I understood her. It’d only been a miniscule amount of time for me, and I was already losing my mind. What would I be like after fifty years? A hundred? Any pity I felt toward her tempered the anger, but I didn’t let it get out of control.
“Do you ever stop to consider your actions? Does what you’ve done to me really not bother you?”
She squirmed, unable to meet my gaze. “I can’t let it.”
Her admission knocked me for a loop. When I asked her the question, I didn’t expect such a truthful response. Not after everything she’d done. Uncomfortable with the stark honesty we agreed to, I switched gears.
“What about Jackson.”
“What about him.”
“You killed him.”
She nodded, and I watched my face, one I didn’t even recognize anymore, struggle with sadness. It was right there in the way her chin wobbled. Somehow, between the heated argument with Jason and my unexpected question, a wall had been knocked down.
“I was lost in my grief at first. Everything was so new, so raw. I was angry at everyone, felt betrayed. Hurting Jackson...” She trailed off and gathered her thoughts. “I really did love him. Once the war started, the future we dreamed of seemed impossible. I didn’t share the optimism of everyone else, that we’d whip the Yankees in a month. I saw it for what it was...the end of the world I loved. When I married William, I tucked away my hope. I buried Jackson. When he came back, he shattered the lock I’d put on him. I remembered what it was like to want everything, not just settle and live in fear.”
“You let him die.”
She played with the hem of her shirt. “I can’t offer an excuse. Kalfu played with my anger. He stoked the fires, so to speak, same as he does with you. When I saw Jackson, so unexpectedly, my happiness and loneliness twisted into something else. Blackness swept over me, and the next thing I knew, his body lay at the bottom of the stairs, broken and bloodied. Nothing was ever the same after that day. I’d gone too far to ever earn forgiveness. I gave in fully to what I’d become. It’s not so different from what you just did to Jason.”
“It’s not the same. I don’t love Jason.” My admission caught me by complete surprise. “I mean, I could, one day. Whatever. It’s not the same,” I repeated forcefully.
“Keep telling yourself that.”
The sorrow in her voice didn’t sound like the Catherine I knew. Where was her contempt and cockiness? Sitting before me, her selfishness had all but disappeared. Even though I said it wouldn’t, her vulnerability changed my perception of her. I did not want it to. Not after hearing she stole my virginity from me. Still, she looked so lost and alone.
“I’m tired,” she said, interrupting my reflection.
“You can sleep later. I’m not done with you.”
She scowled at me. “I don’t mean physically. I mean spiritually, emotionally. I used to think if I got what I wanted, I’d be happy. It’s what I was promised after all. But even in this great body and interesting life, I can’t let go of the past.”
“It’s called a conscience, Catherine. Most humans have them.” I ignored the fact she indirectly complimented my body and life.
“I’m not like other people.”
She had me there.
“This modern world is intimidating. Everything is so loud, fast, crowded. It’s been so hard to adapt to it. Cell phones are devices of the devil, so simple yet their power frightens me. The nonstop bustle exhausts me.”
Studying her perfectly wavy hair and trendy clothes, I had to disagree. “Seems like you have it more figured out than I did.”
The friendly tone of my words shocked me, in a lot of ways more than her and Jason’s secret did. I never, in a million years, would have convinced myself I’d be having a normal, unsnarky conversation with Catherine. It left me unsettled.
“I’m beginning to see I don’t have a choice in this. I’m going to lose.”
I stared at her with my mouth hanging open. “What are you saying?”
“Don’t get me wrong. I am in no way giving up, but the odds are stacking in your favor now.”
A long silence descended. I found myself at a loss for words. This human version of Catherine seemed more unnatural than anything.
“You have to teach me how to do that with my hair,” I blurted.
“It took me a while.” She scrunched up her face. “Why do they call it a flat iron if it makes curls?”
The laugh bubbling up out of me was impossible to stop. The last half hour had been such a roller coaster of emotions. Now here I sat laughing, and soon, Catherine joined me. She might have said the modern world was hard to adapt to, but this spirit world was pretty tough, too.
