He heard the hint of censure in her voice, but it only spurred his curiosity. “What kind of past could an eighteen-year-old girl possibly have had that she’d want to hide?”
She didn’t reply for so long that he thought he’d gone too far. Finally, her voice faint but defiant, she said, “I was sure you’d guessed by now. I was pregnant.”
Left unspoken was the fact that she’d obviously been unmarried, as well, and that she was still deeply ashamed. He wished with everything in him that he’d been around to protect her back then, to claim her and Casey as his own.
“You aren’t the first woman to make a mistake,” he reminded her gently.
“Casey was not a mistake,” she said fiercely. “I love her. She’s the very best thing in my life.”
He squeezed her hand tightly. “Sweetheart, I know that. Anyone seeing the two of you together would know it. But at eighteen you were alone and scared. It must have been hard for you.”
“It was hard and it was lonely, but it was heaven compared to what I’d left behind.”
She pulled her hand free and lurched on ahead, obviously desperate to put distance between them. Questions raced through Joshua’s mind, but this time he wisely kept them to himself. Probing Garrett’s secrets, understanding how she had become the pricklish, solitary woman she was today were not on tonight’s agenda. Tonight was all about survival, getting the two of them to that cabin before this hateful blizzard froze them to death. If nothing else, he had touched a nerve so sensitive that the fire of her anger would keep her going awhile longer.
* * *
Garrett hated remembering. She had spent too many years forgetting, setting up a dam against the inevitable tide of hurt. Yet no matter how hard she tried, the memories always flooded back. Every time they did, they were just as fresh, just as painful as they’d been on the day she’d caught the bus west from Chicago. Right now, hip-deep in another drift of snow, she hated Joshua for making her remember. She wanted to get as far from his penetrating questions as she could.
It was only when she’d covered another half mile or so with him trudging silently behind her that she realized he’d purposely goaded her. He’d given her the incentive to keep going when her whole body had wanted to sink into nothingness.
The irony, of course, was that the farther she went, the closer she came to the time when they would be alone in that cabin with no way left for her to avoid the probing questions about her past. She could retreat into stubborn, defiant silence, but she had a feeling Joshua knew exactly how to get around a woman’s resistance. If she didn’t want to talk, he’d suggest occupying her time with something far more intimate and dangerous. Every kiss they’d shared told her that she’d be far better off talking, gabbing until she was blue in the face. She’d be wise to tell him about the cattle, about Casey, about Wyoming, even about the past, if only it would keep the undeniable, growing attraction between them safely at bay.
Realistically, though, she knew there weren’t enough words in the world to do that. As miserably cold as she was, she had only to look into his eyes to feel a stirring of heat. She had only to feel the strong clasp of his gloved hand around her own to feel warmth spreading through her. His kisses exploded into welcome fire.
And that meant trouble. She knew it as well as she knew that another hour out in this weather and she’d have more to worry about than the effect of a few stolen kisses. It was unbearably cold. In all the years she’d lived in Wyoming, she had never been exposed for this long to the bone-chilling iciness. Her feet and hands were dangerously numb, probably close to frostbitten.
Still, they trudged on, Joshua keeping up a running patter of nonsensical, one-sided conversation. At least she assumed it was nonsensical. She couldn’t seem to concentrate on what he was saying. She only wanted to sleep, to hibernate like a bear until this awful storm ended and spring emerged to turn the prairie grasslands an undulating green.
“Garrett. Garrett! Come on, sweetheart. You have to pay attention.”
Joshua’s words seemed to reach her through a thick fog. “Pay attention to what?” she said finally, because he seemed to expect her to say something.
“The landmarks. What should we be looking for?”
“Trees. Cottonwoods. The creek. It’ll be frozen now.” She tilted her face up to catch a snowflake on the tip of her tongue. For a moment she forgot to be afraid, forgot that she was with the man who threatened her peace of mind. She was a child again and the world was a beautiful, magical fairyland. “Do you skate, Joshua? We could go ice-skating on the creek.”
