by Holly Rayner
Imogen looked unconvinced, but she could clearly tell that Nicole wasn’t about to go any further. After a moment of staring at her, like that would somehow pry whatever secrets she was keeping from her lips, she shrugged.
“Fine. I hope everything’s okay.”
“It will be, eventually.”
“Great. Just so you know, I’ve got to head to New Jersey this afternoon to check out a possible acquisition. I’ll be out the rest of the day.”
Nicole knew enough at that point to know that it would take maybe two hours, tops, for Imogen to get to New Jersey and view the piece. The rest of the time would be spent enjoying the nearest high-class restaurant, likely on Kadeen’s dime.
“Sounds great. Enjoy,” she said flatly.
“Hardly. I’ll be working, after all,” Imogen said.
With that, she disappeared from the doorframe, leaving Nicole in peace. She took a seat on her stool before the painting, staring at nothing in particular.
“Imogen, before you go…”
Nicole’s gaze darted back to the door. Kadeen was there, looking uncomfortable at having found her alone.
As she stared at him, she couldn’t help but wonder if her child would have his dark hair and eyes, his perfect facial structure. No matter what the baby looked like, she would make absolutely sure that her child was nothing like him.
He cleared his throat, and, searching for something to say, nodded to the painting.
“It’s really coming along,” he observed.
Nicole folded her hands in her lap and stared at him. Now he wanted to make small talk?
“Yes,” she agreed, her tone flat.
Kadeen’s expression was curious, and in her current mood Nicole didn’t even attempt to try to read it. She didn’t have the energy anymore.
After several moments of awkward silence, he patted the door frame. “Well, keep at it. You’re doing fantastic work, as always. I’ll send Imogen an email.”
“Sounds good,” Nicole said, turning to look at the painting once more.
She heard, rather than saw him leave, closing the door behind him. She stared up into the eyes of the Sheikha, and she might as well have been staring into his eyes. They looked so similar that it was eerie. She wondered, if she had a daughter, would the child look like this woman?
Nicole attempted to continue her meticulous work, but she found her thoughts scattered and confused. After about an hour of touching up the same spot, she realized she would be no use to anyone for the rest of the day, and stood up, stretching her back.
Grabbing her coat and purse once again, Nicole exited the studio. Unable to resist, she glanced both ways down the hallway, but as usual Kadeen was nowhere to be seen. She walked to the subway station. The train took several minutes to arrive, and when it did, Nicole felt the rare need to sit down. She popped in her headphones and tried not to think about her situation as her stop arrived, and she made it back to her tiny little Brooklyn apartment without incident.
Opening the door and breathing in the scent of home, she was momentarily comforted. The thought of food remained extremely unappealing, however, so Nicole grabbed a sleeve of saltine crackers and began chewing on one as she stripped out of her jeans and into sweatpants and an old college hoodie.
When she went into the bathroom, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, and paused, turning to the side and placing her hand on her belly once again.
Her stomach was still flat as ever, but she knew it wouldn’t be for long.
“Oh, baby,” she sighed. “What are we going to do?”
Chapter 13
Nicole
Nicole sat in the doctor’s office waiting room, flipping absently through a gossip magazine. While she was staring at the perfectly sculpted faces of celebrities, she wasn’t seeing them. It had been a few weeks since she’d found out she was pregnant, and it was time for her to get her first ultrasound.
As she continued to stare blankly at the latest celeb goings-on, a nurse in bright pink scrubs opened the office door.
“Nicole Hawthorn?” she asked, and Nicole nodded, standing and following the portly woman down a hallway.
She was asked to give a urine sample and change into a hospital gown, which she did robotically. While there was a part of her that knew this was all real, another part wholly wanted to deny that it was actually happening. Another, completely irrational part of her hoped that the doctor would scratch his head and say, “Are you sure you’re pregnant?”
Once changed, she followed the nurse into the ultrasound room and sat on the paper-covered seat. She took a series of deep breaths as she waited for what seemed like forever for the door to open and the doctor to enter.
“Hello there,” the doctor said, his voice cheery. He was middle-aged, with short, salt-and-pepper hair that made him look distinguished, and Nicole thought she might consider him quite handsome if she hadn’t sworn off men forever.
“Hi,” she said.
He tapped a button on the ultrasound machine before holding out a hand for her to shake. “I’m Dr. Jacobson. I’ll be performing your scan today. Are we waiting on anyone?”
The implication was clear. Where was the child’s father?
Nicole shook her head, trying not to look as sad as she felt. “Just me today,” she said, allowing the doctor to imagine that there was a man who was going to help her through this, when in fact she was so totally alone.
Dr. Jacobson nodded, dropping the subject as he instructed her to lay back. Squirting some blue gel onto her belly, he prepared the ultrasound wand and held it against her abdomen.
Nicole tried not to hold her breath as the screen lit up with black-and-white images, but there was clearly a little head and body on the screen.
She was looking at her baby for the first time.
