by Sunniva Dee
Which reminds me, Ancient Greece had legal brothels. In Assyria, there was the Code of Assura, where women had to veil themselves. The prostitutes were exempted from that rule. Not only that, but they would be punished by whippings if they covered themselves; Sumer, the first urban civilization of Mesopotamia, had female prostitutes as well. They weren’t exactly revered, but their male equivalents were ranked at the level of barbers, scribes, and cooks.
I let my musings trail off as I accept a bottle of water from Hal and walk to the back of the room. Darren stands as I approach. Shakes my hand. I take a seat next to him, and I feel like I’m just smiling to comfort him. Amelia beams at us from the set before the director starts them up again.
They’ve got music playing, something seductive and low. I’ve learned that sound, like moans and dialog, will be laid on after the final edits, which means the music must be there to get the performers in the mood. Idly, I think that Luka doesn’t need it.
I don’t have much to say during the hours leading up to lunch. Darren’s quiet agony seems to press against my skin. I consider moving closer to the podium, away from him, but I can’t make myself do it. I hope it’s better for him to sit with me than alone. After all, I’m “the girlfriend” of the man up there with Darren’s wife.
I’ll leave after lunch.
“Why do you come here?” I finally whisper.
“Me?” He looks at me, and I nod. “I try to be here to support her whenever I can. I don’t want her to have to go through this alone.”
“Do the other girls have boyfriends or husbands? I mean, is it common to be here like this?” I crinkle the half-finished water bottle between my knees. The sound makes Darren’s eyes stray from his wife for a moment. It must feel nice.
“Yeah, many of the girls have guys at home. And no, I guess I’m one of the few that come to my wife’s gigs. I just...” He shakes his head, eyes wrinkling shut and opening again. “She pays for us, you know? The apartment, our savings so we can get out of L.A. to somewhere simple and cheap where we can buy our own place. What kind of man would I be if I didn’t suffer through this with her?”
They’re wrapping up on set. Luka accepts a towel and dries off, an easy smile on his lips. Amelia’s gaze is on Darren and me. For an instant, Luka diverts her with a pat on the shoulder and some joke. Another girl laughs, and Amelia joins them. But then her gaze returns to her man. There’s sadness in those eyes. If I were her, I’d be happier knowing my husband was doing something he liked instead of watching me.
Darren gets on his feet, hands twitching into loose fists and relaxing along his sides while he waits for Amelia. I stand too and look up at him. “Is this what she wants?”
His head turns before his eyes let go of her. “What?”
“It’s not my business, but— Does she want you to be here? If I were her, I’d be thinking about you while I worked, worrying about you.” I shrug, making light of it too late.
His attention is fully on me now. “You seem so calm. Doesn’t Luka’s job upset you at all?”
I clear my throat, preparing to work Luka’s lie. I allow myself to feel it again, the burn of anger and heat over what I’ve watched. “No, it’s not okay at all, and I won’t be coming back.”
“He’s done this for years. How long...” Darren’s intrusiveness, instigated by my own, falters while he chews on his words. “How long will you be okay with it?”
That wasn’t what I thought he’d say.
“Not long. He’s doing it to pay for his studies. Luka should be done in a year, at the latest.”
“So then he’s out of the biz?” Hope brightens Darren’s eyes. It makes me wonder if it’s because Luka will be out of the game or because it validates Darren’s future with Amelia.
“Yeah, that’s the plan.”
“All right. Lunch!” Hal calls while the lights go on around us. Luka and Amelia move down the aisle, Amelia twisting her hair into a loose knot at the back of her head. Darren stalks toward them. He doesn’t even have a nod for Luka before he envelops his wife in a hug.
“I’ve missed you, baby,” he murmurs into her hair, and I bite my lip against the compassion welling in me. Darren’s is a different level of hell than the lust and unwarranted possessiveness I feel for Luka.
“I missed you too,” she whispers back.
“Geneva!” Luka exclaims, arms open and grinning. “Come here, babe.”
I do. There’s Darren, I think, while I allow myself to enjoy Luka’s hug. I wouldn’t want to disappoint Darren.