“If you ask me, we’re already skating on thin ice. This is about as dangerously as I care to live.”
“I could teach you to do a figure eight. Mrs. Mac taught me.”
He regarded her incredulously. “You and Mrs. Mac went ice-skating?”
“It was the first year I was at the ranch. Casey was only a baby, so it must have been…” She tried to make the calculations, but the numbers seemed to be elusive. “A long time ago. Mrs. Mac loved to skate. She said it reminded her of when she and her husband were courting. He drank himself to death. Did you know that? Then her daughter, Cal’s mother, ran away and married a man Mrs. Mac didn’t approve of. It was very sad.”
She felt the sting of sympathetic tears in her eyes. “Did you know she’s been running this ranch by herself for nearly fifty years? She’s even been president of the cattlemen’s association. Isn’t it nice the way women are respected in Wyoming? They always have been, you know. They got the vote here really early. It’s probably because men saw how well they coped with the hard life here. Women are much tougher than men think.”
She cast a curious gaze in Joshua’s direction, wondering what his reaction would be to that declaration. “Well?” she insisted. “What do you think?”
“About what?” he said distractedly.
“About women?”
“I’m rather partial to them.” An unmistakable gleam lit his eyes.
“That is not what I asked you. I asked if you agreed that we’re tougher than men think we are?”
“I think you are very tough.”
She smiled. “Thank you.”
“Of course, I think your brain is freezing.”
She regarded him indignantly. “It is not.”
“Then explain to me why we are having this ridiculous conversation, when I need you to help me find that line shack.”
“I am helping.”
“How?”
That was a tough one. So far, he was the one who’d kept them moving. “I’m watching for the trees.”
“Any sign of them?”
“No,” she admitted dejectedly. “Actually, I’m really tired, Joshua.”
“I know you are, sweetheart, but it’s bound to be close. Is it on the road?”
“No. It’s a few hundred yards to the east.”
Joshua groaned. “Then how the hell are we supposed to see it from the road?”
“I keep telling you about the trees. Aren’t you listening?” she replied testily.
“I don’t see any damn trees.”
Challenged, Garrett peered through the blinding, whirling snow. She could barely see Joshua, much less anything at a distance. His doubts, however, had given her the incentive to keep going. She would prove to him, prove to all of them that women were tough, that she was tough. She’d been trying to prove it her whole life.
Drawing on her last reserves of energy, she plowed on through the snow, knowing that they had to be close, fearing that if they didn’t find the cabin soon, she and Joshua would become one of those tragic cases of people who died of exposure only a few feet from warmth and protection.
Now it was Joshua who was lagging behind, dispirited. It was up to her to save them now. He had gotten them this far by badgering and cajoling. The tactics had been underhanded but clever. Once again she admitted she was going to have to revise her initial impression of Joshua. He might be a greenhorn, but he had a streak of i
nventiveness and determination in him she had to admire. She wondered if he would be equally as resourceful as a lover. She flirted with the idea for several minutes and decided the possibilities were fascinating. Wasn’t it odd, how he’d started her thinking about sex? She’d studiously avoided thinking about it for a long time now. Garrett glanced sideways and caught his bleak expression. This was no time to be indulging in impossible fantasies, she reminded herself sternly.
“I think I see the trees,” she lied, using hope as an incentive.
“Where?”
“Just ahead. Come on, Joshua. We’re almost there.”
“There are no trees.”
“Damn it, I see them,” she insisted. “Walk.”
“I am walking.”
“Faster. It’ll keep your blood circulating.”
“I wonder if the stories are true,” he said.
“What stories?”
“About people who’ve frozen to death coming back to life once they’ve thawed out.”
“I will not allow you to think like that,” she said furiously. “We are not going to freeze to death. We are not going to require thawing out.”
He turned a silly, endearing grin on her. “I’d enjoy thawing you out, Garrett.”
