by Nina Croft
“Do you want to come in and meet my grandfather?” Jenny asked as he walked her to the front door.
“Another time,” he said, and she leaned up on tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek.
“I think Mum likes you better than Jack,” she said as the door opened and Rachel appeared.
Driving away, he tried to shift his black mood. He should be happy for Abby. Hell, his coming into her life probably gave her more time to see other men. She’d said it had been hard juggling her daughter and her career. Well, whoop-de-fucking-doo. She could go fuck some other man while he was babysitting their daughter. Good to know he had some uses even if he wasn’t good enough to be her boyfriend.
Was that what she was doing now? Something dark built up inside him at the thought, and his hands tightened on the steering wheel.
Okay. Take a step back.
He was losing it. Again. Since when had he wanted to be anyone’s boyfriend? It was entirely up to her who she fucked. Besides, she was at work right now so she couldn’t be out with this new guy. Except they worked together. So who knew what they got up to when no one was looking. On fucking taxpayers’ time. Hardly ethical. Maybe he should report them to someone.
With that thought, he pulled over to the side of the road and switched off the engine. Running a hand through his hair, he came to the conclusion that he wasn’t, in fact, losing it. He had lost it, totally and completely. She was driving him insane. Miss Prim and Proper had him tied up in knots.
He cast his mind back to that night in the lifeboat, when he’d made that vow to go find his fantasy girl. What had he expected? Probably that he’d see her and she’d be nothing like the girl he’d dreamed about, and he could put her behind him…and do what? Go on with his life. Find someone he wanted for more than a few weeks. Because he was quite aware that he’d used his fantasy girl as an excuse to never get close to the real women he dated. They would never measure up to the girl of his dreams.
Everything inside him tensed up at the idea. Abby was right—he didn’t want anything permanent; the idea terrified him. But it didn’t matter anyway—things hadn’t worked out like that. Abby was nothing like the girl he remembered, the girl he’d dreamed about. She was something different, the last type he would expect to go for, yet he couldn’t stop thinking about her.
The truth was, they’d both grown up; his fantasy girl had become his fantasy woman, and he didn’t want to let her go. But at the same time, he couldn’t make himself make that commitment. Not that it mattered because she didn’t want him in her life anyway. Not any more than was necessary under the circumstances. He wasn’t good enough.
Shit. He couldn’t believe that was getting to him. He was rich and successful. He knew a whole load of women who would jump at the chance of sleeping with him. Why did he want the one he couldn’t have? Or was it as simple as that? He was going all Neanderthal; he was in this for the chase, and if he did catch her, then what?
She was the mother of his daughter, that was all. There was an unbreakable bond between them. They needed to find a way to coexist.
He’d stayed away from her as he’d promised. But maybe he should go see her, congratulate her on her new relationship, show he had no hard feelings. He gritted his teeth. Just a fucking hard dick.
He could tell her he hoped this new, suitable relationship helped with her career.
Him, bitter and fucking twisted?
Hell, yeah.
As she came out of the door, Abby stopped short. Logan was leaning against the wall outside, arms folded across his chest. He was dressed quite conservatively in black pants and a black shirt, the sleeves rolled up, probably for his lunch with Jenny. But his hair was loose around his shoulders, giving him an uncivilized appearance, further enhanced by the cold, hard expression on his face.
She so didn’t need this right now. She’d had a long week, and she wanted to go home and lie in a hot, bubbly bath then go to bed.
Who was she kidding?
She wanted to make love with Logan with a desperation that made it clear she was doing the right thing in keeping her distance. Being apart from him hurt. Seeing him now and not being able to touch him was a physical pain.
Should she ignore him? Walk the other way? But there was a dangerous glint in his eye that warned her not to push him.
What was his problem?
She forced herself to walk toward him, coming to a halt a foot away. “Hello.”
She waited for him to reply, but he just watched her silently, his gaze wandering over her, giving nothing away. She shifted from foot to foot then heaved a huge sigh. “What do you want, Logan? Is it something to do with Jenny?”
