I smile. “Trust me, it’ll be the least I can do.”
Chapter 33
At first, I’m not really sure where I’m going; I just need to walk. But it soon becomes clear to me, as I enter The Dragon, that I do, in fact, have a destination in mind. I’m not sure why I’m here because I could have just as easily phoned Jackie and asked her to come over to the flat so that we could talk but, as I look around, I realise there may be just a small chance I’m hoping to run into Glenn. However, any hope I have is quickly shot down when I see his usual table is empty.
As I walk to the bar, I’m aware of the questioning looks I’m receiving from some of the villagers who have obviously heard of our break-up. Ignoring them, I smile as Sofia approaches me.
“I didn’t think you’d be in here so soon,” she observes.
“Why not? Should I be in hiding?”
“No, I just figured that, after how you were the other night…”
She stops, letting the rest of her sentence go unsaid; it’s true: I was a mess that night but I’ve been slowly trying to pull myself back together, despite all my guilt and doubts. I shrug. “I can’t sit around and be miserable forever, can I?”
Sofia narrows her eyes. “You’re acting very strange,” she observes.
“Just get me a drink,” I instruct, not wanting to be analyzed right now. “Is Jackie in?” I ask, changing the subject.
Sofia nods, concentrating on pouring my drink. “She’s through the back.”
I nod. “Can I go see her?”
Sofia nods again as she deposits my drink in front of me. “She’s been worried about you,” she says. “Kept saying she wanted to see you but was worried it was too soon.” She smiles. “She’ll be glad to see you.”
I smile and hand Sofia the money for my lemonade as I lift the hatch and take my drink through to the back room. Jackie looks up as I enter, smiling in relief.
“Jess, it’s so good to see you!” she gushes, hurrying over and enveloping me in a hug, careful not to spill my lemonade.
“Hi, Jackie,” I murmur; right now, this is exactly what I need.
Releasing me, she guides me to her sofa and we both sit down. “Sofia’s told me what happened.”
This doesn’t surprise me. “It’s all such a mess, Jackie,” I sigh, putting my head in my hands.
“Well, I can’t disagree with you there,” she says, “but the question is: what are you going to do about it?”
“What do you mean?”
Jackie rolls her eyes. “Come on, Jess; you’re not stupid. You can’t ignore this, not this time.” She pauses, before continuing, “Glenn looks awful.”
“I know; Holly told me.”
“But, I have to say, not nearly as awful as you.”
My head snaps up at this. “Thanks!” I exclaim, offended by the comment.
“Well, it’s true,” Jackie insists. “You look like you haven’t slept, or eaten, in days.”
“Oh, I’ve eaten,” I insist, recalling the bag of Doritos I’d scoffed the night before whilst watching Gremlins – somehow, watching those carnivorous creatures terrorise the poor people of Kingston Falls made me feel closer to Glenn…
“But you’ve not eaten anything healthy, have you?”
I sigh, wondering why I came here if all Jackie was going to do was run me down. Actually, that’s not true at all; I know, exactly, why I came here: Jackie’s the closest thing I have to a mother and, right now, I need her. I need her to tell me what to do; I need her to tell me it will all be okay, even if I doubt that myself.
“The fact you’re not answering me, young lady, tells me all I need to know, and more,” Jackie points out. “And, just so you know, when our chat is over, you will eat whatever I ask Vinnie to put in front of you. Understand?”
“Yes, Jackie,” I mumble, trying to hide my smile but failing miserably; this feels just like when I was a kid, when I’d get home from school with Sofia after we’d stuffed our faces with junk food all day.
She nods curtly. “Good. I hear you’re not speaking to Thomas.”
“No,” I mutter, shaking my head. “I tried to invite him to the panto but he wasn’t interested.”
Jackie waves my words away. “Nonsense; of course he’s interested. It was one of the things your mother looked forward to the most, every year; he just needs time to get used to the idea, that’s all.”
“Do you really believe that?” I ask doubtfully.
Jackie nods. “I do; I have no doubt that, given time, he’ll be begging to go to the panto with you.”