A thump rattled the door, yanking me out of the moment. I grew uncomfortable, realizing I was able to maintain the hold on it, keep everyone out, all while having a conversation. I was getting way too familiar with using the anger. As I thought about it, I became aware of the heat, still pulsing under the surface.
“Are they laughing?” Abby’s baffled voice passed through the door, eliciting another round of giggles from Catherine and me.
Surprisingly, Catherine sobered first, smoothing her hair to the side. “I guess it’s back to reality.” She stood and shook out her hair. “Now let’s be done with this temporary truce. Just because I admitted this may end badly for me, don’t expect me to roll over and play dead. I’m a survivor, and if pushed, I’ll use every trick I have to keep surviving.”
Sick of listening to her, unable to look at her any longer, I dashed out of the room. Anger, my now constant shadow, followed.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
There was no sign of Jason when I left Catherine’s room, but Abby and Boone were hot on my heels as I darted up the narrow staircase to the attic. Each question they peppered me with was like a barb into my back.
“What did you do?” Boone asked.
“Why’d you hurt Jason?” That one was Abby.
“Are you even going to talk about what happened?” Boone again.
On the top step I spun on them, my arms trembling. “Just give me a second to breathe!”
Startled, they paused and regarded me warily. Guilt crept in. I hadn’t meant to snap, but it seemed better than giving them the truth. That the anger had won out momentarily. Instead of answering, I passed over the threshold and into my sanctuary. As soon as I was clear, the door slammed shut behind me.
“Quinn!” Boone shouted, immediately banging on the door.
I reached out to open it before I thought the action through. Of course I couldn’t. Figured I’d be used to that by now.
“It’s time for us to talk. In private.”
My spine stiffened as I turned to face Kalfu. He stood in the middle of the room, top hat tilted rakishly on his head. Even in this man’s presence, the heartbreak I’d just experienced leaked through. A sob burst out of my throat, and I clung to my midsection, trying not to fall apart. With Catherine, I’d put on a good show. Here, I couldn’t pretend anymore.
Behind me, the banging and yelling continued. Desperation rang in my friends’ voices, but I made no move to let them in. I felt a tear slip down my cheek as Boone’s and Abby’s attempts suddenly stopped.
Nausea pinched my stomach as I regarded Kalfu. “What did you do to them?”
“Oh, they’re still there, wailing incessantly. The noise was beginning to give me a headache.” I cast a glance back at the door. “Don’t worry. They won’t be harmed.”
Swallowing past the hot lump of despair, I struggled to get myself under control. My intention had been to escape to the attic and wallow in self pity, to lament my losses. It wasn’t just my virginity I mourned. I’d never been the kind of girl who clung to it and dreamed of rainbows and angels singing as it happened. What I’d lost was the choice. I’d lost the ability to have any control over my life.
Sniffling, I wiped at my nose. I hated showing Kalfu weakness, but I was so sick of feeling like I was losing.
“Thin
gs are spiraling out of your control,” he said matter-of-factly. I blinked a few times, unaware I’d said that last thought aloud.
“What do you mean?” I grumbled, rubbing at my damp eyes.
“How much more do you want to lose? Are you going to wait until she marries, carries a child to term? These are milestones that should be yours. They belong to you.”
The anger, which had continued humming under the surface, returned. “I can’t do what you ask of me.”
“Cora is dead. What does it matter? It’s not murder.”
I wanted to find a rational argument, but I couldn’t. Exhaustion weighed me down, caused everything to hurt. “Even if I agreed, I wouldn’t know how to do it.”
Kalfu sauntered forward, jabbing a cold finger into my chest. “It lies here, within you. I am merely giving you motivation. You have the tools.”
My mind raced, and so soon after discovering Jason’s betrayal, the temptation called to me more than ever. An idea occurred to me, one born of jealousy and spite. There might be a way to have all I wanted and more. A tiny voice called out, cautioning me that this was the rage and hurt talking. I ignored it.