Luka’s arms are strong around me, and his crisp, innocently white cotton shirt hasn’t been buttoned yet. In a moment’s disgust, I remember the juices on him. I personally saw him enjoy all these women. But then a suction forms in my abdomen, a quick blaze of desire my brain puts out before it can grow tall.
“Mm-m-m.” Luka nuzzles against my neck, faint stubble rasping me. It gives me chills, so I cup his head with both hands to stop him. Unfortunately, we’re embracing this way.
I growl discreetly. “Quit it, Luka, or I’m outing you.”
“No you’re not. You’re too afraid of attention.” He kisses my neck, licking and sucking a little.
“Geez, you’re so...” And then I find myself giggling. It tickles, and this is so surreal! Here I am, PhD student Geneva Diakos-Miller, in a porn studio, being kissed by a porn star, a man I’ve detested for years.
“I’m so hot?” He squeezes my ass with one daring hand, and I slap it away hard enough for him to crinkle into a sassy grin.
“Now, now, kids!” someone sings behind us. “Get a room, will you?”
Oh wow. That’s an expression I never expected to hear on an adult film set.
“Hey, Ana,” Luka says. I turn in his arms to face our interceptor.
“Oh my god, you!” she squeals, clapping, and it’s the girl from Starbucks, the one with the boyfriend who works there. “Su-u-riously? I was wondering who had Luka Verenich himself all up in arms and acting like a teenager. Why didn’t you tell me you’re with Luka?” She wiggles her hips delightedly, fake boobs rocking with her dance. “Remember me, from Starbucks? What’s your name again?” Her eyes arch wide.
Luka laughs softly. “Ana, this is my girlfriend Geneva. Geneva, this is Ana, the coolest chick ever to work with.”
She bats her eyes playfully at the introduction and lifts a hand in a high-five. They slap above my shoulder. “Today’s gonna be crazy though. Plus, it beats me how the storyline lets the sultan and his servant DP the same girl. I mean, what’s that about? I read about a harem in a book once, and the sultan would totally cut their heads off if they as much as looked at one of his girls. You know what I mean?” She frowns and nods slowly at me like she expects me to be up to date on their script.
“Crazy,” I say.
“And I don’t know about you, but your man’s big—and Luka, I deff don’t want you up my ass. You do cookie, okay, and Marcus can go backdoor.”
Luka snorts. “Like we have a say.”
“Come on, you put in a good word with Gianni. Please? Pretty ple-a-a-se? Or I’ll complain to Aaron and no more free Starbucks for you,” she jokes.
“Honestly, I think you have more pull with Gianni than I do. Go flash some boob, and he’ll be putty.”
I suck in a breath, because how rude was that? It makes them both crack up, though. This tiny, dark-haired beauty with her fireworks personality reaches up and high-fives with bubble-gum-pink nails again, and then she does the same to me. I’m so lost. I can’t help smiling. She’s pretty damn infectious.
Lunch is a healthy spread of fruits, vegetables, lean meats, and brown rice. Someone asks for vegan food, and the caterer points at a side table. There’s no alcohol in here, just coffee, tea, milk, and an automatic juice press. Press a button, and juice so fresh it’s warm comes out.
“They don’
t mess around here, do they?” I say, biting down on a delicious piece of lightly spiced chicken.
Luka inhales pork tenderloin and chases it with squash casserole. I glimpse sharp canines in between bites, and my stomach warms again. Shit. I am so attracted to this man.
“Right, not every studio works this way, but Lucid takes nutrition seriously. A lot of the people around here, Ana among them, are on longer contracts, and they can’t lose money on people being inefficient due to lack of energy. It’s sort of a health insurance.”
Ana laughs, chattering with a girl, Irene, on the other side of the table. A tall, skinny blonde with a crazy rack lowers herself next to Luka. She flutters her lashes and lifts a smile that’s all bedroom. “Hey, lover.”
“Hey, Belen, what’s up?”
“Nothing much.” She watches her own fingers as they trail down Luka’s arm. He shows no reaction whatsoever.
