by B. B. Hamel
I don’t know why I’m pushing him away. I don’t know why I’m such a coward, why I can’t tell him the truth about the baby. I put my hand on my stomach and I feel so alone, so incredibly alone. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so alone in my life, and I know it’s not getting better anytime soon.
22
Samuel
The strike keeps going, but it only gets harder.
Normally, when I’m not feeling good about myself, I’d try and get lost in the mine. I’d go down there, work some doubles, lose myself in the darkness and the feeling of good, hard work. But because of the strike, I can’t get down there, can’t do something to take my mind off of how stupid I acted with Amelia.
So instead, I just drink. Really, most of the miners spend their time drinking. The days drag on, and I know Ingram’s getting desperate, but my guys are suffering just as much.
“How much longer?” Roy asks me one morning. I’m just starting my first whiskey of the day when he sidles up next to me at the bar.
“I don’t know,” I admit.
“It’s been over a week now,” he says. “Guys are starting to suffer. There’s talk of firings and scabs.”
“Rumors,” I say, dismissing him.
“And have you even met with corporate lately?”
“No,” I admit. I can’t stand the idea of facing Amelia again, and I know I can’t be in the same room as Ingram without trying to kill him.
The violence is getting worse. Another one of our guys was attacked a couple of days ago. The threats are getting more and more intense, and I know Ingram’s close to cracking. I need to wait him out, get him to offer us a decent deal so we can end this and get back to work. Instead, Ingram’s just attacking us harder.
“We can’t keep doing this,” Roy says. “You have to hash out a deal.”
“That’s what they want,” I say. “We knew this would be painful.”
“Nobody knew how painful. We thought it might last a few days, but now there’s no end in sight.”
I sigh, not able to meet his gaze. I know he’s right. I didn’t think things would get this far, either, but I fucked up with Amelia. I keep seeing myself in her kitchen, acting like an asshole, pushing back against her, refusing to take that contract. She hasn’t tried to get in contact for a few days, and I haven’t tried either.
It’s like we’re in our own little strike, and I hate it. I want that strike to end so badly it almost hurts. I can handle the strike with the miners’ union, all that pain and difficulty, but the strike with Amelia is breaking my fucking heart. I know it’s absurd but it’s the truth.
I want to go over there and tell her how I feel. I want to take whatever contract she has to offer, just to make her happy again.
But that’s exactly why I’m not calling her. I can’t trust myself. I think the guys might be right, I’m so totally fucked when it comes to Amelia that I don’t know if I’d make the right decision.
“Just call the girl,” Roy says softly.
“I can’t,” I say to him, finally meeting his eye. “You know that, right? I’ll fuck it all up. I have to negotiate with Ingram.”
He sighs. “So negotiate. Do something.”
“I can’t, as long as Ingram’s trying to kill our people.”
“So what, we just sit here and do nothing?”
“Yes,” I say, clenching my jaw. “For now at least.”
“This can’t go on.” Roy stands, shaking his head, and walks away.
I turn back to my drink. That’s the only thing I’m good for right now, drinking and waiting, and I hate myself for it.
I finish my whiskey and force myself to get up. I head out and drive over to Boone’s place. He’s awake, in bed still, and Sarah’s nearby, puttering around with some medicine.
Boone’s still the worst off of all the guys attacked so far. Sarah’s been taking care of him, since he can’t afford real medical care thanks to our fucked-up benefits. “You look good,” I say to him as I come into the room.
He grins at me. “Better than you, I bet.”
He’s probably right. “Sarah’s taking good care of you.”
“She’s a good one,” he says, nodding.
I sit down in the chair next to his bed. “Listen, Boone. Is there anything I can do for you?”
“Nah,” he says, shaking his head. “I’m fine here, you know?”
“Good, it’s just…” I trail off, not sure how to put it into words.
He grins at me. “This ain’t your fault, you know?”
“I think it might be.”
He shakes his head. “It’s not.” Sarah quietly leaves the room as Boone leans closer to me. “I’ve been hearing things. From guys that keep coming to visit me, even though I tell them not to.”
“Like what?”
“Things about you and that CEO girl.” He watches me react for a second. “Is it true?”
I hesitate a second, then I nod. “Some at least.”
“You like her? Got a good thing with her?”
“I don’t know if I have anything.”
He grunts a little bit. “You listen to me. I’ve been in and out of marriages for years now. My last wife, she ran out on me a few years back, leaving me like this, and you know what? I miss that lying bitch every single day.”
I raise an eyebrow. “Why?”
“Because we aren’t shit without someone else to share all this garbage with. I know it sounds pathetic, but it’s important. Family is important.”
“I’m supposed to be negotiating against her, Boone. I can’t trust myself with that anymore.”
“Shit, Samuel. When did you become such a pussy?”
I look at him, surprised. “I’m not a fucking pussy.”
“Then why do you think you’ll sell out all your guys just because that girl tells you to?”
I stare at him and I realize he has a good point. I may be biased, but I’m not stupid. That first contract we negotiated was a good contract. It was fair and balanced. I know I can’t make it happen now, not with the attacks and the strike, but it’s still proof that I can work reasonably with her.
