by Ginna Gray
"Now, look here. Who do you think you are?" Joanna protested as Sean pulled her from Doug's slackened embrace.
"Shut up, Joanna." Placing both her hands on his chest, he wrapped his arms around her and brought her tightly against him. When she tried to wedge some space between them he gave her a painful squeeze and commanded sharply, "Stop that!"
Joanna was so astounded by his harsh tone she stopped struggling and lapsed into silence, automatically moving with him to the romantic music. This time she had pushed him beyond mere anger. He was incensed. Absolutely furious. She could feel it in the coiled spring tension of his body, the thunderous beat of his heart against her palm. Though he held her in a loverlike embrace she had the disquieting feeling that what he really wanted to do was throttle her.
She could hardly believe it. Sean, laid-back, devil may-care Sean, was so enraged he was about to blow apart. It was frightening... and thrilling. Joanna stared over his shoulder, intensely aware of his freshly shaved jaw against her temple, the strength of the arms that surrounded her, the scent and the heat and the feel of his body, pressed so intimately to hers. Her insides were quivering wildly, and she didn't know if it was due to fear or his nearness.
They danced in strained silence, and when the music ended Sean clamped his hand around her upper arm and marched her toward the exit. Joanna started to protest, but one glance at his set face and those burning black eyes changed her mind. Out on deck he led her to a secluded spot by the rail and turned her to face him. Joanna braced herself and raised wary eyes.
"Just what the devil is the matter with you?" he demanded. "Don't you have any better sense than to get involved with a creep like Longworth? Lord, I'm beginning to think you need a keeper."
Joanna sucked in her breath. Trepidation gave way to shock, then anger. "Now wait just a min—"
"And as if that weren't bad enough, you were flirting with half the men on the beach. They were following you around with their tongues practically dragging in the sand."
"So what?" she shot back. "It's none of your business."
Sean's eyes narrowed dangerously, and Joanna's angry defiance fizzled as a shiver rippled its way down her spine. She took a step backward. "Now, Sean," she cautioned nervously when be matched it, and backed away another step.
"Then I guess I have to make it my business," he said in a low, purring voice that made the fine hairs on her arms stand on end.
"Sean, please, this is—"
He hooked an arm around her waist and pulled her up against him. With his other hand he cupped her jaw and tilted her face up. Beneath half-lowered lids, fire smoldered in the dark depths of his eyes as they fastened on her mouth.
"Shut up, Joanna."
Chapter Eight
His mouth closed over hers with the firm demand and possessiveness of a man staking his claim. This time there was no tentative seeking. It was a bold kiss, an explosive release of frustrated desire, an admission of needs too long denied. His lips were warm and devouring, almost brutal.
For a moment Joanna was too stunned to react, or even move. She just stood there with her heart booming, her hands clutching his shirt,' while her knees threatened to give way beneath her. But soon exquisite sensations began to penetrate the barrier of shock, and she responded to the rough embrace with a matching hunger. She felt as though her body was suffused with heat, glowing like a molten ingot. Pressed against the hard wall of his chest, her breasts were achingly tight and tender.
In some remote corner of her mind Joanna knew that this was foolish, futile, that she should end it before she was hurt more, but it was no use. The feelings she had tried so hard to deny burst free, and her yearning heart overflowed with love—a love that craved this moment of bliss at all cost, that recklessly welcomed the passion that flamed between them.
She was aquiver with longing, greedy in her need. Straining closer, she ran her palms up over his chest and shoulders and buried her hands in the thick ebony strands above his collar, her spread fingers learning the shape of his head, urging him even closer. Her mouth opened to eagerly accept the deep bold thrusts of his tongue as her own darted and entwined, luring him to taste his fill.
A growl rumbled from Sean's throat. He wrapped both arms around her, tightening his hold. Shifting his stance, he thrust one of his legs between hers. Joanna caught her breath.