“Can’t wait to make some sweet music in there. It’s been a while.”
“Not really,” he laughs. “More like a week.”
“Something like that.” She pouts coral-colored duck lips in disappointment. “Haven’t you missed me?”
“Sure, Belen, sure. Have you met my girlfriend, Geneva?” He tips his chair back so she can’t keep ignoring me.
“Oh hey.” She doesn’t reach for my hand. It makes me lean my chin on Luka’s shoulder.
“Hey, Belen. I love your name,” I purr out. There are moments in every girl’s life when she wants to be catty.
“Thanks. So is it you and me next?” She lilts up toward the end, tipping her head to the side as she gazes at Luka.
“I don’t know. Is it? I thought Ana was up next, with Marcus and me.”
“Hmm, that’s odd. I’m better at DP, don’t you think?” She gets close, voice intimate. “Nothing against Ana, but ya know. It’s not exactly her specialty. I think I drive you a bit crazier than she does.”
“Belen, come on, now,” he says tepidly.
“Oh you’re the anal expert of the gang?” I ask, feeling cattier by the moment. “Isn’t that something. How fun, honey.” I peck Luka’s cheek sweetly, and his humor escapes in a short burst through his nose.
Belen sends me an icy stare. “That’s so cute of you to visit Luka here. But really though, there’s no need to worry about him. I keep him plenty entertained.”
“Oh good! I’d hate for him to be bored. So, who else will entertain my baby today? Amelia, you, Ana, Irene...? I’m sorry, Luka. I should get a list of the flybys. So insensitive of me.”
He swings to me, barely able to contain his surprise. My catty self really got out to play today, didn’t it?
Belen’s features contract in a witch glare. “Guess we’ll find out soon enough.”
She stands in a flow of smooth, feminine curves, pushes her chest out, and sashays up to the director.
I frown and stare as she plays with her neckline. “What’s she doing?”
Luka’s trying not to laugh. Hunched over a bite of grilled chicken, he turns his ball cap and pulls the visor down over his eyes. “Nothing much. Alexie is a boob guy, and much can be arranged with a flash of skin.”
I don’t like where this is going. “What’s she trying to arrange?”
He leans back, pursing his lips against his amusement. “Nothing.”
“You keep saying that. Spit it out, Luka.”
His back-in-the-throat snort breaks free again.
I don’t trust Belen. Actually, turns out hate can develop pretty quickly under the wrong circumstances.
“Wild guess: she’s trying to hound Alexie into giving her Ana’s spot in the DP.”
“That’s ridiculous,” I say.
“Right, because you’re a normal person.”
“As opposed to...” I jut my chin at every person in the lunch room.
“As opposed to Belen.”
“Is she in love with you or something?”
He pulls his shoulders upward so slowly my stare zooms to them. “I don’t know. Maybe not? She’s got one of those obsessive natures, and I’ve been on her radar lately.”
“Jesus, how can you even...” I shake my head.
“What?” His stare floats to me, calm and waiting, and I think of glacier water. Where did the yellow go?
“I mean, if I don’t like someone, I wouldn’t even dream of sleeping with them.”
“Eh, it’s no biggie.”
“She turns you on?”
He squints a little, stare moving over my features as if he’s trying to figure out a puzzle. “You’ve seen what I do, right?”
“Mmyeah, but...”
“If you have a heartbeat, you turn me on. Bitchiness is a minor issue as long as the chick has a pussy. I’ll be enjoying her just fine.”
Oh my freaking. “You’re so disgusting!”
“And here we go again.”
“I need to leave. You can cab it back home once you’re done,” I clip out.
“Geneva, guess what? I’m up next!” Ana claps her hands and wiggles a little in her chair. “I’ll do my super-best. I’m not a total star like your boyfriend, but I can pull off a decent show.”
I jump when Luka’s mouth touches my ear. “How stoked do you think Belen will be when she notices you’re not here? She’ll be doing the victory lap dance.”
“You prick,” I mutter through the side of my mouth. I force a smile to Ana. “Can’t wait, girl.”
