Emma paused as her mind worked, and he knew what was coming before she spoke. “You even set up the end, didn’t you? You burned the contract at the time of day I normally return from the village. You knew I would be there to hear every nasty word, you fucking bastard. Was it also part of your plan to have me watch you leave alone with that horrible woman? But of course it was. Why wouldn’t you want me to know that you prefer fucking her? You disgust me.”
Wincing at her coarse language, Declan looked away from the scorn on her face. “You would have never left for any other reason. But ken this, wife. I dinna do what you claim, what I made you believe.”
Tears filled her eyes, though none fell. “Oh yeah, I totally believe that line of crap.”
Declan paused, not quite certain how to make her believe he hadn’t touched Ciara. “I had no idea you were in the hall. When you called out my name, I did the only thing I kenned that would drive you away and make you believe the worst.” The thought of her hearing him speak every horrid word left a gaping hole in his chest. She was never supposed to hear any of that.
She eyed him warily as he rose to his feet. With her crutch held out to keep him back, she snarled, “You didn’t even have the balls to end it with me. You did it to Cortland, you coward. I deserved to be thrown away in person.”
“The man could have never faced you and gone through with it. Even the laird on his strongest day could never have spoken those words to you.”
“Both of you can go to hell. Instead of dealing with me, you thought it was best for me to see you with another woman? What is wrong with you?” Emma asked as she blinked rapidly, not hiding the tears welling in her eyes.
A lone tear ran down her cheek. Though he wanted to brush it away, his hands stayed at his side. “I saw and heard all I needed to that day. Trust me when I say we are over. I have nothing left to say to you.”
Declan whispered his plea, “Forgive me. Ken that while I was so wrong to force you away, I never did what you think. In the study, I asked for information on Glenn’s plans and received naught. Then I sent her away.”
“Do you really think I’m that stupid? Gee, Declan, between the door and the desk you had the makings for an exciting evening.” With that remark he knew his explanation meant little.
Before he could reply, she stepped closer. “You make me sick. I don’t believe you and frankly don’t give a damn about what happened. Real or not, you made me think you would. I will never look at you without remembering that. Besides, every nasty thing you said about me still rings in my ears.”
“I meant none of it. I swear it to you.” Tears fell from her eyes that would not soften despite his plea.
“But you meant to drug me, didn’t you? What in the hell is wrong with you? What type of man drugs his wife rather than telling her the truth? You could have told me you didn’t care about me, but that would have taken a shred of decency that clearly you don’t have. I hate you for what you did to me, for making me believe you, for making me trust you. I gave you everything I am, and you treated me like shit.”
Once again, she staggered down the path, leaving him standing alone in the woods. How do I make her understand I was trying to save her? That I love her?
Calling out to her retreating form, he used the only idea he had left. “I left you my dagger. It marks you as mine in a way no parchment ever could. ‘Tis the only item that has ever had meaning to me, and it went to your hand because it has always been held by the woman loved by the laird.” Beginning a slow pursuit, he reached out for her arm and held her still. “The last thing I said to you was to keep the dagger bound to your side. ‘Tis what had meaning. I was trying to let you ken of my love even with what I thought needed to be done. My heart never wanted you away from me.”
Relieved that she allowed his touch, Declan started, “We could start over. After I claim back my lands, we could try again. You are the only woman I ever want by my side. My life would be spent proving my love to you. I love you.”
Her gaze fixated on his hand on her arm before she pulled out of his reach. “The dagger is in the cottage. You can have it back.” Without another glance, Emma ran from him.
He had failed in all ways possible. Nothing he had said had been able to ease the pain he had inflicted, and only a great fool would have expected them to touch her heart. Cortland was wise; some wrongs could never be erased.
He made a slow walk back to the cottage. He wasn’t surprised to see Emma in Cortland’s embrace. Her body shook with sobs that echoed in the quiet afternoon, and his head hung, knowing he had caused all her suffering.
Once she had gone inside, he approached the man whose gaze spoke of deadly anger. “You were correct from the start. Emma is too fine for me.”
~ ~ ~
Declan sat alone at the table in the dark of night with Emma and Cortland long in their beds. While the loft had a pallet waiting for him, sleep would not come for him any time soon.
The single candle gave light to the item before him; the Draig dagger was back in his hands. On the pommel rested the beast with no end, a head on each end, and it finally held the meaning he had always sought. It was no single creature, but two joined as one. Emma had been wise and had known from the beginning that they were stronger together.
Emma had left it on the table after she had cleared the evening meal, a meal he had eaten outside and alone. He had refused to cause her more grief by sitting at the table. She left it while he and Cortland sat outside later in the evening and she had prepared the dough for the morning’s bread.
Rising from the bench, Declan peered behind the curtain to Emma’s chamber. His wife slept bathed in moonlight. Her long dark hair was free, and even from the doorway, he caught its sweet fragrance. He inhaled deeply, and the scent filled him. He wondered how she could sleep with such peace given what he had done and all they had lost.