He was hard. And warm. So very warm. His heat seared her, melted her, made her burn. As his tongue embedded itself in her mouth once more, his hands cupped her buttocks and held her tightly to him. Joanna felt his hard virility pressing against her, felt her body flower and throb, and a soft moan sighed from her mouth into his. The desperate little sound brought an answering groan from Sean.
The last thing Joanna expected was for him to stop, but suddenly he thrust her from him and turned away. Dazed, she found herself swaying unsteadily on legs that felt like rubber, shaking uncontrollably, and she groped for the rail. The cool breeze off the ocean felt icy against her aroused body. She stared at Sean's stiff back, confused ... frightened... hurting.
"Wh—why did you stop?"
"I'm sorry, Joanna. That shouldn't have happened."
"What is this, Sean?" she demanded in a voice raw with hurt. "Some kind of game you're playing? Are you trying to teach me a lesson? Punish me? What?"
Sean spun around, his face a tight mask of anguish. "No! I'm trying my best to see that you don't get hurt." Raking a hand through his hair, he sighed heavily. A look of self-disgust made his expression grim. "And not doing a very good job of it, I'm afraid."
"But... but I don't understand. If you..." Joanna paused and swallowed around the painful constriction in her throat. "... if you aren't... attracted to me, then why... why did you kiss me?"
"Not attracted!" Sean snorted, his mouth twisting in a bitter little grimace. "Good Lord, Joanna! How could you think I'm not attracted to you? Oh, I've tried to deny it. I even had myself halfway convinced that I was merely looking out for a friend's daughter... until today." His face hardened as he remembered the sheer torment of the past twelve hours. "I've been eaten alive with jealousy, watching you with that creep, Longworth," he admitted with angry resentment. "Every time he touched you I wanted to smash his face in."
A great uprush of joy and hope filled Joanna's chest. Sean cares. He really cares. She wanted to throw herself into his arms but an inner voice urged caution. Something was wrong. She could see it in the grim look on his face. "If... if you feel that way, then what's the problem," she asked shakily.
"Isn't it obvious? I'm too old for you, Joanna."
"Too old?" Joanna gave an astonished little laugh. "You call thirty-six too old?"
"For you, yes."
"Oh, Sean, please. Be reasonable. So there's almost fourteen years between us? So what? It's not that big a gap. And it's not as though you're old enough to be my father."
"No. I'm not," he agreed. Watching her, he added softly, "Nor do I intend to be a father substitute."
"What's that supposed to mean?''
"Look, Joanna, everyone knows that you were the apple of your father's eye. He doted on you, spoiled you rotten, and you adored him. And now he's gone, and you miss him. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that you're unconsciously seeking an older man to take his place." Reaching out, Sean ran the backs of his knuckles down her jaw. His voice lowered and softened. "It's understandable, honey, but that's not a role I want to play."
Hurt and wounded pride shone from Joanna's eyes. She tilted her head back, freeing herself from his touch. Turning away, she grasped the rail and stared out at the phosphorescent glow of the white-capped waves. Her chin was high, her expression closed. "You don't have to worry about that, I assure you," she informed him coolly, though not quite able to control the quaver in her voice. "I've been through that once already. I admit that I usually have to learn life's lessons the hard way, but once they're learned, I never make the same mistake twice."
Sensing the distress behind her words, Sean
stared at her proud profile, and after a moment asked softly, "Would it help to talk about it?"
Joanna sent him a sidelong glance, then looked back at the sea. For a moment he thought she wasn't going to answer.
"It... was while I was in college," she began finally in a diffident little voice. "Shortly after Mother married Matt. I had just found out some things about my father. Not... very complimentary things." She bit her lower lip and glanced at him again. ''I guess... I guess I was feeling cheated. I wanted what I had lost; someone to idolize, to look up to. Someone to whom I would be...I don't know...special, I guess. Of course, I didn't realize that at the time." Her self-derisive chuckle floated out over the ocean. "I thought I was madly in love."
"Who was he?"
