“She had a brain tumour,” I whisper. “It was growing slowly, and she was told she could live with it for a while but it would kill her one day.”
“So she was going to die no matter what?”
“Yes, but she shouldn’t have died then. It was too soon.”
“Maybe not to her,” she says simply. “You can’t know how much pain she was in, even if it was growing slowly. She might have been noticing differences in her health that might not have been obvious to you. Or,” she says, “maybe she just knew that it was her time to go. You can’t judge someone for deciding when the time is right for them.”
I think about that for a minute. She has a very good point and one I’ve not considered before. “But what if her tumour was affecting her thought process? What if she thought it was the right thing to do, but actually it was the tumour pressing against a certain part of her brain that jumbled everything up in her head?” I ask.
“Why would you torture yourself with those sorts of thoughts? You’ll never get answers.”
“I know,” I say with a sigh. “It’s just what I do.”
“Well, that’s pointless,” she deadpans. “And a complete waste of energy.”
I chuckle to myself at her honesty and bluntness.
“If I were you,” she says, “I’d take some comfort in the fact that whatever way she did it, it was probably faster and less painful than how she would have gone if the tumour had been allowed to destroy her. Imagine having pain in your head like that every day. That must be awful. I’m sure lots of people would make the same decision as Alex did. She was very brave.”
I swallow the lump that’s stuck in my throat and tighten my grip on her. “Sometimes you say just the right thing.” I take a deep breath when we can no longer see our houses. This feels like our last night together, and I know in a way it is. I’ll still see her when she’s at wherever it is they’ll make her go, but it won’t be the same.
It’ll never be the same.
Chapter 20
Yara
Gabriel places me gently down on the soft bed of grass that lines the bank of water. He winces and presses his hands to the bottom of his back when he straightens. “I could have walked,” I tell him. “You didn’t need to carry me the whole way.”
“I did,” he says, sitting beside me. “You might think you can walk up a bloody big hill, but you’re still very weak.”
I playfully scowl at him. “But we’re still swimming, right?”
His eyes scan through the mist and over the water. “It might be too cold for you.”
“The water is warm,” I remind him.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea, Yara. What if you get sick?”
“Then I get sick,” I say quickly. “A bit of cold won’t kill me.”
“Yara…” he warns.
I huff, then lift my hoodie and shirt over my head, loving the feel of my cool hair as it drops all down my warm back. When I stand up, my legs shake a little, but Gabriel doesn’t notice. Pushing my sweats down my legs, I step out in nothing but my knickers. I look down, smiling to myself when I see Gabriel still sitting on the grass with his knees pulled up to his chest and his eyes focused on the water.
I step in front of him and stand completely still until he drags his eyes all the way up my body to my face.
“I’m not going in until you come with me,” I say.
He smirks and leans back on his elbows. “Fine by me.”
Okay,” I say. “I’ll just stand here—almost naked—until you give in. But I’ll probably freeze to death.”
He doesn’t say anything else. Instead, his arm shoots out and he wraps his fingers around my good wrist. “I can rectify that.” He tugs, forcing me to fall towards him, then catches me and pulls me against his chest, my bum sitting in his lap.
“That was pretty stealthy,” I say through a giggle.
“It’s one of my many skills,” he tells me while managing to keep his face deadly serious.
“And what are your other skills?”
Gabriel’s mouth twitches and then his eyes catch mine as I wrap my legs tightly around his waist, my breasts almost touching his chest. His playfulness instantly vanishes.
His hot lips suddenly seal over mine in a burst of hot pleasure. Now I’ve done this a few times, I know exactly what to do to get him to groan into my mouth. When I feel his hands sneaking up my bare spine, I lean into him, pushing my hands around his shoulders and then up his neck. He groans as I run my fingers through the silky strands of his hair.
“Gabriel,” I murmur in between kisses.
“Yes?” he whispers back as he nips at my bottom lip.