Overcome with wonder, Nicole stared at the screen, watching the little life growing within her wiggle around, likely unappreciative of the ultrasound wand that was pressing into him or her.
The doctor shifted the wand on Nicole’s stomach, and the image changed, revealing another tiny little body.
Nicole gasped. “Is that what I think it is?”
The doctor’s grin was wry as he looked up from the screen. “Do you have multiples in your family?” he asked.
She nodded hesitantly. “I’m a twin, actually.”
“I see,” he said, smiling as he moved the wand again.
Another little baby appeared.
“That’s the same one as before, right?” Nicole asked, trying not to sound panicked.
Dr. Jacobson shook his head. “I’m afraid not. You have at least three babies in there, Nicole.”
Nicole felt the color drain from her face. Three children, all at once?
“Ah, and here’s number four!”
“What?!” Nicole cried, sitting up.
The doctor placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. “Whoa there. No sudden movements, please. Let’s see if that’s all we’ve got, okay?”
Nicole stared at the doctor for a moment. His expression was comforting, but it wasn’t working. She had four babies in her belly, at least!
Sitting back, she lay silently as she waited for the final tally, preparing herself for a life raising several infants at once, by herself.
“Okay! We have one, two, three, four, five,” the doctor counted, shifting the wand as he inspected each of the babies.
Each one had his or her own tiny heartbeat, which was ironic, because Nicole felt as though her own heart had stopped. She was staring into space when the doctor waved a gentle hand in front of her face.
“Hey, hey now. It’s going to be okay. All the babies look healthy, but with multiples at this level, you’re going to need to take it easy. It’s very likely you’ll eventually have to be put on bed rest until they can be delivered, which should be sometime in the early summer. With this many babies, we’ll book you in for a C-section slightly before your due date.”
Nicole stared at hi
m in disbelief. How was it going to be okay? She was going to be the mother of five children, and their father didn’t even know they existed!
Dr. Jacobson placed a hand on her shoulder, his brow furrowed in concern. “Do you have anyone that can help you, Nicole?” he asked.
Nicole shook her head, eyes downcast. “I don’t.”
“No one at all? No family or friends that can look out for you?”
“I have a sister upstate,” she offered.
The doctor clung to that statement and went with it, all smiling encouragement.
“There you go, see? Having multiples isn’t easy, Nicole, but those are your children in there. You’re going to love each and every one of them. I promise.”
He printed out a series of images then and handed them to her. Nicole’s hands felt numb as she accepted them, but when she looked back at the picture, she felt a little braver. She was their mother after all. It was time to become a stronger woman than she’d ever thought she’d have to be.
“Thank you, doctor,” she said, attempting to smile and failing.
He patted her shoulder once more. “Anytime. Until our next checkup, try to take it easy. Eat healthy foods and try to get in some low-impact exercise—walking is great. Do you have a physically strenuous job?”
“No,” Nicole answered, thinking of the Sheikha’s portrait waiting for her back at the studio.
“Good. You can set up an appointment out front for your next scan, and we’ll plan on seeing you then.”
“All right,” she said dully.
Not knowing how else to comfort her, the doctor gave her one final nod before heading out the door, giving her some time to get dressed in her regular clothes. Nicole dressed and made her next appointment for the following month before exiting the office and heading back out onto the city streets.
Chapter 14
Nicole
Out on the sidewalk, Nicole glanced around her as yet more people walked by, avoiding eye contact at all cost. How could she live in one of the most densely populated cities in the world and still feel totally alone?
Deciding that work would serve as a distraction, even if it hadn’t really since she’d returned from Al Qazar, she walked at a leisurely pace toward the office, taking her time as she imagined the five children fighting for room inside her womb.
“What am I going to do when you all start kicking?” she asked out loud, ignoring the strange look she received from someone walking in the other direction.
People talked to themselves in New York. It’s just what happened.
She strolled into the lobby and took the elevator up, heading straight to the studio without looking for Kadeen. It was a habit she was trying to break.
Nicole walked up to the portrait, its restoration now nearly finished, and picked up a small varnish brush. She stared into the dark eyes of the Sheikha, eyes that haunted her day and night, whether those of the painting or those of her wayward employer. She thought about Kadeen, then, and a fresh wave of nausea crashed over her. Unwilling to fight on, her body collapsed, and she plummeted to the floor.
“Nicole!”
Imogen dashed into the room, kneeling down in her pencil skirt as she held her hand against Nicole’s forehead, like that would help anything. Still, she was there, and at the moment, Nicole was ready to lean on any available shoulder.
“Are you all right? What happened?”
Nicole looked up into Imogen’s deep blue eyes. There wasn’t an ounce of insincerity in them, which was unusual. Perhaps she could be trusted, just this once?
“I’m pregnant,” Nicole breathed, and Imogen gasped.
“Oh my—” She broke off. “I knew there was something up. Oh Nicole, why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because…because Kadeen is the father,” Nicole moaned, regretting the words even as they poured from her lips.
Imogen went rigid, though her expression was unreadable.