She moaned at his craziness, but she couldn’t deny that the mere suggestion had sent a gentle wave of heat washing through her. Definitely a resourceful lover, she decided, intrigued again by the thought. If the image stirred her blood, maybe it would do the same for his.
“What is the first thing you’re going to do when we find the cabin?” she said.
“Build a fire.”
“And then?”
“Get out of these wet clothes.”
That aroused some provocative images. She was getting warmer by the second.
“And then?”
He regarded her intently. Heat was definitely flaring in his eyes. She congratulated herself as he asked, “Are you deliberately leading me on here?”
“Leading you on?” she repeated innocently.
“Planting seductive little notions in my mind just to turn up my thermostat?”
“Would I do that?”
“You would if you thought it would motivate me to keep going.”
“Is it working?”
“It’s working, sweetheart. If my body ever gets as hot as my thoughts, you’re in a whole pile of trouble.”
The prospect might have daunted her but just then she saw the landmark they’d been watching for, the stand of trees and the creek just beyond.
“Joshua,” she breathed softly, reaching out to clasp his hand.
He went absolutely still beside her. “What?”
“We’ve found it!”
“The cabin?” he said doubtfully, peering through the curtain of snow that fell before them.
“The creek, but the cabin won’t be far now.” Impulsively she threw her arms around him. “We made it, Joshua! It’s okay. In no time we’ll be in front of that fire.”
She looked up then and caught the blaze in his eyes. Suddenly reality caught up with seductive fantasy. She realized what she had done by planting all those provocative possibilities in his head…and in her own. He’d pretty well summed it up, in fact. She was in a whole pile of trouble.
Chapter Five
Never in his life had Joshua been so relieved to see a primitive little snowbound shack in the middle of nowhere. Half buried in snow and totally unprepossessing, it was as welcome as any suite in any five-star hotel he’d ever visited in some exciting world capital.
The last hour had been pure hell. He’d been terrified that Garrett was going to give up before they reached safety. Then he’d been struck by a sudden inspiration. He’d guessed that she would rally if he challenged her, if he made it a test of her fortitude against his. For some reason she seemed to feel a deep need to prove herself to him, to declare her independence and strength at every turn. Discovering why could prove to be fascinating, if only he could stop this violent shivering long enough to put his mind to the task.
“We’re going to have to break in,” he said, already looking around for something heavy to use on one of the narrow windows. They’d have to patch it later to keep the cold out.
“No, it’ll be unlocked. It’s left that way specifically for emergencies like this. We just have to get to the door.”
Even that appeared a daunting prospect with drifts blocking their way. “I don’t suppose you have a folding shovel tucked in your back pocket?” he asked.
“Afraid not.”
“Then let’s get to work.”
With stiff hands that would barely do his bidding, he scooped away snow that was piled halfway up the cabin door. Garrett worked silently beside him until at last they were able to get to the handle and push the door open. Snow trailed in behind them and the vicious gusts of wind made closing the door again almost impossible. They both put their weight against it to slam it closed.
Only when it was shut did he think to ask, “Is the firewood outside?”
Her shoulders sagging with fatigue, Garrett nodded. “Probably buried in that drift. There should be some in the fireplace, though. Let’s get a fire started and warm up some before we bring in more.” Her gaze turned hopefully toward the stone hearth.
Joshua shook his head. “I’ll get it now. Once I settle down, I’m not going to be the least bit interested in braving that weather again before morning.”
“You won’t have long to wait. It’s nearly morning now.”
“It can’t be. It was barely midnight when the car went into that ditch.”
She glanced at her watch. “And it’s 4:00 a.m. now. By all rights we should have frozen to death in that time.” She shuddered. “If you hadn’t kept us going…”
He shook his head and clasped her hands. His eyes met hers. “I’d say we’re even.” The tension that had sprung to life every single time they’d touched crackled through the air again, until at last he said softly, “Why don’t you start a fire and see if there’s coffee or some brandy? I’ll get more wood.”
