I try and force his name out again but it’s no use.
“Don’t speak. Relax.” He’s trying to be calm, but I can hear the panic in his deep voice.
Feebly, I reach for Max’s face. His eyes instantly water. People that are around us come rushing our way, whipping out their cellphones as Max demands someone to call an ambulance.
“Despite… your crazy caveman ways… I… had fun… Max.” It’s hard getting the words out. They hurt. They’re dry and thick.
“Nonononono,” Max says it hurriedly, shaking my body gently, begging me to keep it together.
But I can’t right now.
Darkness consumes me. He continues begging me to stay with him, to hold on.
That I’ll be okay.
But doesn’t he understand? I will never be okay. I will never have it easy.
The last thing I see are the lights of the Eiffel Tower.
So bright. So beautiful. It’s not such a bad view to go out to.
The last thing I hear is Max shouting Sonny’s name.
And the last thing he says is, “Well, you have to! We have no choice! Call John. Tell him something happened. I—I fucked up. I really fucked up. Shit!”
“That’s it.” I hear a voice in the back of my head as my eyes seal tight. “Close your eyes. Just let go, baby girl.”
Hmm. Funny.
The voice sounds just like my Dad’s. The same words he used to say when he took me and Sonny swinging at the park every Sunday. Back when things were sort of okay.
Ice cream.
Swings.
Laughter.
Fun.
We had so much fun with him.
“Close your eyes. Feel the breeze. Imagine you’re flying. It’ll be fun, baby girl. I promise.”
So I close them because I’d much rather be flying than dying right now.
I’d much rather hear him, than the broken voice full of regret that belongs to Max.
“Close your eyes. Let go. You’ll be okay. I promise.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Darkness.
Light.
Darkness.
Light.
In and out.
I can’t seem to stay awake.
But there are voices and they are familiar.
“John. Just calm down.”
“No! Fuck that! I don’t give a shit! He had no right! That son of a bitch got into her head. I’ll kill him!”
Sonny and John. They’re arguing.
“I thought she would be okay,” I hear Max say. “She told me it was okay… shit. If I’d known her device wasn’t charged I never would have taken her out.”
“You shouldn’t have taken her at all!”
“John, if you are going to blame anyone, blame me,” Sonny pleads. “I was watching her. I shouldn’t have let her go, no matter what the doctor said.”
“Yeah, well, it’s too fucking late, Sonny, don’t you think?” John growls. “Fuck!” Heavy footsteps grow distant and in an instant, a door slams shut.
“Damn it, Max,” Sonny whimpers. “I told you it was a bad idea. Now look at her.”
“I’m sorry. You know I would never let anything happen to her, Sonny.”
“I don’t think I can believe that anymore, Max.”
Darkness.
Again.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Present
MAX
I can’t take sitting in this waiting room any longer.
My ass is sore. My body hurts. I’ve been here for over a week now and Shannon still hasn’t woken up without crying out in pain.
She’s hurting so badly. Her cries are killing me.
They’ve sedated her. They’ve basically made it so she can’t really wake up.
I don’t like admitting it, but I think this may be the end.
I look to my right, spotting Dr. Barad rushing out of her room and heading towards the café. It’s four in the morning, and he has been monitoring her all day. He flew to Paris just for her.
She’s getting worse, is what I heard him tell John while eavesdropping.
Apparently the blackness is spreading even more, basically eating her lungs alive. No amount of OPX will help.
The Hound is still in the room and I know he won’t be leaving anytime soon, so I take this opportunity to talk to Dr. Barad myself.
John has threatened me to stay away from the room, which at first resulted in a nose-to-nose confrontation.
Unfortunately, I was kicked out by the security guards. He’s lucky he has the advantage of being her husband.
Sonny told me I didn’t have to leave the hospital but that I had to stay out of the room. He and I both know if Shannon does wake up without so much pain, she’ll want to see me. If I’m gone, she’ll be pissed at him.
I don’t mean to disrespect the guy, but she’s my friend… one of my only real friends. I’ve known her longer. I care too much about her to just leave and sit around in my hotel, waiting for a phone call that may never even happen.
Fuck that. I want to be here as soon as she opens those big, gray eyes of her.
I push out of my chair, following Dr. Barad down the hallway. When he’s inside, stopping at the coffee maker, I grab a cup, pretending I’m in need of a caffeine boost too.
“Hey, Dr. Barad.”
He whips his head up, meeting my eyes and then forcing a smile. “Oh, hey, Max. Still hanging in there?”
“Yeah. I guess.” I force a wary smile.
He pours decaf into his cup, taking a quick sip as he peers up at me. “Long night?”
“Yeah. Listen.” I sit my empty cup down on the table. “I want to ask you… about Shannon. There is no one here… no donor or anything?”
He shrugs. “None, Max. It’s rare to find a full, healthy lung for her body size on such short notice.”
I drop my head, defeated. “Damn.”
I can feel Dr. Barad’s gaze on me, and he places his cup down on the table, folding his arms across his chest. “You should go rest a little. Until Shannon wakes up, I don’t think you can do much for her right now.”
