by Lane Hayes
“Se siente tan bien. So good.”
I rocked my hips slightly and pushed him farther inside me, then stopped and tried again. When I finally sat flush on his cock, I paused. I felt full and yeah, a little uncomfortable, but no pain. I move forward and tested the feeling. A wave of intense pleasure hit me unexpectedly. I felt light-headed but repeated the motion, splaying my hands over his chest for support. It was unreal. So damn good.
“Oh fuck.”
“I know. It’s…. Nate, move. More.”
I smiled down at him and did as he asked, rocking my hips a few times before sitting a little taller to slide up and down his shaft experimentally. Alex’s hands rested on my thighs. He didn’t try to take over or influence my movement. He seemed to understand my need to reacquaint myself with the sensation. I quickened my pace slightly and grinned at his pained expression.
He caught my smile and swallowed hard. “You play dirty.”
“How so?” I was very aware of Alex’s shrewd eyes tracking my every movement and expression for clues as I arched my back and gripped my cock hard, smoothing the precum over the tip.
“I think you know,” he groaned loudly, then bent his knees and thrust upward slightly. Enough to send a shiver up my spine.
He repeated the motion and tilted his hips to change the angle. I grunted at the onslaught of sensation. Every nerve ending tingled, and all I could think was I needed more. I flattened my chest over his and curled my left leg around his, wordlessly asking him to change the position. I was on my back faster than I would have thought possible, staring into Alex’s heated gaze. His grasp on any semblance of control was at an end. The slightest nod of acquiescence from me was all he needed to let go.
I gulped audibly as I pulled his face down to me, yanking hard at his hair. “Do it. Fuck me, Alex.”
He went still for a second. His eyelids drifted closed and then fluttered as though his vision was out of focus. He studied me briefly, then bent to capture my lips as his muscular arms encircled me. It was a show of affection before he let loose, driving into me over and over. His hips moved in a frenzy, and I was forced to wrap my legs around his torso or be shoved against the wrought iron headboard. I arched forward and dug my nails into his back. My glasses were foggy and askew on my nose. I wanted to throw them off my head, but I needed every bit of strength to meet his passionate assault. My hands roamed his broad back and traveled south to rest on his ass. I clawed at his cheeks when he bucked into me hard. He pulled back slightly and looked into my eyes. He slowed his pace but didn’t stop moving.
“I love that you look like a nasty businessman with those sexy fucking glasses on your nose and your fingers trying to get at my ass.”
I heard a very undignified whimper escape my mouth, but it couldn’t be helped. Every touch, from the most tender sweep of his lips against mine to each punishing thrust, was leading me toward a cataclysmic crescendo. I reached between our sweat-slicked bodies for my cock. I was so close to the edge. It wouldn’t take much to send me over. Alex wrapped his right hand around me and tweaked my left nipple hard before clutching at my shoulder. He held my body in place as he knelt over me, stroking me while he fucked into me. When his rhythm faltered, I knew that was it. I squeezed my eyes shut as wave after wave of intense pleasure racked my body. As the first wave of my release hit me, Alex came apart. The pressure and pleasure of coming within seconds of each other was surreal. He held me tightly, wrapping both arms around me as he shook with the force of it. The incessant bucking of his hips slowed to a gentle rocking until he finally went still.
Our labored breathing was the only sound in the dimly lit room. I couldn’t summon the energy to move if I tried, and frankly I was too stunned by the passionate ferocity of what had just occurred. It was easily one of the most incredible sexual experiences of my life. Ever. Alex licked his upper lip and struggled to hoist himself above me. I chuckled at his dazed expression, though I felt exactly the same.
“Oh fuck.”
“That’s all you got?” I teased as he gently disengaged himself and collapsed on the mattress beside me.
“I don’t think I can speak yet. Give me a minute.”
I stared at the ceiling, spent and completely satisfied. He could have a minute, an hour, whatever he needed. This silence was the perfect kind. It was calm. No words were necessary to define the moment. It felt good to just be.
