by Holly Rayner
Kadeen stared at her, and in that moment Nicole realized that he hadn’t shaved. There were dark circles under his eyes, and his hair was a mess. Had he spent the night in the office? Had he slept at all?
A shimmer of hope sparked in Nicole’s belly, but she pressed it down. There was no place for hope in her situation.
“Nicole, you can’t quit on me now. You’re an amazing conservationist. Not to mention that it would be nice to watch you…”
He trailed off, but Nicole had already gleaned his meaning. He wanted to watch her belly grow with his children, even knowing that he couldn’t ever be a father to them? What kind of masochist was he?
“I’d think it would be easier for you if I were out of sight. That way you won’t have to be reminded of our mistake.”
“Mistake?” he asked.
“Of course. You’ve given me no reason to believe that you’re happy about what happened between us, have you? I’d like to be a realist about this situation, Kadeen, and I’ve got our children to think about now. I’ve decided to move back upstate with my sister and her husband, where I can get the help I need to raise the babies…alone.”
Her last word echoed across the cavern between them. Kadeen sat in silence as he grappled with their dilemma.
Finally, he sighed. “If that’s what you wish to do, I won’t stand in your way. Do know, though, that I will provide more than enough for you to hire a nanny if you need another set of hands. I imagine you will, given the number of soldiers we have coming.”
His use of the word “we” opened up a new hole in Nicole’s heart. They were not a “we.” They would never be a “we.” It was something Nicole had been slowly coming to terms with, though it was strange to see Kadeen struggling with the concept. Once again, Nicole found herself wondering if her feelings for him were at least a little bit reciprocated, but she forced herself to remember that there was no future for the two of them.
It was time for her to move on.
“Thank you for the opportunity you gave me in working here. I won’t forget it,” she said, her throat tight with emotion.
“You’re an extremely talented conservator, Nicole, and I will obviously give you a fantastic reference whenever you wish to get back to work. It would be a tragic waste of talent for you to work in any other field.”
“I appreciate that,” she said, working hard to match his businesslike civility.
“Do you think we could take one last look at the portrait before you go? Just in case there are any final corrections I might need you to make before you move on?”
For a moment, Nicole had thought that he might want to tell her something important, or maybe just spend time with her, until he had made it clear that he simply wanted to make sure the painting had to been completed to perfection.
That was all she had ever been to him, hadn’t it? A means to an end.
Nicole was too beaten down to care anymore.
“Sure, why not?” she said, exiting the room without looking back.
She heard him stand and follow her to the studio. Walking in, she turned on all the lights so that the Sheikh could see every detail of the piece. Stepping in front of the painting, she felt Kadeen stand beside her as he looked down at her work.
“This is fantastic, Nicole. Really. You’ve outdone yourself many times over.”
In spite of their situation, ignoring the fact that the man giving her the compliment had completely destroyed her heart, Nicole managed a small smile.
“Thanks. She was a worthy project. I hope that she will bring joy to many people from here on out.”
“She will, I have no doubts about that. Are you sure you won’t reconsider?”
Nicole shook her head. “If you’re satisfied with the piece, I’ll pack up my things and leave.”
“You could stay,” he said, his voice low.
Nicole stared at the floor. Didn’t he realize by now that her feelings were deeper than his? How could she stay knowing that all he would ever want from her was her ability to make him a profit?
“I can’t,” she whispered.
They stood for a long moment, side by side, in silence, before Kadeen quietly exited, leaving Nicole alone in the studio. She quickly gathered the few things she had at the office—a portfolio of her work, some kitschy pens her sister had gotten her so many years ago, and a little bobblehead Picasso—and she walked out the door.
When Nicole stepped out onto the street, she couldn’t bring herself to go back home to her empty apartment. Instead, she began walking, not focusing on any particular direction. She strolled the streets of New York, thinking about everything that had led to this moment: jobless, pregnant, and totally on her own.
A snowflake landed on Nicole’s nose, causing her to look up at the gray, cloudy sky. More delicate flakes began to fall from the heavens, bringing with them a sense of calm in a turbulent world, and Nicole closed her eyes for a moment, breathing in the fresh scent of snow. She continued walking, thinking about what she would name her babies when the time came.
She heard the sparkle of children’s laughter, and when she looked up, Nicole realized she was walking past a playground. A dozen or so children were bundled in coats and hats, laughing as they chased one another around the bridges and slides. A series of benches lined the playground, and, feeling weary, Nicole decided to take a seat.
A young mother was holding a sleeping baby next to the only available spot, and Nicole perched on the edge, watching the children at play. The woman next to her cast her a sideways glance before directing her gaze ahead, presumably at another one of her own children. Nicole was staring at nothing in particular, simply listening to the joy of youth, when the mother turned to her.
“I don’t mean to be rude, but are you expecting?”
Nicole blinked, making eye contact with the woman. Her eyes were warm and kind, and Nicole felt, in a weird way, that she could trust her with the truth.
“Yes. I’m due this summer.”
