Boys are so strange.
“So are we back together and everything?” Jake asked.
I told him, all I said was he was one of my best friends too, and he said yeah, I know, but that meant something, right?
I figure there are enough miserable people in the world. Why add to them unnecessarily? And maybe it would be nice to go out with Jake again. Maybe this time, if I didn’t expect too much from it, it could work.
“I’ll think about it,” I said.
Jake said that was awesome.
“You’d better go now,” I said. Jake said okay, and asked if I was coming back to school tomorrow. He leaned toward me but I moved away. I’m really not in the mood for more kissing practice.
“You can leave the chocolate,” I said as he went to pick up the bag.
Flora says I am making a big mistake. She swooped down on the chocolate from the first floor landing the minute Jake was gone. She was listening to every word we said. She says when it comes to boys, you have to let them know exactly where they stand at all times and that it’s only inviting trouble if you don’t. She says that in the long run, it’s kinder to be cruel.
She still hasn’t said a word about Zach’s mum.
WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 22
Jas announced this morning that she had had nightmares all night.
“It’s true,” Twig said. “She came and slept with me again.”
I glared at Flora. She looked away.
I called Zoran last night, but they still haven’t heard from Wanda.
On the way home from school today, Dodi repeated that she was tired of leaving messages on the house phone that no one ever answers.
“Either you buy a new phone,” she said, “or we get the old one back from Madame Gilbert.”
“Madame Gilbert hates me,” I said, and then I switched off because Dodi started saying how the reason she called me last night was to talk about Jake, and I’m not comfortable discussing Jake right now. I think Flora may have been right about needing to be more clear. This morning there was another rose pinned to my locker, and during Math he gave me a drawing of a little dog wagging its tail and looking hopeful. I’d forgotten how good he is at drawing, but seriously, a little dog?
“You’re not listening,” Dodi said. She gave me this really sharp look, a bit like Grandma, and said, “Tell me everything.”
“I’m not sure I’m allowed to,” I said.
“Forget that!” she snorted.
“I can sort of understand Flora not wanting to stir things up with Zach,” she admitted when I’d finished. We were at home now, carrying tea up to my bedroom and talking in whispers. “He seems to be pretty protective of his mum. And I guess if your mum’s okay . . .”
“It’s not right,” I said. “It’s like she’s more loyal to Zach than to Mum. And also, what if Zach’s mother does it again? Zoran says he’s going to find her, but he hasn’t. We have to tell the police.”
Dodi whispered that she thought I was probably right. Then, because she can never be serious for very long, she nudged me, nearly making me spill my tea.
“I’ll say one thing for Jake,” she grinned. “However useless he was as a boyfriend, at least his mum isn’t a known criminal. She might be a bit boring, but she’s definitely not the rock-slinging type.”
“It’s not funny,” I told her, but Dodi nudged me again, and I started to smile. “It’s not a great recommendation for a boyfriend though, is it?” I said, and she agreed that the fact that Jake’s mum didn’t hurl stones at people probably wasn’t enough of a reason to go out with him. And then we were going into my room, and Dodi jumped and this time the tea did go all over the carpet as she yelled, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING,” at Jas who was standing on my bed like a little ball of fury, holding my diary and waving it above her head screaming, “You knew! You knew and you didn’t say!”
“Give that back!” I cried, but she backed up against the wall, holding it behind her.
“I heard you!” she shouted. “You were talking about it with Dodi!”
“Calm down, shrimp,” Dodi said. “I’m her BFF.”
“I’m going to tell Daddy!” Jas screamed. She made a run for the door, but Dodi caught her. Jas tried to bite her, but Dodi is surprisingly strong.
“Dad’s at the hospital.” I tried to keep very calm, even though I was shaking.
“Then I’ll phone him!” Jas shouted. “I’ll run away! I’ll tell the police!”
“Tell the police what?” Flora wandered into my room. “Why is Dodi holding Jas? What is Jas screaming about? What on earth is going on?”