WE CLEANED up and fell back in bed, content to share the same space. The quiet was hypnotic. It was easy to imagine being the only two people on the planet. I smiled at the thought. It wasn’t like me to be so fanciful.
“Why are you smiling?” Alex was propped on his elbow. He traced a circle around my nipple with the tip of his finger. His eyes followed his hand, but I knew he was paying attention.
“I’m happy, I guess.” I shrugged and squinted, thinking the sentiment sounded awkward, though it was true.
I rolled to my side and set my thumb on the slight sexy cleft in his chin. He took my hand and kissed my fingers.
“Good. Me too. So, you feel okay?”
I pushed at his arm but chuckled appreciatively at the silly reference.
“Incredible.” I paused, wondering if it was best to leave it alone or if I should try to put this feeling into words. Confessions of the heart weren’t my strong suit, but I was moved to somehow thank him. “I’ve never felt so connected to—”
“What?”
“Sex. I’ve always loved it. Don’t get me wrong. But I’m the consummate observer. I feel like I’m always sitting off to the side watching even when I’m participating. You don’t let me do that. Ever. You make me—”
Alex chuckled softly. “Crazy?”
“Definitely! But it’s more. You make me… feel.”
We contemplated each other thoughtfully. Our legs were tangled under the sheets, though we kept to our own pillows. I waited for him to reach for my dick and make a lewd comment about really making me feel something. But he seemed as lost in the moment as me. It was like getting a glimpse through thick fog of something profound, something just out of reach. I was so close. And this time, I wasn’t alone.
SUNDAY DAWNED clear and cold. A perfect California winter morning at the beach. There was a thin marine layer far out to sea, but it wouldn’t interfere with visibility. We donned wetsuits and grabbed a couple of boards from the garage before heading out to the water to enjoy the waves in relative solitude. There were a few surfers in the water and early morning joggers along the shore, but their presence didn’t take away from the overall feeling of peace and general well-being. I loved this slice of the Pacific. Sharing this with Alex was almost as significant to me as being in bed with him. Not quite, but special nonetheless. And strangely, he seemed to understand.
The waves were decent. Not huge but big enough to keep things interesting and demand our focus. I was impressed with Alex’s skill. We’d surfed together quite a bit, and each time he seemed to get better. It was like he set an internal goal to practice his balance and timing, to be more patient and in tune with the elements. Whatever it was, it worked for him. I’d been surfing most of my life, and the guy easily kept up.
I shook the excess water from my hair as we trudged through the sand carrying the boards. I pointed toward the side gate as we neared the house, stopping to admire his sleek form in the wetsuit and the way he pushed his damp long hair behind his ears. I was reminded of the first day I met him and thinking he looked like a rock star or an athlete. He was anyone’s definition of sexy. Male or female. I couldn’t believe he was mine.
I swallowed hard and looked away, embarrassed at where my mind had gone. Mine? He wasn’t really mine. Sure, I could probably find excuses to extend my stay in LA, but I wouldn’t unless I knew we were on the same page. I didn’t want to put either of us in the awkward position of gently letting the other guy down.
This time I knew it would be me. And the idea alone made me sick to my stomach.
Alex tapped his board ag
ainst mine to get my attention.
“Where’d you go? Are you giving me the absentminded professor act on purpose? I need food. Are we eating leftover pizza for breakfast or should we—” He stopped suddenly on the narrow path leading to the side of the beach house, so I bumped into his shoulder. He reached low for my cock and gave me a devilish grin before continuing, “Grab something in town?”
I chuckled as I leaned in to kiss him. “Does your hand on my dick mean sex first and then food?”
“So tempting, but I need fuel.”
He turned up the path and set his board against the fence separating the beach from the outdoor shower area next to my house. The tiny space provided a private place to change out of our wetsuits and wash away the excess sand. I was glad I’d remembered to leave a couple of dry towels on the wooden bench because the side door was locked. We’d have to use the keypad to enter the glass doors from the beach. I took the sport straps off my glasses and dried them with a piece of my towel before gesturing for Alex to turn around so I could help him unzip his suit. He obeyed but continued griping good-naturedly about his empty belly and what kind of omelet he wanted after a hot shower.