“If I help, you will give me my life back, exactly the way it was?”
He nodded. “Catherine’s effects will remain, but yes, you will be Quinn Roberts again, body and soul.”
“I want her gone,” I blurted, before losing my nerve. “Catherine. I do not want her haunting my town, my house or my boyfriend. Get rid of her.”
Kalfu smiled at me, gold glinting. “Easy enough. An admirable request, love. Once Cora is no longer tied to this land and rotting where she belongs, I will dispose of Catherine. She will never threaten you again.”
I hesitated. I wasn’t this person, one fueled by revenge. My pause made Kalfu’s mouth fall. He waved his hand, and the room around us faded, morphing into another. I turned, only to glimpse flashes of Jason and Catherine kissing. His hotel. I remembered visiting it before. His hands lifted her shirt then caressed down her spine. Next, I saw them lying on the bed, a shaft of moonlight illuminating only bare skin.
Fire erupted in me, hot and ugly. It pierced my chest, pulling a groan from my throat.
“Fine. I’ll do it. Just make this stop.”
Instantly, the images vanished, revealing a smug Kalfu. The joy on his face made me sick, but I didn’t take my agreement back.
“What now?” I asked, unable to stop trembling.
He reached into his moth-eaten vest and pulled out a roll of ancient parchment. As he opened it, I noticed it was blank.
“Once you sign it, the details of our arrangement will fill in.”
“I get rid of Cora and you give me my life back.”
“Along with ridding you of the lovely Catherine.”
“What else?”
“What do you mean?”
“It can’t be that simple. I’m not stupid, Kalfu.”
He shrugged. “It also means I may call on you from time to time. Do not fret, child. Once Cora is gone, I will not have as much need for a servant as I do now. Basically, you will not have the option to turn me down.”
“My entire life?”
“No, no, no. There is a limit to the favors I may ask. Does three sound fair?”
I ran a trembling hand through my hair. So many emotions swirled through me. It was impossible to think straight.
“Allow me to grant you a favor for free. Your precious Jason has joined the ruckus at the door. Let him in, only him, and I will show you how great my mercy is.”
He inclined his head, and warmth spread into my limbs. I knew this feeling. Glancing down, I noticed my body was solid. In my chest, my heart beat strong and steady. I was me again. Too happy to care where the gift came from I strode to the door and grasped the knob. Joy caused my breath to catch in my throat at the simple sensation of iron in my hand. Swinging the door open, I prepared for the shock.
Abby reacted first. “Quinn! How?”
“I need to talk to Jason. Alone.”
Jason started at me, jaw slack, but it was Boone who spoke.
“What are you going to do?”
I glared at him. “Trust me.”
“How is this happening?” His expression hardened. “Don’t give in to anything without thinking it through.”
“Jason? Please?”
He nodded quickly, brushing past Boone as if afraid I’d change my mind.
Boone grabbed him by the arm. “Be careful.”
“I’m not going to hurt him, you idiot,” I ground out.
I yanked on Jason’s other arm, loving the electricity in the touch, and pulled him into the attic before Boone had a chance to reply. Right as I slammed the door shut again, I was rewarded with his heavy scowl and Abby’s bewilderment. Either Kalfu’s trick was still working or they gave up, because all was quiet on the other side of the wood.
Suddenly nervous, I released my grip on Jason and put a couple feet between us. Once I felt strong enough, I faced Jason who stared at me in awe.
“You’re real.”
Eating up the distance, he stepped forward then reached up and cupped my cheek, running his thumb across it. I gaped at him, at a loss for words. As he finally wrapped me up tight, I burrowed into him. Everything about his embrace was exactly as I remembered—the scent, the way I fit, the safety. Regaining my wits, I clung to him, afraid Kalfu’s gift would end too soon.
I wasn’t sure how long I stood there, tucked into Jason’s arms, but as time passed memories assaulted me. Not the good ones either. Choking back a sob, I shoved away from him.