I smile wistfully, thinking back to Glenn. “That’s what Glenn said,” I murmur, the smile vanishing as I recall the things I’d said to him.
I’m aware of Jackie watching me, her features hardening. “Speaking of whom: tell me why you’d go and do something so monumentally stupid as dump the only man that has managed to bring a smile to your face in years.”
I sigh. “Because I’m an idiot,” I admit quietly.
“You’ll get no argument from me on that score,” she agrees.
“I was upset,” I mutter defensively, running my hand through my hair.
Jackie nods, her eyes full of sympathy now. “About your father, no doubt.” I nod in agreement. “But I still fail to see how your father’s reaction makes you angry with Glenn.”
I shake my head, ashamed to recall how I’d acted that day. “He’d pushed me into talking to Dad about the panto,” I explain, “I didn’t want to but he said I couldn’t keep avoiding it. When Dad exploded, it was just easier to blame someone.”
“And Glenn was the closest,” Jackie concludes. She takes a moment before adding, “You know, love isn’t easy, Jess.”
“Why do people keep saying that word?” I demand, suddenly. “I mean, talk about piling on the pressure!”
Jackie studies me for a moment, her blue-eyed gaze boring into me. “Is that why you did it?” she asks.
“What are you talking about?” I ask, my heart beating faster. Damn, she’s read me like a book, as per usual.
Jackie smiles. “You know perfectly well what I’m talking about,” she says. “Everyone, and I’m guessing you’re included in this, could see how you felt about each other and it scared you.”
I shake my head, determined to play dumb for a little longer, at least. “I don’t know what-”
“Please don’t play dumb, Jessica,” she says firmly, surprising me by using my full name. “You’re running scared and using what happened with your dad as the perfect excuse, aren’t you?”
I splutter. “That makes me sound-”
“Human,” she says quietly. “It makes you sound human; we’ve all done it.”
“Have you?”
“Oh, yes,” she admits, “not long after meeting Vinnie, actually.”
This admission shocks me, I don’t mind telling you; whenever Jackie, or Vinnie, spoke about how they’d met, they told a story of a backpacker (Jackie) and a trainee chef (Vinnie) meeting on the streets of Rome and embarking on a whirlwind romance. It’s a story that has always given me hope that, one day, wherever I may be in the world, I’ll meet my soul mate. “What happened?” I ask, eager to know the whole, unedited, story.
Jackie sighs. “As you know, me and your mum were travelling through Rome when I met Vinnie,” she begins. “We were supposed to only stay there one night but, after meeting him, I begged her to stay longer.” She smiles wistfully. “We just couldn’t bear the thought of saying goodbye…”
Sounds familiar, I think wryly, my thoughts drifting to Glenn.
“We spent as much time as we could together; Vinnie took me everywhere: the Coliseum, the Forum, the Sistine Chapel… But, it was on our last night together that everything changed.”
I raise an eyebrow, cringing. “Do I want to hear this?”
Reaching out, Jackie slaps me playfully. “It wasn’t like that, as well you know,” she chastises me. “He’d taken me to the Trevi Fountain,” she explains, lost to her mem
ories, “and, as we were looking into the water, he turned to me and told me he’d fallen in love with me.” She brings her gaze up to meet mine. “He always was a hopeless romantic.”
“So what did you do?”
“I did the only thing I could: I ran,” she says, smiling wryly.
“You ran?” Yes, this was definitely swerving away from the official version.
Jackie nods. “Not one of my proudest moments, I admit. But I was twenty; I’d seen my parents divorce, saw the hate they had for each other and I didn’t want that for myself.”
I’m listening now, eagerly lapping up this story, drawing the parallels between Jackie’s past and my present. “But, I’m confused,” I admit, “if you ran, then how-?”
Jackie smiles. “He knew where Sandy and I were staying so he waited and waited; he waited until the next morning when Sandy came down to breakfast and begged her to take his address so that I might write to him, when I was ready.”
“And you did,” I conclude.
“I did,” she confirms with a smile. “I talked to Sandy and she made me see that I had found someone who was worth the effort. I told Vinnie the truth about why I’d run out on him and he forgave me and helped me to heal. The rest, as they say, is history.”
