The Courage to Dream

by Margaret Daley

  As Rachel hurried from the café, tears crowded her eyes. Again she was accosted by the scorching summer heat, but this time she left her sunglasses on to conceal her glistening eyes. Emotion felt like a coil wrapped about her chest, squeezing the breath from her. She inhaled deep gulps of hot air.

  She didn’t usually indulge in tears. She hadn’t cried when she had been forced to leave friend after friend as her parents had moved from one place to another. She hadn’t cried when her mother had left her and Amy with Aunt Flora. But now she felt her world changing, her life in shambles. She experienced all over again the same hurt she’d felt when her mother deposited her with Aunt Flora. She remembered the confusion of falling in love with Michael while she wanted to pursue her dreams. In the end she had chosen to leave—that was the only thing she knew how to do.

  At the only stoplight in town, she sat, indecisive about which way to turn. For one fleeting moment she wished she could turn to Michael as she once had.

  * * *

  Where was Amy? Rachel wondered as she stared at the kitchen clock. It hadn’t been that long ago that she had been sixteen, and yet Rachel felt generations apart from her sister. She had been trying to reach her younger sister, to get to know her better, but all she got for her efforts were pouts and Amy’s back as she stormed from the room.

  Dinner was in the oven, ready for the past half hour. Rachel had been waiting for her sister’s return from no telling where. Amy hadn’t left a note. That would change the minute she came home, Rachel decided as she checked her Cajun chicken dish.

  Rachel thought about eating without Amy, but she really wasn’t hungry and didn’t look forward to eating yet another meal alone. Earlier Shaun and Garrett had raced into the kitchen, taken one look at the meal she was preparing and fixed peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to eat while playing computer games.

  “Isn’t a family supposed to sit down to dinner and eat together?” Rachel muttered to herself, not knowing exactly what to do about the situation.

  She poured herself a glass of iced tea. The sound of pounding sneakers filled the kitchen as Rachel shut the refrigerator door. Shaun and Garrett came to a screeching halt inches from colliding into her. She eyed the two plates in Shaun’s hand, happy this time they had made it to the kitchen.

  “We’re going out.” Shaun started for the door.

  “Where?”

  Shaun shrugged. “Just out.”

  “It’ll be dark soon. I want you back by then.”

  “But all the kids can stay out later. Garrett doesn’t—”

  “By dark.”

  “How ‘bout nine-thirty?”

  “By dark,” she repeated, her voice firm.

  Shaun started to argue the point, took one look at her, and instead mumbled something under his breath—which she was glad she didn’t hear—and shuffled out of the kitchen with Garrett following.

  Rachel watched them leave, her head pounding like their sneakers against the floor. As she massaged her temples, she thought about all the training she’d had to go through to become a chef. She had absolutely no training to become a parent. In only a few short days, the self-confidence she had painstakingly developed had been shaken to its very core.

  On the patio, Rachel sank onto the thick red-and-blue cushion on the chaise longue and sipped her tea. Aunt Flora and she used to come out here after dinner and talk. Those had been special times. Her parents had always been too busy to listen. For the two years Rachel had lived with her aunt, she’d glimpsed what it would have been like to have been raised in a normal family, one that didn’t pick up and move all the time, one where both parents weren’t always working on research that was more important than their children.

  The setting sun splashed the darkening sky with vivid colors. Rachel blanked her mind of all thoughts and relished the serenity that settled over the land right before the sun went down. Closing her eyes, she could still see the streaks of mauve, rose and gold weaving in and out of the blue tapestry.

  As she let the beauty of the dying day seep into her mind, she relaxed her bone-tired body. Her exhaustion, combined with the humidity, cloaked her like a heavy mantle. A sound penetrated the lassitude that enveloped her. Amy was home. Even as that realization registered, Rachel knew she couldn’t face her sister just yet. She needed the restful tranquillity she felt at the moment to give her the strength to remain patient when dealing with Amy later.

