“My sweet dear I am a free man,” said Silas with a sly wink of his eye, “I was hoping you would go celebrate with me?”
“Well, I wish I could but work is piling up and I can’t just leave.” Replied Kate and she motioned to the papers scattered about her desk.
“Forget this job,” Silas dropped to one knee on the floor in front of Kate, “be my wife and you won’t ever have to work again.” Silas held up a small black box covered in velvet. He popped open the top and inside was a fat little golden ring. Kate felt flustered, flattered, and fearful all at the same instant. She didn’t feel in control of her own emotions or her voice because without her brain’s consent her mouth and tongue said,
“YES!”
__________________________________
Thaddeus had been livid about the impending marriage and Kate understood his concern but was too flattered to really think past the moment. She tried to get Thaddeus off her back and succeeded when she noticed that a letter had arrived from New York.
Thaddeus had been corresponding with an old friend he had roomed with back in the city. Both had been just off the boat from Europe when they met and formed an unusual friendship Thaddeus the lawyer and Nicolai the inventor. Kate had gotten used to Thaddeus’ eclectic taste in friends. He had the acquaintance of half a hundred inventors and scientists and told Kate that he preferred the company of intellectuals that didn’t drone on about “Magic” a subject Thaddeus found illogical. Kate had experienced magic first hand on a number of occasions and had to agree that it was illogical in the extreme, but it also made Kate very excited and whenever she had spare time she stopped outside the small Franklin school here in Memphis just in case she might see something out of the ordinary.
Kate looked at the letter and realized she had heard this guy’s last name before, but was sure that in her time it had something to do with bad music rather than some long dead inventor.
“Hey, Thaddeus I got that letter from your Polish friend.” She pushed the letter through a slit in the wooden partition that separated Kate’s reception area from Thaddeus’ office.
“How many times do I have to tell you he isn’t Polish he is Czech.” yelled Thaddeus back and rather than ask her to bring it to him he hurried over to the partition and snatched the letter, “If anyone comes in tell them I’m busy.” With that Thaddeus hurried back to his desk sporting what Kate thought looked almost like a mischievous grin or maybe a smirk it was hard to tell.
The Letter seemed to have taken Thaddeus’ mind off of the marriage for the time being and besides from sending Kate to the grocer for an onion and two different types of fruit, the dwarf often had strange food requests, he didn’t say a thing about the wedding the rest of the day.
At four like clockwork Silas came into the office. As usual he came swaggering in like he owned the place. Luckily Thaddeus was tinkering with Kate’s cell phone and he hardly acknowledged that Silas was in the room.
“Well, beautiful are you ready. I got the justice of the peace waitin’ on us and I got a hankerin’ to make you a Mrs.”
Kate blushed, the wedding was supposed to be in a week but she could never say no to this man.
“If you are worrying about the plans you made we can have a more formal wedding a week from now but today I am makin’ you my wife.”
Kate looked over the partition at Thaddeus. He had wires running from the phone and inserted into a cup full of what looked like lemon colored oatmeal. “I am taking the rest of the day off.”
“Do what you like…just leave me be. I’m busy.”
With that Kate left to become Mrs. Tanager.
______________________________
Kate woke up and reached across the bed for her new husband. He wasn’t in the bed, which was probably a good thing since her head was throbbing from all she had drunk the night before. Sitting up, Kate slid out of bed, the quilt catching on her side, she drug it off the edge. Reaching down and grabbing the quilt Kate noticed that it had snagged on a small silver lock. The lock was attached to a metallic device that was clamped around her waist and covered her in the same places a pair of panties would.
“What the Hell?” The metal diaper would not come off. Try as she might Kate could not pull it down. It weighed nothing and her fingers slipped off it rather than gaining any purchase. She could barely even feel it next to her skin even though it looked like it must be made out of hardened steel. A hundred questions fled through her mind. Who did this? What was it all about? Where the hell were Prig and her husband?
After thrashing around a bit more trying to get the “Belt” off of her, Kate started to look around the room. She spied a piece of paper on the dresser. It was a note from Silas.
Now that you are Mrs. Tanager I can’t have you running around like a slattern. I have done my husbandly duty and made sure that your honor will remain intact. Also that pig of yours kept biting me. I have locked it in the closet. When I return tomorrow from taking care of some business on the River Queen I expect that beast to be bacon.
P.S. I have talked to that employer of yours. No wife of mine will be working for an ass like that dwarf. Consider yourself free of him. You can thank me when I return.
Silas
“Tha fucking asshole.” Kate was even more livid and she ran to the closet. There was Prig tapping his foot with impatience. She grabbed up the small pig hugging it tight. “Nobody fucks with my pig and gets away with it.”
Thaddeus looked closely at the lock with a monocle. Examining the minute details of the workmanship.
“I think I can pick the lock” said Thaddeus, “You can’t be a lawyer and not acquire a few extra skills in the unlawful arts. How do you feel? You have had this thing on for a few hours at least. Not to be too indelicate but I would have had to…you know…relieve myself.”
