And just like that, she fell asleep. Jas and I stared at her, amazed.
“Do you think she’s all right?” Jas whispered.
“She looks quite peaceful,” I whispered back.
“Plenty of time for kissing,” Jas smirked.
“Shut up,” I said.
Flora is so right not to want Zach to meet our family.
MONDAY, DECEMBER 9
I couldn’t bring myself to write about my date with Jake yesterday. It was sort of—hurtful. I stayed in my room all of Sunday, and thought about not going to school at all today, except unlike Zach’s mother Mum doesn’t believe in people missing school unless they are ill.
Dodi pounced on me straight after registration, having already heard the most essential details.
“Tom and Colin went too?” she cried. “I don’t believe it!”
“How did you know?” I asked.
“Cressida saw you on line. She couldn’t believe it either. She says you went to see X-Men!”
“I happen to like X-Men,” I lied. I couldn’t tell her the truth, either about the film, or about the fact that Jake hardly talked to me the whole time.
Dodi said that the point wasn’t whether I liked it or not, the point was it just wasn’t the sort of film you took someone to on a first date, with or without a posse of your best friends.
“I can’t believe Cressida is gossiping about me,” I said.
“The problem is that you’re too familiar,” Dodi said. “Jake sees you too much as a friend.”
“The problem,” I corrected her, “is that he obviously doesn’t want to go out with me anymore.”
“You have to make yourself more alluring,” Dodi decided.
“How?” I asked.
“More seductive.”
“HOW?” I repeated.
“Pout, or flutter your eyelashes or something. Maybe giggle when he talks to you. Put on some more lip gloss. I haven’t seen you wear makeup once since your makeover.”
“Lip gloss makes my lips sticky,” I said. “And I refuse to giggle. Flora does it all the time with Zach and it’s really annoying.”
Dodi rolled her eyes like I was the annoying one.
“Smile,” she ordered.
I grinned, baring my teeth.
“Not at me!” she screeched. “At him! And nicely! Take off your glasses.”
I put my glasses in my pocket and smiled more softly.
“Good,” said Dodi. “You know, you really are so pretty when you try. And now I’m going to talk to Jake again.”
“I’d really rather you didn’t,” I told her, but she was already gone.
THE SAGA OF BLUEBELL AND JAKE
THE KISS (take 2)
BLUE, accompanied by DODI, comes out of the school gate. JAKE is waiting on the pavement. Dodi nudges Blue, who removes her glasses. She is wearing lip gloss. Jake leaves TOM and COLIN and marches up to her, looking determined and still a little bit tanned and therefore quite handsome.
JAKE
(sounding as determined as he looks)
Walk you home?
BLUE
(beaming, trying not to look like this whole episode isn’t mortifying)
Why thank you, kind sir.
Together, they head off toward the park. Blue steals a glance over her shoulder. Dodi pouts and blows kisses. Colin and Tom see her and snigger. Jake ignores them. Blue carries on beaming despite aching cheek muscles.
JAKE
Shall we sit on this bench?
BLUE
That would be lovely.
They stop at a park bench. For a while, they sit side by side in silence. Then Jake turns toward Blue. Blue, still manically grinning, turns toward Jake. Jake clears his throat, leans forward and kisses Blue on the mouth. Blue, resisting the very real urge to giggle, kisses him back. Jake closes his eyes. She closes hers.
FRIDAY, DECEMBER 13
I tried to avoid Jake for most of the week. It was all I wanted to do, after that date. All I could think was if he didn’t see me, he wouldn’t be able to dump me. Being dumped by Jake would just be the most humiliating thing in the world.
By sliding into lessons at the last minute, eating lunch in the library, and hiding in the girls’ bathroom at the end of the day, I managed not to speak to him for days, but there’s no escaping Dodi when she’s on a mission.
