“For now?”
“Because I’m not sure, okay?” I can’t even look at her.
“That’s cool. Take your time.”
“I... it’s not that I’m not... look, I think you’re... but I never really dated anyone.”
“Oh.” She said, disappointment obvious in her voice.
“That doesn’t mean I’m not interested! Just... I’m trying to figure it out, okay?”
“Oh. Well good, so we have that all cleared up.”
I’m not even sure what we’ve cleared up. Well, I guess she knows I’m sort of into her, just not quite sure yet. I also know that she likes me. I bet I’m blushing.
“I mean I do like you, I guess.” I know I’m blushing now. “But how can you be so calm about this? Doesn't it seem the least bit awkward to you?”
“Hey, I’m just trying to make this as easy as possible on you. No pressure.”
“Oh.” She is? That's kinda sweet. “Right.”
“Besides, I could already tell you like me.” She smiled and stared into my eyes until I had to look away. “You’re just coming to terms with that.”
Just coming to terms with that. You could say that. When we got home last night I was mostly angry that Jess would trick me like that. But after I calmed down from there, all I could think about is the time I spent with Teresa yesterday. She’s so fun, and so pretty, and really sweet. But I barely know her.
“So do I seem like I’d be interested in girls? I mean how did you know I was?” This is so embarrassing.
“You mean does my gaydar go off when you’re around?” she asked, laughing. I love her laugh. “Not really, no. Not that I’ve ever been able to tell with anyone. I have to be the worst lesbian in the world at that. I just try to be honest. Or sometimes I try flirting a little, see if I get a good response.”
“Oh.”
“Which I did yesterday.” she said.
“Um, yeah.”
So I was responding to her flirting yesterday? I guess. Why did it take me until the trip home to figure it out, then?
“We could go to the river.” I said. “Like, we just have to stay in the shade. Or I do, anyway.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah.”
“Sounds good. You want to invite Jessica along? Ya know, as sort of a chaperone to keep me from forcing myself on you?” She has a look that says she may not be joking.
“It might be entertaining to see you try.” I said. Why, I don’t know, because if I’m not careful I’ll have to explain that.
If I were to take Jessica along, what would that say to Teresa? Would she feel offended that I don’t want to be alone with her? Or would she recognize that it’s because I’m scared. Scared! Can you believe I’m scared of her?
I asked Teresa to wait there for a minute. I felt odd leaving her alone out there, even for only a minute. But I didn’t really want to drag her inside for this.
“Hey, um,” They’re all still sitting at the table. Ted is reading the paper, the others aren’t doing much. Waiting for me, I think. “Is it okay if I go for a walk with Teresa?” I asked Peggy.
“You don’t have to ask our permission.” she said. She has a smile on her face.
“We’d just like you to let us know if you’re leaving.” Ted told me. “Just so we know you aren’t around.”
“When will you be back?” Peggy asked.
“I’m not sure.”
“Does she know what you are?” Barney asked.
“Why would she?” Jess asked him. “You just stay out of it. You’re just jealous.”
“Jealous?” Ted asked. He looked up at me, as he considered that. Then his eyes went wide. “Oh. I see. Well, have a nice time.”
“Yeah, um, okay.” I said. Could this be any more embarrassing?
I was trying to make my feet move, to head back out to Teresa, but they wouldn’t listen. And my hands are trembling again. Crap. I’ve never been this nervous about anything like this. Whatever this is. It’s not a date, it’s just a couple of friends hanging out. Except she wants to be more than friends. And maybe I will too, once I get to know her better. And maybe not. But I’m open to the idea, which is kind of a first for me.
“You’re going to be okay.” Jess told me. She got up and hugged me. “Calm down.”
“I am calm!”
“Yeah, whatever.”
“We’re just going to take a walk out by the river,” I said. I took a deep breath. “I’ll be fine.”
“Why are you so nervous?”
“I don’t know. I better go.” My feet still wouldn’t move. “Shove me.”
“What?”
“Shove me. Toward the door.” She was confused. “To get me started.”
“O-kay.”
She shoved me toward the door. Once she got me started, I was able to keep walking. I think I even managed a bit of a smile as I walked across the back yard.
“Okay, we can go now.” I told Teresa.
“You don’t want them to know.” she said.
“What? No, that’s not it.”
“It’s alright, I haven’t even told my parents yet. And these people aren’t your parents, so if they don’t approve then they can kick you out without any hesitation.”
“Teresa, I’m not trying to hide anything from them. I promise.”
“Not that there’s anything to tell, right?” she asked.
“They already are making assumptions.”
“So are we going?” she asked, starting toward the gate.
It was weirdly quiet as we walked down the street, toward the path that leads down by the river. She was so talkative yesterday. Maybe she is taking it easy on me because she can tell how nervous she makes me.