“Jenny is fine.”
When he offered no more, she gritted her teeth and made an effort to relax. Keep cool and smile. “What then?”
“Actually, we had a very interesting conversation over lunch.”
“You did?”
“We did.”
Christ, he was irritating. What the hell could Jenny have said? She searched her mind but came up blank. “And…?”
He pushed himself up from the wall, shoved his hands in his pockets, and she had to fight the urge to take a step back. “She told me you were seeing someone.”
A frown pulled her brows together. “She did?”
“Jack.”
“Oh.” Why the hell would Jenny tell him that? She’d only had the one date with Jack, and that had been two weeks ago. And exactly how much had her daughter told him.
“I take it he’s suitable?”
He almost sneered the word. She’d really gotten to him, and she was sorry about that, but she never would have dreamed he was the sensitive type. She tried to come up with something diplomatic to say. They were drawing attention, and she wanted him gone. It was the shift change, and a lot of her colleagues were coming and going, casting her glances as they went, making her squirm. She wished she had a little of Logan’s imperviousness. He appeared oblivious to the curious stares. But then, he didn’t give a toss what anyone thought—apart from her. Oh no, she wasn’t allowed to think bad things about him. Just everyone else.
She tapped her fingers against the side of her bag as she tried to come up with a plan to get rid of him. What the hell did he want anyway? An introduction? Maybe as Jenny’s father he thought he had the right to vet her men friends.
Somehow she didn’t think that was his reason. He was being territorial, which, after the way they had left things a week ago, was pretty weird.
They’d been standing without saying anything for over a minute. She opened her mouth, then clamped it closed again as Jack came through the doorway. Great timing. He caught sight of her immediately—or maybe someone had told him she was out here consorting with an undesirable type, and he was rushing to the rescue.
Her head hurt.
She saw the moment Logan noticed Jack coming toward them. His shoulders tensed; his eyes narrowed. He looked from her to Jack, and his jaw clenched. Jeez, he was uptight. She reached out and rested her hand on his arm. “You okay?”
He glanced down at her hand and shook his head, the tension easing from him. He gave a short laugh. “No. I’m a fucking moron.”
She didn’t have time to answer as Jack came up beside her. “Everything okay, Abby?”
“Why the hell shouldn’t she be okay, Jack?”
So he knew who Jack was, or he’d guessed. Great, just great.
Jack shrugged, but she could tell he was uncomfortable. She had an urge to sit down, cover her head with her hands, and wait until it all went away. She was getting fed up with being the sensible one, the one who always did the right thing despite what she wanted to do. But strangely, until Logan had come back in her life, she’d never been tempted to do the wrong thing. It hadn’t occurred to her. He obviously had a very bad effect on her.
Logan and Jack stared at each other, and it was a good job they weren’t armed because neither of them looked happy. Time to pretend she was the nice, perfect
person she used to be.
“Of course I’m okay,” she said, plastering a smile on her stiff face. “Logan came to tell me what a nice lunch he had with Jenny.”
“Oh. Well, do you want me to walk you to the station?”
Did she look like she needed someone to walk her to the station? Had she suddenly morphed into some fragile little woman who couldn’t take care of herself? Something must have shown in her face, because Jack’s eyes widened. “I mean as we’re going the same way.” He glanced between her and Logan. “That is, if we are…”
“No, go ahead. I’ll be along in a minute.”
He hesitated for a moment longer, and she glared.
He left.
Beside her Logan chuckled, and she looked at him sharply. His lips were curved into a smile. At least the tension seemed to have left him. “I think Jack just got a glimpse of my fantasy girl. Nice to know she’s still there, hiding under all that sweetness and light.”
“I am sweet.”
“No, you’re not. You just feel you have to pretend.” He nodded to where Jack was disappearing down the road rather quickly. “I’m surprised he didn’t stick around. I wouldn’t leave my woman with someone like me.”