Bracing himself against the wind, he went back outside. As Garrett had suspected, there was a supply of logs just outside, covered with snow. He carried three loads inside and would have gone back for a fourth if Garrett hadn’t suggested with a wry expression that they had enough for the next twenty-four hours.
“I want a big fire.”
“You’ll warm up quickly enough,” she promised as she knelt before the hearth and touched a match to the kindling. The first spark held the promise of a blazing warmth that drew him to her side. He held his still-gloved hands toward the flames and felt the tingling pain that came as his circulation was restored.
“You can lose the gloves,” she teased. “Now they’re just keeping the heat out.” She reached over and removed them for him. Again, her gaze caught his and held. Her fingers, every bit as stiff and icy as his own, skimmed over the back of his hands. He captured them and held on.
“Your hands are frozen,” she said.
“So are yours.” He touched his lips to her fingers. “Does that help?”
Slowly she nodded.
He placed her hands inside his jacket, against his chest. “And that?”
A faint tremor swept through her, but again she nodded.
“What about the rest of you? How do you feel?”
“I can’t even feel my feet.”
“Let’s take a look,” he said, releasing her hands. “Sit right here in front of the fire.” She huddled on the braided rug, her shoulders hunched over her knees as he reached for her boots and tugged them off. “Wiggle your toes.”
She stared at her feet, an expression of consternation on her face. Nothing happened. “I think they’re too stiff to wiggle,” she said finally.
Joshua picked up one icy foot and began to rub, trying hard to ignore the effect that touching her was having on him. For a man who was half frozen, he was having decidedly overheated thoughts. Since those th
oughts were about as out of place tonight as he was in this cabin, he concentrated instead on Garrett’s poor, icy feet.
Think of it as a medical emergency, he told his straying libido. The truth of that had absolutely no impact. Instead he found himself fascinated by the incongruity of a woman who ran a cattle ranch and prided herself on tough, fiery independence wearing a frosty-pink toenail polish. Sexiness hidden by rawhide, vulnerability protected by cactus prickliness. It seemed to sum up her whole intriguing personality.
As if she sensed the direction of his thoughts, Garrett drew away from him. “They’re better now,” she said. “Why don’t you check to see if there are some dry clothes we can put on, while I make that coffee?”
The last thing Joshua wanted to do right that second was put on clothes. With an intensity that rocked him, he realized he was much more interested in getting the rest of Garrett’s clothes off. He wanted her with a blaze of raw desire that could have heated the whole damned cabin. The force of his yearning was compounded by the certainty that he shouldn’t take her, not tonight, maybe not ever. There were too many complications, too many unanswered questions. He’d discovered the depths of his own feelings tonight, but he had no idea what he should do about them. As for Garrett, he couldn’t even begin to guess what she was thinking, what she was feeling.
Oh, she wanted him. He had few doubts about that. But she would have regrets in the morning and even deeper ones after he’d gone. Some instinct warned him that she’d been left once too often in the past. Joshua wouldn’t be the one to do it to her again and until he’d given it a lot more thought, he couldn’t promise her that wouldn’t happen.
To take his mind off the needs his body had expressed in plain, masculine language, he looked around the single room and decided that calling it a shack was a serious misnomer. Though it was small, it was well equipped for emergencies or for those times when cowboys were chasing cattle far from the bunkhouse. A lone, narrow bed, made up with white sheets and layers of colorful wool blankets, was pushed against one wall. A sofa, which likely converted to a bed, had been placed in front of the fire and a small kitchen area included a refrigerator, well-stocked cupboards, a stove and a rough-hewn table with two chairs. A well-used deck of cards on the table was testimony to the late-night pursuits of the last occupants and curtains at the windows suggested a woman’s touch in this man’s domain. There was no sign of a telephone or radio. The cabin’s one other door led, he hoped, to a bathroom.
Joshua and the Cowgirl Page 5