“Louisville, for work. He’ll be back next Saturday.” She beams at him, almost like she’s waiting for him to say or ask something else. John looks at her, unable to hide his grin.
My forehead creases. “Um… is there some inside joke I’m missing right now?” I ask, laughing a little.
“Go ahead, John! Tell her!” Sonny insists, waving her hand in his direction.
I look at John, who seems hesitant.
“Oh for goodness sake,” Sonny groans. “Do you want me to tell her? It’s no big deal—I mean it is a big deal but I can tell her if you want me to.”
“No.” He shakes his head. “I got it.”
My eyebrows lift as he looks at me and sighs. “So, I took what you said last night into consideration. When you fell asleep I went to talk to Dr. David and at first he wasn’t too lenient, but after about an hour of guarantees he’s agreed to discharge you, assign you a new doctor, and have you spend your days at home.”
My heart catches speed and my eyes pool with emotion. “Oh my God.” I sit forward. “You’re serous?”
“I’m serious. I’ve already hired a doctor that Dr. David highly recommended. He will come by the house every day as well as a certified nurse who will be there with you every hour of the day starting next week. This, Shannon, is for you, babe” he says, picking up my hand and kissing the back of it.
Sonny claps like a seal, maybe just a tad bit more excited than I am. “You need this!” she cheers. “You deserve to be at home, a place where you’re most comfortable. I’m part of the reason John went to go talk to the doctor, you know? I told him ‘Listen, man, you need to do whatever my sister wants right now.’ Then I waved my fist at him and told him not to get on my bad side.”
I laugh, fighting tears. Damn my pride. “You guys… I’m overwhelmed. I never thought it would happen .”
“I understood you last night and the last thing I want is for you to be unhappy. I was too worried about what I want for you and not worried enough about what you want.” He cups my face, kissing the center of my forehead. When he pulls away, he says, “I’ll go speak with Dr. David, let him know you’re awake and that we’ll most likely be ready for discharge soon.”
“Damn right.” Sonny purses her lips and cocks her head as John opens the door. “Tell him to hurry the hell up. Shannon really needs a manicure.” She picks up my hand, looking at my cuticles with disgust.
I snatch it away, flipping her the bird. When John is several minutes gone, my phone buzzes on the stand. “Hey, get that for me, please?”
Sonny picks it up, looks at the screen and with wide, curious eyes she hands it to me. “What in the hell is he calling you for?”
I stare at the screen, and immediately my eyebrows are glued together. So many thoughts run through my mind—so much about him that I can’t ignore. My happy thoughts about going home fade the longer the phone buzzes.
“Don’t answer it!” Sonny hisses. I don’t even realize she’s at the door. “I’m going to go grab some coffee.” Her hint for allowing me the option to answer.
I nod and when she’s gone I take the call. Why? Because I’m tired of stalling. I’m tired of hiding my feelings. I’m tired of ignoring him. Plus, I’m in a great mood right now.
Whether I want to admit it or not, I need to see Max before I die. I have to look into his eyes one more time, tell him that I regret nothing that happened between us. I’m sure that’s what he thinks—that I regret us and all we ever stood for.
I answer, and when he speaks I get that old feeling back—the one where it feels like a pot is simmering in the pit of my belly.
My hands become clammy, my throat thick with words unspoken. So much… there’s so much I need to say but I don’t say anything right away. I allow him to talk.
“Hey, Shakes.” His voice is casual. Still deep and tantalizing.
“Hey.” My voice is light, but I get to it before he can say anything more. “I have something to tell you.”
“What’s that?” he asks.
“I’m going home.”
“Are you? That’s good. Makes it easier for me to find you.”
“No,” I say quickly. “You can’t show up. John wouldn’t appreciate knowing a stranger is hanging around.”
He laughs. “You still haven’t told him what I was to you.”
“No. He’s already been asking questions. He doesn’t need to know.”
“That wont stop me from coming to see you. Your excuses have never worked on me, Shannon.”
“Max,” I breathe, recalling each and every time I made an excuse and he still showed up.
“Yes, Shakes?” His voice… so seductive. So smooth. So fucking sexy. I don’t know how it’s possible, but I feel a tightening below. A clench. Just from the sound of his voice. “I like how we always pick up where we left off.”
I ignore his statement. “We have a lot to talk about.”
“Yes. And that’s why I need to see you.”
“I’m not how I used to be… you know that, right?”
“Listen,” he starts, his voice stern, “stop telling me that. You’ve tried pushing me away over and over again and clearly it’s not working.”
My throat thickens with frustration and shame as I look towards the mirror. When I catch sight of my pale face, tears line the rims of my eyes. “It’s not that I’m pushing you away I just—I mean…” I’m ugly. I’m gross. I’m lethal. I’m damaged. I’m fucking terrified. I sniffle. “I don’t want you to see me… like this.”
Max is quiet for a moment. “Don’t cry.” When he hears another sniffle, he says, “Stop crying, Shannon.” His voice. Demanding. Desirable. I straighten up quickly and swallow hard, doing my best to fight off the wave of emotion. “Let me see you, prove to you that your looks aren’t what matter to me.”