“I’m not his woman. Whatever Jenny told you, there’s nothing between us. We had one date two weeks ago, and I haven’t been out with him since.”
“Why?”
None of your goddamned business. But she kept the words inside. She was good at that, but it was getting harder and harder. Instead she took a deep, calming breath. “I didn’t think it was right to see him while…” She wasn’t sure how to end that.
“While you were fucking me.”
Her lips tightened, but in fact, she rather liked the straight talking; she was sick of prevaricating over everything. “Exactly.” Though that wasn’t the only reason. She’d known Jack a long time, and she’d never had the urge to jump him, never had to curl her hands into fists to stop herself reaching out for him. Logan might not be right for her, but after what she had felt with him, she wouldn’t settle.
She sighed. “Jack’s a friend. I guess I’m realizing that if he was meant to be anything else, it would have happened by now.”
“You mean like us. Five minutes after our eyes met, you were in my arms.”
It had been like a blast of lightning. Lust at first sight. One look and she’d known she wanted him.
“Now all you need is to find a nice, suitable man who makes you feel like that.”
“Good plan.”
“Except, I don’t think you like nice, suitable men. I don’t think sensible gets your pussy all hot and wet.” He leaned in closer. “I think Sergeant Abigail Parker has a secret hankering for bad boys.”
She didn’t answer. What was there to say? That her secret hankering was for just the one bad boy?
After a few seconds he stepped back and stood looking down at her. “I actually came here today to tell you I was happy you’d found someone suitable. I told myself it was the right thing to do. But I find that I’m not capable of being quite that civilized yet.” He gave her a feral smile. “And it would be a fucking lie. I don’t want him touching you. And I certainly don’t want him fucking you.”
Again, she totally failed to think of anything intelligent to say.
She shook her head. She needed to go home before she caved and begged him to take her somewhere, anywhere, and touch her. More than touch her. She wanted to forget all the reasons why they shouldn’t be together. Lose herself for a while. Loosen the strictures that wrapped around her life, so she could breathe again.
“But I’m working on it,” he said. Reaching out, he stroked a hand down her cheek. “We’ll work this out. And in the meantime, I’ll keep out of your way.”
He turned and walked away. Then he was gone, and she was left behind, staring after him, her heart aching.
Chapter Thirteen
She closed the door gently behind her, because otherwise she would have slammed it.
Jack was loitering in the station hallway, an expression of sympathy on his face. “You didn’t get it?”
“No,” she snapped. They had turned down her application for the detective bureau, hinting that she needed to be more circumspect with her personal life. A detective must be above reproach.
Assholes.
They had to be kidding.
And she’d sat there and taken it. Because what else could she do?
She couldn’t believe it.
Well, unfortunately she could. But she was still seriously pissed off about it.
“I did warn you,” said Jack. Her eyes narrowed on him. He didn’t take the hint. “I told you hanging around with McCabe wouldn’t do your career any good.”
At his words, fighting mad turned into furiously angry. She stalked toward him and stopped, hands on her hips. “Piss off, Jack. It’s unfair and you know it. And it’s a fucking double standard.”
His eyes widened. He’d probably never heard her swear before.
“Those sanctimonious, hypocritical pricks in there had the nerve to tell me that a detective must be above reproach, when Brayden has been screwing around on his wife with PC Kinsley for the last three months. How circumspect is that?”
Jack glanced around. “Shh.”
“What? Worried your boss will hear? It’s not as if everyone doesn’t already know.”
“Come on. Let me give you a lift home. I’ve got the car today. You can apply again. You’ll get in. Just…”
“Just what? Be more circumspect. Maybe you expect me to kick Logan out of Jenny’s life. Would that help?” He shrugged. “Go away, Jack.” Without waiting for him to answer, she whirled around and stalked away.
Logan sat, feet up on the desk, staring into space. There was probably something he should be doing, but he couldn’t think what. And if there wasn’t, he should be at home, not sitting in his office like some lovesick idiot. He’d gotten Abby’s shift times off Jenny and knew them by heart. She wasn’t working tonight. She’d probably be at home. Maybe he should go round, park outside her house, try and tempt her out.