I look up and his eyebrows shift up.
“I don’t want to leave,” I murmur, looking away.
“Yes. I understand that, but you are exhausted. I expect John not to leave her side, but you can. He won’t let you in the room anymore. You can’t expect to sit out in the waiting room, rotting away. Something tells me Shannon wouldn’t want that.”
My lips press, and I hate how much he’s right. Shannon wouldn’t be happy about it. She would tell me to pull my shit together, go clean my balls before she gags or some silly shit like that.
“You’re right,” I whisper. “Do you think you can tell Sonny to call me if she wakes up. I won’t be gone long.”
“Sure thing.” He smiles, so warmly it fucking hurts. How can he be so content? I know he doesn’t know Shannon too personally, but he’s still her doctor. Shouldn’t this hurt him to see? Has he encountered this before? Or is death just a normal thing for him?
I don’t bother asking any of those questions. Instead I force a smile his way and then turn, treading down the hallway and out of the hospital, but not before giving Shannon’s room door one more glance.
My eyes shift over to the jewelry box that’s in the drop box beside her door. The gift I was going to give her before I got into that dumb brawl. I was going to give it to her right after we grabbed sweet pastries from the bakery nearby.
Fuck. Why can’t I just control my fucking temper? The slightest things piss me off, and it’s gotten worse since my parents died. I shouldn’t have wasted a second of my time on that man.
I guess what Shannon was saying in the Eiffel Tower over dinner really got to me. I wanted her to know it was okay—because it is—but it still hurts to hear.
Hurts to know she would never choose me again.
God, I’ve hurt her so much. All I can hope for is that she doesn’t die with her last thoughts of me being a fu
cking maniac. A careless, worthless piece of shit that can’t even control my temper to give her a good time.
Something tells me she knows.
She knows I acted out because of all she told me… and something tells me I’ll never get to hear her touch on it again.
* * *
I jump into the car I rented, slamming the door behind me and resting my forehead on the wheel.
My heart slams in my chest, the longer I think about this.
This trip… it was a fucking mistake. I should have just let her stay home, where it was safe. I never should have brought it up.
I wasn’t making moves on her, but I did want her attention. I wanted to show her a good time. I wanted her to know that I still love her and that I care and will never forget about her.
I swear… I just got back into her life after years and now… now she’s going to be out of it again.
And this time I’ll have no control over it.
I crank the car, skidding out of the parking deck and hitting the road. I drive furiously to my hotel, passing the lights and disregarding stop signs.
“Fuck!” I bark. Why did I do this? This is my fault. I should have just come here alone.
She might not wake up.
I’ll never get to say goodbye.
It’ll be just like how it was with my parents.
She’ll be gone. I’ll be weak. I won’t forgive myself.
It took me so long to realize it wasn’t my fault my parents passed, but with Shannon? It’s different with her.
She was never supposed to leave me. She was never supposed to be diagnosed with something so rare—something so fucked up.
She’s supposed to be here.
With me.
For me.
Forever.
To infinity…
Right?
I don’t realize I’ve zoned out. My mind is elsewhere, focused on memories of us. How she used to kiss me. How I used to hold her. How I used to make the sweetest love to her.
How I hurt her.
How I kissed her.
How much I actually fucking missed her after we parted ways.
We should have worked it out.
I never should have skipped town.
I should have tried harder.
I never should have left her.
I have so many regrets. I’ve done Shannon so wrong, and yet she constantly forgives me. She never forgot about me, even while married to a man who I know is so damn good to her. I can’t even hate him because he is exactly what she deserves.
Someone good. Someone there for her.
Something crashes and thuds.
BOOM. CLACK. SKERRRKK.
Glass shatters.
My body rolls, neck snapping, everything rolling and tumbling.
I grunt.
It hurts.
The car… fuck, the car is rolling.
Someone hit me—from the side, someone hit me.
A crash. Another fucking crash.
The car keeps flipping, but I can’t even snap out of my daze. This all feels like a fucking dream. Is this even real, or am I imagining what I want to happen to me? Is it because if she dies, I’ll want to die too?
I haven’t slept in days, really. I don’t know what’s happening and what isn’t anymore.
I realize after the car has flipped for the final time, slamming right into a large tree, that I am not dreaming.
I am bleeding out. I am in pain. Everywhere. My bones hurt. My mouth tastes of hot copper. The steering wheel seems to have disappeared, almost like it was taken out.
My legs feel crushed, and my abdomen… shit. I can hardly breathe.
People are shouting. Lights from emergency vehicles emerge. They’re bright. They hurt to look at, but I can’t blink.
I can’t blink because they’re not there anymore. My eyes are shut now.
I feel so cold.
So hurt.
So lifeless.
“Shannon.” It’s the last word I whisper.
The last word I hear, like sugar on my tongue. Sweet and savory. Beautiful and real. Deep and true.
I love her.
I love Shannon Hales and I will love her forever, even after the day I die.
I promised her forever.
I promised her my all.
I promised her infinity.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Shannon
Light.
Light.
So much light.