"Arthur Spelling, one of my college professors. He was in his forties—sophisticated, intelligent, distinguished. All the females on campus, students and faculty, were wild about him. When he singled me out I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world. I gave him my innocence and my heart, and for six months I lived in a daze of sheer happiness." A bitter little smile tilted Joanna's mouth, and she looked at Sean with sad, world-weary eyes. "You know what they say: ignorance is bliss. One day I caught him with another girl and I thought I would die. Later I found out that he was known as the campus Don Juan. While he was haying an affair with me he was also seeing two other girls."
Sean spat out a vivid curse and gripped the rail tightly. All the while her tale had been unfolding he had felt a growing sense of outrage. Now he was filled with anger and an aching sympathy for the disillusioned, vulnerable girl she had been. But most of all, he was filled with a searing jealousy. Damn that bastard to hell, Sean thought venomously. If I could get my hands on him I'd break him in two.
"Oh, don't be upset on my behalf," Joanna said. "Actually, I got over it all very quickly. That's when I realized that it wasn't so much heartbreak that I had felt, but disillusionment that once again my idol had turned out to have feet of clay. I knew then that I had just been looking for someone to take my father's place."
"That doesn't excuse him," Sean argued. "The bastard still took advantage of a young girl. He ought to be horsewhipped."
"I think we took advantage of each other, really. Anyway, it's over, and I learned from it, so I guess it wasn't a complete waste."
Looking into her sad hazel eyes, Sean fought a silent battle with the fury that burned in him. More than anything in the world he wanted to shield her, protect her, cherish her. If it were in his power he'd wipe out her past hurts, erase from her mind all memory of other men.
The thought brought back the clawing jealousy, and before Sean could stop himself he reached out a hand and cupped her face. "Joanna, it's none of my business, and you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but... since then... has there been anyone else?"
He hated himself for asking. He knew it did not deserve an answer, and no matter what it was it wouldn't change the way he felt. Yet he held his breath and waited for her reply.
Staring solemnly into his eyes, Joanna shook her head slowly, and a fierce gladness exploded in Sean's chest. "No, no one," she murmured. "No one else interested me... until now."
Sean's breath caught once again, and the joyous ache beneath his breastbone became so intense it was almost pain. He tried to subdue it. He told himself that it didn't change anything. Even if Joanna was truly attracted to him, he was still too old for her.
It didn't work. All the common sense and self-chastisement in the world couldn't banish the feeling of elation, nor stop the tender smile that slowly curved his mouth. Emotion shimmered warmly in Sean's dark eyes, and a fine tremor shook his other hand when, as if compelled, he lifted it to her face.
For several moments he just stood there with her lovely face cupped between his broad palms. She was a delight to his senses. With every breath he inhaled her sweet womanly fragrance, mingled with just a hint of floral perfume. The tips of his fingers were buried in the silken hair at her temples, and against his palms he could feel the downy softness of her cheeks, warm and satin smooth. Through the scant inches that separated them he could feel the heat of her body, sense its slight quivering.
He searched her features one by one, taking in the lush mouth, the elegantly sculpted nose and cheekbones, the gracefully winged brows and wide smooth forehead. With his thumb, he touched the enticing little mole at the corner of her mouth. She's so lovely, he thought wistfully. So young. And so very vulnerable. You can hurt her badly, and you know it. If you have any decency in you, Fleming, you '11 let her go, end it now.
But as their gazes met and held he knew both joy and despair, for the hope and longing in her wide hazel eyes struck an answering chord in his heart and made dust of his good intentions.
"Oh, Joanna." He sighed her name in helpless surrender. The husky tone held uncertainty and a lingering touch of resistance, but the current of emotions that pulled them together was too strong. "Joanna," he whispered again, and as his head slowly lowered her eyelids fluttered shut in anticipation.
It began as the tenderest of kisses, soft, adoring, a warm melding of mouths that made hearts pound and knees tremble. But the feelings between them were too intense to be held in check for long. Passion flared, hot and intense, and with a groan Sean wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close.
Joanna responded eagerly, all the pent up longing of years surging to the surface. She melted against him and looped her arms around his neck, meeting the demanding kiss with an ardent hunger that matched his own.
