From the hill we can see the whole valley and the lights of St. Martha’s. Looking up, the stars are closer and even more plentiful. It’s a really pretty sight and yet I can’t enjoy it. Colin puts an arm around my shoulders to pull me close, but I don’t snuggle against him the way I should. “What’s wrong?” he asks. “You cold?”
“No. Colin, I have to ask: why me? I mean, there are a lot of other girls at St. Martha’s who are prettier. They aren’t flat-chested midgets either.”
“What are you talking about? You’re not flat or a midget.”
“I am short.” I put a hand to the chest that’s pretty much invisible inside the parka. “And these aren’t very big. Not like Tonya’s.”
“Is that what you’re upset about? I told you: she came onto me.”
“I believe you. I just don’t believe you’d choose me over her. She’s so pretty and I’m such a geek,” I say, patting my fake glasses.
“Hey, come on. I don’t care about that. You’re cute. And you’re really nice. And—”
“So you’re saying I have a good personality?” I say with a huff. “That’s what you tell fat girls.”
“You’re not fat.”
“I know that!” I shriek loud enough that they can probably hear it back at St. Martha’s. I slip out of Colin’s arms to get to my feet. “I just…I don’t get it, you know?”
“Maybe I got a thing for geeks.”
“Ha. Yeah, right.”
“Look, if you’re going to be all insecure, then maybe we should head back.”
I’m blowing it. I don’t even know why I’m doing it. I should be glad a boy like Colin would take any interest in me, especially in this Plain Jane getup. I sigh and then shake my head. “I’m sorry. I don’t have a lot of experience with this stuff, you know?”
“It’s OK. Try to relax.” He pats next to him on the stump. “Come on, sit down.”
I nod and then sit down next to him on the stump. I let him hold me close, his body heat radiating even through the parka. We stare up at the sky, me leaning my head on his shoulder. It’s weird to think a couple of months ago I was scrambling around the docks, throwing grenades at mob goons.
“Rose? What’s wrong?”
I realize then that I’m crying. I sniffle and then wipe at my eyes. “I don’t know. I guess I’m just happy.”
“Me too.”
He turns his head and then bends down a little, until our lips touch. I’m so shocked by this that I need a moment before I start to kiss him back. He doesn’t try to tongue me, so I tickle his teeth with my tongue until he opens up. I didn’t plan on Frenching him, but it feels right.
If it weren’t minus-ten degrees we might do more, but for now kissing has to do. I pull back from him and then sigh. “That…that was awesome.”
“You’re awesome.”
“You hardly even know me.”
“I know enough.” We kiss again, shorter this time. It’s followed by an awkward silence that Colin breaks by saying, “We should probably head back now.”
“Probably.” He helps me to stand up; I lean against him as we return to the snowmobile. It’s a shame we can’t ride next to each other on it. That and we have to put our helmets back on. I wrap my hands around his waist a little lower, though not close enough to touch anything too sensitive.
Colin revs the engine and then we start back for St. Martha’s.
***
Colin left me by the tree with a goodnight kiss. We promised to see each other again tomorrow night, so long as the weather holds up. I hope it does; I can’t think of anything I’d rather do than spend another night with Colin.
It’s not that hard to scamper up the tree and then drop over the wall, into the snow. I wish I had a snowmobile to take me back to the dorm, but I have to stomp through the snow on my own. This gives me plenty of time to think about what happened, especially the kisses.
Dylan and I never kissed like that. No matter how hard I tried, he would never open up to me. He never had any passion. He was always too scared of what people would think when they saw us together.
Everything is different with Colin. When Dylan and I parted after dates I never felt this ache inside to see him again. I never replayed our dates over and over again to sate the need to talk to him again. Is it too early to say I love Colin? We’ve only seen each other three times—
A hand grabs my shoulder. Like in our aikido lessons, I toss Sister Matilda over my shoulder, into the snow. She sputters on her knees for a moment while I put both hands to my mouth to suppress a scream.
I finally bend down to help her up. “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry!” I say, keeping my voice down. “What are you doing?”
“What am I doing? What are you doing out here at ten o’clock?” Sister Matilda says. Now that she’s back on her feet, she can glare down at me the way a good nun does. “Answer me.”
“I was taking a walk.”
“You really expect me to believe that?”
“It’s true.”
“I already talked to your roommate.”
“You did?”
“Yes. I wanted to check on you and she said you were in the bathroom. Sister Mary Francis will have to discipline her for lying. As for you, breaking curfew and leaving the school grounds without permission could lead to expulsion.”
“Sister, please, it’s not Melanie’s fault. I asked her to lie for me. She was trying to be a good friend.”
“That’s not going to matter to Sister Mary Francis, is it?”
“No,” I say, looking down sadly at my feet. “I was with a boy. His name is Colin. He works with the snowplow crew sometimes. I helped him carry some coffees and we…we hit it off. He asked me to go snowmobiling with him and it sounded like fun. We just rode around on his snowmobile and looked at the stars. That’s all we did. I promise.”