Flora, who heard about the disastrous film date from Cressida’s older sister, said I should be the one dumping Jake, not running scared that he was going to dump me. I told her, “If I dump him, it will show he upset me, and that would be embarrassing too,” and she said that was stupid but I’m really, really glad now that I didn’t listen to her, just like I’m really glad Dodi’s my best friend.
The Earth didn’t spin the second time Jake kissed me, but it was a lot better.
In fact it was quite nice.
I’m not sure I can write about it right now. I’m feeling a little bit giddy.
SATURDAY, DECEMBER 14
Today I had to take Jas to her riding lesson. This is something Dad normally does, but apparently he has reached another critical point in his novel and cannot be interrupted whatever the circumstances.
Riding lessons were Jas’s birthday present from Grandma before she left for Arizona. Grandma, who is horse mad, almost wept when Jas asked for them in the summer. She even rang Jas up from the ranch where she is staying on the first night of her holiday to rant about GALLOPING ON THE WIDE OPEN PLAINS and THE BEAUTY OF SIMPLE HONEST HORSE FOLK and how happy she was that she and Jas might one day be SHARING THIS TOGETHER.
The stables where Jas goes are right beneath the motorway, a tiny yard sandwiched between a bus depot and a leisure center. They are about as far from the wide open plains as it is possible to get, but I can see why Jas loves them. It is rather incredible, after walking from the train down an alleyway covered in graffiti, to stumble on a lot of plump, glossy ponies. Jas skipped into the yard like she owned the place and ran up to greet a young woman who was striding around the yard in skintight jodhpurs and knee-high riding boots, cracking a whip and barking orders at about half a dozen children who were scurrying around with saddles.
“This is Gloria,” Jas announced. “Gloria, this is my sister Blue.”
“Very pleased to meet you,” Gloria said. “You can help Jas tack up Mopsy.”
I followed Jas into the tack room, where an old man who looked like a bum sat drinking tea.
“That’s Bill,” Jas whispered. “He’s Gloria’s father. He used to be a jockey.”
Bill looked like he could barely walk, let alone ride a horse. I waved at him. He grunted. Jas reached behind him to pick up a bridle.
“Not that one,” he snapped.
If anyone at home ever spoke to Jas like that, she would probably burst into tears, but here she just laughed, picked up a different bridle, and skipped out again to tack up her pony. The old man watched her go, and I swear I thought he might be smiling, but when he saw me watching he went straight back to being grumpy.
The lesson was a typical riding lesson, lots of girls and one boy following each other nose to tail around the ring, with Gloria shouting instructions at them through a loudspeaker. I watched Jas bounce around an obstacle course. Her pony knocked over two traffic cones and a tub of plastic geraniums. Gloria made her do it again. Crouched over the pony’s neck, her black hair falling about her face and her cheeks flushed, Jas was like a different person, happy and confident, like she could take on anything. It was strange, looking at her. It made me wonder if this was the real Jas, as she was meant to be, as opposed to the Jas we see every day, who cries and worries and gets cross. It felt almost like I didn’t know her. And then that made me think about how well we know anybody, including ourselves.
Jake’s family have friends over from Australia this
weekend, which means I can’t see him. I asked him if he couldn’t sneak away, just for a little bit, but he said no and he would see me at school on Monday.
Monday feels like an awfully long way away. I think I do like Jake now.
I can’t believe I have a proper boyfriend! Mum came into my room tonight after I had gone to bed. She hasn’t done that for ages. I thought, maybe mothers have a sort of instinct about these things and she has come to talk to me about Jake, but she didn’t say anything at all for a really long time. She didn’t get into bed with me, either, like she used to, but instead sat on my window seat, looking out at the garden even though it was completely dark.
“We’ll have to get a Christmas tree soon,” she said at last.
I got a lump in my throat then, because I thought I knew then what was troubling her. Christmas trees are always difficult in our family, because they always remind us of Iris.
“It’ll be okay,” I said.
