by Dawn Marie
My heart flips and twists into an angry ball. I hear footsteps. And he glances towards his bedroom with a look of pure anguish on his face. I’ve never seen so much pain in his face before. I’m torn with wanting to go hug him and just walking away. But I came for two different purposes. I will finish what I have come to do. I must have some answers to go onward with my own life.
“I didn’t take you for a coward,” my voice carries over to him.
“Don’t push me, Dawn,” Dyane snaps back at me. His eyes glare at me.
“What?” I continue onward. “Can’t admit the truth? You know you love me!” I expel with a long, exclamation.
He doesn’t answer me. I didn’t expect him to. And that’s when the footsteps come into the room, I look over to the hallway, where his look has wandered. My heart falls to my feet, yes…collapses. “Dawn,” I hear his voice, but it’s in the background, in a fog and I don’t respond. I can’t.
I tell myself, over and over again, and again. Do not cry. Do not cry! Be strong. It’s just on the edge of spilling and crashing. My heart. I’m not sure I will survive this. I am not sure I will survive any on this. I’m lost. And I am very afraid. For me. The future. What would you do? My heart is so shredded right now. I want to scream.
Dyane steps closer to me, I can smell his musky cologne and my heart clinches. My body screams for him to touch me. I look at the person standing in his hallway and I’m wanting to rip her hair out. What would you have done? I’m not a mean person. I’ve never attacked another woman before but the urge is strong. Can you relate?
“Hi,” she exclaims. “I didn’t know you had company.”
I want to hurl. All over his floor.
My blue eyes snap to his, as his hawkish gaze centers on me. Only me. Why me? I feel tired. I wonder if I can drive myself back home safely. Can I? After this…
“I’m not exactly company,” I say. I walk over to his recliner and I sit down.
“Oh,” the bimbo exclaims. “Are you a friend?” She asks as she places herself on the couch, by the drink that was sitting there. The puzzle pieces start to fall into place.
He stands there by the side of the recliner, my bare leg touching his covered pant leg, as I sit in his warm chair. Inhale his scent, my pussy leaking for his touch, my stomach churning. I look over at her, and I’m lost in what to do in this situation.
What to do? What to do? I ask myself, as Dyane stands next to me.
“Dyane?” my voice questions, my eyes focused on his guest. “Can I have a drink?”
“What?”
“A drink, sweetie?” I sweetly respond. “My usual is fine.” As I continue to look at the chick sitting in my spot on his couch.
Oh, yes. I know what I am going to do.
“How long have you known Dyane?” the woman asks.
“We’ve fucked for over six months,” I respond with calmness. Just as he walks in with my sweet tea.
I take it from his warm hands, our fingers lightly grazing, my eyes sparkling with revenge. I take a huge sip to settle my stomach. Then I gaze over to his female company, her eyes are blazing pissed aimed at him. I don’t blame her. But then again, I want to rip her apart. I want scream and cry at him. But I won’t. I can get through this. I must do this. For me.
“Don’t start anything, Dawn,” Dyane grunts. His threat just leads me into temptation.
“You did fuck me, right?” I ask. “You just fuck.”
“Don’t go there,” He orders.
I take a sip of tea, my stomach finally calming down. His company is boiling mad, the heat from her frame wanders over to the recliner where I am sitting. I wonder how he’s going to deal with this situation. But then again, he deals with things like this every day in his job.
“What does that mean?” the nameless woman asks.
“It means…” I start to inform her, when Dyane’s loud voice interrupts.
“Nothing!” he grunts loudly. His eyes are now pissed and focused on me.
“He fucked me, used me and left me like a sack of garbage,” I respond.
“What,” she mutters. Her eyes blazing mad at Dyane.
“Dawn, that’s not the truth,” he responds. His hands turn into fists. His eyes flashing with pent up desires, all directed at me. Only me…
“It is the truth,” I taunt him. It is the damn truth!
“Time to leave,” he snaps. He reaches over to grasp my left wrist, to pull me up. I yank back, I’m not leaving yet. I’m not finished.
“Not yet.” I reply.