I’m not looking at her, but I can feel Sister Matilda still glaring at me as intently as Jessica or Daddy whenever I got in trouble as a little kid. She finally sighs and I look up to see her shaking her head. “I’m not going to report you—this time. I trust you’re not going to make a fool of me by sneaking out again, are you?”
“No, Sister.”
“And tell your friend if she tries to cover for you again, I’m going to have her scrubbing the chapel floor with a toothbrush. Got it?”
“Yes, Sister.”
“Come on, I’ll take you back to your room.” She puts an arm around my shoulders to lead me back to the dorms. As relieved as I am not to get into trouble, I’m more worried about what I’m supposed to tell Colin tomorrow night. I hope he understands. I don’t think I could stand this place for another four months if he doesn’t.
Sister Matilda leaves me at the door to my room. “I want you to pray for forgiveness before you go to bed tonight. Ask God to give you the strength to resist temptation.”
“Yes, Sister. And thank you.”
“Don’t thank me. Just don’t do it again.”
“I won’t.” I put my hand on the doorknob, but then stop. “Can I…can I still train with you?”
“Of course. It’s clear you still need to learn discipline. I know you’re sixteen and have a lot of new feelings—”
I roll my eyes and endure the rest of her awkward speech about the birds and the bees. It’s worse than when Jessica tried to educate me on the subject. As if I haven’t watched enough movies and TV to know what sex is.
“I’ll try to resist, Sister,” I say.
“Good. I’ll see you tomorrow. Goodnight.” She nods curtly to me and then hurries down the hallway.
As soon as I open the door, Melanie looks up at me. “Well?”
I give her the details, pausing now and then to let her squeal with joy. “That sounds so hot,” she says.
“It was pretty cold actually.”
She rolls her eyes at my bad joke. “When are you going to see him again?”
“I don’t know. Thanks for not telling Sister Matilda.”
&
nbsp; “It’s cool. I know you’d do the same for me, right?”
“Totally. But she said if you do it again she’s going to have you scrub the chapel floor with a toothbrush.”
We giggle at this threat, though I have no doubt Sister Matilda would carry through on it. Once Melanie has pumped me for information long enough, I can settle onto my bed to sleep. I dream about Colin on the snowmobile, but he’s heading away from me and no matter how hard I try, I can’t catch up to him.
Chapter 18
The good thing about a place like St. Martha’s is that it still has a working payphone. The morning after my snowmobile ride with Colin, I go down to the first floor to drop a couple of quarters in the phone. I’m not sure what the number for his dad’s store is, so I have to call the operator to find out. I scribble the number on my hand and then spend a couple more quarters to dial it.
The phone rings three times before Colin’s dad answers. “Um, hi,” I stammer. “My name is Rothe. Ith Colin there?”
“Who is this?”
“Rose,” I say, forcing myself to enunciate. “From St. Martha’s?”
“What’s this about?”
“Um, well, um, your thon left thomething here the other day and I thought maybe I thould let him know.”
“I see. That’s nice of you, Rose. What did he leave there?”
My heart would be the cheesy romantic answer. I know I can’t say that to his father or Colin would probably get in a lot of trouble. “Hith gloveth.”
“That’s not a surprise. The boy can’t ever keep his mind on the job.” In the background I hear Colin’s voice. His father snaps, “Some girl named Rose says you left some gloves back at that school.”
“Gloves?”
There’s a lot of noise on the other end of the phone and then I finally hear Colin’s voice say, “Rose?”
“Hi. I’m thorry to call. It’th jutht…I gueth you could thay I’m grounded. I can’t go out with you again. At leatht not right now.”
“Why not?”
“One of the nunth caught me. If they catch me again I could be expelled.”
“Oh. That really sucks. I was going to ask you to the Valentine’s Day dance at school.”
“You were?”
“Yeah. I guess I can’t now, huh?”
“Maybe they’ll let me out for that. I mean, it’ll be chaperoned, won’t it?”
“Sure, there’ll be teachers there.”
“OK. I’ll athk and then call you later.”
“Awesome. Hey, let me give you my cell number so you don’t have to call the store again.”
“That would be good.” I write down his number on my hand below the number for the store. “I’ll call you later.”
“Right. Later.” I’m sure he’d like to say more, but he can’t with his dad right there. He just hangs up the phone and I sigh. I hurry to get out a notebook to transfer the numbers onto paper before the ink smears. I definitely don’t want to go through that again.
***
I help Sister Matilda off of the mat and then we bow slightly to each other. “You’re really coming along,” she says. “I think you know more than I do.”
“Thanks. I’ve been reading that book you gave me. It’s really interesting.”
We go over to the bleachers to cool down a little after our workout. After what happened last night, I took a little extra pleasure in throwing Sister Matilda down to the mat again and again. Despite that, now I need her help.
“About last night, I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have snuck out like that.”
“It’s all right. Well, it’s not all right, but I understand. I was sixteen once. I know what it’s like to have a crush on a boy.”
I want to scream at her that it isn’t a crush, that Colin and I are soul mates, but I can’t. She’ll never agree to help if I start going psycho on her. “I called him this morning. To tell him I couldn’t see him again.”
“That’s very responsible of you.”