I wriggle on his lap as I try to get some relief from the ache I can feel in between my legs. His mouth moves across my jaw and down my throat.
When I gently tug on his hair, he stiffens as if I’ve hurt him. Then he suddenly pulls back, tearing his mouth away from mine. “We need to stop,” he announces.
“Why?” I breathe as he rests his forehead against my shoulder.
“Because I’m getting carried away. Because I’m about to get to the point where I won’t be able to stop.”
“Don’t stop,” I whisper as I press gentle kisses over his forehead. My fingers lift his chin until his face is free for me to kiss. My lips barely touch the end of his nose and cheeks, and then I devour his lips as if my life depended on it—as if this is my last chance to do it. Because it probably is.
“Touch me,” I say, pulling his hand up to place it over my breast. “Please, Gabriel. I need to feel this. These crazy feelings that I can’t even begin to describe need to be explored. I want to see what they are and how they feel.”
His hand shakes as it envelops my hip, and I don’t know if it’s from nerves or because it’s cold outside.
“Please, Gabriel,” I whisper again.
“Please what, Yara?”
He pulls me towards him and snakes a hand all the way up my neck until I’m shaking from how much I like it. Then I feel the fingers from both of his hands pushing into my hair, making my skull feel like it’s tingling all over.
He kisses me more fiercely now, his tongue dipping in and out as his hot breaths fall into my mouth. I kiss him back with just as much fever. His hands move from my hair at the same time my hands start to tug at his shirt until he pulls it all the way off for me.
He kisses me more fiercely now, his tongue dipping in and out as his hot breaths fall into my mouth. I kiss him back with just as much fever. His hands move from my hair at the same time my hands start to tug at his shirt until he pulls it all the way off for me.
As my fingers delve in between the deep grooves that outline his stomach, I start to shake. “Gabriel,” I say with a groan as his hand starts to caress the inside of my thigh. The gentle sweep of his fingers against my sensitive skin makes my legs flinch, and the swirling feelings that I’ve had in my stomach start to make me feel as if they’re pressing against my lungs.
“What do you want, Yara? Tell me.”
His voice is strong and sure.
“I want you to make love to me,” I tell him as I push my pelvis against his hand. My breaths start to tumble out of my mouth, my eyes closing because of how good he feels. “Please.”
His hands are suddenly on my bum, and then within a split second, I’m on my back underneath him. I must look shocked at the sudden change in position because he chuckles. “Stealthy,” he says, brushing the back of his fingers against my cheek
“Mmm.” I can’t say anything else. My brain is too busy taking in the image of him with his knees on either side of my hips. His face hovering above me. His eyes burning with something that I’ve never seen before.
“Are you sure?” he asks as he kisses over my chest, taking one of my nipples into his mouth.
“Yes,” I say with a gasp as I arch my back for him. I feel his fingers stroking the inside of my thigh and my hips jerk upward. “Oh, God.”
He pulls back and
I hear the clink of his belt as he begins to remove his jeans. I concentrate on the feeling of my heart as it hammers against my rib cage. I hear the insects chirping away and the gentle lapping of the water as it moves against the bank of grass behind me.
“Look at me, Yara,” he says.
My eyes flick to his instantly, noticing the way he straddles me in all his naked glory. I want to move my eyes from his gaze. I want to move them all the way down his body until I get to the bits of him I’ve not yet seen, but I don’t. I hold his stare, letting him know that I mean what I say. I am ready.
“I love you,” he whispers.
Heat blooms in my chest and coils in my stomach. I feel myself smiling as he lowers himself on top of me. “Do you really?”
“Yes, I really do.” He smiles and then he starts to kiss me again.
He kisses me everywhere, not leaving an inch of my skin untouched. His hands move over me, caressing and massaging me until my whole body is relaxed enough to not worry about what comes next for us. He’s dragged me right into the moment. This moment. Our moment. And I plan on staying right here for as long as I can.