  The screen door opened then closed. Rachel sensed someone was staring at her and suddenly realized it wasn’t Amy or Shaun. Her eyes flew open, and she looked right into Michael’s face, devoid of all expression. Tension vibrated in the air between them as he stepped away from the screen door and closer to her.

  “Hello, Rachel.”

  She felt at a disadvantage, lying on the chaise longue, and quickly rose. “Hello, Michael.”

  As if he needed something to do with his hands, Michael fitted them into the back pockets of his black jeans. Rachel followed his movements, mesmerized by actions that conveyed a smooth athletic prowess. Slowly her gaze trailed upward, lingering momentarily on the bulge of muscles beneath the short sleeves of his black T-shirt. His body was wiry, tough, every lean ounce of him sculpted with a male strength that transmitted leashed energy and supple command. When she finally looked into his dark brown eyes, her pulse sped through her. Memories of their past nibbled at her fragile composure.

  “What brings you here?” she asked, thankful that her voice worked, desperate to think of anything but their past.

  “I want to discuss Amy with you.”

  Rachel stiffened and furrowed her brow. “Amy? Is she with you?”

  “Yes, I followed her home from Whispering Oaks. She’s in her bedroom.”

  Rachel started for the screen door. “Why was she at your house? Is something wrong?”

  “No—yes.”

  Rachel halted, her hand falling away from the metal handle. She turned, her gaze immediately drawn to his. “What’s wrong?”

  As Michael moved toward her, Rachel automatically took a step away until she encountered the screen door. She tilted her head in order to look him in the eye, the gesture subtly defiant.

  “Amy’s concerned about having to leave Magnolia Blossom.”

  “Why didn’t she come to me about her concern?” Rachel asked, and silently wondered, Why did she have to go to you instead?

  “I think you know the answer to that.”

  The rough edge to his voice made her defenses go up. “But I’m her sister.”

  “Who never came home.”

  “This isn’t my home.”

  “You’re right. I forgot that. You made it perfectly clear that you wanted nothing to do with Magnolia Blossom or…” His jaw clamped shut; his gaze hardened.

  “Or what?”

  “Me.”

  CHAPTER TWO

  Coldness was embedded in his voice.

  He was only inches away, the clean scent of his soap strong and powerful. His nearness made Rachel forget what she was going to retort. Instead, her gaze fastened on the cleft in his chin. She remembered how she loved to caress the dent and run her fingers through his thick brown hair, which held touches of sunlight.

  “Why are you here now?” Rachel asked, unnerved by his presence more than she would ever admit.

  “Amy overheard your conversation earlier this afternoon with Helen about schools in New York, and she wanted me to convince you not to leave Magnolia Blossom and take her and Shaun away.” His laughter was humorless. “Of course, Amy doesn’t realize I’m the last person in the world to convince you of that.”

  “Why does she want to stay here?” Rachel already had a good idea why her sister and brother wanted to stay in Magnolia Blossom, but she wanted to center the conversation around her siblings and not her feelings for Michael.

  “Because this is her home. Because she has only one year left of high school and wants to finish here. Because all her friends are here.”

  “But N
ew York offers so many opportunities.”

  “Who are you talking about, yourself or Amy?”

  “Both.”

  “Please, don’t kid yourself. Amy isn’t interested in New York. When you make your decision, I hope you’ll at least consider your sister’s needs, too.”

  “So now you not only know what’s best for me but for Amy and, I suppose, for Shaun, too.”

  “I never tried to tell you what was best for you, but I’ll tell you taking those two out of Magnolia Blossom isn’t best for them.” There was a quiet strength in his voice as he stared at her with a frosty regard. “I care about them.”

  “And so do I. There are some good schools for Amy in New England or Switzerland where she can make new friends. Those kinds of schools can open so many doors for her. Those places aren’t the ends of the earth.”

  “Now you’re talking about Europe! What are you going to do—dump Shaun and Amy in different schools on different continents?”