He’d been so good, keeping his distance, but he was fed up with being good. It wasn’t in his nature, and he had to work too hard.
But she couldn’t come out, anyway. Her mother had moved in with her father, so Abby would be alone with Jenny.
Just as well.
The phone on his desk rang, and Logan picked it up. It was Mark, the bouncer working the door tonight. “Thought you might want to know, your Sergeant Parker just came in.” The entire staff had been amused by Logan’s new relationship with the law.
He frowned. He’d seen her briefly when he dropped Jenny off two nights ago, but other than that they hadn’t spoken since he’d walked away a week ago. And it was killing him. So many times he’d thought about going to her. He wanted her back in his bed, or his truck, or up against the first convenient surface he could find. Now she had come to him, and excitement zinged in his blood. But it was after eleven. What was she doing out so late?
“Is she alone?”
“No, she’s with two girlfriends. And boss, she’s drunk. Made it clear she wasn’t here to see you, just to party.”
Drunk? Party? Neither sounded like Abby. What had happened? “Put her in the VIP section.” He thought for a second, remembering what had happened last time she had been drunk in this club, and it wasn’t going to happen with anyone else. “Don’t let anyone near her, and I’ll be right out.”
He put the phone down and stared at it for a minute, then jumped to his feet, a grin tugging his lips.
She’d come to him.
Even if she denied it.
There were hundreds of other clubs in London if she wanted to party. No, whatever she said, it was him she wanted.
He made his way through the main room. The club was packed tonight, the lights dim, the air throbbing with the beat of the music. Carly was up on one of the podiums, looking classy in a black strapless dress and
black heels. She gave an extra wiggle and blew him a kiss as he passed.
The bouncer opened the door to the VIP section as he approached. It was quieter in here, more subdued, the music lower, though the place was just as busy, and the small dance floor was packed. He saw Abby straight away and paused to study her. She was seated opposite two women, both blondes, in one of the plush red velvet booths that lined the walls. Mark stood in front of the little group, huge, arms folded across his chest, taking his scaring-off-potential-predators role very seriously.
She peered around Mark and caught sight of him, waggling her fingers. He moved forward, coming to a halt in front of her. Abby wasn’t dressed to party, but in a black pantsuit and white shirt—the sort of thing she usually wore for work. Her face was free of makeup, her hair in its usual bun, although some curls had come free. He was guessing the party was a spur of the moment decision rather than a planned outing.
Logan nodded to Mark, and the bouncer headed off. Abby sat up straight, pushed her shoulders back, and smiled. “Good evening, Mr. McCabe.”
His lips twitched. “Good evening.” He looked to her friends. Was she going to introduce them, or was she going to try to pretend there was nothing between them?
Because he wasn’t good enough.
But she waved a hand in their direction. “This is Melanie and Susannah. My friends.” The waving hand wandered in his direction. “And this is Logan McCabe, bad boy, ex-con, and father of my daughter. And I”—she tapped herself on the chest—“am Abby, police sergeant and fantasy girl.”
“Hi, Logan,” said the one called Melissa, then she shrugged. “Sorry, we wanted to take her home, but she insisted. I think she wants to talk to you.”
“No, I don’t,” Abby said. “Logan and I are best if we don’t talk. If we talk things go bad. So, no, I don’t want to talk to Logan.” She thought for a moment. “I think I want to dance with Logan.”
“Maybe we’ll go get you a coffee first.” Logan held out a hand, and she slipped her palm into his and rose a little unsteadily to her feet. He turned back to her friends. “Thanks for looking after her. I’ll send some drinks over.” He tugged Abby after him, pausing by the bar on the way. The barman appeared immediately, and Logan told him to send over a bottle of champagne. He steered Abby toward the main room, intending to take her to the office, dose her with coffee, and find out where Jenny was.