“You were reading.”
Skye hesitated then continued. “Baby books. But yeah, I could read.” She grinned suddenly. “And then I learned to get out of my crib.”
Edie laughed at Skye’s triumphant expression, as if her crib was the first obstacle course she could remember defeating.
“What was school like for you?” Edie said.
Skye’s expression faltered. “Never great. I mean, it was fine. I…” Skye hesitated. “I was reading at a fourth-grade level by the time I started kindergarten. I had an excess of energy, and very few of my teachers understood that. I knew from a very early age my brain didn’t work like the other kids’. I didn’t know how to change it. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to.
“I remember very clearly being in the third grade. I was supposed to be outside for recess but I had gotten distracted by the plumbing to the sink in the back of the room. It was an old school, and the pipes banged in the walls and I wanted to know why. So I wedged myself in behind the supply cupboard and started climbing.”
“Of course you did,” Edie murmured. Skye grinned.
“Two teachers came into the room and they were griping about the principal, the workload, their students. I knew I wasn’t supposed to be in the class, so I just hung suspended from the pipe and listened. I heard my teacher call me it a know-it-all. She used the word ‘special’ like it was dirty. She predicted I would trip over my own brain one day and no one would be there to help me up because I hadn’t made any friends. They said I was too smart but then laughed and said I wasn’t really smart enough when it counted.”
“Holy hell, Skye. That’s awful.”
Skye nodded. “It was. And I tried for a lot of years to fit in. I spoke even less in class, I took my time finishing worksheets, I was never the first one done. I mastered the art of looking like I was paying attention, but really I was making elaborate circuit switchboards in my head. But nothing seemed to work. All I knew was that I was too much of some things and not enough of others.” Skye snorted.
“That has been an ongoing theme in my life,” she said darkly before shaking her head. “Anyway, I started running religiously, and that helped. By junior high school, I had set up an obstacle course in the woods behind the park near our house, and I’d be out there running it at three in the morning. My parents were furious when they found out. Because I lied. So they signed me up for karate to learn self-defense and laid down some rules. My mom and dad took turns going out with me to the woods at four thirty every morning. But I wasn’t allowed to go by myself.”
“Your parents sound like good people.”
“They are. I think I was a total puzzle to them from the very beginning. But they never made me feel like I was a burden. They offered to home-school me, but I was too intent on fitting in. And by the time I was thirteen, I planned to finish high school early and go to RMC to study computer science.”
“And that’s what you did.”
“And that’s what I did. I still had a lot of growing up to do. The army helped with that. I still didn’t entirely fit in, but I made friends. Friends like family,” Skye finished quietly.
“JC and Basher.”
“Yes. And I accomplished my goals. I graduated top honours and pursued officer training. And I…” Skye hesitated again, then sighed. “And while I was in training, I knew what it felt like to be tired. For the first time in my life I knew what that felt like. I felt normal.”
The silence and the lateness of the hour enveloped them.
“Thank you,” Edie said.
“For what?”
“Telling me all that. I think it wasn’t easy.”
Skye held very still, then pushed her hand through her hair under her beanie, seeming to give herself a mental shake before putting her laptop down on the coffee table and sitting up. “I wanted to.”
“Even though it breaks the rules.”
Skye sighed. “Yes.” She leaned back again in her chair and looked up into the loft space above them. “You understand why, don’t you? That we can’t…I can’t…If I get distracted and something happens…” Her voice was jumpy now, stressed. Like she’d just remembered the mission, the threat, all the unknowns that suddenly crowded the air and the space between them.
“I know. It’s okay. I get it.”
“Thank you, Edie.”
Her name on Skye’s lips was the lightest touch, the understanding in her voice like a moment of connection or benediction. As if this moment was blessed, to be held reverently. And the physical distance between them was the only evidence that they had agreed, for now, to remain apart. Edie closed her eyes as Skye had. For now, she thought. Just for now.