“Will it?” she asked. She looked like she often looks these days, like she’s about to cry, and I finally screwed up the courage to ask what I haven’t asked since she had that secret appointment with the doctor.
“Mum, are you sure you’re okay?” I asked.
“What do you mean?”
“You seem so sad.”
“I’m always sad at this time of year.”
“Apart from that.”
“There is nothing to worry about,” Mum said, and I know I should have been nice, but I’m really tired of her secrets. So instead I said that if there was nothing else she needed could she please get out of my room because I wanted to go to sleep.
“Don’t be cross,” she said.
“Don’t be annoying,” I replied.
She left, like I asked, but then I wished she hadn’t. I’m not quite sure how you do tell your mum about your boyfriend, but I think it might have been nice to talk to her about Jake. And we used to have this thing in our family, before Iris died, where nobody was allowed to go to bed angry or sad, but that clearly doesn’t apply anymore.
THE FILM DIARIES OF BLUEBELL GADSBY
SCENE FIVE (TRANSCRIPT)
The Dinner Party
INTERIOR, NIGHT.
Once again, we are in the Gadsby family kitchen, with MOTHER at the cooking range, this time doing something complicated with prunes. A leg of lamb rests on top of the stove, and an apple tart sits on the side, next to a bowl of custard.
FATHER sets the table. Under strict instructions, he takes unusual care over this, putting out candles and silverware and the tablecloth inherited from Mother’s grandmother, vintage linen with lace trimmings. JASMINE sits on the sofa with her nose in a book and the kittens in her lap. Father places plates of smoked salmon on the table.
FATHER
(irritable)
It would be nice if at least one of my daughters helped me.
MOTHER
(oddly soothing)
Don’t be cross, darling. I asked Blue to film this. I thought it would be nice. Jas, give your father a hand.
Jasmine sighs and peels herself off the sofa. The kittens (now over four months old and no longer tiny) start to pad around the room.
JASMINE
(taking in extent of food spread for the first time)
Is anyone coming for dinner?
MOTHER
(sounding nervous)
No darling, just us. Your father and I . . .
FATHER
(warning)
Cassie!
FLORA
(bursting into the kitchen)
He’s here! He’s nearly here! Is everything ready?
(she takes in the table, the napkins, the roast lamb)
What are you doing? He’ll be terrified! I said it would just be pasta!
FATHER
What on earth are you talking about?
FLORA
Zach! I asked him and Zoran for dinner. Mum, didn’t you get my text?
MOTHER
(looking appalled)
My phone’s dead.
FATHER
(looking furious)
Call him right now and tell him he can’t come!
FLORA
Oh my God, what is wrong with you?
TWIG enters in his underpants. Flora screams at him to put some clothes on. Twig replies that he doesn’t have any clothes because Mother accidentally donated all his jeans to charity. Mother replies he should stop complaining about his clothes being too small. Twig answers that normal people buy replacement clothes before giving the old ones away. Flora declares there is no way she is letting her boyfriend see her brother naked. Hermione quietly hops onto the table and starts to eat the smoked salmon. Father bats her away, knocking over a bottle of red wine.
MOTHER
My grandmother’s tablecloth!
FATHER
(roaring)
TO HELL WITH THE TABLECLOTH! AND TO HELL WITH CATS AND CANDLES AND INCONVENIENT BOYFRIENDS! TO HELL WITH ALL THE THINGS CONSTANTLY CONSPIRING TO DISRUPT EVERYTHING I TRY TO DO!
The whole family stares at him, fascinated. Nobody but CAMERAMAN notices the kitchen door open, revealing a worried-looking Zoran and a frankly petrified-looking Zach.
MOTHER
David, calm down.
FATHER
THIS IS NOT WHAT THIS EVENING WAS MEANT TO BE ABOUT!
ZORAN
(very softly)
What was it meant to be about, David?
Father slumps, looking defeated and almost as terrified as Zach. Mother goes to him, takes his hand, then turns to face the camera.