When our bodies are completely connected underneath the stream of the moonlight and the thousands of twinkling stars I can see in the dark sky, I let the tears I’ve been holding back pour from my eyes. Gabriel’s body moves against mine in a way I never could have imagined. It’s gentle and slow and everything I ever dreamed it would be. It’s a memory I’ll treasure forever.
When his mouth touches my damp cheek, he must taste my tears because he freezes. “Are you okay?”
“Yes,” I say.
“Are you sure? Do you want me to stop?” he whispers.
I shake my head and pull him down for a kiss as I feel his hips begin to move again.
“I love you too, Gabriel,” I whisper when he kisses the corner of my eye.
And as Gabriel makes love to me underneath a perfect, cloudless, star-filled sky, I realise that this is exactly where I belong. Where I’ll always belong.
With Gabriel.
Gabriel
Maybe I shouldn’t have done what I did. Maybe I shouldn’t have used my body to show her that I love her. Maybe words would have been enough. But I couldn’t stop myself. I wanted to be with her in every possible way. I wanted to give her something to remember. I wanted to remind her that her life is worth living.
The warm water laps against my bare chest and my eyes move across the pond, noticing the difference in the colour. When I look up at the sky, I see the first hints of dawn.
“We should go back now,” I call to Yara.
She turns, her hair fanning out over the surface of the water, and smiles at me. “I’ll go wherever you want me to go,” she says.
My heart pounds in my chest, letting me know it’s just realised what’s going to happen today.
“How’re you feeling?” I ask as she swims up to me, wrapping herself around my body.
“I’m a little sore,” she says, “but I feel like I could fly. Like I never want to go asleep again. Like I want you to make love to me every minute of every day.”
I laugh as I start to walk toward the edge of the water with her. “I know I said I have skills, but I don’t think even I’m capable of doing that.”
She nestles her head in the space between my jaw and chest and sighs heavily. “I have a lot to learn, and I’m sure it wasn’t anything special to you, but I just wanted you to know that it was everything I ever wanted it to be. I’ll never forget what we just did and how you made me feel. I didn’t even think it was possible to feel so much all at once.”
Wasn’t anything special? “Yara, last night meant everything to me,” I tell her. “You mean everything to me. And I want you to know that I’ll be here for you, whatever happens today or tomorrow or next week. I’ll be here for you. Always.”
We don’t say anything after that. I guess there isn’t really much else to say. We both know that our minds are filled with worry about where they might take her. Neither of us need to voice those worries out loud. It won’t do us any good.
We dry ourselves with my hoodie and then get dressed. When Yara starts to walk away, I swoop her up into my arms and tell her that I’m carrying her home. She accepts without arguing, which makes me wonder how much being out here tonight has taken out of her. Mum will go nuts if she discovers we went out.
Yara falls asleep in my arms just as the sun turns the sky into a pale pink blanket of clouds. I stride across my garden, thankful that all the blinds and curtains are still drawn, and sneak us back into the house and upstairs.
Yara
My eyes flick open and I quickly realise that I’m back at Gabriel’s house. He must have carried me home and put me to bed in the guest room when I was asleep. I glance at the clock and see that’s its still quite early. I must have only been asleep for an hour or two, and by the sounds of it, everyone else is still asleep.
I feel a tickle in the back of my throat because of how thirsty I am, so I slip out of bed, wincing at the new aches I have in places I didn’t know could ache. I creep out of the room and tiptoe down the stairs and into the kitchen. After grabbing a glass from the cupboard, I pull open the fridge and pour myself some orange juice. As I’m pouring, I can’t help but think about what Gabriel and I did last night and how magical it was.
I smile to myself as I replace the juice, wondering if everything will start to feel differently now we’ve been together in that way. I wonder if people will be able to tell? That’s silly, I realise. It’s not as if I have a neon sign hanging above my head, declaring it to the whole world.