Kate thought about that question for a moment. She had been so frantic to have the chastity belt removed that she had not considered how her bladder felt. It felt fine. And she told Thaddeus as much.
“As I thought. It is a magical chastity belt. I may have to be extra careful removing this thing. I did warn you. A woman becomes her husband’s property once she is legally married. I should not even be doing this. He could sue me and win.”
Kate considered what Thaddeus said. “It doesn’t matter because you are going to be defending me at the murder trial… The next time I see that bastard he is dead.”
Thaddeus walked over to his desk and pulled a leather case out of the drawer. He selected two particularly long thin metal slivers and started in on the tiny silver lock.
Five minutes later the lock clicked. Thaddeus was about to chortle in triumph when he noticed electricity arcing across the lock picks. He was not fast enough to remove his hand and was hit by a nasty jolt of electricity. It was almost ten minutes later that a noticeably singed Dwarf woke up to Kate kneeling over his prone form.
Prig was snorting in triumph and prancing around the dwarf as if it was the Fourth of July. Kate asked Thaddeus if he was “OK”.
“I think we are going to need professional help.” The dwarf slumped back down to the floor resting his head on the wood.
“Damn that hurt.”
______________________________
Kate had never been in this part of town and she did not like the looks of the store front that Thaddeus was heading towards. All around the street to the front and side of the store were discarded and broken tools, wagon wheels, springs, cogs, and boilers. The sign over the door read in a very elegant gothic script…
Merrimaus and Daughter - Untinkers.
“What is an Untinker?” questioned Kate.
“An untinker is a person who deals in deactivating, and destroying objects…particularly magical ones.”
If anything the shop itself was a worse mess than the street outside. It was absolute chaos. Not one item Kate could see in the shop was whole or intact. Discarded items lay everywhere. Broken bottles, smashed parasols, clocks with springs jutti
ng out in all directions, there was even an entire wagon parked in a corner that looked like it had been converted to storage for misshapen tea kettles; the wagon was set up on blocks and the wheels were beside it bashed to flinders. One of the legs of the service counter at the front of the store was missing and it teetered precariously under the weight of a mountain of papers. Prig backed away from the piles and stationed himself firmly beside Kate’s foot. The small pig looked deathly afraid that something might fall over on him.
Thaddeus walked up to the desk moved aside some of the paper revealing a small bell. He struck the bell, but no sound emanated.
“I should have known.” Thaddeus knocked loudly on the desk several times. This unbalanced the counter sending papers flying everywhere. As the chaos settled down Kate and Thaddeus both noticed that a six inch tall green skinned woman with orange hair had appeared on the counter. She was dressed only in a short apron and she had a long thin tail with a tuft of hair at the end that twitched like a cat’s.
“How can I help you?”
The girl’s name was Miss Merrimaus. She was the daughter of the proprietor who was out for the day but she had assured Kate that she was a fully qualified untinker. She was also a gremlin.
Kate has seen strange humanoids in this world. She worked for a dwarf, there were also elves, trolls, goblins etc in Memphis, but she had never seen anything as fascinating as this gremlin. She was nothing like the depictions of gremlins from her world, but Kate had to ask…
“Miss Merrimaus, what happens if someone throws water on you?”
“I’ll get wet?”
Thaddeus interrupted explaining the situation and how the chastity belt had some sort of magical charm that would violently react if anyone tried to pick the magical lock. Merrimaus examined the belt and the lock intently for a few minutes.
“I can help you but it is going to cost. a device that does what you describe would cost a fortune. It is not going to be cheap for me to disable a magical device of this complexity.”
Kate looked frantically at Thaddeus and Merrimaus. “I don’t have a lot of money. I am just now getting established here. I can’t live with this thing strapped on me.”
“Kate don’t worry, I think you do own something that will more than pay for the removal.” Thaddeus proceeded to pull the cell phone out of his breast pocket. “I was able to get it working yesterday.”
Kate eyed the device, “It can make calls?”
“What are you talking about?” Thaddeus looked at Kate askew, “It plays music and it can take pictures and even better moving pictures.”
Kate had not seen Merrimaus move, but she was now on Thaddeus’ shoulder and reaching for the device.
“Let me see it.” She screeched and all but lost her perch. Thaddeus moved the phone away from her grasping hands and tail. “Not quite yet. We haven’t made a deal and I don’t quite trust you not to break it on purpose.”
Merrimaus slumped her shoulders dejectedly and Thaddeus helped her back to the desktop. “This device is the most intricate clockwork mechanism you will have ever seen.” Thaddeus held up the phone so that Merrimaus could see the screen. It was playing back the last few minutes as video. Merrimaus was twitching uncontrollably as she watched what the device could do. Thaddeus would explain to Kate later that gremlins live to mangle anything created by an intelligent mind. The more intricate the more they wanted to break it. When the first humanoid attached a rock to a stick and made a spear in that instant the first gremlin appeared in the world. Kate didn’t really believe the story about how gremlins came to exist. She doubted Thaddeus had been around to see this happen, but then again in this world anything was possible.
