“No! I’m not doing that. I don’t want that. I’m sorry.”
We got a status update from Peggy and Ted, then Barney took Teresa home. I had calmed down some, but when she walked out that door with him, I couldn’t stop from crying again. I’m going to miss her more than I would ever have imagined. The first time in my life I fall in love, and it ends this way. Now I really do want to die.
“You could fix her.” Peggy said softly. “Couldn’t you?”
“What? No, I... can’t do that.” I told her.
“You could try.”
“And kill her in the process. I won’t.”
“This is your fault, dammit!”
“Peg, stop it.” Ted said, pulling her against him. “She wants to see you, Brynne.”
“Yes, go look at the damage you’ve caused.” Peggy spat at me.
I couldn't disagree with her. It is my fault, and I did get my best friend paralyzed. I got the best person in the world hurt in such a horrible way. Why did I ever let the others come along?
I made my way back toward the ICU room that Jess was in. I thought they’d only let family in, but nobody stopped me or asked me. And there she laid, broken, tubes running out of her.
“Are you awake?” I asked.
“No thanks to you.” she mumbled, still groggy from the medication.
“I’m sorry.”
“Yeah. You being sorry helps me walk again.” she said.
“Jess,”
“Why couldn’t you just call, Brynne? Huh?” now seeming more alert... and angry.
“I don’t know.”
“Great. Thanks.” she said.
“I wish I could go back and undo this. Just call. First you get attacked, and then Teresa leaves me, and... this whole day is the worst day of my life.”
“How do you think I feel?”
“Jess,”
“Look,” Her focus on me intensified. “Would this happen to you-- would you be paralyzed? Or would you heal?”
“I don’t... know.”
“We could find out.” she said.
“Jess, no.”
“You do this and you won’t even do what you can to fix it? Great.”
“Jess,”
“Great friend you are. You’re no good to me.”
“I am your friend. I’d do anything to fix you, I’d die if I had to, but I won’t do that for you.”
“Coward.”
“I’m sorry.” I said, crying hard again.
“You ever hear of you break it you buy it?”
“I can’t do it.”
“Just get away from me, Brynne. Just go away.”
I wandered around Wichita for several hours, trying to find a way to make this up to her. Maybe I can buy her a mansion. A place she’ll never have to leave, never would want to leave. Have everything brought in for her, so she’d never have to walk. It wouldn’t make it up to her, but it would make things a little better.
Only it wouldn’t. And she said her tumor could come back. This probably increases that possibility. I mean this will weaken her body, so that means it will probably come back. Maybe not. Maybe my best friend ever will be okay.
Barney was back when I got there. He saw me come in and came over to me, holding out a cell phone. He was already in the middle of a call. I took it and spoke to the people on the other end.
“Who is this?” a voice asked.
“Who is this?” I asked.
“You’re the one that called me.” he said in some kind of weird accent.
“Hang on a second, please.” I said. I turned to Barney. “Who is it?”
“It’s your secret hunter group.” he said, a hint of a smile. “You don’t even want to know what I did to get through.”
“Hey,” I said into the phone. “So you’re the ones looking for me.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“I’m certain you do.” I stepped back outside, hoping nobody would hear me. “You're the Venator immortuorom, right? I’m a vampire.” Basically. Only not. But now is not the time to be picky.
“Oh really? And I don’t suppose you would care to prove that outrageous claim?”
“Look, I don’t have time to play games. The one that made me was named Alejandro, he said you were hunting him at the time. That was quite a while ago.”
“Uh-huh. Go on.” the man said.
“There have been a lot of attacks in the middle of the U.S.”
“You saw the news, too.” he said, still acting like I was a weirdo that was just making things up.
“I saw the vampires who did it.”
“Would you like to describe these attackers?”
“I can give you a lot more than that. Look, their names are Julius and Joanna. I met them because I was trying to stop them.”
“Oh, so you’re a good vampire?” he said, chuckling.
“I don’t attack people. I get my blood from blood banks. We can have this conversation in person.”
“You aren’t afraid we’ll kill you?” he asked, laughing.
“Look, kill me if you want, don’t kill me, I don’t care. But you have to stop Julius and Joanna. I can help.”
“Look, little girl, I don’t know what kind of fantasy movies you’ve been watching, but I don’t have time to play your games any longer.”
“It’s not a game. Call me back at this number when you figure out I’m not lying.”
I hung up. So they don’t believe me? Or are just covering their butts if I am a crazy? Who cares at this point. I’ll just have to stop Julius and Joanna myself.
“Thanks.” I told Barney. Peggy was giving me a hateful look again. “You really want her to be like me? You really want her to never grow up, to always be who she is right now? To have to leave so people don’t figure it out?”
“It’s better than the alternative!” Peggy said.
“You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“This is all your fault! You have no right to talk to me like that.”