I close the fridge door and turn around to find Jasmine right in front of me. I gasp and jump back, my head colliding with the fridge. My fingers tighten around the glass to stop it from falling as I glare at her. “What are you doing here?” I hiss.
“Me?” she says, pointing at herself as she smirks at me. “What are you doing here?”
She can’t hurt me. I’ll just shout for Gabriel. I’m safe. “I’ve been staying here,” I tell her as I frown at her, “with Gabriel and his mum.”
She scoffs and pushes me out of the way so she can get to the fridge. I stumble but then right myself as I watch her open the door and scan the shelves. “What are you doing in their house at this time? I think you should leave.”
“This is my house too!” she spits, slamming the door. “It’s you that needs to fucking leave.”
What? “Your house?”
“Yes.”
I shake my head, feeling confused. “Do you lodge with them or something?”
“No, stupid. This is my house. I’m the daughter of the mum you’ve been sponging off, and you’re the freak that likes to try and kill herself. They don’t trust you, and you’ve not got a soul to call family, so you’ve been under house arrest for the last week with my family.”
No, no, no. “So Gabriel is your brother?” Please, no.
“Yes,” she says as she advances on me. “Not as thick as you look at times, are you?”
This is a nightmare. It must be. “You’re his sister?” I ask as the shock feels like it freezes the blood in my veins.
I can’t believe Gabriel is her brother. Did he know it was her that was doing those things to me? Did he know that his own sister was the reason I hated my life?
“Yes. And you’re a pain in my arse.” Jasmine laughs and shoves at my shoulder, causing my juice to slosh over the side of the glass.
“And you’re a bitch,” I fire back, hating how the anger that’s coursing through my veins has made me say that word.
I decided when I woke up in the hospital that I wasn’t going to let them bully me any more. I decided I was going to fight back and take back some of the power they have over me. So that’s what I do. I curl my hand into a fist and pull my arm back, letting it fly through the air until my knuckle hits her cheek.
Jasmine’s face goes pale as she slumps to the ground, and then her whole body curls into a
funny, twisted shape as she starts to convulse on the floor.
“What are you doing?” I ask.
Jasmine’s jaw looks like it’s locked and her eyes are flickering in her head. Is this some weird joke? “Get up,” I say, feeling confused. “I don’t understand what you’re doing.”
She carries on shaking and stuttering below me, and I suddenly realise that this isn’t right. She doesn’t look like she’s messing about now.
“Jasmine?” I crouch down beside her and see mucus coming from her mouth as her back arches and twists in weird positions. She’s making weird noises too and it’s frightening me.
Did I do this to her? Was it because I hit her?
I’m still kneeling beside her when Gabriel storms into the room.
“Jasmine!” he breathes as he gathers her into his arms. “Oh, no. How long has she been like this?”
“A-a-a while.”
“Call an ambulance, Yara.”
“I d-d-on’t k-now how.” I stand up and back away from her. From him. From them.
“Mum!” he yells. “Jasmine is fitting and it’s pretty bad!”
Fitting? Like a seizure?
I hear his mum’s footsteps on the stairs, and then she’s in the room taking charge. Gabriel hands Jasmine over to his mum and then pulls his phone out of his pocket. “What happened?” he asks me as he puts the phone to his ear.
I hit her. I finally hit her back and it felt so good. I shake my head. I can’t tell him I did this.
“Ambulance,” he barks into the phone. He turns and places his hand on his mum’s shoulder as she holds Jasmine and utters words of comfort over and over again.
Panic slithers over me as if it were a snake. It coils around my shoulders and then squeezes my throat. My mouth feels as dry as the desert as I watch Gabriel push his hands through his hair in despair.
“Why isn’t it stopping, Mum?” he asks.
“I don’t know,” she replies. “It’s a bad one.”
“I have to go. I’m sorry,” I whisper, but I don’t think they hear me. I slip outside just as I hear the sirens in the distance
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