The heated kiss went on and on until finally, the need for air tore them apart. Joanna cried his name weakly and clung to him. When she attempted to recapture his lips he cupped the back of her head and pressed her face against his chest. Eyes closed, his chin resting against the top of her head, he held her tightly and rocked her back and forth, and struggled to bring his raging desire under control.
"Easy. Easy, sweetheart," he crooned softly when she made an agitated move. He ran his hands soothingly up and down her back and rubbed his chin against her hair, feeling the silky strands catch on his faint beard stubble. Gradually their labored breathing quieted, the thunderous beating of their hearts slowed, but for several moments they remained as they were, each giving and drawing comfort from the embrace. The only sounds were the splash of the waves against the ship's hull and the soft sighing of the wind.
"All my chivalrous instincts and common sense tell me to call a halt to this now, before it's too late," Sean murmured after a while. Joanna stiffened and grew very still, not saying a word, and he knew she was waiting for him to continue. Sean hesitated. He stared out at the dark ocean, his face filled with pained indecision, but finally he exhaled a long sigh. "Oh, hell. We both may live to regret this, but will you spend the day ashore in St. Croix with me tomorrow?"
Joy exploded inside Joanna like a starburst, and she closed her eyes against the sweet pain. She wanted desperately to say yes, but like Sean, she was leery of allowing things to go further. Despite the longing that tugged at her heart, Joanna could not forget that scores of beautiful women had come and gone in Sean's life. The thought that she might end up like they had, just another name and phone number in his little black book, made her feel sick.
She pressed her lips tightly together as the emotional tug-of-war raged within her, but in the end need won over fear. With her cheek still pressed against his chest, she whispered unsteadily, "Yes. Yes, I'd like that."
He grasped her shoulders and held her away from him. Her face was flushed with passion, her lips slightly puffed, and all that she was feeling was there in her luminous eyes for him to see. Sean felt his heart turn over. At that moment he wanted, more than anything, to carry her to his cabin and make love to her until neither of them could move, but he stubbornly refused to listen to his body's urgings.
He brushed her mouth with a feathery kiss and tucked her against his side. "Come on, sweetheart. I'll take you to your suite."
Neither spoke
until they reached her door. When Sean unlocked it and handed her the key Joanna licked her dry lips and looked at him with a hesitant smile. "Would... would you like to come in?"
He sighed, his wry grin tinged with regret. "Oh, I'd like to. But I'm not going to."
His smile turned tender when he saw the mingled relief and disappointment in her eyes. "I don't want to rush into anything, Joanna. Not with you."
This time when his lips met hers it was with the merest touch. Softly, almost reverently, he skimmed her mouth with a warm moist caress that made her tremble, and she clutched at the sides of his lean waist for support. Her lips parted in sweet invitation and their breaths mingled, but he made no effort to deepen the kiss. Gently, with exquisite sensuality, he rubbed his mouth against hers, until Joanna thought she would faint from the tender torment.
Finally he lifted his head and smiled into her bemused eyes. "Good night, Joanna," he whispered.
Feeling as though she were walking on air, Joanna entered the suite and drifted toward the bedroom. Halfway there she stopped and hugged herself, then twirled around, arms outstretched, and sent a beaming smile toward the ceiling. She was so happy she was tempted to pinch herself to see if she was dreaming.
Yet, strangely, when Joanna did get to sleep her dreams were disturbing and disjointed, a phantasmagoria of blondes, brunettes and redheads with blank faces, all laughing tauntingly; thousands of little black books swirling through the air, trapping her in an ever narrowing vortex; Sean's face, looming eerily, floating and wavering like fog, his sexy eyes and wicked smile alternately soft and beckoning, or filled with amused scorn.
When Joanna awoke her euphoric mood was shattered. "What have you let yourself in for?" she fretted as she dressed for the day ashore. "You're just asking for trouble. You know perfectly well that Sean doesn't expect or want permanence in a relationship."