Merrimaus agreed that she would accept the cell phone in exchange for removing the chastity belt and she invited Kate into a back room so they could work in private. Prig tried to barge in but Merrimaus refused to allow the piglet to come further than the front counter. “What do you think we are running here a pig sty? That thing will cause a mess.”
After twenty minutes Kate and Merrimaus returned from the back. Kate was smiling and holding the now deactivated chastity belt in her hands.
“We made several discoveries while removing the belt.” said Merrimaus, “The belt is not nearly as intricate as I first suspected. I will still demand the device as payment because what I discovered will be worth much more.”
The gremlin had not told Kate anything while they worked to remove the belt and had merely asked her to lie down and relax. In fact, the gremlin had made her as comfortable as possible and she had almost nodded off right before the lock popped off.
“Well, what is this all important information?” Thaddeus removed the pocket watch chain from the cell phone and sat it on the counter.
“Mistress Katie is a true witch.”
Thaddeus’ eyes turned as wide as saucers. Kate asked, “OK, what does that mean exactly? Can I cast spells?”
“It is a little more than that.” The gremlin was suddenly standing on the counter. She had moved so fast that she had blurred out for a second but her voice was still distinct. “Most people who use magic are taught. They have to learn how to tap into the magic of the world before they can even do the simplest conjurations. True witches don’t. True witches are born with magic flowing through them. They channel it with their emotions. That chastity belt had a very simple charm on it. One that would give anyone who tried to pick the lock a little shock. Your emotions fueled that shock into a lightning bolt. I only had to get you to be calm and I was able to easily break the spell.”
Kate looked at her hands, “So my fear and apprehension caused all that trouble?”
“Yes, and there is more.” the gremlin continued, “That little piglet.” Merrimaus gestured at Prig. “He is more than he seems. Gremlins can sense magical bonds. That’s how we untinker magical items by breaking those bonds. I should have seen this one when you walked in the room, but it was hidden by all the magic you were fueling into the belt. That little piglet is your familiar. He is magically bonded to you.”
Kate grabbed up Prig and kissed him on the head. “Thaddeus we need to be somewhere right now. Thank you for this information Miss Merrimaus.” Merrimaus never heard a word; she had resisted as long as she could and already had the back off the phone. As Thaddeus and Kate left the store Merrimaus was giggling manically over the remains of the cell phone that littered the counter.
______________________________
Thaddeus and Prig followed Kate into the card room of the River Queen. Ten tables of players laid down their cards and the room was suddenly filled with a vacuous silence. All heads turned to the trio. Kate was radiating hatred and electricity seemed to emanate across the room towards Silas.
Silas was leaning back in his chair against the ship’s bulkhead with a huge smile on his face.
“Woman what are you doing here?” barked Silas jovially, “I thought I told you I would be home in the morning.”
Kate seemed to float across the room and players scrambled to get out of her way. At Silas’ table she dropped the metal chastity belt onto the accumulated cash of the poker pot.
“Gentlemen” she said “I need to converse with my husband for just a moment and I will leave you to your card game.” The three other men at the table left quickly retreating to the other side of the room. Kate’s eyes bored a hole in Silas.
Silas kicked one of his feet up on the table. “Kate I asked you a question what are you doing here…and how did you get my present off? That belt was as much too safe guard your good name as mine. Now be a good girl and put it back on.”
Kate looked at the Chastity belt and back at Silas, her face turning a deep red and her eyes a deeper color of flame. Prig danced around her ankles. The small pig seemed as agitated as its mistress.
“I said put that back on. You are my wife and I have every right to bend you over my knee and spank you if you don’t do as your husband tells you.”
“Yes, the state gives you
that right so go ahead and try.” Kate seemed to grow taller, darker, and more intimidating.
Silas stood up quickly and made to grab Kate…”Bitch I expect you to mind me.” Prig leaped at Silas. The small piglet made an amazing leap clamping its small teeth into the hand that had reached out toward Kate. “Damn vermin.” Silas slung Prig into the bulkhead behind him dislodging him. The pig curled up in the fetal position and blood dripped from his mouth. Silas reached for his gun.
The next second Silas was magically pinned to the roof of the River Queen and streams of electrical energy surrounded Kate. Her hair stood on end and she now did float a few inches off the floor. She looked up with a red hot hate. Silas’ skin was reddening as if the rays of the sun were burning him. Lines of red scanned across the flesh of his face as if lines of invisible flame jetted out of Kate’s eyes.
“You were one letter off.”
“What?” howled Silas as he struggled to loose himself from the unseen bonds that held him.
“You were one letter off. Witch not Bitch. You, in fact are my Bitch. The state of Tennessee might say that once married I am your property, true. But I come with one hell of a temper and nobody looks kindly on a man whose women can beat his ass. You are going to be the most henpecked cuckolded piece of shit this state has ever seen, and if you have hurt Prig you are a dead man, damn the law.” At that Prig picked himself up and shook himself off. The blood was from Silas’ hand. Prig began dancing around Kate’s feet once again making growling sounds towards the man trapped against the ceiling.
Goggles, Gears, and Gremlins (SteamGoth Anthology Book 3) Page 9