“I shouldn’t have said anything,” Nicole continued, panicking. “Imogen, he doesn’t know. You have to keep this to yourself. We’re not involved in any way. He wants nothing to do with me!”
Imogen pursed her lips, her expression morphing back to one of sympathy. “You poor thing. Of course he doesn’t. I warned you the first day you started here, Nicole. What were you thinking? Never mind. Now is not the time to ask such questions. When did you find out about the baby?”
“Babies. There are five of them,” Nicole groaned, sitting up and rubbing her closed eyes.
“Five! My goodness, he certainly has strong stock, doesn’t he?”
“He will have nothing to do with it. Promise me, Imogen. Promise me you’ll keep this to yourself. I’m already looking for a new job. I’ll be out of your hair before you know it, and you can continue on without me getting in the way.”
Imogen made a cross sign across her bosom. “I promise, Nicole. Now come on, we need to get you home,” she said, her tone uncharacteristically compassionate.
It instantly put Nicole on the defense.
“Why are you being so nice to me? This is prime gossip, isn’t it?”
Imogen’s eyes widened, making her look like a beautiful doe with hurt feelings. “How can you say such a thing? I’ve been trying to steer you in the right direction ever since you arrived. I only want what’s best for you, Nicole. You must know that.”
She looked sincere, but Nicole’s instincts were tingling. Had she just made the biggest mistake of her life letting her secret slip to this woman?
Nicole allowed Imogen to usher her to the elevator and down to the street before handing off her purse and whistling for a cab. A bright yellow taxi pulled up to the curb, and Imogen opened the passenger side door before Nicole slid into the backseat.
“Can you take her to Brooklyn, please? And here,” Imogen said, handing the driver a wad of cash. “Keep the change.”
Nicole was deeply moved by the gesture, and her eyes welled with tears as Imogen closed the door and peeked through the rolled-down window, into the back seat.
“Take care of yourself, honey. We’ve got things covered here. I’ll tell Kadeen you went home sick. He won’t suspect a thing.”
Nicole reached out and grasped Imogen’s hand. “Thank you,” she whispered.
It was strange to have found support in such an unlikely place. Nicole wondered if maybe she had misjudged Imogen all this time. She could be a terrible human being, but when it came down to what really mattered, she was stepping up and showing her true colors.
Imogen gave Nicole’s hand a gentle, reassuring squeeze before letting go and tapping the roof to signal the driver to move along, which he did, readily.
Nicole didn’t look back as she gave the driver more specific directions to her apartment, staring out at nothing in particular as the car made its way back to her humble abode.
When she stepped inside her apartment, Nicole made quick work of changing into comfortable clothing and getting into bed, hoping to rest her body and soul, and let her mind take a short break from being miserable.
She turned on her favorite show and watched episode after episode until the sky turned dark, and her stomach began to rumble.
“Hungry now, are you?” she asked, looking down at her belly.
None of her children answered, so she took that for a yes, heading to the kitchen to make herself a comforting bowl of mac and cheese. She glanced longingly at the bottle of wine on her countertop before uncorking it and dumping the contents into the kitchen sink.
There would be no drinking for a long, long time.
After dinner, Nicole headed for the bathroom, where she lit a candle and prepared a nice bubble bath. Stripping down, she slid one leg into the water, then another, allowing her skin to acclimate to the heat. She leaned back against the tub’s edge, closing her eyes as she placed a hand on her belly.
It felt rounder then than it had before. Nicole imagined that with five babies in there, she would start showing much sooner than the average person
. The situation felt far more real, now that she knew what was really going on in there.
Nicole thought about what it would be like juggling five babies at once. There was no way she was going to be able to do it in her tiny studio apartment. There was also no way she was going to be able to survive entirely on her own.
She thought about Kadeen. The man was going to be a father by summertime, and he didn’t even know. Of course Nicole was upset with him, not to mention worried about what he might say if she were to tell him the truth, but on the other hand, didn’t he deserve to know? Ellie’s words came back to haunt her, then, questioning whether she really knew him at all. Was he the kind of man to leave five children and their mother to their own devices, without helping at all?
What if he was excited to be a father? What if something good could come from all this, in the end? Nicole hardly dared to hope for such a thing. Kadeen had given her no reason to believe that he had feelings for her beyond the lust of that one fateful night. There was no use in dwelling in impossible dreams.
He still deserved to know, though.
As Nicole drained her bath and crawled into bed, she resolved to tell Kadeen the very next day. There was nothing for it. It wasn’t in her to lie anymore.
And there was always the chance, however slim, that he would prove himself to be a better man than she thought.
Chapter 15
Nicole
Nicole was walking to work, wrapped in her coat that was already starting to feel a little tight around the middle. She had spent the majority of the night rehearsing what she planned to say to Kadeen when she arrived at the office. She would march in, take a breath, and just lay it all out there.
Then she would see what kind of man he showed himself to be.
Her hands were shaking as she entered the elevator and pressed the button for their floor, and she stepped from one foot to the other as she rose higher and higher.