“She’ll come back,” Jas insisted. “It’s all here in Blue’s book. She’s mad and she hates Mum, and Zoran can’t do anything to stop her!”
“What are you talking about?” Flora repeated.
“She killed her own mother!” Jas wailed. “And now she wants to kill ours.”
Flora looked at me. I shrugged, and told Jas to give her my diary.
It was weird, watching Flora read. It was like she stopped breathing, like a balloon with a tiny puncture, getting smaller and smaller until she was almost completely flat.
“Why didn’t you tell me you’d spoken to Zoran?” she said when she’d finished.
“You didn’t want to hear,” I said.
Jas said, “I’m really scared, Flora.”
And even though Flora’s loyalties may be divided, she’s still our big sister. She started to breathe again and held her hand out to Jas.
“Come on,” she said. “I think it’s time to go and have a chat with Zach.”
SAME DAY, MUCH LATER
I’m so tired I can barely hold my pen.
Dodi left us on the way to Zoran’s flat. She may not be the most tactful person in the world, but I think even she realized that she might get in the way. Flora marched down the street in silence, still holding Jas’s hand. I don’t know what she was thinking as she walked, but she looked more and more angry with every step.
“It’s me,” Flora snapped at the intercom when Zoran answered, and then she stomped up the stairs. Zoran was waiting on the landing. He didn’t even say hello. He took one look at Flora and stepped aside to let us in. Flora stormed straight into the living room.
“Stay with Blue,” she ordered Jas, who transferred her hand from Flora’s to mine.
The way Flora barreled into that room, I thought she was going yell and scream and try doing some of the things Dad said he wanted to do, the ripping and stamping and punching stuff. She looked like some warrior queen about to dismember invading hoards, but then Zach turned around from the window where he was standing and she stopped dead in her tracks.
Zach looks dreadful. Not just like a bit sad or worried or depressed, but truly horrible. The purple smudges under his eyes are almost black, his eyes are darker than ever, and his skin is so pale he looks like he might be dead. He was actually a bit scary, and I know Jas thought so too because she moved closer, so she was standing right up against me, but that is not the effect he had on Flora.
The effect he had on Flora was that she gasped, then held her arms out and rushed toward him, crying, “Baby, what’s happened to you!”
“I’m sorry,” Zach said. “Zoran told me you knew. I’m so, so sorry about what she did. I should have said something.”
“No, I should have said something!” Flora said. “I guessed, but I didn’t want to upset you. I shouldn’t have left you all alone.”
Then she threw her arms around him and showered his face in kisses.
“It’s not her fault,” Zach said when Flora finally let him breathe again, and we were all sitting around Zoran’s tiny coffee table. “She gets so jealous. I should have seen it coming.”
“Of course it’s not your fault!” Flora cried. She started kissing him again.
I glance
d at Zoran who was frowning, looking worried. Jas moved even closer to me and whispered, “Ask him where she is now,” but I had another question first.
“If she gets so jealous of you, why did she go away?” I asked. “Before, I mean, not just after Christmas.”
“Leave him alone, Blue,” Flora said.
“It’s a valid question,” Zoran murmured.
“It was Grandpa,” Zach said. “Their fight, after Grandma died. He didn’t give her a choice.
“She was always lovely when she came back,” Zach insisted. “She does crazy things sometimes, but she’s not a bad person. And she knew Gran was there to look after me. She wouldn’t have left me if I hadn’t had Gran.”
I thought about Grandma, then. Once when we were staying with her, the vet came to see one of her ponies, who was lame. The vet said the pony should be put down. “There isn’t really a choice,” the vet said, but instead Grandma nursed the pony back to health. No one can ever ride him again, but Grandma says at least he’s happy, living quietly in her paddock.
“There’s always a choice,” Grandma said.
I didn’t say anything now, because it didn’t seem right, but I thought it.