Chapter Twelve
“You want me to hypnotize you?”
Edie controlled her expression at Dr. Crask’s condescending incredulity. She evaluated the response. It wasn’t an information-seeking question, obviously. Edie had been quite clear in her explanation and request. She got the sense that Dr. Crask was thrown by the suggestion. That was fine. Edie could wait. She cast a very quick glance at JC, who sat stiffly in the chair beside her, and then at Skye, who stood with arms crossed against the back wall, her face impassive.
“Can you?” Edie said.
Dr. Crask’s pencil-thin eyebrows drew down in a look of scorn.
“That’s the wrong question, Ms. Black. Hypnosis is a base form of neurobiological exploration paired with the mere suggestion of psychotherapy. It’s unproven and unscientific.”
“So you’re saying it’s beneath you.” Edie knew perfectly well she was baiting Crask. Prodding and poking to elicit the response she was seeking.
“I’m saying I have an ethical obligation to provide only medically sound, evidence-based therapies. Whatever you think of me, Ms. Black, you should know I will adhere stringently to these tenets of my profession.”
She was making a good point, but it wasn’t the answer Edie wanted.
“But we have proof, thanks to Ms. Kassis, that some form of hypnosis was used to embed information inside my head. We know that a variety of sensory tools have since been used, possibly in an attempt to extract that information. You are saying that, as a psychiatrist, you are refusing to aid me in accessing whatever is in my own head?”
“I’m saying a careful review of all the information needs to be evaluated and rigorous scientific standard needs to be applied.”
Crask was hiding behind scientific jargon, hoping to throw her off. That was fine. Edie was sure of herself, too.
“I’ll find someone else, then. If you’re unwilling or unable to hypnotize me.”
“No, you won’t,” Crask said with an air of triumphant superiority. “Whatever information is allegedly embedded in your head is now an issue of national security. No way will Donaldson or anyone else let you talk to a charlatan with a two-year college degree.”
This was news to Edie. She broke eye contact with Crask and looked to JC, who was leaning forward with her elbows on her knees, obviously trying to stay relaxed.
“Is that true?” Edie said.
“Yes.”
“So I’m stuck with this until…what? Until the federal government decides how they’re going to carve it out of me?” Nobody answered. There wasn’t an answer. “I want it out,” Edie said forcefully. Looking first at Crask then at JC. “I want to be hypnotized, and I want it out. Now.”
Edie’s ultimatum was met with silence.
Dr. Crask seemed to be regarding her with a trace of grudging respect. She turned and addressed JC for the first time since they’d all sat down in the office.
“Constable Caldwell, I think we need to meet as a team and discuss Ms. Black’s request. I admit her request has merit, but I want my professional objections clearly documented.”
“You’re right. The team is re-questioning Ms. Kassis now, verifying yesterday’s statements and following up with new lines of questioning. We’ll pull everyone together.” She turned to Edie. “We need some time to do this rig
ht, Edie. Just give us some time.”
Edie sat back in her chair, hearing the sense in JC’s words but hating the inaction.
“Yes, fine.”
The two women left. Edie regarded Skye, who hadn’t moved from the back of the room.
“I’m guessing you agree with Dr. Crask,” Edie said, sounding more petulant than she liked. She had no reason to be annoyed, not at Skye or JC, not even at Dr. Crask. Edie was off balance. She felt weighed down by the information in her head.
Skye pushed off from the wall and came to sit beside Edie. “Some of it, yes. I also think you should do it.”
“Really? I thought you wanted to wrap me in bubble wrap and pack me away in Styrofoam peanuts.”
Skye laughed. It was her real laugh, Edie thought. Uninhibited. It was a perfect sound.
“Well, that, too,” Skye said. “But I also know you can handle yourself. You’re the one who needs to make the decisions about your life, Edie. I’m sorry if I ever made you doubt that.”