The woman nodded. “We get a few women here who look on with that same expression you have; kind of a mixture of hope, fear, worry, stress, and joy. It’s going to be okay, you know.”
Nicole’s eyes filled with tears. She had been waiting far too long for someone to say those exact words.
“How do you know?” she whispered.
The woman pulled a tissue packet out of her purse and handed a tissue to Nicole, who accepted it gratefully, wiping her eyes and nose. “Because we’re women. It has to be okay, because we make it okay. When you become a mother, you become a problem solver. Whatever is wrong, you make right again, and somehow you always find a way.”
“I’m having quintuplets,” Nicole said flatly.
The woman’s eyes widened. “Wow! Did you do IVF or something?”
“Nope. All natural.”
“Well aren’t you an anomaly! I see where the stress comes from now, but my advice still stands. I think it was Eleanor Roosevelt who said, ‘a woman is like a teabag—you never know how strong she is until you put her in hot water.’”
Nicole blinked back a few more tears before she spoke again. “You’re right. I’m going to survive this, just like everything else life has thrown my way.”
“You sure will,” the woman answered. Her baby began to fuss then, and she nestled the child closer to her.
Nicole noticed the deep love in the woman’s eyes as she tended to her infant, and she felt a sudden jolt of love for her own unborn children.
In that moment, she knew she was going to be all right. One way or another, she would find a way to get through.
Somehow, she would forget about Kadeen. She would move on, and she would be all the better for it.
Chapter 18
Nicole
Nicole stood in her kitchen, wrapping individual plates in newspaper. She glanced around at her apartment, sighing in dismay. She should have asked her sister to come down and help her pack. As it was, she hadn’t been able to bring herself to ask
Ellie to leave her family, so she had told her sister she didn’t need any help.
“Are you sure, Nic? You’re pregnant. You shouldn’t be doing all that by yourself,” Ellie had said, her voice laced with concern.
Nicole had thought about that day on the playground the week before, and how she’d found an inner strength she hadn’t known she had before. When her sister hadn’t let the topic drop, she’d told her she had friends in the city she could turn to for help.
Of course, that was a total lie.
Nicole regretted that now. She had been so focused on her career that the only people she’d ever spent time with were Imogen and Kadeen. That hadn’t exactly turned out so well, had it?
Nicole finished wrapping the plates and set the last one in a box before closing the lid and heading over to the couch. She sat down carefully, as her belly was really starting to expand. She would have to look into maternity clothes when she arrived at Ellie’s place—or see if her sister had any left over from her pregnancies.
She was slouching on the couch, pondering how much energy it would take to get up and get a glass of water, when there was a knock at her door.
Curious, she pressed her palm into the sofa behind her to heft her growing body up. She had been exhausted for so long, she was starting to forget what feeling rested felt like.
Forgetting to check the peep hole, she opened the door.
There, holding Portrait of a Princess, stood Kadeen.
He looked even more disheveled than he had the last time she’d seen him. His dark stubble was out of control, and of course the first thing Nicole noticed was how handsome he looked, even with the beginnings of a beard. He stared at her, drinking in the sight of her as she did the same.
“What on earth are you doing here? And why do you have that?” she asked, gesturing to the painting.
“I’ve come to tell you that I’ve changed my mind about the arranged marriage,” he breathed.
Nicole realized then that he had taken the stairs—quite quickly judging by his breathing—with a priceless work of art under one arm. Had he gone completely insane?
“You did what?” she asked, beyond confused.
“I told my parents I can’t go through with the wedding. I flew to Al Qazar and confronted them. I let them know that I can’t go through with what they intend for me.”
Nicole stared at him. Was there a reason he was telling her all this?
“Why?” she asked, barely daring to hope.
Kadeen let out a laugh, which sounded more like a huff as he continued to catch his breath. Had he run here all the way from Manhattan?
“It’s the craziest thing, actually. I took the painting back home. I was all set to present it to the historical society ahead of it being displayed in galleries around the country. When I looked at the Sheikha, though, I realized that I was about to meet her fate myself, and I just couldn’t do it. She lived her whole life performing a duty and denying her heart. And while she was an exceptional leader, I don’t think that’s the life she would have picked, given the choice.”
Nicole stared open-mouthed at Kadeen as he recounted his tale. He had taken the portrait home, only to bring it back to New York? What was she missing here?
“Please, before you go on, I just need to sit down,” Nicole said. Her feet were beginning to ache from standing.
“Yes, of course. Please, let me help you,” Kadeen said.
He reached out a hand as though to guide her to the couch, but Nicole stepped ahead of him before he could do so. She didn’t trust him enough at the moment to let him touch her.
Seeing this, Kadeen took a step back to give her some room as Nicole sat on the couch once again. Setting the priceless artwork on the floor, leaning against the coffee table, Kadeen pulled out a kitchen chair and sat across from her.
“You have a nice place here,” he observed.
Nicole smirked. “I imagine it’s a bit unlike what you’re used to, but yes, I liked this apartment a lot while I lived here.”