“How will that even be possible? John is always by my side.”
“All you have to do is let me know when he won’t be around. If I have to, I’ll sneak you out.”
A laugh bubbles out of me. “He would kill you for that.”
“Let him try.”
The door creaks open and Sonny trots back in, blowing over her cup of hot coffee. “I will let you know. Okay?”
“Promise me, Shakes.”
I’m silent.
“I really need to see you,” he murmurs.
“Okay…”
“You can’t keep me away.”
I don’t speak. I don’t know what to say.
“Afraid old memories will resurface?” he questions, interrupting my silence.
I scoff. “I already know they will…”
“Which is why you’re keeping me away? —That and because you think I won’t find you attractive anymore?”
I nod. “Maybe.”
“Well, see, the funny thing is, I’m looking right at you and I still think you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on, tubes, IVs, and all.”
Gasping, I look up towards the open door and standing in between the frames is Max.
He stands tall, his hair grown out just a little. It’s curlier, his goatee clean and shaped-up. He no longer has that baby face he had years ago during his bachelor days. The facial hair looks good on him.
His black T-shirt hugs his body, the muscles in his arms flexing as he pulls the phone down, smiling so softly at me it hurts.
It hurts because I have been trying so hard to push him away.
Why?
Because I don’t want him to see me like this.
Because he’s still so fucking gorgeous and healthy and I’m all skinny and wilted and my blood streams with toxic waste. It hurts because I remember the agony of letting him go, and I still see so much of the same love and passion swirling deep in those beautiful brown pools.
It’s incredible.
Undeniable.
Those old feelings come rushing back and they hit me hard, tackling whatever’s left of my soul.
Slowly dropping my phone, I stare in
to his eyes, focusing on nothing but him. My lips part, wanting to say so much to him, but unsure of where to start. He stares back, eyes softening, his beautiful lips ready to form words.
“You are gorgeous, Shakes,” he whispers, taking a step forward.
“M-max,” I stutter. “What are you doing here?”
“You know why I’m here.” He finally takes his eyes off of me, flicking them to Sonny. A pang of jealousy hits me and I hate that I even feel it. She’s my sister. I should never feel like I’m in competition with her. But she looks ten times better than me now.
She still has that model figure—the one every girl would kill to have. But when Max’s eyes bounce to mine again in less than a second, I’m comforted.
He doesn’t think of her in that way. He never has.
“Her husband is just around the corner,” Sonny informs him, placing her coffee down.
“I don’t care.”
“He’ll wonder who you are,” she goes on. “You should go.”
“You know how I am, Sonny. Nothing’s changed” His eyebrows narrow at her.
“Yep. I know exactly how you are. Wasn’t a fan of you then and I’m still not.”
“And why’s that?”
“Because you’re an arrogant son-of-a-bitch.” She gives a sardonic smile.
“Sonny,” I scold, frowning.
“What?” She shrugs. “He is. And he clearly doesn’t listen very well because he’s still standing there.”
“He’s here for me, Sonny. Now can I please have a moment with him?”
She looks at me, gray eyes bewildered. “Are you fucking serious?”
I give her a stern look, one we each share whenever we don’t think arguing is necessary. She blows out a breath, snatching up her purse.
As she walks past Max she says, “Don’t you dare touch her.”
A smirk claims his lips. “Can’t make any promises, sis.”
She points a finger at him, thinning her eyes. “You can’t call me that anymore.” She’s out of the door, muttering “Asshole” beneath her breath, loud enough for us to hear.
I shake my head, fighting a smile as we watch the door shut. “She still hates me, I see.”
“Yeah. I don’t think that’s going to change.” I laugh.
“She has to understand, though, right?”
I shrug. “Sonny is a very tough person. Once you lose her trust it’s hard to win it back.”
“Hmm. I see.”
“But she is right,” I continue.
“About…?”
“You shouldn’t have come here. John will ask questions… wonder why you’re here… who you are.”
“And I’ll tell him exactly who I am. Why keep secrets from your husband?”
“Max, please. I really don’t need the drama right now.”
He points towards the door with his thumb. “So you want me to leave?”
“No—I don’t want you to leave. I want you here but… not right now.”
“Because you don’t want John to see me?”
“Exactly.”
Instead of moving backwards, he walks forward, placing a finger under my chin. “When will I be able to see you again?”
I do my best to ignore the way my skin hums from his touch. “I’m not sure. The first couple of days I’m home I’m sure John will be around.”
“Well, how about you call me when the hound has finally given you some space.”
“This is my husband we’re talking about. He doesn’t believe in giving me space. Not when I’m like this.”
Max’s eyes go thin, his anger transparent. “Don’t throw that at me.” He draws his hand back.
I frown. “What?”
“The whole ‘husband’ thing. I was here first.”
“But he’s who I’m with now,” I retort, and that hits him hard, almost like a bullet to the heart.
He frowns, stepping away and looking me over thoroughly. Insecure, I bring the blanket up, shielding my frail body from his hard, penetrating gaze.
Instead of arguing with me, which I’m glad for, he digs into his back pocket, pulling out a small black box.