Jas tugged at my arm. I caught Flora’s eye. She nodded, like she was saying “you do it,” and laced her fingers through Zach’s.
So much for the protective big sister.
“The reason we came,” I said, “is that Jas is worried . . .”
“Not just me,” Jas said.
“. . . is that we’re all worried in case Wanda, I mean your mum, attacks our mum again.”
“You’re going to find her, aren’t you, Zach?” said Flora.
“He hasn’t found her so far,” I pointed out.
“But he will,” she replied.
Zoran crouched down in front of Jas. “I promise nothing bad is going to happen again,” he said. “But just so you feel really safe, shall we go and tell your dad everything?”
“And call the police?” said Jas.
“If that’s what he wants to do.” He glanced over at Zach. “I’m sorry, but this has gone far enough,” he said. “Cassie and the baby might be out of danger, but I’m not having Jas going around frightened.”
The house felt different when we got home. Dad had put the heat right up, and there was a big bunch of flowers on the table in the hall. “Mummy’s flowers from the hospital!” Jas cried. “She’s back!”
She ran upstairs. Flora and I followed. Mum was lying in bed, looking tired but happy in her old pink dressing gown, with a cup of tea and a plate of biscuits on a tray, Twig, Ron, and Hermione lying beside her, and Dad beaming over them, wearing an apron and looking surprisingly like an old mother hen.
“You’re better!” Jas flung herself onto the bed. Mum laughed and reached out to hug her.
I always knew Dad would react badly. After we’d all hugged Mum, Flora said Zach and Zoran were downstairs. Mum said they should come up. “After all,” Mum said, “they are part of this family too.” Zach and Zoran came in, looking nervous. Zoran explained.
“I’m sorry,” Zoran said. “I should have said something earlier. It’s just . . . It’s been difficult.” Mum put her hand on his arm. “Dear Zoran, you’re not telling me anything I didn’t already suspect.”
My mum’s amazing.
Zoran pressed his forehead against her hand and murmured, “Thank you.”
“The thing to do now is find her.” Mum reached out to Zach. “You poor thing, you look so tired.”
And it could have ended there, except that’s when Dad shouted, “No!”
Everyone turned to look at him. “No, no, no!” he repeated. “You all knew and you never said anything? Blue knew, and Flora knew, and Zoran knew, and you knew, and nobody thought to tell me? I have spent days out of my mind with worry, worried about how to keep my family safe, and NOBODY THOUGHT TO TELL ME? I’m calling the police.”
“No, David.” Mum repeated what Zoran had said to me, that there was no point.
Jas whimpered. “Don’t be scared,” I whispered to her. “You can see Mum isn’t.”
“I knew you’d react like this,” Mum told Dad. “That’s why I didn’t tell you. You were so worried.”
“Me too,” I said. “I’m sorry, Daddy.”
“I thought you might stop me seeing Zach,” Flora said.
Zach, speaking for the first time, said, “I’m really, really sorry, Mr. Gadsby.”
Flora really should have learned by now not to put ideas into Dad’s head. Dad looked from Flora to Zach and back at Flora again, and said, “Well you were right, that’s exactly what I am going to do. You two are not to see each other.”
Mum said, “David, that hardly seems fair,” and Dad said he didn’t care about being fair, and was he the only one here to appreciate the full gravity of the situation? “That woman is still on the loose,” he said, not noticing Zach flinch. “And she is a danger to my family.”
“But it’s not Zach’s fault!” Flora protested.
“I don’t care!” Dad roared.
“Daddy!”
“He’s right, Flora,” said Zach. I wouldn’t have thought it was possible, but he looked even paler than before.
“But it’s not your fault!” Flora repeated. She squared her shoulders and faced Dad. “You can’t stop me! I’m seventeen years old and . . .”
Dad held up his hand to silence her. “Zach, you are a gentleman,” he said. “And now, if you all don’t mind, I am going for a walk.”