“The boys are suffering. But I think you’re suffering too.”
“I’m fine,” I say.
“You been drinking already today?” He watches me quietly for a second when I don’t respond. “I thought so. You can’t escape this, Samuel. You took it on. So do something about it.”
“I know you’re right.”
“But it’s hard,” he finishes for me. “Well, we’re used to hard, right? We’re fucking miners. We work in the pitch darkness with thousands of tons of rock perched just above our heads. We risk our lives every day, not because it’s easy, but because it’s hard, and someone’s gotta do it. This is hard, and you’ve gotta do it.”
I laugh a little bit. “Since when were you so full of advice?”
“Ah, shit,” he says. “Always been full of it, but normally I had other things to do. Now I’m stuck in bed and I guess giving advice is better than just staring at the TV all day.”
I laugh again and stand up. “I’ll tell the boys to visit you more.”
He looks horrified. “Oh shit, no, not what I meant.”
I grin at him and wave. “Thanks, Boone.”
“Do the right thing, asshole,” he calls after me as I leave.
Sarah gives me a nod as I pass her. I wave and head out the front door, thinking to myself.
Boone’s right. We’re miners, and we’re used to doing the hard thing. I’ve never backed down from a challenge before, and I don’t plan on doing it now. Maybe it’s taking me a little while to figure out how to come to grips with what I’m feeling and with what my duties are, but I can do it. I can keep it separated, have my Amelia and eat her too.
I smile to myself, and I have to decide. I could go back to The Shaft and spend the day drinking again, like I have been these past few days. Or I can go home, shower up, and do the right thing.
I choo
se to head home. Not because it’s easy, but because it’s fucking hard, and it’s what I have to do.
23
Amelia
The days pass and the office just keeps getting more and more tense. The pressure’s building, but I can’t seem to face Samuel again.
Not after the last time. I’m angry about the way it went down, but I also know I can’t keep hiding my secret from him. I feel like a hypocrite, and I know there’s only one way to solve that feeling.
I want him, and I can’t keep lying to him, but I’m terrified. I feel like I know him really well but the truth is, he’s still just that big sexy stranger I first met in a bar. I’m supposed to fix this strike thing, and I’m afraid that this baby news will only make that more impossible. Worse, I’m afraid I’ll love him forever.
But that’s just not fair. I can’t assume he’ll run away. I know it’s hard and it’s scary but I have to believe he’s the kind of man that can step up and do the right thing, even if I don’t know what that right thing is right now.
Each day feels bleaker than the one before it. I want to call Samuel and talk to him, not even about work, just about anything. Maybe that’s childish but I want to hear his voice more than anything in the world, even if the last time we saw each other didn’t go down so well. I need him more than I can really understand, more than I want to admit to myself.
I don’t know how I got here. I didn’t come back to Wheelville thinking that I’d meet some big stranger and fall hard, but here I am falling anyway. Sometimes I feel like a silly little girl, dreaming her days away, imagining that my Prince Charming will come save me.
Except my prince isn’t a prince at all. He’s a miner, and he’s coarse, and rough, and enormous. And I love all that about him.
I spend most of my time trying to avoid Ingram and the board. I want to figure this mess out, but I’m at a total loss. Unfortunately though, I can’t avoid them forever. Late one afternoon, as I’m thinking about leaving, I get a knock at my office door. Before I can say anything, Neal Watt walks in with a smile on his face.
I gape at him for a second. I didn’t expect to see a board member today. He sits down comfortably in front of me, and after a tense second, he speaks.
“You’ve been avoiding me,” he says.
“Can you blame me?” I ask, deciding to be honest.
He laughs. “No, not really. I guess Samuel isn’t too keen on that contract you mentioned anymore?”
“Not anymore,” I say.
“And you don’t have anything new to put in its place?”
“Not yet.”
He sighs, but he’s still smiling. “I figured as much. As soon as that strike started, I figured we were screwed. And that Ingram… he’s not doing us any favors.”
I’m not sure how much he knows about what Ingram’s been doing, so I decide not to respond. But he surprises me anyway by shaking his head.
“I don’t know why that guy thought violence would break the miners,” he says. “Never worked before.”
“You know?” I ask, shocked.
“Everyone knows,” he says, laughing. “Not much we can do about it, though.”
“You could fire him,” I say. “That might bring the miners to the table.”
His smile disappears. “Careful,” he says. “You don’t know which side I’m on.”
I sit back and watch him for a second. “I don’t think you’re on any side,” I say finally. “That’s why you’re here.”
His smile comes back. “You’re right about that.”
“So tell me straight. What do you want?”
“I want an end to this strike,” he says. “And if you can’t make it happen in the next five days, we’re going to fire you.”
I clench my jaw. “Just me?”
“As far as you know.” He sighs and stands up. “Maybe we’ll fire Ingram too. Truth is, I don’t know if we can. All depends on what you do.” He hesitates before heading to the door. “Do you understand?”
“I think so,” I say, although I’m not sure I do at all.
“Good.” He nods once and leaves my office.