It burns.
A dry groan fills my throat, and I shift, only to feel as if something has skewered me in the side.
“Ow,” I whimper, clutching my sides.
“Holy shit. Shannon!” Sonny’s voice is familiar and loud and it makes my head throb. I turn my head to face her, and she shoots out of her chair, her eyes rapidly filling with tears.
“Sonny,” I croak. Damn it, I need water. My throat is so dry.
“John!” Sonny calls, shouting towards the bathroom door. “She’s awake! Oh my God, she’s awake! It worked!”
“W-what? What worked?” I wince. I’m confused. And I need water. “Sonny? Water?”
“Oh, yeah! Of course!” She rushes for the pitcher on the counter, pouring me a quick cup and then spinning around to hand it to me.
The bathroom door swings open as I take a few deep gulps and I am surprised to see John walking out. His face is pale, the scruff trailed like a shadow across the lower half of his face.
He’s at my side in an instant, and he breathes my name, wrapping his fingers around the nape of my neck and kissing my forehead. I hold my water close to me, feeling some of it spill onto my chest from the embrace.
He inhales deeply, sighing, so much relief filling him up.
“Damn it, baby, I thought you were… shit. I thought you were gone.”
“Should we call the doctor?” Sonny asks, peering towards John as he releases me.
I wince again, dropping my gaze and spotting blood on my gown. I frown and with minimal energy, begin to lift the gown but Sonny reaches down rapidly to stop me. “You shouldn’t… yet,” she murmurs, and then takes my cup from me.
I frown up at her. “What do you mean? What the hell is going on? What happened to me?”
“You’re okay, Shannon,” she whispers, a smile running across her lips. But just as quickly as that smile appears, it vanishes, and her eyes are cloudy again. “Oh my God.”
“What?” I ask.
“I can’t do this,” Sonny cries. “I thought I could—that I should be the one to say it but… shit. I don’t know.” She steps towards me, kissing me on the cheek. “I’m glad you’re awake, Shanny, but I’m going to go get the doctor.”
“What the hell is going on?” I demand. And I really don’t care who I get an answer from as long as I get an answer.
Sonny looks at John. I stare at them both.
“Go ahead,” John finally says to her, and she spins around, hurrying for the door and walking out, but not before giving me a quick glance.
“John.” I push up, but the pain is much worse, so I slouch back down. John helps me relax, adjusting the pillow behind my head, his face sullen. “John? What is she talking about? What happened?”
He pulls a chair up towards the bed, sitting down immediately. “I will explain everything,” he murmurs. “But first I need to know how you feel.”
“I’m fine…” I look from him to my device in the cubby in the wall. “I forgot to charge it. I thought I had enough battery to last the night.” And then something hits me. The reason I’m here. The person I came with. “Max?” I gasp. “Max! Is he okay? Where is he?”
John immediately drops his gaze. “Max is around.”
Oh thank God. “Oh. Okay. Good.” I notice the words on the wall are in French and translated to English. We’re still here. In Paris. John flew all the way here?
He must be furious me with. I am the worst wife ever.
“Oh, God, John, I’m so sorry,” I whisper, the
emotion thickening my throat. “I—I wanted to tell you who I was with but I knew you wouldn’t appreciate it at all. I knew you would fly out here first thing and I didn’t want to ruin your competition, and I really wanted to come here before I died and—”
“Stop.” John lifts a swift finger, cutting me off. “No, Shannon. Don’t apologize to me. You needed this trip… with him.”
My eyes narrow, and I swipe at the corners of them. “You aren’t upset?”
“When I first found out, yeah,” he says through a ragged breath. “I was pissed that you’d lied to me, but I flew out here first thing—left during the middle of the competition because being angry didn’t matter. I was more concerned than anything. Somehow that anger subsided, changing to anxiety, fear… sadness.” He laughs dryly.
My lips press, and I focus on my fingers.
Raking his fingers through his hair, and sighing, John lifts his head, and his eyes are hard on mine.
“Shannon… I have something to tell you and it won’t be very easy for you to take in.”
Oh, Jesus. He’s scaring me. Is he going to leave me, demand separation? Is he going to ask for a divorce?
My heart catches speed and the heart monitor picks up on my pounding pulse.
John looks towards the sharp, jagged lines it as it speeds up, and he sits forward, gripping my hand. “Calm down.”
“Is it because I lied?” I whisper, tears at the rims of my eyes.
“What? No! Nothing like that, babe. Nothing like that. I would never—” He stops talking immediately, probably in need of a rephrase. “I love you, Shannon. I wouldn’t just abandon you like that.”
My pulse settles, the monitor less chaotic, and warmth courses through my veins. “Okay… so what is it then?”
His lips twitch, and just as he starts to speak, Dr. Barad and Sonny are back in the room.
“There she is!” Dr. Barad grins as he comes my way, holding his hands out as if he is truly happy to see me. I return a wary smile. “You had us all scared there for a while. Seven days in a near coma and then two more days with little to no consciousness. You’ve had us very worried, Shannon.”
Infinity: Based on a True Story Page 23