  “If we leave Magnolia Blossom, they’ll have a say in what school they’ll go to.”

  “I see. After consulting them, you’re going to dump them in different schools.”

  She was reminded of what her parents had done with Amy and her twelve years before, then later Shaun. All her suppressed feelings of abandonment and insecurity surfaced. Her parents hadn’t wanted to be burdened with children who got in the way of research. Leaving them with Aunt Flora had been the best thing for them, but the abandonment still hurt, and no amount of logic took the pain away.

  “Don’t you see, Rachel, both Amy and Shaun need stability right now, not a major upheaval.”

  “I moved around when I was their age. I survived.”

  “What’s good for you is good for them? Not all people like to pick up and move at a moment’s notice. Not all people are as accomplished as you are at leaving friends.”

  With a flinch she pushed away from the screen door to put some distance between Michael and her. “What I do with them is none of your business.”

  “Amy has asked me to make it my business. I hope you won’t rush a decision because of what happened between us.”

  “Isn’t that presuming a lot?”

  A nerve in his jawline twitched as his gaze narrowed on her face. “Then use this time to see things from their viewpoint. You traveled around a lot as a child. They didn’t. This is the only real home those two have known. Their friends are important to them, even if they aren’t to you.”

  His words cut deep. She wanted to deny the feeling; she couldn’t. There had been a time in her life when she had wished she had a real home with doting parents and lots of friends—a long time ago. “I think you should leave now,” she managed to say in an even voice.

  He leaned close. “I hope you’ll really think about what I said tonight.”

  She looked him in the eyes and said, “Contrary to what you believe, I do care what Amy and Shaun are feeling. Their feelings will be considered when I make my decision.”

  Amy opened the screen door and stepped onto the patio, turning to Michael. “Did you talk with her?”

  “Yes, he did,” Rachel answered.

  Amy looked at Rachel. “Well?” she asked, her pout firmly in place.

  “I haven’t made any decisions and when I do, you, Shaun and I will sit down and discuss them.”

  Amy stared at Rachel for a long moment, her expression hostile, intense. “Discuss it with us? Don’t you mean tell us?”

  “I need to head home,” Michael said.

  “No! Please stay for dinner. Rachel has fixed one of her famous dishes. There’s plenty for all of us.”

  “Sorry. Not tonight.” Michael started for the screen door.

  Rachel hadn’t realized she was holding her breath until he’d declined the offer. Relief trembled through her. He aroused emotions in her that made dealing with everything else more difficult.

  “Rachel?” Amy whispered. “Ask him to stay.”

  Rachel saw none of Amy’s earlier hostility in her expression and was tempted to ask Michael to join them for dinner, but the words wouldn’t come out. They lumped in her throat, her mouth dry, her palms damp. She couldn’t face another moment in his presence, even to please her sister.

  While he strode to the front door, Amy spun and glared at Rachel. “I thought he was a friend. Here in Magnolia Blossom we ask friends to dinner. You must do things differently where you come from.”

  The sound of the front door closing filled the air with renewed tension. “Amy, it’s late and—”

  “I’m not hungry anymore.” Amy flounced into the house, banging the screen door behind her, then the front door as she left.

  Rachel started to go after Amy and try to explain. But how can I explain my feelings toward Michael to my sister? I can’t even explain them to myself. She sank down on the chaise longue, feeling defeated and alone.

  When darkness settled around her, Rachel went inside, deciding to check on Shaun before going into the kitchen to eat an overcooked dinner. She knocked on his bedroom door, but he didn’t answer. Opening the door, she glanced about the room to confirm her suspicions. Shaun was still outside.

  She looked toward Amy’s closed door. It boasted a new sign that read Do Not Enter. Glancing at Shaun’s room, she saw total chaos—as though a hurricane had recently swept through. Silence magnified Rachel’s feeling of loneliness as she walked into the living room to wait for her family’s return.