This, right here, would be the perfect time to kiss her. The door opened. Skye leaned away from Edie and fixed her eyes on JC and Crask as they walked in.
“It’s a go,” JC said. “The team was already most of the way to that decision. They were trying to figure out how to talk you into it, actually. Kenny, there was some talk of not allowing you in the room. Something about a level of clearance.”
“I want her there, JC,” Edie said.
“I know,” JC said. “That’s what I told them, and I think they’ve taken that into account.” She didn’t seem completely convinced.
“I have some conditions,” Dr. Crask said. “Given your car accident and subsequent head injury, I want clearance from your neurologist.”
“Okay, fine,” Edie said. “Dr. Elsweth is my neurologist. I can sign consent for you to speak to him. What else?”
“You’ll sign a release clearing me and the OPP from any wrongdoing and to guard against any future lawsuits.”
“Yes, I’ll sign. When can we get started?” Edie really didn’t want to dwell on this.
“We need a smaller room, somewhere quiet,” Crask said. “Free of distractions. Since I have no idea what preliminary instruction was originally used for the hypnotic induction, I will be starting from scratch.”
Skye leaned forward. “Are you qualified for this?”
“Yes,” Crask replied haughtily. “It may not be the most reliable form of information retrieval, but it was part of my training.”
“When?” Skye said. “When was the last time you performed hypnosis?”
Dr. Crask’s expression became mean. “I believe you are the muscle here, Ms. Kenny. Leave the more analytical decisions to the rest of us.”
Skye never changed expressions, but JC laughed harshly. “You’re not even close on this one, Di. I won’t embarrass Kenny with the stats, but look up her file sometime. It makes for interesting reading.”
“We’re wasting time here,” Crask snapped. “Caldwell, find us a room. Ms. Kenny, you can wait here.”
“No.” Edie and Skye spoke at the exact same time. Crask looked startled and then annoyed.
“Fine!” she said. “You want your bodyguard in the room, that’s fine. Just stay out of my way,” she said, storming out of the room.
“She’s nervous,” JC said when the door had swung shut. She looked at Edie. “Kenny wasn’t out of line when she asked about her credentials. It came up at the meeting, and Crask admitted it’s been ten years since she was trained in hypnosis as information retrieval and about eight since she performed one. Diana Crask does not like to be considered incompetent.”
“But she can do it?” Edie said. “Is it safe?”
“She says she can.”
“Do you trust her?” Skye said.
JC sighed and leaned against the corner of the desk, folding her arms over her chest. She briefly looked down the hallway where Crask had disappeared before focusing on Edie.
“Dr. Diana Crask is a woman on the way to the top in her field. She’s incredibly bright and completely driven. I believe her drive to succeed is balanced by a strict adherence to an ethical code.” JC grimaced. “At work, at least. So, my advice to you, Edie Black, is that if you want to proceed with the hypnosis, you should go ahead and you will be safe. But under no circumstances do I recommend dating her.”
Edie laughed some of her anxiety away as JC grinned. Skye simply rolled her eyes.
“I appreciate the advice on both fronts,” Edie said.
“Now, if you are looking for dating advice, I’ve got this old army buddy—”
“Leave it alone, Caldwell.”
“All right, kids,” Edie said. “Let’s go dig around in my brain and see what’s in there.”
The words put an end to any of the lightness of the moment. Skye and JC both looked at her carefully. Edie prayed they wouldn’t ask if she was sure.
“Okay,” Skye said evenly. “Let’s do it.”
“Let’s do it,” JC echoed, heading toward the door. “I’ll bring you the release forms and figure out the sudden objection to Kenny.” She paused and looked back. “We’ll both be there with you, Edie. You’ve got this.”
Edie took a breath. She hoped JC was right.
* * *
The empty office had beige walls, a small conference table with chairs shoved against one wall, and slatted blinds over the window. A one-way mirror was set into another wall, and Edie knew JC and at least two of the heads of the department were behind that glass. A padded dark blue leather chair had been procured at Crask’s request and muscled into the small space. Edie tried to put the audience out of her mind.