I stare after him, not sure what to make of that. I think it was a warning, that I have only five days before they terminate me. But that part about Ingram, I think that was a plea for help.
There must be factions in the board, and some of them are probably loyal to Ingram. I can’t tell where Neal falls, exactly, but he’s making it clear that it’s up to me to give the board a reason to get rid of Ingram. The violence though, that’s not going to be enough.
I gather my things and head out soon after that. I’m pretty distracted on my drive home, trying to figure out what the hell I’m going to do. Part of me just wants to give up and walk away. I don’t really need this job, not with all the money my dad left me. I have an old life I can go back to, back in the city, but the idea of quitting just rubs me the wrong way.
Besides, I’d be leaving the miners in the hands of Ingram, and I don’t think I can do that to them.
I’m so distracted that I don’t even notice the truck in my driveway until I’m parked behind it, and it takes me even longer to realize that it’s Samuel.
I climb out, heart beating fast. He’s standing on my porch, looking down at me.
“You’re back,” I say to him.
He nods. “Wanted to talk to you.”
I bite my lip. I don’t know why I feel so angry with him. “Okay. Come inside.”
He follows me in again, back to the kitchen. This time he sits at the table and I sit down across from him.
“Cards on the table,” he says finally to me.
“I can do that,” I say, my pulse spiking.
“We’re hurting, Amelia. We need to end this strike.”
“We do too.”
“Let’s cut a deal.”
I take a breath and let it out. “Okay.”
“But first, I need to apologize.”
I bite my lip. “For what?”
“For the last time I saw you. I shouldn’t…” He trails off and hesitates. “I was forgetting about what I want.”
“What do you want?” I ask him softly.
He doesn’t look away. “I want you, Amelia.”
I take a breath and slowly let it out. Before I can stop myself, the words tumble from my lips, the worst thing that I’ve been so afraid to say, so fucking terrified of saying out loud.
“I’m pregnant.”
He stares at me for a second, and I feel so much better. It’s done, I said it, he knows, and now whatever happens will happen. I don’t have to worry, or guess, or stress about any of it. I can just sit back and take it all in and actually do something about this. I can finally take some fucking control back.
He stares at me, clearly surprised. “You’re pregnant?”
I nod. “From the first night we met.”
His eyes get wider. “It’s… mine?”
“It’s yours,” I say. “I’m going to keep it. I mean… maybe I’ll put it up for adoption, I don’t know. I haven’t thought that far yet.”
“Have you told anyone else?” he asks me.
“No,” I say. “Don’t worry, it’s still a secret. Your miners aren’t going to turn on you.” He stands up and comes toward me, but I just keep talking. “I didn’t ask for this, you know, didn’t want it to happen. But it happened, and I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you until now. I should have told you sooner, I just—“
He stops me by tipping my chin up toward him and kissing me deeply.
It takes me off-guard, but quickly I melt into his kiss. It’s exactly what I needed in that moment, and I almost want to cry. It feels so fucking good to have him finally kiss me again, the kiss I’ve been craving so desperately.
“You carried this on your own all this time,” he says softly, pulling back, his hand lingering on my cheek.
“I was afraid to tell you,” I whisper.
“Amelia, you could have told me. I’m just so
rry you had to go through this alone. But you’re not alone anymore.”
He pulls me to my feet and kisses me again, pushing close against my body. Pleasure rolls through me, pleasure and desire, and I know there’s nothing else I want in this world right now.
I push him back until he runs into the kitchen island. His hands move along my skin and up to the top of my skirt. He pulls up my shirt, untucking it from my skirt, before he unzips me. I unhook his belt and unbutton his jeans as he tugs my skirt down along my hips. He reaches up and unbuttons my shirt, one button at a time, and I’m going insane by the time he finishes.
He turns me around, pushing me up against the island. I put my hands flat as he pulls my shirt off, letting it drop to the floor. I’m in nothing but my bra and panties as his hands graze along my skin. He slaps my ass and drops to his knees behind me.
I gasp as I feel him pull down my panties and start to lick me from behind. I grip the edge of the island as his tongue finds my pussy, and if I wasn’t soaking before, I know I am now. I groan and look over my shoulder as he tongues me from behind, pushing pleasure through my skin, making me lose myself to desire.
He stands suddenly, just as it’s starting to become almost unbearably intense. He pulls my hair back and kisses me from behind, and I feel his cock teasing me, pressing up against my soaking wet pussy.
“I’ve been distracted,” he says softly in my ear. “So fucking distracted.”
“By what?” I groan.
“By this pussy.” He presses himself inside of me, splitting me in half.
I gasp and moan as he grinds himself deep inside.
“I can’t get you out of my head. Even now, knowing you’re pregnant… fuck, I’m going to be a father.” I groan as he starts to fuck me, and I’m shocked to realize that he doesn’t seem upset.
Far from it, actually. It seems to be invigorating him. He fucks me rough from behind, feeling my breasts, teasing my nipples, slapping my ass. It’s like he can’t get enough of every inch of my skin, and I can’t get enough of him feeling me. I need him so badly it almost hurts, and he’s going to give me every single inch, right up until I’m screaming his name.