“Why is it that you live with the Sloans?” she asked. “Jessica never told me.”
“My parents are dead.”
“Oh.” She sounds like she feels stupid for saying anything.
“It’s no big, they’ve been gone a long, long time. My little brother, too.”
“I’m sorry.”
We were almost to the river now, and she had walked back and forth across the path up to this point so we could avoid the sun. Now she stopped and looked around. Finally she led me into the edge of the trees and we stepped over and through bushes as we made our way along the river.
I hadn’t realized until now that she had been holding my hand for a while now. Since we first turned onto the path down to the river. So? Friends hold hands, right? She was pulling me along by the hand at the mall yesterday. I don’t know if this feels comfortable, though. I mean I don’t hold hands with Jess. But would I offend Teresa if I pulled my hand back? And it’s no big deal, really.
“What happened to your family?” she asked. “How did they die? If you feel like talking about it.”
“They were killed. Some... guy came along and he killed them. I barely survived. And I really can’t talk about it. It’s too hard.”
“Okay.”
She stopped at a small clearing that looked out over the water. She stepped up to the edge, but then noticed the sunlight and moved back. She glanced up and gave me a little smile.
“My parents argue all the time.” she said. “Over everything. Over money, over what to have for dinner, over whether I have to do my homework before dinner or after, over whether Andre can go out with his friends on a school night.”
“Some times people just argue. It doesn’t necessarily mean anything.”
“Yeah. Somehow it always winds up back on me and Andre. Whatever they’re arguing about. They can be arguing over money, and it suddenly becomes about our college fund, or they can argue about Dad not trimming the trees like he promised, and it’s because he had to mow the lawn that Andre was supposed to mow instead.”
“Sorry.”
“They’re getting a divorce, I think.”
She’s trying not to cry. It must really hurt to feel like you’re the reason your parents can’t stay together. I have no idea h
ow to make her feel better, though. I’m not good at these things.
“Who have you been staying with?” she asked me. “Before Jessica?”
“I’ve been living alone.”
“They let you?” She was facing me now, shocked look on her face. “They didn’t shove you in a foster home or something?”
“I sort of didn’t let them. I sort of ran off.” True enough.
“You’re a runaway?” she asked. “Cool! Bad girl.”
“And then I rented a house and I’ve been here a couple of years.”
“Who would rent a house to a kid?” she asked.
“I paid extra so he wouldn’t ask questions.”
“Okay, so where did you get the money? You’re not a drug dealer or something are you? You’re not in some prostitution ring?”
“Um, no.” And ick.
“Well good. So how can you afford it?”
“I guess it was sort of my inheritance. And then some stocks paid off really good.”
“And nobody has found you and forced you to stay with a distant cousin or something?”
“I have no cousins. I don’t think anyone has been looking very hard for me.” Except some sadistic killers that would have finished me off if Jess hadn’t showed up.
“So weren’t you scared to be by yourself? I would be.”
“Terrified. Sometimes. But I had a gun.”
“Ooh, wow, you really are a bad girl.” She’s smiling about that. I don’t like it. But her smile is nice.
“I've never used it.” I assured her.
“So how’d you wind up moving in with Jessica?”
“Well,” I really don't want to talk about this. “I was attacked. Beaten up, cut, hurt really bad.”
“And you couldn’t call the police because they’d put you in foster care?”
“Yeah, basically. So Jess dragged me to her house and told them everything. They took care of me, and then they insisted I move in.”
“That’s nice of them.”
We sat on the ground and watched the birds playing near the edge of the river. I am not sure what we talked about, it was sort of mindless chatter. I’m sure in there somewhere she told me a lot about her past. I’m sure I spun a few tales about mine.
We went to the Sonic and ate cheese coneys. She can really down some food, let me tell you. It’s weird, because she’s definitely a girly girl, but she doesn’t eat like one. And then Jess is a bit of a tomboy, but she eats so daintily.
We went back to the Sloans' house after we ate our late lunch. Teresa wasn’t holding my hand on the way home, which I guess is good. I just don’t know what to think about her. She’s so much fun, and we get along great, and she’s really pretty, but I don’t know if I’m up for dating anyone. I like being friends, though.
Jess and her family were sitting in the dining room, playing cards. Why isn’t she out with Tony? Why isn’t Barney up playing his online games?
“You’re earlier than I thought you’d be.” Peggy said. It’s like four.
“Teresa has to go do laundry. Her aunt said if she didn’t have it done tonight then she would be grounded for a week.”
“How was your date?” Ted asked.
“It wasn’t a date.” I can feel my face burning. “We’re just friends.”
“Yeah, whatever.” Barney chimed in. “Did you kiss?”