“Dyane!” the woman yells.
“Stay out of this,” He tells her. He looks at me harshly. His breathing has picked up speed and his face is red.
“You don’t love me…” I mutter. “So, I can fuck someone else?” I ask him. My eyes glued to his face.
“Don’t push me,” He warns me.
“Oh, Dyane,” the woman speaks up. She doesn’t have a clue. “She can fuck anyone she wants to.”
“No. She can’t,” he tells her. His eyes on me. I swallow, I’m suddenly not feeling good. For real…
The reason I came. The real reason. It’s happening faster than I can control it and it scares me to death. But I should be strong. But right now, I’m going to be sick.
“She’s right,” I say. “I can.”
“Try it.” He taunts me.
“I will,” I reply.
As I get up, and I grab his arm as I’m suddenly dizzy.
“Daw….” I barely hear my name pass Dyane’s lips.
I turn as fast I can and run to his master bathroom. I see his bed is made as I rush to the toilet. My heart flip-flops as my stomach loses everything inside into his toilet. I don’t think I could have handled an unmade bed. Tangled sheets, the scent of sex….
NO.
NO!
No…
I couldn’t have dealt with that.
I hurl everything I had in my stomach. I hear his deep voice talking to the woman, I hear a door slam, his hard footsteps as he walks into the bathroom. “Dawn?” I hear him but I don’t respond. I’m sick on his bathroom floor, drained, and my heart ripped wide open. I can’t answer. Not right now. I’m not even sure I want to answer him.
As I lay with my head bent over his toilet seat, kneeling on his bathroom floor, I feel so drained. My body has taken over and said it needs rest. I am hating this. I am shaking, as I heaved some more of my stomach contents into the toilet bowl. I can feel Dyane’s hard stare on my bent body, I can feel the energy of his thoughts and I know he is not going to let this go.
“Dawn?” he calls my name, as he bends down to try to look at my face. I have it covered with my arms, I’m so ashamed of myself. “Are you alright?” Concern fills his dark voice and maybe it’s one of the few times I have really heard any compassion or care in his voice since I have met this man.
“Baby, answer me,” he demands.
I don’t respond. I can’t right now. I’m feeling yucky inside and out. Ashamed of my behavior and ripped raw in so many ways. How do I get through this? What comes next? With myself? With Dyane? I don’t want to walk away from this man. And, my heart rips wide open again with the thought, and I began to cry softly.
His hands push my hair out of my face, and he sees my tears as they drip down my cheeks. The toilet flushes by his hand, and I lean up from the toilet. My eyes downward, I don’t dare to look at him. He bends and picks me up from his bathroom floor. He carries me without any problem to his bed where he pulls down the sheets and gently places me inside his bed. As he covers me up, and softly rubs my back, I breathe a small sigh of relief.
Dyane’s bed smells only of him. His scent enfolds the sheets and embraces me with his masculine smell. My heart calms its heavy beating, as I close my eyes, drained and spent. I think I hear him get up but I’m not sure. I drift into sleep without any thoughts of what has happened. All I know is I’m back in Dyane’s bed where I belong. Where I want to be. Where I deserve to be.
Why
can’t he accept that we belong together?
Does he want to be alone?
A movement wakes me slightly from a very deep sleep hours later I estimate, as it’s dark, and the house is quiet. The bedroom is pitch black and I turn my head slightly right. Dyane’s head is on his pillow, he is laying on his back, his hands clenched onto of his naked chest. I can now feel his body heat seeping over onto my own body. Closing my eyes tightly, I reopen them quickly, I am not dreaming.
I really am in Dyane’s bed and lying next to him once again. God, he’s one sexy man. I can look at him all I want when he’s still, silent, unware and sleeping. For a man like him, it’s rare to find him so still. Peaceful and calm. He’s such an intense man. Hardened from life. I inhale a deep breath, close my eyes and inch my body closer to his.
As my small right hand softly lands on his warm chest, his left arm quickly but gently wraps around my body. He pulls me tighter up against his warm chest and I mold my body to his. His warmth and mine combine. Once again, I am being held where I belong and by the man, I love. Closing my eyes, I drift back to sleep.
