.”
“I wouldn’t send anybody after you. I’d take you out myself.”
Tyrell smiled before he turned to leave.
Ricky sat on the ground. His chest felt like it was going to collapse at any second. Everything he’d said to Diana came rushing back, and he was so furious at himself that he didn’t know what to do. So, he pressed his palms into his eyes and fought back tears as memories of the one other time he’d felt happy came to his mind.
Chapter Sixteen – Diana
Every time Diana heard a car, she looked up with bright eyes and a hopeful expression. Ruby was next to her in the garden as they plucked out the weeds growing in it. Bobby stretched out in the sun nearby, eyes closed. He had volunteered to help, but she had told him that he didn’t need to. She just needed to have something to do.
There was a sound of a motorcycle approaching and Diana jumped to her feet. Both Bobby and Ruby glanced up. Her heart slammed in her chest, again and again. Soon, Noel’s bike came into view. She ran toward the garage and got there just as he was turning off the bike.
“You’re back!” she ran to him and threw her arms around him. It had been a week since she saw him. Noel caught her, seeming surprised as she nuzzled into his arms. He smelled of salt and sweat and she clung to him a little tighter. “I missed you.”
Noel’s arms wrapped around her. “I missed you, too.”
Relief washed over her. She pulled back so that she could crane her neck and look into his eyes. Had he grown taller since she had last seen him? She managed a small, hesitant smile. “So . . . I know things ended on a really bad note between us. I would like to take this opportunity to apologize. I behaved badly, and rather than stopping to actually listen to you, I just stuck to my own perspective and refused to try to see things from another point of view. And I shouldn’t have slapped you.”
Noel cupped her face and shrugged. “I had a lot of time to think when I was out. I shouldn’t have left like I did . . . It didn’t give us time to talk this out. I’m sorry about that. I understand that it was unreasonable to expect that you would be okay with all of our ways. As for that slap, I shouldn’t have grabbed you.”
Diana pushed herself to her toes, reaching to kiss him. Heat flared in his eyes, but he turned and shook his head.
“We’re not good, Diana. I can’t pretend like nothing happened. And we do need to talk, but there’s no time right now. I need to talk to the others first.”
“Oh.” Diana inhaled deeply, then nodded. “Okay. Do you want me to call Ricky? Actually, no. He’s not taking my calls . . . I’ll go tell Kurtis and Bobby.” She headed off, her heart sinking to somewhere around her shoes. I have to be patient and give him space. I have to learn what each of the alphas needs in order for this to work. I can’t just expect to deal with them all in the same way . . .
Diana sat quietly in the corner of the dining room. The four alphas stood gathered around the table. When Ricky had returned from the fields, Noel has said something about a farming expansion so that they could increase their livestock. Hunting, apparently, was getting worse with each year, and they were having to go further out. And there was something about fishing stocks dwindling, too.
A large map of the island, with borders drawn on with m
arkers, was spread out over the table. Ricky and Noel stood on one side, Kurtis and Bobby on the other. Diana was determined to stay there for the whole discussion but soon found it frustrating to just be an observer. She held back from intervening, though. She needed to know more about how things were handled before putting her foot in her mouth again.
“There is land here that we could use for new fields,” Ricky said, gesturing.
“That’s Black Sands territory.” Bobby shook his head. “We’re not giving up that land. I can talk with the clan to see if we can possibly rent it to you . . . ”
“Rent it?” Ricky repeated. “Well, then maybe we should charge you rent for being on the island!”
Bobby narrowed his eyes. “That land is ours. It was an agreement made long ago. We had to fight for it, and we’re not just going to roll over and let you take it back now that you’ve decided it’s worth something. We made it what it is. We have been planting grasses and tilling the ground, getting it ready for production. And now that it is, you want to just take it away?’
“It’s just sitting there doing nothing!”
“Not nothing,” Noel interrupted. “This beach here that’s close to these fields? It’s an important pupping ground. If you open it up to your machine farming, it could be devastating for the populations there.”
Kurtis frowned. “But there are lots of islands around here where the sea lions pup. One beach isn’t going to hurt them. I mean, they have pretty healthy populations, don’t they?”
“One beach, then two beaches, then three beaches. The government allows us to hunt because we don’t bother this population.” Noel narrowed his eyes at Kurtis. “We can’t risk losing their permission. Larger herds or not, what are we going to eat if we can’t bring in sea lions?”