  * * *

  Rachel sat in the darkened living room waiting for her younger brother. There was no sound of pounding sneakers to alert her to Shaun’s presence. This time the sneakers were silent as he came into the house. When he was in the middle of the living room, heading for his bedroom, she switched on the lamp. Shaun froze as if he were playing a game of statue.

  Rachel didn’t say a word.

  Suddenly her eight-year-old brother swung around and launched into his explanation. “We were playing a game of hide-and-seek and no one could find me. I had the best place ever to hide. I couldn’t come home till the game was over.”

  For Shaun’s sake Rachel was thankful that she’d had an hour to cool off or she would have grounded him for the rest of his life, which she realized was absolutely ridiculous. “Did you win?”

  Shaun blinked, nonplussed by the question. Then he flashed Rachel one of the smiles that must have gotten him just about anything from Aunt Flora. “Sure. No one found me. Finally, they all gave up.”

  “Lucky for you that they gave up so soon.” Rachel glanced at her watch. “Let’s see. You were an hour late. I figure a fair trade-off is an hour for a week. You’re grounded for the next week. I’ll let you go to church as well as your baseball games and practices, but that’s all. No TV. No phone calls. No friends over.” Rachel rose and started for the kitchen to clean up her ruined meal, which still smoldered in the oven.

  “But Aunt Flora didn’t care if I stayed out after dark. This isn’t New York. Nuthin’s gonna happen to me after dark here.”

  Rachel continued walking.

  “That’s not fair. A week! What am I gonna do in this place for a whole week? I’ll die of boredom!”

  Rachel pivoted. “You should have thought about that when you were hiding. You had plenty of time to come up with some ideas.”

  “Who are you to tell me what I can and can’t do? You aren’t my mother.” Shaun’s face reddened with anger.

  Patience, she reminded herself. “I won’t argue with you, Shaun. We’ll discuss who I am later.”

  “But—”

  Her younger brother snapped his mouth closed, then stomped off to his bedroom and slammed his door shut. First thing tomorrow morning she would go to the library in Natchez and hope there was a good book on parenting that she could check out.

  The ringing of the doorbell a few seconds later made Rachel jump. When she opened the door to find Helen standing on her front porch, she was pleasantly surprised. “How did you know I was at the end of my rope? Did you he
ar the doors slamming all the way downtown?”

  “No, but Amy paid me a visit as I was closing up tonight.”

  “Oh, she did.” Why does my sister talk with everyone in town except me? “I can just imagine what she had to say if you decided to come by after a long day at work.”

  “I’m concerned, Rachel. I’ve never seen Amy so unreasonable. The whole time she was in the café she ranted and raved about what she was and wasn’t gonna do. The bottom line is she won’t leave Magnolia Blossom.” Helen’s smile was sad as she continued. “That was said as she stormed out of the café without letting me finish a sentence, which is very hard to do.”

  “Where did she go?”

  “She didn’t say.”

  Rachel clenched her teeth. “She thinks she can come and go as she pleases without saying anything to me. I have no idea where she is or what time she’ll be home. Surely Aunt Flora didn’t let Shaun and Amy do this.”

  “No, but then Flora never threatened their security.”

  “You think I should give up everything and stay here?” Wasn’t it enough that she had agreed to take care of her brother and sister? Did she have to give up everything?

  “It would be easier for Amy and Shaun in the short run. I can’t answer beyond that, nor can I tell you what’s best for you, sugar. That’s your decision.”

  “I feel like I’ve been cast in the role of an ogre.”

  Helen rolled her shoulders. “I’d better be going or I’ll be worthless tomorrow.” At the front door, she turned and hugged Rachel. “Sugar, would staying here for a year be too much? You could open a restaurant later. Think about it.”

  “Night, Helen.”

  As Rachel closed the door, her anger pushed all other feelings to the side. Her life was already turned upside down with the unexpected responsibility of taking care of her sister and brother. First Michael and now Helen wanted her to forget all she’d worked for.