He was very dignified as he left the room. I slipped out after him and asked him if he would like company on his walk, but he said, still dignified, that he would rather be alone. He walked down the stairs with his head held high. In the hall, he put on his coat, his scarf, and his old hat. He slipped out of his indoor shoes and pulled on his sneakers.
“AGGGGGGGGhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”
I swear his scream made the house shake, and his swearing afterward would have made a pirate blush.
Apparently Ron had been using his shoes as a toilet again.
“Those ******* ****** cats!” Dad yelled. He pulled off his sneakers and hurled them out into the street. Tore down to the basement for some clean socks. Stormed back upstairs, put on the socks, his shoes, and walked out slamming the door.
Dinner was silent. Dad made pasta with a jar of puttanesca sauce, and even though Jas hates olives, she ate the whole thing without complaining. Mum stayed in bed. Flora stayed in her room. Ron and Hermione stayed in the shed.
FRIDAY, JANUARY 24
Flora skipped school today to see Zach. He called her late last night to ask her to meet him, and she asked me to cover for her. She said, looking more serious than I have ever seen her, not to ask any questions but that things had changed since Wednesday. We left home together this morning as usual, but after we dropped Jas and Twig off we both went in separate directions.
I went to the school office to tell them Flora was sick.
She went to spend the day with Zach and his mother.
She told me everything this afternoon when she got back.
Zach finally heard from his mum last night. She said she wanted to see him, and he thought it would be good for Flora to go too.
Flora said, “But what if she attacks me?” and Zach said that wasn’t going happen, and that he wanted his mum to see how great Flora was.
“Once she knows you a bit, she’ll love you,” Zach said.
“That was a bit deluded,” I remarked, and Flora agreed, but she went anyway.
She met him at the train station and they walked down to the river hand in hand. “Does she know I’m coming?” Flora asked, and Zach replied, “Yes, of course, and she thinks it’s a really good idea.”
It was a beautiful day. They walked past a little park and some pubs and a houseboat with
a dog on the roof and a woman watering potted plants and it was all really pretty, except Flora was too nervous to enjoy it. They came to a tiny street with gardens on one side and gardens giving way to the river on the other, and Zach finally stopped in front of a big house with black-and-white marble steps going up to a dark red door and said, “Well, this is where I live; this is my grandparents’ house.”
“What was it like?” I asked.
“The house? Old, a bit like a museum.” Old furniture, and old books, and a kitchen which reminds me of Grandma’s, except not as big. Loads of photographs of Zach and his gran. Only one of him and Wanda. But we didn’t stay long. Zach called out for his mum and she didn’t answer, so he said maybe she was outside, and we crossed the road to the garden.
The garden, Flora says, was like going into another world. They closed the big red front door behind them, went back down the black-and-white steps, crossed the tiny street, and went through an iron gate set inside a tall hedge. Flora says it was like going into Narnia or something, and she could hardly even hear the city anymore. There was a lawn with an old stone bench and a weeping willow tree, with a little wall at the end with another gate in it, and a small jetty on the other side, and on the pontoon there was a little table covered with food, an ice bucket with a bottle of champagne, glasses and cups and plates, and a thermos of coffee, and one of those little barbecues in a bucket, and cakes and croissants and pastries and the smell of cooking sausages. There was jazz music playing.
“Surprise!” Zach’s mother appeared suddenly from behind the branches of the weeping willow. Zach started to laugh. Flora tried not to stare.
For today’s picnic, Wanda was dressed like a society lady from the 1920s, with a cloche hat and a big fur-collared coat over a drop waist dress, gray buttoned shoes, and matching gloves. She twirled to show herself off.
“Do you like it?” she asked. “I’ve got something for you too. I thought we should have fun!”
And that was how Flora found herself having the strangest picnic, sitting on a pontoon on the Thames at the end of January, with a feather boa round her neck and a cloche hat of her own, eating croissants and sausages and drinking champagne, with Zach sitting next to her in a straw boater and a striped blazer.
Following Flora Page 13