“Barney!” Peggy said.
“Do you kiss your friends?” I asked him.
I watched them finish their game. Pinochle, it turns out. I never could get the hang of that game. I have tried and tried, but I just don’t get it. I can play, I understand the rules, but I can’t get the intricacies of bidding or how to play the hands to get the most points.
When they were done, Jess and I went up to her room. Our room. And we sat on the bed and she started grilling me, wanting every little detail of what happened today. She thinks it was a date. She isn’t saying it, she nods in agreement when I tell her Teresa and I are just friends, but she really does think it was a date, and she wants details. So I told her everything.
“So tell me what the hang up is.” she said.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You two get along great, you’re like the same age, basically,”
“Give or take a century and a half.”
“You think she’s pretty, right? I mean I think she’s really pretty, and I’m not even into girls.”
“She is. But I’m not sure... I mean I don't know, it’s just different.”
“Brynne, I can tell you want her, you’re just scared. What are you scared of?”
“Other than me being nearly immortal, and her maybe finding out? Other than people like me are going around killing people, and I can’t think of a single way to stop them. Other than those same people nearly killing me, and me maybe putting everyone around me in danger because those same psychos might come back? Sure, there’s nothing to be afraid of. Oh yeah, and then Teresa kept coming back to one other thing today that has worried me for a while: child welfare people scooping me up. No, I have no worries at all.”
“Well obviously all of those. I just meant why are you scared to admit you like her?” She pulled me in for a hug. “Honey, nobody here will judge you for this. And if you’re worried about our friends at school, you haven’t ever seemed to really care what any of them think about anything anyway.”
“Because I don’t know. I don’t know what I feel!” I shouted.
“Whoa, hey, it’s okay. Don’t get upset.”
“I’m not upset!” Okay, so I am. I took a deep breath. “I just don't know if I should even think about... I mean what if I have to take off?”
“Promise me you won't. Please, Brynne.”
“I... she's going home at the end of the summer.”
“That's a long time away.”
“I don't want to put her in danger if those monsters ever come looking for me again.”
“You can't worry about that for the rest of your life, Brynne. You have to live.”
“I just... I need to think about it.”
Thursday, June 9
So I’m completely healed from being sliced and diced, I think. At least physically. Honestly, I still have dreams about it. Mostly I get scared that Jess walked in when she did. They could have killed me, and she startled them and they stopped attacking me, but they also could have killed her. I could deal with them killing me, but not her. I really don’t want to die, though. I’m so torn on how that whole thing happened. I wonder how long they would have tortured me before killing me?
Teresa and I have been off doing something every day, and I feel like we’ve become really good friends. I wish I could tell her my secret, but it’s dangerous for her.
“How was your date?” Barney asked. I just got home after seeing a movie with her.
“It wasn’t a date.”
Every night one of them asks me that, and every night I have to explain to them that Teresa and I are friends, that’s all. And Barney... shouldn’t he be out doing things with his college buddies? Oh yeah, he’s too much of a loser to go to college, so he doesn’t have any college buddies.
I sat on the arm of the sofa when I saw what was on the news. Another attack. At least one a week now. Police say there's a serial killer on the loose, and they are telling people not to go out at night, and if they have to go out then don't go alone until they catch whoever is doing this. Which they never will. I have to do something. Nobody else can. At least nobody else will. But I have no idea what to do.
“You don’t have any friends who can get me a rocket launcher, do you?” I asked Barney.
“That would be expensive and hard to come by.” he said.
“I can handle expensive.”
“You’re not actually thinking of going after them again?” he asked. He sat up straight and had an almost panicked look on his face. “Brynne, the last time you tried that they almost killed you.”
“I know, but s
omeone has to stop them.”
“Well it doesn’t have to be you.”
Oh he’s actually concerned. That’s sort of touching. He cares about me. All this time he wasn’t just trying to get into my pants, maybe. Not that he ever had a chance.
“Promise me you won’t try anything.” he said.
“What do you care?”
“Because I don’t want to have to babysit you again when you get cut up.”
“I sort of think if it comes to that, they aren’t letting me get away next time.”
“Well then Jessica would miss you too much.”
“And if I do nothing then they might come for me and kill her in the process. Or you.”
“Bring it on. I’m not letting them near you.” he told me. “We do have guns here.”
“Barney, I really appreciate what you’re saying, but I have to do something.”
“Then what about Teresa?”
“What about...”
“She’d never know. She’d think you just ran away from her.”
“We’re just friends.” I repeated for the hundredth time.
“Well maybe you are, but she’d still think you ran off without explaining and without saying goodbye. You can’t do that to her.”
Brynne, Non-Vampire (The Non-Vampire Series Book 1) Page 12