“Uh-huh. Well, um, he sorta asked me to go to a Valentine’s Day dance at his school.” From the way Sister Matilda frowns, I know she’s not going to let me go, not without some convincing. “I asked and there will be teachers there. We could meet there at the school. I could come back here right after the dance is over. Please?”
I know it’s a bad sign when she puts a hand on my shoulder. “I’d love to let you go, but Sister Mary Francis has to approve any passes to leave the grounds.”
“Oh.” There’s no way Sister Mary Francis would let me leave to go to a dance with a boy. “Could you talk to her? Maybe you could convince her.”
“I’m not exactly her favorite sister.”
“Oh.” I look down at my sneakers with disappointment. “I’m sorry I bothered you about it.”
She wags a finger at me. “Don’t try to guilt trip me, young lady.”
“Is it working?”
“Yes,” she admits. She sighs and then shakes her head. “I’ll ask Sister Mary Francis. It would help if some of your friends went too. Make it more economical.”
“That’s a good idea. I’ll ask Melanie if she wants to go.”
She studies me for a moment. “You really like this boy, don’t you?”
“Yes. He’s so sweet.”
“And not bad-looking either?”
My face turns warm at this. “Uh-huh.”
“I’m not sure I can convince her, but I’ll do my best. A few extra prayers wouldn’t hurt.”
“I’ll try.”
I get up to go shower off and then head back to my dorm. I tell Melanie about what happened and it’s no surprise that she squeals with excitement. “A dance? That sounds awesome!” Her excitement fades as she turns to the closet. “I don’t have anything to wear for a dance. Do you think they’ll let us go shopping?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well I can’t wear this stupid uniform. Maybe if it were a Halloween dance, but not Valentine’s Day, you know?”
“I know.” For that matter I don’t have anything to wear either, not to a formal dance. I didn’t anticipate them having any dances at a Catholic school for girls. “I’m sure we can think of something.”
“Maybe I can make a dress in home ec or something. Why can’t they let us use the Internet so I could order one?”
“It sucks. But hey, we don’t know if we’ll even get to go yet, so don’t get too far ahead of yourself.”
“Oh, right. I suppose that’s true. Sister Mary Francis probably won’t let us go. She’s such a hard ass, you know?”
I giggle and then nod. “Yeah, I know.”
“I reeeeeally want to go, though. I haven’t been dancing in so long. Not since, well, not since this,” she says, holding up a few pages of her comic book. “You like it? I finished the lettering this morning.”
She hands the pages to me. I start to flip through them, trying not to laugh. The comic book is written from Melanie’s perspective. She’s an ordinary girl riding the train home, when some sleazy guy starts hassling her. Out of nowhere springs a girl in a black catsuit and black mask. The girl in black saves the day and then the Melanie character asks, “Who are you?”
“Just call me the Outcast,” the masked girl says. I barely hold down a giggle at the thought of me saying something like that. Or me in a catsuit and mask. At the end, the Melanie character is in a room a lot like this one, writing in her diary, “I didn’t used to believe in heroes, but now I do.”
“Well?” Melanie asks.
“It’s good. A little short, don’t you think?”
“I know, but it’s kind of a teaser. You know, get people interested in the idea first.”
“That makes sense. So you’re going to write a whole series?”
“If people like this, which I’m sure they will.”
“Right.” I can’t think of anything else to say. Melanie might stop believing in heroes if she knew what happened to the Outcast in real life, how she nearly got herself killed and t
hen had to be snuck up to a snooty Catholic school in the middle of nowhere, where all she wants now is to go to a dance with the boy of her dreams.
That wouldn’t make for a good comic book at all.
***
Melanie and I have just sat down to eat our dinner of tasteless meatloaf when Tonya struts over to our table. “Hey, Rothe,” she says with a sneer. “I heard your boyfriend asked you to go to a dance with him.”
I’m not sure how she heard so quickly unless Sister Matilda is a blabbermouth. “What’s the matter, you jealous?”
“Hardly. He probably invited you so him and his friends can dump a bucket of blood on you.”
“You can go too. If you can find a date.”
“Oh, yeah, like I’d go out with some hick from that armpit of a town.”
“Well, if you can’t find a date—”
Her eyes narrow at me. I hold her gaze. I’d love to grab my fork and jam it in her eye, but I can’t. We glare at each other for a minute until a nun comes over. “Something wrong here, girls?”
“No, Sister,” Tonya says. “I was just catching up with Rose.” She gives me a fake smile and then tousles my hair like I’m ten years old. “See you later.”
She skips back to her table. The nun stares at me and Melanie for a minute before continuing her patrol. “Bitch,” I grumble under my breath.
“Which one?”
“Tonya. She’s just mad because he chose me over her.”
“Totally,” Melanie says. She takes a bite of meatloaf and then says, “You think I can find a date?”
“Why couldn’t you? You’re cuter than me.”
“I am not.”
“Sure you are. You just need confidence.”
She grins, probably recognizing the line she used on me. “Yeah, sure.”
“Come on, you’re taller and you don’t have bratheth.”
She giggles at this. “That is an advantage.”
“And you’re totally creative. I mean, I could never draw a comic book all by myself.”
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