“Peggy, calm down.” Ted was telling her.
I went back to Jessica’s room. She was asleep. I contemplated letting her stay that way, but who knows when the nurses will start paying more attention to us again.
“Wake up.” I said, patting the side of her face. “Wake up right now.”
“I told you to go away.” she mumbled.
“I can’t.”
“Great. So you’re here to gloat about ruining my life?”
“Shut up.”
“Don’t tell me to...”
“Do you want this, or not?” I said. I dug into my wrist with an ink pen. Blood started gushing.
“Brynne!”
“Shut up. Drink.” I started to raise my arm, but she grabbed it with her hand.
“You said it would kill me.” she said, fear in her eyes now.
“Probably. You said you wanted to try.”
“Not...” She shook her head. “Not because I made you feel guilty. So don’t.”
“Do you want this or not?”
“I do. I don’t want to force you.”
“Just do it.” I told her.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.” I moved my arm toward her, then pulled back. “A couple of conditions.”
“What conditions?”
“You have to listen to me, at least at first. You don’t know anything about being what I am.”
“Okay.” she agreed.
“If this doesn’t work, and if there is an afterlife, then you save a seat for me. I’ll be right behind you.”
“You’re not killing yourself if this doesn’t work.”
“Drink, before it heals shut.” I lowered my arm to her. “It might taste bad.”
She wrapped her mouth around my wrist and started sucking. She made a face, but didn’t stop. It hurt and felt good at the same time. I watched the clock, guessing that somewhere between thirty and forty-five seconds would be the right amount. What do I
know, though? And when the clock went past thirty seconds I tried to pull back, but couldn’t. She was holding my arm tightly, and I felt very weak. At forty seconds I tried to tell her to stop, and I couldn’t talk. At fifty seconds I let myself fall backwards, and she let go.
I stumbled out to the waiting room and fell into one of the chairs. Barney grabbed my arm and turned it over to see the partially healed scar. He gasped, and Peggy and Ted moved over next to me.
“Is she alive?” Barney asked, whispering.
“So far.” I mmbled.
I blacked out then. I dreamed of the vampire hunters coming and killing her. It was terrible. I kept waking and then falling asleep again immediately.
Sunday, June 1 9
“Hey,” I heard. Then I was shaken. “Brynne, honey.”
“Jess!”
I jumped up and wrapped my arms around her. But then she had to hold me up, I was still weak. She lowered me back down to the chair.
“The doctors are trying to figure out how they made such a big mistake.” she told me. She laughed. “It’s weird getting used to feeling strong. When I first tried to move my leg it wouldn’t move just a little, it was like a quick movement. Sort of all or nothing. But I’m doing better now.”
“I’m glad you didn’t die.”
“Yeah. So I couldn’t wait for you. I mean to find out... how to eat.”
“Oh, so...”
“I slept after you left. And I woke up so hungry I could barely stand it. So as soon as I could get past the doctors, I went searching.” She leaned close to me. “Mom has extra in her purse, in case you need it.”
“Oh. Um... thanks.”
“So you ready to get out of here?” she asked, smiling.
“I don’t think I can stand.”
“I’ll help you.” she said.
“Is it sunny out?”
“A little, but we’re just going to the car.”
“I don’t know if you can handle it. If I remember right, I was pretty sensitive at first.”
“We’ll be careful.”
“I’m so glad you lived.” I told her again, crying now. “And yet really unhappy you have to be like this.”
“Well if you’re so sure I should only live as long as a normal person, you can kill me in sixty years.” she joked.
“I’ll keep that in mind. You remember your promise to listen to me?”
“Yeah, honey.”
“Well that means no getting involved with the others. They’ll kill you.”
It was sort of quiet most of the way home. Peggy was crying silently in the front, and every now and then she’d look back at Jess, as if to make sure it was true. Jess complained that the glaring sun was hurting her eyes, even though it wasn’t shining directly on us.
“You don’t look so good.” Jessica told me. We were just pulling into the drive at home.
“I’m really weak.”
“As soon as were inside you should get some food.” Jess said.
“And sleep.” I added.
“But I have a million questions.” she complained.
“They’ll wait until tomorrow.” Peggy told her.
“I just want...”
“Leave the poor girl alone.” Peggy said.
“Yeah yeah.” Jess told her. “Ya know, I don’t really have to listen to you anymore.”
“Remember what I said about listening to me?” I said, waiting for her to nod. “Well they’re still your parents, so show some respect.”
“Sheesh, I was just kidding.”
“You should be happy you still have them. If we’re careful, we can come visit once in a while, and you can talk to them on the phone.”
“Do you have to leave?” Ted asked me.
“Not for a while, don’t worry. Maybe a couple of years.”
“Jess, get her up to bed.” Peggy told Jessica. “She doesn’t look well.”