“Got you something.” He hands it to me and I hesitate before opening it, meeting his eyes.
“This better not be a ring.”
He laughs. “Would you accept it if it was?”
I open the box, and to my surprise, it’s a silver necklace. The charm attached to it is the Eiffel Tower and a bicycle. “H-how? What?”
I look up at him and he smiles warmly.
“You remembered?” My voice is barely a whisper.
“I never forgot.” He takes the box away from me, carefully pulling out the necklace and clasping it around my neck. “I think it was worth the buy. You still want to go there, right? To Paris, I mean?”
“Hell, yeah!” I beam as I pick up the tiny silver tower, twisting it between my cold, frail fingers.
“So why don’t you?”
I frown up at him. “Are you serious? What kind of question is that?”
“Having Onyx Pleura doesn’t mean you can’t travel. It’s a risk, yeah, but you deserve to live the time you have left to the fullest. There are ways. I’ve done my research.”
“I have three months or less to do that ‘living’ thing. Traveling would most likely shorten that time. Plus, my doctor would never approve.”
“Never say never, Shakes.”
Max steps back, pointing his thumb towards the door. “I’ll get out of here before he shows back up, but I’ll be expecting a call soon.”
“How long will you be in town?” I ask.
“For as long as you need me to be.”
He starts to walk out, but I call after him and he stops, peering over his shoulder. “What made you come?”
His shoulders hunch up before going back down, a smirk on his lips. “I missed you.”
I battle a grin, looking down at my lap. I missed him too, but I won’t admit it. I can’t lead him on. It’ll just be leading him into a dark oblivion.
Several seconds later and Max is near the bed again, standing right above me. Fastening my face in his hands, he tilts my head, planting a warm kiss on my forehead and then my cheek.
Warmth courses through my veins, bringing back a familiar feeling I haven’t experienced in years.
Looking into my eyes, he asks, “I will see you soon?”
I nod. “Yeah. Soon.”
He nods, and moments later he’s walking out the door, winking over his shoulder and then disappearing for God knows how long.
Chapter Twelve
Present
The sun feels incredible on my skin. A little warmer than my now delicate body is accustomed to, but I love it.
I bathe my face in the rays, pointing it up towards the sky as a song by Laura Welsh flows through the speakers, the wind blowing through my hair.
For once I don’t desire the darkness. I finally have light.
Sonny created the playlist last night for the ride home. It’s almost like I am being reunited with an old friend— a home we’d owned for quite some time, yet because of my two-and-a-half months in the hospital, it feels I like I don’t know what to expect. It’s like a surprise.
I wonder if John changed the paint in the dining room like I asked? Cleaned off the deck every week like I used to? Changed the pillows on the outdoor furniture?
A few minutes later and John finally takes the turn I’ve been dying to reach.
As I shift in my seat, I smile, and John squeezes my hand, guiding the car up the stone driveway. When he’s at the top of the driveway, I release his hand, grabbing the door handle.
“Babe,” he calls before I can get out.
“What?” I ask, looking towards him.
“Wait,” he pleads, pushing out of the car. I sigh, sitting back against the seat and watching him round the front of the car. He pulls open my door and smiles down at me. Helping me out, he wraps his arm around my waist and I do the same. “I kno
w you’re eager to be home but you have to take it easy. No strenuous activity, remember?”
“It’s hard to be calm when my big comfy bed is waiting for me upstairs. Plus I get to touch my house again, all my special things.”
“Well, now you can do all the touching you want… as long as your doctor says it’s all right for you to be up.”
“Oh, please, John,” I say as we take the stone steps up to the front door. “I’m a rebel. You know this.” I grin up at him.
He laughs, taking out his keys and unlocking the door. Once it’s open, he guides me down the hallway, his arm still tightly wound around me.
We round the corner, John flips a light switch and as soon as light fills the room, a loud, “WELCOME HOME, SHANNON!” causes the entire living room to quake.
I gasp and clutch the heart of my chest, grinning wide as confetti is tossed in the air and kazoos are blown. Everyone I know and love is here, most of them sporting silly, colorful cone hats.
“Oh my God!” I shriek as John lets me go. I look up at him but there is a solid look on his face. It catches me by total surprise. My smile falters.
I thought he planned this, but as he looks towards Sonny, his frown deepening, I realize this was not his plan. This was hers. Instead of causing a scene, though, he forces a smile at our guests, greeting them as they greet us.
Sonny rushes towards me, hugging me for what has to be the eighth time in the past twenty-four hours. “I’m so glad you’re home,” she sighs.
“You did all this?” I ask, taking a look around the room bursting with party favors, finger-foods, and décor.
“I did!” Her eyes sparkle as she looks around. “You like it?”
I nod. “I love it. And I appreciate it. Thank you, sissy.”
“Sonny,” John steps forward, interrupting her before she can hug me again. He holds her wrist and she looks down at the grip he has on her, frowning. “Can I have a word in the kitchen, please?”
“For what?” she questions.
“John,” I say in a near whine. “Please, not right now. At least wait for everyone to leave,” I whisper. “What are you gonna do? Kick everyone that I care about out on their asses?”
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