I’m stunned. “Mum never told me that.”
“Well, it wasn’t her story to tell,” Jackie reminds me. “And, what does it matter how Vinnie and I got to this place, this moment? The fact is: we have; we’ve just taken a couple of detours along the way.”
I smile. “That’s one way to look at it.”
“I don’t have many regrets in life, Jess,” she states quietly, “but I do regret letting the man I love think, for even a moment, he wasn’t worthy of me.”
I swallow, my throat tight as my vision swims with tears; I can’t bear the thought that I’ve done that to Glenn when all he’s ever done is be there for me, supporting me through all my drama. I can picture his face now… see the hurt in his eyes when I’d told him we were over and I feel sick knowing I’ve caused him so much pain. Unable to hold them back any longer, I let the tears fall as Jackie wraps her arms around me, pulling me close.
“It’s okay,” she whispers, “it’ll be okay.”
I shake my head. “No, I don’t think it will; I hurt him, Jackie, I really hurt him and he did nothing to deserve it.”
“Now, you listen to me, girl,” Jackie says, holding me at arms length. “Okay, so, you made a mistake; you know that and you want to put it right. What’s your next step?”
“Tell him I’m sorry,” I acknowledge, wiping at my eyes with my sleeve. “But what if he doesn’t want to hear it?”
“Then you keep telling him until he does,” she says firmly.
I nod as her words take root; these last few days without Glenn in my life have been absolute torture and I’m fed up with pretending I’m okay when I’m not. I want him to know how much I regret, not only what I said, but also, how I acted.
I want him to know so much more…
And, Jackie’s right: it all has to start with one little word.
Sorry.
Chapter 34
So, it turns out, Jackie was wrong: Dad doesn’t seem to be backing down about the panto. I’ve tried phoning him and going to his house – I’ve even gone to the bowling club in the hope that I might find him there – but nothing; so I’ve given up, at least for a while. I’ll try again in a few days; maybe he’ll be more inclined to talk to me once the panto is over.
As for Glenn… he seems to be so busy, lately, he’s barely got any time to say hello to me, let alone hear my apology. I can’t say I haven’t tried, either; I’ve texted him, phoned him and, not once, has he replied. Out of sheer desperation, I went into the station yesterday but he was just on his way out for a shift and barely spared me a second glance as he hurried to his car. I don’t suppose I can blame him really, considering how I’ve treated him; I mean, if it had been me, I wouldn’t be in a hurry to get my head bitten off again.
So, that means the night of the panto arrives and I’m still no closer to having the two most important men in my life there.
Oh, well, you’ve made your bed…
Now I just have to lie in it.
“Tilly saw it last Saturday and she said it’s really good!” Amy enthuses from the back seat.
Beside her, Josh spares her a condescending look. “It’s Snow White; what is she, like, twelve?”
“Thirteen, actually,” Amy retorts haughtily.
“Then I rest my case,” he mutters. “Pantomimes are for kids.”
“No, they’re not,” Amy argues. “Mum, they’re not just for kids, are they?”
Holly glances in the rearview mirror as she pulls to a stop at some traffic lights. “No, of course not; Jess and I aren’t kids, are we?” she asks, looking over to me. “And, for your information, Josh, we were going to pantomimes at your age without all this fuss.”
Josh scoffs. “Lame!” he cackles.
Holly shakes her head, leaving her kids to argue as she pulls away. Glancing over at me, she asks quietly, “Are you okay?”
Nodding, I sigh. “Yeah, fine,” I murmur, though I can’t seem to muster the energy to act like it. I’ve tried being happy, I really have, but all I feel, right now, is a huge, gaping hole in my life where Dad and Glenn should be.
“Once we’re there, you’ll hopefully forget all about them,” Holly ventures and I can hear the uncertainty in her voice. She knows, better than most, what I’ve been through the last couple of days and knows it won’t be easy for me to forget.
“Yeah, maybe,” I agree, though I hardly sound convincing.