Stealing like a thief into the chamber, he crouched next to the bed and watched her for what seemed like hours. How many nights did I watch her sleep when she was at my side? The answer was simple: every night they had shared. His beautiful wife had been his alone in all ways. Yet, on those nights, peaceful sleep had always found him.
Knowing he had to leave or give in to the forbidden temptation to climb into the bed with her, Declan rose to his feet. His body yearned to fit against her; a curled Emma was a fine figure to sleep against. Giving in to need, he leaned down and brushed hair from her face, letting his fingertips linger on her petal-soft cheek.
Her eyes opened and, for a brief moment, held the sleepy welcome he knew too well, the one that was filled with promise. It disappeared too quickly and was replaced by hurt and a crinkled brow. Wiping the tear that fell and clung to the bridge of her nose, Declan leaned in and placed a final kiss to her forehead. When he pulled back, her eyes were pinched closed.
A sigh filled the room as she rolled away and turned her back to him. Her bruised ribs showed in the moonlight before she pulled the blanket to cover herself. It was one of the images Declan would carry in his soul when he faced Glenn. His uncle would pay for ordering the attack that had nearly killed her. Her sounds of soft weeping would never be erased from his mind. They would haunt him forever.
Doing as he had initially intended, the reason for entering where he was not welcome, Declan placed the dagger on the bedding. He rose to leave her in peace with his prized possession left for her hands. In his mind, he would always be hers.
Declan sat again at the table and never saw the hand that tucked his dagger under a pillow.
Chapter 29
Emma winced as Kathryn rewrapped her ribs. The long minutes of the woman’s poking and prodding at the bruised area had left her extremely uncomfortable.
Tying the knot at Emma’s side, Kathryn said, “The swelling has lessened, and there are clearly no broken bones. You still need r
est and to keep on the bandages. The wrapping will aid in preventing more pain when you are ill each day. Dinna put too much weight on the ankle. ‘Tis a sprain that needs more time to mend. Use the stick your da made for you when you walk.”
Somehow Emma doubted the wrapping would help much with the morning sickness. Her ribs screamed every time she threw up. The last time she nearly saw stars when she was bent over in the grass. Focusing instead on Cortland, she asked, “How’s my da? Did you take out his stitches?”
“Aye, and he belly-ached the whole time like a wee lad.” Kathryn giggled. Her face sobered when she said, “He heals and merely worries for you.”
Emma smiled as she slipped the gown over her head. They worried more about each other than about themselves. “Thank you for taking such good care of him . . . of us.”
Kathryn patted her cheek as if she were a small child. “‘Tis my pleasure. For years your da searched for you, and the change in him is remarkable. Cortland is a man reborn now that you are in his life again.” Kathryn’s gaze drifted to the curtain separating Emma’s bedroom from the main room of the cottage. “Are you going to ask about my care of Declan?”
Closing her eyes at the question, Emma took a moment to compose herself. While fighting hard to ignore him, Declan was around every corner. Turning her head to gaze out the small window at the softly falling rain, a sigh left her lips. “He seems fine.”
“His body has recovered from the poison, which is rare. Mayhap his dose was poorly given. Cortland did a fine job of cleaning the scrapes and scratches the man received wandering for days in the woods. Though his spirit is severely wounded by the lies you two spin.” Only a fool would have missed the reproach in Kathryn’s voice.
“The lie was Cortland’s,” Emma said, uncomfortable with the topic. Her hand fell to her stomach, and an uneasy guilt washed over her. She knew her demand that Cortland not tell Declan about the baby had led to the deception. Declan believed she lost the child due to the wounds she suffered in their escape from Draig lands.
“If you dinna correct the falsehood, you lie as well,” Kathryn added. “‘Tis nay my business, yet now I look the man in the eye and am forced to see his pain at the loss that does nay exist. ‘Tis cruel.”
Turning her body to face the condemnation on Kathryn’s face, Emma hissed, “In case you forgot, he threw me away.”
“Emma, you think like a woman scorned, nay as one who was tricked into leaving to be protected. And before you rant on the details, which I have heard from your da, I have also heard the tale Declan weaves. Somewhere in the middle lies the truth. The only question is: are you brave enough to face it? The weak hide, and the strong find a way to move forward in life. Can you for one moment think that the fool behaved like an arse with you first in his heart?”
Scowling at the thoughts that danced perilously on the edge of a reason she wasn’t ready to contemplate, she mumbled, “Arse doesn’t even begin to cover it.” Glaring at Kathryn, she added, “So what do want me to do? Forgive and forget that he treated me like crap for days, insulted me in every way possible, and then ended our marriage?”
Emma turned away from the eyes that studied her too intently. Kathryn sat on the bed next to her and held her hand. “Nay, a woman never forgets. We love with more than our bodies. Our thoughts and wisdom complete our hearts. Yet, before me I see a lass who loves still. If he had killed your love, you would nay care. There would be a void instead of rage. Passion runs deep in your blood. Honor it.”