So now Peggy is concerned about me? What, she hates me for what I did to her daughter, now she’s worried? I’m confused.
“Aren’t I supposed to be insatiable right now? Like suffering from some sort of blood lust or something?” Jess asked me.
“You watch too many movies.”
“I’m in the mood to play dominoes.”
“What?” She’s so random sometimes. “Aren’t you in the least tired?”
“I feel like I could stay awake for two weeks straight. Were you this wired right after?”
“Nope. Tired now. Stay home while I sleep, Jess.”
“But I’m bored.”
“Jess,”
“Okay, okay.” She bounced up on the bed, beside me. “I’ll stay out of trouble, you just sleep hon.”
“Thank you.”
“Are you like my mom, or something?” she asked. “In vampire terms?”
“I’m not a vampire!”
“I’m serious, though.”
“Who cares, Jessica? I changed you. So?”
“Okay, okay. Sleep tight, mom.”
Mom. Great. Like I need her calling me something stupid like that. This is going to be a very stressful decade. Why did I condemn her to this? Why did I give in to the selfish feeling of guilt I had?
I was dreaming of Jessica. She was slaughtering an entire village. We were somewhere in Asia, and the people were screaming and running every which way, confused. I called out to her, trying to stop her, but I couldn’t. And I couldn’t physically stop her, either, because she was stronger than me.
I woke to the sound of crying. I was still weak, still really drowsy and half asleep, but I could at least tell it was close. That it was Jess. Oh there was crying farther away, but Jess was crying too. And making a low grumbling sound, like she was fighting back sobs, trying to keep quiet. I slipped from the bed and sat next to her on the lower bunk.
“How can you handle this?” she said. “Make it stop, Brynne.”
“Jess,”
“How do you handle all this noise!?” She gripped her hair with both hands, and for a moment I thought she’d pull it out without realizing it. “How do you handle my PERVERTED BROTHER?” she asked, loudly. “Is it always like this?” I heard Barney shut down the video he was watching.
“Calm down.”
“I can’t calm down!”
“Hey, come on. You’ll get used to this. It’ll get easier.”
“I can’t stay here. I have to go somewhere. Somewhere quiet.”
“No, come on, just calm down. Shh.”
“I can’t.” She was shaking and crying. “It hurts, Brynne.”
“I know. I know, Jess. Just try to relax. Trust me.”
“I can’t deal with this, I... I just... ”
“Hang on.” I got up and got her walkman. “Try this.”
“Add more noise? Great plan.”
“Crank it all the way up and put the headphones on.”
“But... won’t that hurt? My ears are really sensitive now.”
“Yeah, it’s going to hurt a little. But it should block everything else out, hopefully. At least mostly.”
“Okay. Okay.” She took a deep breath and let it out. “Sorry I woke you, honey.”
“It’s okay. I’m here, I’m going to help you with this.”
“Okay. I love you, Brynne.”
“Love you, Jess. Now try to relax. Lay still, see if you can sleep.”
“But...”
“I know, you’re wired, but just try.”
Monday, June 20
“Wake up, ma.” She shook me. Hard. Like, the wood on the bedframe cracked.
“Don’t call me that.”
“Sorry. Let’s go, let’s go.”
“Go where?”
“I don’t know!” She was practically bouncing off the walls. “I need to test this out. How strong am I? How fast can I run? How far can I see?”
“There’s a lot of time, Jessica.”
“I know, I know.”
“Calm down.”
“Yeah, okay.” She moved very quickl
y to a seated position on the bottom bunk. “Sorry honey.”
“Lesson one:” I said. I slid out of bed and sat beside her. “Take your time, you have plenty of it.”
“Right.” She said. She blew out a deep breath. “So are you ready?”
Wow, she’s really excited. Okay, okay. But I am making her wait for me to eat breakfast. If she wants to eat, she can. If she doesn’t, then I’ll have to talk to her about sometimes doing things to keep appearances up.
After I ate, we headed outside. I had to remind her to stay in the shade. Especially the first few days. And then, while we headed out to the middle of nowhere so nobody would see us, I listened to her prattle on about hearing her parents brush their teeth this morning and how amazing it was to hear the seatbelt click when they left for work.
“Okay, are we far enough out now?” she asked. Or begged.
“I suppose.”
“So what do I do?”
“Well what do you want to do?”
“I want to see how strong I am.”
“So go to it.”
“But how?” she asked.
“I don’t know. Pick that boulder up.” I said, pointing at a huge rock.
“Are you sure?”
“Go for it.”
She stepped over close to the rock and bent forward. She looked at it carefully, then sort of squatted in the proper ‘don’t hurt your back’ position. And then she lifted it. Easily. And then dropped it.
Brynne, Non-Vampire (The Non-Vampire Series Book 1) Page 21