Amelia walks in and grabs an apple and a pear from the table. She waves at Luka and me. “Nice to meet you, Geneva. Darren and I are outta here.”
Darren waits on the threshold. Shoulder against the doorjamb, he exudes undiluted relief. He waves too, letting a first smile slip out. His wife loops back to him, makeup-free and in Adidas shorts and sneakers. She’s the girl next door and could never be mistaken for a porn star. It makes me wonder how many of her are out there. People I brush by in the supermarket, at the post office, without knowing. Just people.
I’ve gone over this before and landed on different answers, but here I am, at LAX, checking in for my flight to Belém, Brazil. And that’s not all. I’m doing it with someone next to me. The same someone who made me suffer only a week ago by taking me to his job.
Luka has made me think a lot over the last few weeks. Am I doing the right thing? I tip my head up so I can look at him. His hair is white-blond and hangs innocently around his face, bangs slipping forward so he has to push them away. I get a sting of This is nuts! mixed with I should have waited/taken my time/not rushed this.
I could have declined the funding and started over again, preparing for a trip going out after Christmas. That’s what Mom thought I should do. Despite hooking me up with the Markata grant, Professor Bergstein mentioned the option as well. I hope it wasn’t the proverbial writing-on-the-wall.
Either way, here I am, doing this.
“You got your passport?” Luka asks me sweetly, like I’m going to be all right and he isn’t the craziest person for me to bring on a ten-week jungle run.
“Uh-huh, here.” I hold it up, and he sends me a fleeting smile before scooting my enormous backpack forward on the floor, ahead of his own toward the counter. I shoot a longing look at the self-check-in machines. Sadly, our luggage is too large and oddly shaped for them.
Luka deposits our passports on the counter.
“Here you go.” Joy nudges my back with her elbow. “Enjoy your last Unicorn Delight in two and a half months, girl.” She lifts her goodbye-gift to me. It overflows with fluffy cream and rainbow sprinkles, and I take a blissed pull through the straw to get the level down to manageable.
She wiggles Luka’s caramel-something out of the tray and passes it to him before leaning into me. “It’ll be okay, sweetie. Don’t worry. At least you know he’s not going to be screwing around out there in the wildernes
s.”
For an instant, I don’t know what to say. How would I feel if he got himself a girl in Brazil? Would I care? Am I entitled to care? The man needs his sex, and the probability of him finding someone is big: just. Look. At him.
I clear my throat.
“That’s your only carry-on, right?” Luka calls, jutting his head toward my laptop and hand bag.
“Yeah,” I rasp out.
Joy rubs my shoulder. “I promise. It’ll be okay.”
How can she be sure of something so rickety, I wonder, as we walk together toward security. Luka has a shift of clothes stuffed into his laptop bag. It’s all he carries until he reaches for mine and balances them both on his shoulder. My laptop rests in a pink computer bag. His is in a blue one. It looks so normal, so couple-ish. My heart races with uncertainty over the months to come.
At the gate, we still have an hour and a half before the flight leaves. The wall giving to the tarmac is all window, and the plane isn’t even here yet. My leg bounces with nerves. I’m having the worst case of I-should-have-never, and I feel Luka’s eyes on me. Of course he knows.
For the first time since my field trip to Lucid Entertainment, he touches me. I actually jump when his hand starts at my shoulder and strokes downward in a soothing way.
I press two fingers against the corners of my eyes.
“You want a drink?”
I look up. “Before we get on the plane?”
“Are there rules against that in Geneva World?” His smile is gentle.
“Guess not.”
He helps me to my feet. I don’t need assistance, but I don’t object. Together, we walk to a small pub we passed on the way to the gate. It’s so close to our exit we could watch the plane roll in from here.
Luka pulls out a bar stool and waits until I’m seated before perching up himself.
“Are you hungry?” I appreciate that his voice just sounds warm. It makes him accessible in a non-sexy way.
I shake my head. A small blip in my stomach tells me I’m not not-hungry either, but I couldn’t take a whole meal.