Hope fills my heart as maybe tomorrow he will see how much he means to me. But I know I can’t count on anything. I have learned that lesson the hard way. And I can only take so much pain. With the last of those thoughts, I drift away, as I feel his large hand rub my back softly. His heartbeat is beating in my ear, and it’s the happiest of sounds.
Chapter 17
Blinking my eyes open, it takes me a second to remember I am not in my own bed. I am in Dyane’s bed. His large arms holding me tightly against his chest. He’s held me almost all night I think. I smile because I am glad he did. I feel groggy, and still tired. It’s like I didn’t sleep at all. I don’t know why I am so tired. Stress? I close my eyes and drift off with dreams of the man I love accepting my love.
I force my eyes to open an inch, feeling a warm hand caress my back and shoulders. I can see streaks of light peeking through the blind on the window. It must be morning. The hot warmth from Dyane’s body surrounds me and I feel his stiff cock poking me in my lower stomach. Swallowing, I clench my thighs tight, as my pussy wants to feel his cock sink deeply into the wet depths. A small sigh leaves my lips as his hands grow bolder and daring.
For the first time, even though my body seeps with desire for this man, I don’t want him to only fuck me. Does that make any sense? It’s not that I don’t want him. Because God, do I want this man! I just want it to mean something more than just a quick release. A bodily urge. A quick fuck.
After I had met Dyane I knew I was over quick fucks and one-night-stands. I wanted so much more with this man. And only with this man! I do not want to give that wish up. I want to be with him. And everything that comes with that. Even though I am scared to death when he leaves for work that I will not ever see him again, or hear his husky voice, smell his scent on my body, feel his hands clutch me tightly in a those huge hugs of his.
It scares the hell out of me. The wanting this man so badly. As his fingertips find my clit, rubbing softly in small circles, my cunt weeps with wetness ready to accept his cock. I want him so fucking bad!
Groaning, my fingernails sink into his muscled forearms, and as I exclaim,
“Oh, God!” He doesn’t stop with those devil fingers of his. They sink down into the welcoming circle that is soaked with desire. One of his fingers pushes deeply inside, thrusting with hard movements like his cock would do inside me. And, I moan loudly. It’s so, so good. My body reaches the crest of desire and floats downward as he slowly pulls his soaked finger from my pussy.
Dyane wastes not a second as he flips me onto my back, snapping my eyes open, I stare at him leaning over my body. My eyes drift downwards, to where his hard eight-inch cock is swollen with need. Swallowing I want him to sink deeply into my body, to pound me hard, fast and deep. I groan, and a tear leaks down my cheek, I do want him. I do!
But I just can’t fuck him.
I can’t.
My hands push backwards onto his warm chest, and I curl my fingertips into the small black patches of chest hair. He looks at me with questions, with need, but I don’t give in. Not this time!
“No. I can’t.” I moan weakly.
“Dawn…” he mutters harshly.
“I just can’t Dyane.” I let him know gently. “Not now.”
He looks at me, and rolls off me with a huge grunt. I feel terrible both in spirt and body. And I do want him but not as a quick fuck. I close my eyes, the climax he gave me making me sleepy. I feel him pull the covers over us both, and his warm arms pulling me back into his body. His hard cock lies still, silent, against my stomach. I moan from the lost, the heat and the desires that satisfy my body.
I’m not sure what is happening with anything anymore. I fall into sleep, his arms wrapped around me. I’m too tired to go on right now. So, I will rest. Regroup and then decide what needs to happen with us.
But in the back of my mind, I wonder who was that woman and what does she mean to him? I have the awful feeling when I wake up it is not going to be a happy ending. The happy ending even though I want it so badly with this man. It’s not going to happen like I wish it would.
And then again life isn’t perfect, is it?
Chapter 18
I’m snuggled in a warm cocoon of blankets and I don’t want to leave them. But I need to pee so badly. Rolling over onto my back I blink my eyes open slowly, turning my head to peek at the empty side of the bed. Dyane’s pillow shows he was there, a small black hair lying in the center, the woodsy scent of his cologne lingering on the sheets. Groaning, memories of the night before take over my thoughts. They aren’t good.