MOTHER
We’re going to have a baby.
SUNDAY, DECEMBER 15
Poor Zach. I bet he thought the first time he met Flora’s family it would be all about him. He probably rehearsed it in front of the mirror in Zoran’s tiny bathroom, wondering if he should call Dad sir or Mr. Gadsby, and was it all right to wear a hoodie or should he wear a shirt and should he buy Mum flowers or stuff like that. I bet he had no idea he was going to stumble into a room full of flying kittens and a load of people screaming and crying because they’d just heard life-changing news, straight after hearing himself described as inconvenient. I bet that was the last thing he expected.
“This is not unusual behavior,” I heard Zoran reassure Zach as they stood in the doorway, and then he was sweeping into the room and hugging Mum.
“You told them at last!” he said.
“You knew!” I cried.
“I’ve been begging him to come back when the baby is born,” Mum sniffed. “And I was so worried how you all would take the news, with the age difference and everything.”
I knew that by everything, she meant Iris. Apparently Zoran has been saying she should tell us for ages but she was too scared. Then when I got cross with her last night she realized she couldn’t keep it secret anymore.
“Are you happy?” she asked me.
“I think so,” I stammered.
“A baby!” Flora looked stunned.
“Will it be a boy?” Twig asked.
Jas didn’t say anything to Mum or Dad at all. Instead she moved away from the little crowd gathered around the parents, making a beeline for Zach, looking very shy but also quite determined.
“I loved your song,” I heard her whisper to him. Zach stopped looking scared and looked embarrassed instead.
“Can I ask you a question?” she asked, and then she saw me listening and frowned for me to go away.
Dinner was nice and barely burned at all. I think Mum was so relieved her secret was finally out she couldn’t stop laughing. She actually thought she couldn’t have babies anymore, so it took her ages to realize she was pregnant. She’s known for months, but she and Dad didn’t want to tell us until they were used to
the idea.
“We were a bit shaken up at first,” Mum said.
I’m not sure Dad is at all used to the idea of the baby yet. When Flora asked if they had thought of any names yet, and Mum said what did we think about Hazel, either for a boy or a girl, he winced, and not just because he doesn’t like the name Hazel. Talking about names, he said, made the whole thing feel more real.
“Of course it’s real!” Flora cried. “Now I know Mum’s pregnant, I can see the bump and everything! I can’t believe we didn’t notice before!”
“It will be all right, David.” Mum beamed, and Dad gulped down more wine.
Twig, Jas, and I didn’t say much at all, but Flora and Zoran made up for it. Some people are like that, they can just chat away nonstop whatever is going on, as if a massive bombshell hasn’t just landed on them. Zach sat next to Flora, and at first he was completely silent, but then Mum asked him how his grandfather was and about his music, and Dad started going on about how he was in a band at school and reminiscing about all the gigs he used to go to, and Flora looked like she might die of embarrassment except it turns out that Zach likes a lot of the music Dad used to like. And then Twig, who was sitting on the other side of him, started to talk to him about football, and also asked him if he was any good at carpentry, because would he like to finish building the tree house, and even though Zach didn’t become exactly talkative, he stopped looking like the whole plan for the evening was to flay him alive and throw his body to a pack of ravenous vultures.
I didn’t talk to him until the end of the evening, because I was building up the courage for what I had to say. But just before they left, when Zoran was hugging everyone and Zach was standing on his own, I went up to him and apologized. I didn’t even try to blame it on Dodi. I’d actually rehearsed a whole speech, but in the end all I managed to mumble was, “I’m really sorry about the video,” and he blushed and mumbled back, “Hey, don’t worry about it.” I thought we were going to leave it at that but then he added, “Actually, I looked at it again, and it’s pretty funny,” and suddenly I completely got why Flora is so crazy about him. I know it’s a cliché, but his whole face really does light up when he smiles, and he has this way of looking at you, like you really matter.
Following Flora Page 6