“I can’t do this.”
He flinched and ran a hand over his face. “I wasn’t expecting you to actually be here, like physically.”
“Sorry to make it harder for you.” I couldn’t stop the words.
“I had everything I wanted to say set in my mind. Seeing you threw me for a loop. This is the Quinn I remember.” He gave me a cautious grin. “I always loved the purple in your hair.”
“Yet, you didn’t seem to mind when she took it out.”
“Girls, women, change their styles constantly. Like an idiot, I didn’t really think anything of it. It certainly wasn’t enough to make me think you’d been body snatched.”
“Obviously nothing was.”
He took a hesitant step forward, and I held my ground.
“Okay, fine, yeah, I worried when you stopped taking pictures or wore something pink, but all I wanted was to be there for you, to support you as you got back on your feet. I assumed you were going through a hard time.”
This was the part I could almost forgive him for. I understood him accepting the changes as me adjusting to life on my own and letting me spread my wings.
“When I lost my brother.” He paused to sigh. “When I lost Dylan, I knew he was gone. I watched it happen, minute by agonizing minute while trapped in the car with him. As terrible as it was, I got it. I understood the second he was dead he’d never come back. With you, since I’ve learned the truth, it’s hard to accept. I see your body, can touch it. Knowing it’s not really you doesn’t always compute. Ghosts mean death, and I don’t want to lose someone else.”
Which explained the mooning glances I’d witnessed.
“You haven’t said anything yet.”
“I don’t know what to say, Jason.”
“I want to make this better, believe me. I fell hard for you, and I’m not willing to give it up yet.”
“And you kept falling for me the last month.” The stubborn part of me was like a dog with a bone.
He jerked as if I’d reached out and slapped him. It took him a while to find the right words. Finally, he settled on a simple, “Yes.”
The heat inside me flared. Rational, level headed Quinn wondered what I would do in his situation. If his body was taken over by someone very good at impersonating him. Would I notice the subtle changes and chalk them up to getting to know him better?
I didn’t want to be rational.
“Quinn, don’t make me do this,” he begged. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You already have!” I yelled, startling him.
“You act like this has been easy. Black and white. I don’t know what I’m supposed do here!”
“Sounds to me like it’s been pretty easy,” I mumbled.
“I’ve been in hell the last couple days. Everyone else here has a link to the paranormal, a way to see you or communicate with you. I’m an outsider. Dammit, I want to help, but I don’t know how. Not after I’ve hurt you so badly.”
I steeled my heart against his admission. It probably was hard, being left out of so much, but he didn’t have the skills Abby or Boone did. What I needed from him was support and faith, the things I hadn’t gotten, not in the way that mattered.
“If you want to help, tell me the truth about why Catherine was better.”
He paced in front of me, a ball of nervous energy. “Fine, you want to know what was different? She wasn’t as hesitant about showing me affection in public, about the consequences of what people would think about someone like her with someone like me. She relaxed in that environment a lot quicker. I didn’t have to worry about her as much.”
I swallowed the sudden sobs in my throat, determined not to show him how deeply his words wounded me.
“There were plenty of reasons why I held back with you. Most importantly, the fact I’d been threatened repeatedly, warned I wouldn’t live to see my eighteenth birthday. Forgive me for being a little cautious. Not all of them revolved around your world and what you do for a living.”
“I know, and I didn’t mean for it to come out so badly. With you, all I knew was your fear, your limitations based on what was happening with your family. With Catherine, it was gone. It felt freer. It was who I always imagined you to be.” He must have seen my crestfallen expression. “No, crap, this is not coming out right. I pictured being with you after we helped your stepmother, when your life was back to normal. It involved sitting outside at a café and you not caring if we had our picture taken because you were that confident about us. I wanted to walk down the street with you and hold your hand, in the open. I guess I was too caught up in it actually happening, I didn’t pay enough attention to the details.”
A Strange There After Page 19