Dr. Crask was already seated in the office. Her sharp-eyed sureness soothed some of Edie’s nerves as she and Skye walked into the room.
“Ms. Black, take a seat,” she said, indicating the recliner. “Ms. Kenny, I’ll need you to remain out of Ms. Black’s eyesight, and I will caution you now that if you interfere in any way, I’ll stop the procedure and ask you to leave the room.”
Skye pulled up a chair near the door, directly behind Edie and directly in Crask’s line of sight.
Edie adjusted herself in the chair and took in a deep breath. Crask was a tool, a means to an end.
“I’ll start by outlining the goal and the procedure,” Dr. Crask said. “As you’ve been made aware, this session is being recorded. I will be using relaxation methods and a guided optical fixation technique. The goal is to induce an altered state of consciousness whereby I guide you, through suggestion, to access memories you are unaware, or only peripherally aware, that you have. Do you understand, Ms. Black?”
“Yes,” Edie said. “Could you call me Edie? I’ll find it easier.”
“Of course. The scope of my questions will relate to information we believe was placed, by suggestion, into your memory during a purported massage appointment. I will ask questions regarding the physical setup of the room, the people you were with, as well as conversations that you have had. I may need to ask personal questions that you would otherwise be uncomfortable sharing.” Dr. Crask paused. “Are you willing to proceed, Edie?”
“Yes.”
“Then let’s begin. I’ll ask you to recline in your chair and close your eyes. I will guide you through a relaxation technique, but feel free to use any techniques you have found helpful in the past.”
Edie tried to allow Crask’s voice to dominate her thoughts. It wasn’t exactly soothing, but it was even and modulated with no bumps or divots to snag Edie’s thoughts. More than once Edie caught herself as her brain and body began to relax, the unconscious flinch of thinking she was falling asleep. She concentrated again on Crask’s voice, on the weight of her own body in the chair. And she listened, almost unconsciously, for Skye’s breathing.
“Okay, Edie, with your eyes closed, I’d like you to slowly look left and then right. Left and then right. Let your eyes feel heavy and slow as they move. Left and then right. Left and then right.”
/> The sensation was odd and not unwelcome, this heaviness in her eyes, as if her whole body swayed in a ponderous, rhythmic dance as she looked left and then right. Left and then right. Was it her voice in her head? Or was it Crask’s? It wasn’t a time for questions. Left and then right. Heavy. Left and then right.
“In a moment, I’m going to take you down into your own thoughts. You will feel calm and still and safe. You will be able to hear my questions, and they will guide some of your thoughts. Soon I will snap my fingers and you will sleep and listen.”
Left and then right. Heavier still.
Snap.
Weightless.
“Edie, tell me where you are. Describe it.”
“I’m in my apartment. It’s so beautiful.” Words were effortless things. “Everything is white, and it’s sunny. And there’s so much dust.”
“Why is there dust, Edie?”
Edie laughed, a reverberation in her chest. “Because it’s Afghanistan.”
“Edie, I want you to stand in your apartment and close your eyes. I’m going to ask you to take me to somewhere specific now. Can you do that?”
“Yes.” She could do anything.
“I want you to stand in your apartment in Ottawa with your eyes closed. I want you to be there right before you went to your first massage appointment. Tell me when you’re there, Edie.”
Greens and blues instead of whites and light. The air was cold instead of warm but still sunny. Edie felt herself flinch and draw back. “The sun hurts my eyes. Hurts my head. It’s hurting.”
“Put on your sunglasses, Edie. The pain goes away.”
Of course. Relief in her chest at such a simple solution. No sense of movement, but the pain died down. The pain was gone. She sighed.
“Who is with you, Edie? Who is going with you to the appointment?”
“Faina is coming to pick me up. She can’t drive. We’re going to take a cab together.”
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