“You’re speaking in past tense,” he said.
“I’m moving out in a few days,” she replied. “Have you forgotten so soon?”
“Will you hear me out, please?” he asked, and his eyes were so full of pain that Nicole didn’t have the heart to tell him no.
It didn’t help at all that her heart was reaching out for him, trying to claw its way out of her chest and straight into his arms.
“Yes, please continue,” she said, trying to maintain a grip on her emotions and failing wildly.
Kadeen nodded his thanks. “I realized that I didn’t want to lead a life bound by duty and tradition. I want to be happy, and my family shouldn’t be able to shame me into marrying someone I’ve never met, who was chosen for me years ago. I want to be able to get married to a woman that I love.”
“How did you parents take the news?” Nicole asked.
Kadeen winced slightly. “I wouldn’t say they took it too well, no. Still, after I told them about our discovery of this painting, I think they realized that I deserved more than they have been offering me all this time.”
The Sheikh leaned in, then, his expression earnest. “Nicole, when I brought that painting home, when I saw that example of unfulfilled desires, of a forbidden love never allowed to blossom, it made me realize that I can’t abandon true love for the sake of some years-old custom.”
Nicole’s fingers began to tremble, and she clasped her hands together to keep them steady.
“The woman you love?” she asked, her voice trembling ever so slightly.
Kadeen sat forward, joining her on the couch. The warmth of his body pressed into her, enveloping her, wrapping around her in a cocoon of wishes, hopes and desires. He looked into her eyes as though she were the only woman in the world, and the most beautiful of all who had ever existed.
“You must know that it’s you, Nicole,” he breathed.
She wanted to kiss him more than anything, then, but she couldn’t. She had been through too much trauma in the past few months, and he needed to answer for it.
“How could I possibly know? Sure, we had a beautiful trip together in Al Qazar, but the minute the sun came up, you were getting a call about your future wife. You basically kicked me out of your room!”
Kadeen winced at the truth in her words. “I know, Nicole, and I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that. You didn’t deserve any of it. When we made love, I was giving into a desire I’d felt from the moment I met you. There was something about you that brought out so much more in me than simple lust, and if I’m honest, I was scared. I was scared that if I allowed myself to let our relationship progress, it would just be harder to give you up when I turned thirty and had to return for my wedding. I pushed you away because I believed that it would be the safest decision for both of us.”
Nicole blinked at that admission. He had been treating her that way because he thought it would save them both from heartbreak? She thought carefully about his behavior since the first day they met. All the pauses, the unfinished statements she had dismissed as her imagination. They were real. His feelings were real.
“Are you telling me that you love me?” she asked, bewildered.
Kadeen fell to his knees before her, then, taking her hand and planting a firm kiss on her skin, holding her tenderly as he looked up into her eyes.
“I’m telling you I love you, Nicole. I have loved you since the moment I laid eyes on you. I just didn’t want to believe it or admit it to myself. If you give me a chance, I will make up for all the terrible things I’ve done. I’ll spend the rest of my life doing everything I can to make you happy.”
He joined her back on the couch, running a hand behind her ear, stroking back an errant strand of hair. “Will you give me a chance, Nicole?”
Nicole gazed up into his eyes. Those perfect, dark chocolate eyes. She could get lost in their depths forever. All the anger, fear and frustration melted away from her bones, and, unable to speak, she nodded her head.
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Kadeen beamed, dipping his head and capturing her lips in a cherishing kiss that quickly turned more passionate. He kissed her deeply for what seemed like forever and no time at all, until Nicole felt a punch in her gut, and jumped.
The Sheikh sat back, his expression concerned. “What is it? Are you all right?”
Nicole’s smile was warm. “Yes. It’s just, our children are celebrating. Here, come feel.”
She took his hand in hers and placed it on her belly. After a moment, another shuddering kick darted across Nicole’s belly, and Kadeen jumped too before he laughed.
“I wonder who that was, because we’ve got a future soccer star in there!”
Nicole rolled her eyes slightly, though she was delighting in sharing this experience with Kadeen. She nearly grew lightheaded from the tidal wave of relief she felt. Her children would know their father! He got to be hers in the end, after all!
“I think we’ve got enough kickers for our own team in there,” she chuckled, nestling her head against his shoulder as they both enjoyed the sensation of their children’s movement in her belly.
“I never thought about being a father to one child, much less five all at once,” Kadeen grinned. “This is going to be quite the adventure.”
“You’re telling me,” Nicole agreed.
They sat in comfortable silence for a while, relishing the sensation of being together as a family for the first time.
“Kadeen?” Nicole asked.
“Yes?”
“What’s going to happen with your family now that you’ve defied their wishes?”
Kadeen looked up at her, then, and his eyes were wide with open honesty. It was so refreshing, after so many months of repressing their feelings and fighting what they both secretly knew was right.
“Some things are more important than pleasing one’s parents, don’t you think?” he asked.
“Are you on speaking terms with them still?”