“California omelet with avocado, mushrooms, and onions.”
I picked up an extra towel to dry his hair while he slithered the snug fabric over his hips. He stopped suddenly and gave me a funny smile. I pressed a quick kiss on his mouth and squeezed his bare ass before stepping away.
“Let’s find some breakfast.”
“Yes,” he agreed, grabbing a handful of my ass. He chuckled at my faux dirty look and squeezed harder. I reached for his fingers and pulled him toward the patio before either of us could get sidetracked.
I entered the code in the keypad and stepped back as the retractable glass doors opened. Alex’s hands were on my back, dipping low around my crack. I turned to admonish him, but his tongue was down my throat before I could say a word. He smiled into the kiss and pulled back. “What are you waiting for?”
“We’re not eating first, are we?” I asked in a low tone I barely recognized.
“Not if—uh, Nate? I think you have company.”
I frowned as I looked over my shoulder. Oh. Shit.
Julie stood at the kitchen island with a bag of groceries, her mouth set in a perfect round “o” of surprise. In the odd way we notice ridiculous details in times of uncertainty, I took in the carton of milk, eggs, cheese, and strawberries. Breakfast. The hows and whys were on the tip of my tongue, but I was rendered speechless. She’d obviously seen us making out on the patio wearing nothing but beach towels slung low on our hips.
Alex cocked his head and waltzed inside toward Julie. He stuck out his right hand while his left worked to secure his towel.
“Hi, there. I’m Alex.”
His back was to me, but I bet he had a welcoming, kind smile on his face. One that was sure to disarm my shocked friend and hopefully defuse the building awkward tension echoing in the enormous room.
“Um, hi… hey, I’m Julie. I’m so sorry.” She took his hand in a perfunctory fashion and pursed her lips together so tightly it had to hurt.
“What are you sorry for? You brought food? Tell me I’m not dreaming!”
Somehow I found myself moving. I plastered what I hoped was a friendly look on my face and stopped a couple feet away from the island. The muscles in my jaw were clenched painfully. Poor Alex. I had a feeling Julie and I looked like mirror images. Two people who would like nothing more than to press Rewind. We were like actors who’d been given different scripts and realized as they were thrust onstage they were reading someone else’s part. Awkward wasn’t a strong enough word for the stiff, plastic cloud above us.
“Hey. Uh, I didn’t know you were coming by.” Nice one, Nate.
Alex tried again when it was clear I wasn’t the smoothest operator. “But thank God you did! I think someone with some basic culinary talent can put together a decent omelet with these ingredients. That would be you or Nate, by the way. I’m a terrible cook.”
“Actually, I’m… I’m gonna use the restroom real quick. I’ll be right back.” She gave a weak wave before heading toward the powder room off the kitchen.
Alex took a deep breath and turned to me with an exaggerated WTF expression. I didn’t know what to say. I assumed she’d call before she came by. Maybe I missed her call when we were surfing, but now I had no clue. It was a déjà vu of the morning after I’d met her at Bran and Jake’s. I kept hoping things were better, but the blatant misery on her face told me otherwise.
I swallowed hard, unable to find the right words.
“I’m going to get changed. It’s cold, and the temperature went down a couple notches in here.” He kissed my cheek before moving toward the stairway.
I listened to the sound of his bare feet retreating on the hardwood floor, the waves crashing on the shore, and the telltale retching sound of someone being sick. I gulped and licked my lips nervously. I had to try. As difficult as this was, I was the one responsible. I knocked softly on the bathroom door. No answer.
“Jules? Are you okay?”
I heard running water and a sniffling noise, but no response. I tried again. She swung the door open with a strained smile that looked so wrong on her pretty face. Her mascara was thick under one of her eyes and streaked across the other lid. I stood helplessly, wondering how to offer comfort.