When she attempted to pull away her hand, Kathryn gripped her tightly. “The man who supposedly ended the marriage waits for news on how his wife fares. ‘Tis how he refers to you. He waits for me to tell him if I think you will still be able to bear children, nay for his sake, but for yours. How would you have me answer him?”
With a deep breath that brought pain to her ribs, Emma shook her head. “I won’t ask you to lie for me any more than you already have.” It was as far as she was willing to go at the moment.
“Good lass,” Kathryn said with a soft smile. “I will tell Declan that you heal and need rest, all of which is true. If he asks again about future children, I will only state that you are young and strong.”
The curtain pulled to the side, and Cortland stepped into the room; his eyes narrowed on Kathryn. “You seek to interfere in what is nay your concern.”
“I seek to be the one in your cottage with a head full of reason. You are lost in your love for your daughter and your love mixed with anger at Declan. The anger you have at his treatment of Emma is righteous, yet you ken why he did it. Still no one offers council to your daughter with a clear head. Tell her what you told me,” Kathryn demanded.
“She is nay ready to hear it,” Cortland replied, waving off the blunt demand.
“Tell me,” Emma whispered, not quite sure what Cortland was keeping from her and having a hard time thinking he would keep anything from her given all they had shared.
Cortland nodded and held out his hands to help Kathryn from the bed. He placed a soft kiss to her lips and then swatted her backside. “You meddle too much.”
“And yet you love me anyway,” she said before she left the room. From behind the curtain, Kathryn called, “I will see to the evening meal. Emma is to rest for the remainder of the day.”
Cortland gave her a weak smile and strode to the window, seemingly lost in the view of the afternoon’s rain. After several moments, he said, “You are angry at Declan, and you should be. His treatment of you was horrid. Despite the fact that I love him like a son, I love you as my daughter. Can you hear the difference?”
Emma stared at his back and the hand that crept over his cropped hair. “I think so.”
“Fine,” he acknowledged before turning back to face her. “In the days before Declan arrived, I broached the notion that mayhap his actions were to force you away, to keep you from harm. You were nay ready to hear that, so I left it alone. Kathryn forces my hand, so I will speak all.”
Stepping closer to her, he continued, “Declan told me all that he told you, and I believe him. He feared for your life after the failed attempt to poison you and thought the only way to see you safe was far away from Draig lands. His methods were beyond reprehensible and will never see forgiveness from me. Yet I ken why he did all. In truth, I should have attempted to take you away.”
“Despite the fact that our leaving left him to almost die and would have left Mary alone,” Emma interjected. It bothered her that Declan’s well-being mattered and even saying Mary’s name pierced her heart.
“Declan was a fool, and he kens it. He frets for his daughter day and night. You are nay alone in your fears for the child, and he bears the guilt and responsibility for the situation. Add that the wife he loves bears more bruises than he can count, that she won’t even look upon him, and he holds little hope for the morrow. He grieves for a child he thinks you lost, though that sin is mine.”
“The baby isn’t going to fix anything between us,” Emma challenged. Her heart didn’t want to hear that Cortland followed Declan’s cruel madness.
“Only you two can fix the breach in your marriage,” Cortland replied.
“Have you forgotten the marriage was publicly ended? There is no marriage to fix,” Emma sneered. “This is bigger than him being horrible to me.”
“As the one who had the words spit at him, I am well aware of the deed,” Cortland replied, his face awash with anger at the memory. “Yet you should have been seen as naught of consequence once the marriage was dissolved. All spoke of a lost bairn and a lack of affection from Declan as a result. It should have worked. Only Glenn was more thorough than any could have anticipated.”
“You almost died,” Emma choked out. “His plan hurt you.”
Cortland’s features softened as he gazed down at her. “That we both were injured plagues him. Yet we live an
d heal.”
“What are you asking of me?” Emma questioned, not certain where the conversation was headed.
“I ask for naught. Our bond is strong. I only state that I have talked long with Declan and see his failed reasoning. He sought to protect you. That he failed is his burden. That you and I are here together is my fortune. ‘Tis up to you to decide if you wish to speak with him again. My grandchild has a home. The choice is yours as to whether or nay the bairn will ken his father.”
Emma winced at the statement. As a young child, she would have traded almost anything for a father, even more for one who would have loved her. She had no doubt Declan would love the child. Her uncertainty fell into whether or not he ever truly loved her.
“I’ll think about it,” she mumbled.
“Think kenning time grows short. When William arrives with Mary, plans will be finalized to fight Glenn. Such a task will come with great risks.” Cortland’s statement didn’t mask the notion that they may not win.
Before Emma could think of a reply, they both turned to gaze at the curtain when they heard Declan’s voice. “How does Emma fare?” She knew he would eventually come back.
Kathryn immediately replied, “Take off those muddy boots, and I will tell you.”
Wet thumps hit the floor, and in her mind’s eye, Emma could see Kathryn handing Declan a drying cloth. While the rain was gentle, wet and muddy were not allowed inside the fastidious cottage.
“Cortland heals, and his stitches have been removed.” That Kathryn added the part about Cortland whining during the task had her grinning and him scowling.
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