Turning back to look out of the window, I watch the headlights of passing cars, recognizing the familiar streets and landmarks, as we pass.
“Right, here we are,” Holly announces, pulling into the car park. “Hey, tell you what: why don’t I drop you lot off and, Jess, you can take the kids to get the sweets you promised them.”
“Fine by me,” Josh declares, already unclipping his belt. “I need to pee, anyway!”
“Ewww!” Amy squeals. “Do we really need to know that?”
“What? It’s a natural bodily function!” he insists, grinning smugly at his sister, clearly pleased he’s wound her up.
“Come on, then, you two,” I mutter. “Let’s get out so your mum can park.” Opening my door, I climb out and round up the kids as we head towards the theatre, slowing our pace as we join the crowd. “Josh, why don’t you go ahead?” I suggest. “We’ll meet you back in the queue.”
Nodding, Josh disappears, weaving into the crowd.
Now that we’re alone, Amy looks up at me. “Are you sad your dad and Glenn aren’t here?” she asks, taking me by surprise.
“Yeah, I am,” I admit, seeing no point in lying.
She sighs. “I am, too. Glenn would have been fun,” she states in the straightforward way only kids can.
“Yeah, he would have,” I agree, smiling fondly.
Josh joins us after a few minutes and I spend the rest of my time blocking out yet another argument the kids are having. After buying their snacks (and a big bag of Malteasers for myself – don’t judge, I’m having a tough night), I steer them to one side, so that I can scan the crowd for Holly.
“Glenn!” Amy cries, waving excitedly.
Turning, my eyes instantly land on Glenn who’s standing beside Holly (who, by the way, is grinning wildly at me) and none other than… my father, who, to be honest, looks like a fish out of water – but, then, he never has been at his most comfortable in a theatre full of over-excited kids.
But he’s here, I tell myself. They both are.
I want to laugh, I want to cry; I want to run over to them and hug them… but, instead, I keep my cool (I am in a public place, after all), fighting every instinct I have, as I calmly go to greet them.
“What the-?” I begin, my eyes darting between Glenn and my father. “I didn’t think you were coming.”
/>
“Surprise!” Glenn says, looking at me just like he used to, before I’d ruined everything.
I smile up at him. “I can’t believe you’re here,” I admit, tears in my eyes. Focusing on my dad, I’m only vaguely aware of Holly and Glenn ushering the kids away. “Dad… How…? I mean: what are you doing here?”
Dad smiles down at me. “It seems your young man is just as stubborn as we are,” he comments drily. “Not only has he made me see how wrong I was to speak to you the way I did the other day but he’s also made me realise what a terrible father I’ve been since we lost your mother.”
“What? He didn’t actually-?” I explode, attracting the attention of some people nearby.
Dad holds up his hands to placate me. “No, he didn’t say those exact words,” he assures me. “But it doesn’t mean it isn’t the truth,” he continues, “I have been a bad father; I was selfish and you suffered for it.” He pauses as if it’s all too much. “I know what’s happened between you both,” he adds, “I know you find it easier to run away, to keep people at arms length, nowadays, and I blame myself for that.”
“Dad, seriously; stop,” I beg. “Don’t beat yourself up over it; you’re grieving, we both are.”
“Yes, we are,” he concedes. “But things will change,” he promises.
“Really?” I ask hopefully.
“Really,” he agrees, nodding. “Jess, the last thing I want is for my legacy to you to be one of hiding yourself away from the world and from those who love you,” he adds, his eyes finding Glenn, Holly and the kids. “So, please,” he says, pulling my attention back to him, “promise me to do one thing for me before this night is over.”
“Anything,” I say, nodding eagerly.
“Promise me you’ll talk to Glenn; promise me you’ll make things right.”
“I promise, Dad,” I agree, though I know, without a shadow of a doubt, this is not a promise I need to make; I’d made up my mind to talk to Glenn the moment I saw him.
“Good; he’s a good man, you know,” he states.
Smiling, I find myself blushing. “I know.”
All I Want For Christmas (A Sweet, Contemporary Romance) (Romance In The Lakes Book 1) Page 18