“Jules, I’m sorry. I didn’t—”
“Nate. It’s me again. We both know it. I’ve embarrassed myself and your… friend. I’m the one who’s sorry.” She took a deep cleansing breath and pushed the air through her mouth noisily. “I didn’t know. Are you gay? Is that why?”
I looked away for a second before refocusing on her. She was wearing a snug-fitting black V-neck sweater and equally tight jeans. If the circumstances had permitted, I had a feeling she would have walked in wearing lingerie. She was a dear friend I hated hurting. But worse, I hated that this never seemed to end. Her strange longing was on a perpetual loop I couldn’t break.
“Julie, we can’t keep doing this. We need to sit down and talk about what happened. Maybe even with help.” She flinched as though I’d slapped her. Geez, I’d never get this right. I brushed a hand through my hair in frustration. “It’s unhealthy.”
“Right. Okay. Look, I’m going to leave. We’ll talk. Soon.” She wouldn’t look at me now. Her sadness seeped out of her like a living thing. She was the epitome of the walking wounded.
I could hear Alex humming in the kitchen. His way of letting me know he was near. I bit my lip and adjusted my glasses before nodding. So insignificant a gesture. I knew it, but I was lost.
“Nate. Do you ever think about it? About what it would have been like? Things would have been so different. Do you—”
Her hand flew to her mouth as she gasped in pain. I didn’t think twice, I drew her close and held her while she cried. My heart felt too heavy in my chest. It was a circle without end. I kissed her forehead and pulled her back by her small shoulders.
“I’m not good at ‘what ifs.’ You know that. Can we please—” I closed my eyes briefly, wishing she’d just understand.
“Yes, of course.” She pasted a cheery smile and slid past me to head toward the kitchen. I was crap at reading her, but it didn’t take a genius to know this wasn’t over.
I heard her boisterous greeting to Alex, who had to be completely baffled.
“Nate mentioned he was going to be home this weekend so I thought I’d bring by some breakfast for you guys. I can’t stay, but it was great meeting you, Alex. Talk to you later, Nate. I’ll… call you.”
She grabbed her oversized purse and flung it over her shoulder before spinning gracefully with a wave. She was gone before either of us could say a word.
The ensuing quiet was oppressive. I glanced at Alex, who raised his eyebrows quizzically.
“Why don’t you get dressed? I can handle some breakfast basics. Go on.”
I nodded lamely and took the out.
I was cold and confused. It was hopeless trying to make sense of the morning. I peeked at my watch: 9:00 a.m. Fuck. All this and I hadn’t even had a cup of coffee yet.
I SHOWERED, changed, and came downstairs to find Alex with a skillet in his hands singing along with the Enrique Iglesias song playing softly in the background. His hips swayed with the beat as he stirred what I guessed were scrambled eggs. I stepped around the island and reached for a cup, grateful he’d made coffee too. He smiled wanly and divvied out the eggs on two plates. Strawberries and bagels were set out next to some cutlery and napkins. For a guy who couldn’t cook, it was a sweet offering. A friendly gesture.
“I did my best, but hey, you always know you’re taking a chance with me,” he said flippantly.
I chuckled, though I thought the sentiment might be truer of me. “Thank you. Alex. I’m so—”
He held up his hand. “Don’t apologize. Eat, drink coffee, and then you can tell me what’s going on.”
His tone was light, but he was serious. He poured himself a glass of orange juice and carried his dish to the other side to sit on a barstool facing me. I sipped my coffee, wondering where to begin.
“We’re just friends, but—” I stalled. How the hell was I going to explain?
“You fucked her, huh?”
I sputtered and choked on the hot liquid. “Jesus, Alex.”
“Well?”
I sighed heavily and leaned my hip against the island before answering. “Yeah. But it was—”
He held up a hand to stop me. “I changed my mind. I don’t want to know. It happened a while ago, and she wants something you don’t. Am I correct?”
“A year and a half ago. At Jake’s thirtieth birth—”
“Nate. Unless you feel the need to get something off your chest, let’s leave it be. It’s been a great weekend. Let’s not fuck it up with heavy conversation about shit that happened before we even met.”