That urge to pee is too painful to keep ignoring, so I slowly get out of Dyane’s bed. The bathroom is still fresh with the moisture on the mirrors, a wet towel over the shower door, the sink still damp. He’s been up just a few minutes before me. Which is surprising since he hardly ever sleeps late. He’s always busy doing something or going somewhere.
After I pee, I sigh from the relief of feeling better. The mirror shows my hair a mess, my eyes with sleepy in the sides, and wearing nothing. Yuck, is all I can mutter underneath my breath. I use an extra toothbrush and brush my teeth. Then I find a cotton towel and turn on the shower to extra hot. I need to get waked up so I can face Dyane. I’m not ready for this. My heart isn’t ready.
As I step under the hot steamy spray of water, the splashes hitting my back, I wince. The splashes that are hitting my heart are just as cutting, I take that back. They are worse. They are really scorching slashes that are cutting deeply into my heart and soul. I can’t stop the sobs as they come in waves. Hurting and long as they ride over my heart. I sob because I don’t want to lose this man. I love him. And, it’s time I tell him. But I have the sinking feeling he already knows I love him.
I’m not sure how long I stay inside the shower, but the water turns ice cold by the time I turn the knobs off. I towel dry fast, and find my clothes. As I put them back on, I feel adrift. It’s a feeling I do not like. It’s a feeling that leaves me out of my body. I want the old Dawn back if that makes any sense. I want the old me back in some happy form. And I can’t help thinking I may never get back to her. I may never get back to the real me.
After I’m dressed, hair combed, all girl stuff completed I walk into Dyane’s bedroom and just stare at the room. I make up the bed. Standing there, I have this gut feeling I will not see this room again. And its ripping my heart into pieces. I squeeze my hands together, trying to find a calming space. I’m starting to get upset and that isn’t where I want to be. I need to be calm for what happens next.
Walking out the bedroom I head to the kitchen because I hear sounds coming from there. The smell of coffee is in the air and I know Dyane’s having a huge cup. Probably all sexy looking sitting at his round kitchen table, drinking his coffee, reading the newspaper. There’s something so sexy about a man reading. I don’t care what it is. It’s a huge turn on for me knowing he’s
digesting new information.
Can he digest the information I am about to inform him of?
As I step into the entryway, Dyane looks up from reading the newspaper. He inspects me with that hawkish gaze of his. His work “look”, the one I hate. I’m sure he can read the signs from my small frame that I am nervous. As I take him in, all robust looking in a white tee shirt and blue jeans, white socks on his feet, I swallow. I want him so badly. And briefly I go back to that first date when he explained he only fucked.
My heart picks up a heavy pace, and I struggle to calm myself. I need to do this! I must do this. I just want to be happy. And I want to be with someone who wants to be with me. That fairy-tale of love and happiness does exist. It can happen. It does happen! I’m going to give this my best shot. I am going to tell him how I feel about him. It’s his decision what he does with the information.
“Morning,” I mumble as I walk to the refrigerator. I open it wide and reach in to grab some orange juice. As I take it to the counter, opening a cabinet above my head for a glass, I hear Dyane move his chair back, the scrapping sound terribly loud in the small kitchen.
Glancing over at him he’s laid his paper down on the table, pushed his chair back from the kitchen table about six inches, looking over at me intensely. I feel like he’s fixing to debilitate me and I am already weary enough. Pouring my orange juice into a small glass, I take the juice back to the refrigerator leaving my glass on the counter. Walking back to the counter I get my glass and walk to the seat opposite Dyane sitting down directly across from him.
Just as I take a small sip of juice, he starts his questioning. My stomach freezes causing me to swallow to fast and I choke on the juice. He does that kind of stuff. I hate it. There’s a big difference in pleasant morning conversation and I will treat you like a suspect in a case. The need to ask him to take the thumb tack out of his ass eats at me. I haven’t yet but I want to. I sit and stare at him. His first question bouncing off my heart.