by Alexa Davis
“Thank you for letting me in.” His tone was formal as he pushed past me. “I wasn’t sure if you’d want to see me.”
Why the hell would he think that? I always wanted to see him. Even over these last few days when I’d been terrified of him, I still wanted to see him! More than I cared to admit.
“Thank you for coming. Why... Why are you here?”
“Well, for one, I don’t know if you’ve forgotten, but we promised to take Dad out for lunch today.” My eyes finally met his, and they widened in shock. In all my self-inflicted misery, I’d forgotten that. “And for another, I just bumped into Maddie. She didn’t need to say much for me to realize that I’d been neglectful recently. I just didn’t realize that you were going through some stuff...”
“What did Maddie tell you?” I asked cautiously, fear icing up my veins. By this point, it could’ve been just about anything. She hated my guts, so it wasn’t going to be nice.
“That you fell out... over Marcus.”
Shit! This wasn’t good. All the times I could’ve told him and I didn’t. I only had myself to blame. “Yeah, something like that,” I admitted with a flaming face. “I didn’t mean for it to happen, I know you warned me against him, I just... I couldn’t... And then...”
All of a sudden, fat, wet tears ran down my cheeks and I was sobbing. All the emotions that I’d tried my hardest to keep inside were flowing, and there was nothing I could do to stop them. Every time I tried to hold back, it all got worse.
Much to my surprise, Cameron grabbed hold of me and wrapped his arms comfortingly around me.
“You know I only warned you because I don’t ever want you to get hurt, right? I know more than anyone how much losing Mom killed you, and I never want you to get your heart broken again. Maybe I’ve gone a little over the top in trying to protect you, but I’m just trying to do the right thing. All I want is for you to be happy... and safe.”
“I... I know...” I gasped into his chest. “I should’ve...”
“And, Marcus seems to have changed. I spotted it pretty soon after he arrived. I assumed it was some sort of heartbreak, but now I’m thinking that maybe it was you.”
“He’s gone,” I said pathetically. It felt good to have someone to discuss this with, freeing even, but the bare facts were still the same. I’d lost out on Marcus, and there was nothing I could do about it. Whoever I had supporting me, it wasn’t him.
“Why did he go?” Cameron pulled back to look at me. “I mean, he said he was leaving, but he never told me why.”
“Because...” Oh, God, this is going to be humiliating. “Because I took some pictures of him... some suggestive pictures.” My entire body curled over in humiliation, but I forced myself to continue regardless. “And, I told him they were for me only. But Maddie accidently picked up the flash drive, and she used them to further her career. She found out that he was the prince, and she wanted that to turn her into the journalist she’s always wanted to be.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth about his title.” Cam shrugged apologetically. “He didn’t ever want anyone to know. He’s funny about it because of the family stuff.”
“No, I get that, and it wasn’t for you to know what was going to happen.”
“I assumed Maddie would screw him, and then he’d move on. That’s what he normally does. I didn’t ever think...”
“How could you?”
We were talking in half sentences, getting our feelings out there without saying too much, but one thing I knew for sure was that I had Cameron’s support. It had come as a shock, but a pleasant surprise. It made me feel a little warmer inside.
“So, now Marcus thinks you shared the pictures with the world, and he’s gone home in a fit?”
“Oh, I think it’s more than that,” I defended him automatically. “We like each other, a lot, we were falling in... in... Well, you know.” I couldn’t bring myself to say the word aloud. “So, this betrayal sucks.”
“But you didn’t do it.” He grabbed his phone, determination flooding his expression. “I’m gonna tell him right now that he’s got it wrong.”
“No.” I slid the phone from him and gave him a grateful smile. “The damage has been done. There’s too much water under the bridge now. I don’t think there’s anything you can say to make it any better.”
“I’ll tell him – ”
“No,” I shot back firmly. “Thank you, but no. This is my mess. Don’t ruin your friendship for it. Now, you wait here. I’ll go and get ready so we can take Dad out for his lunch.”
I walked away, hoping that I was doing the right thing. I didn’t want to turn my back on the best thing that had ever happened to me, but what choice did I have? Marcus had made his feelings perfectly clear, and I needed to respect that. Even if I didn’t like it.
***
“It’s so nice to have us all together, isn’t it?” Dad tried a different tactic to try and get me and Cameron to open up. We were both being quiet and weird, lost in our own thoughts about Marcus, which left him out a bit. I didn’t intend for that, and it made me feel bad.
“Sorry, Dad, you’re right. It is nice.” I forced a bright smile on my face. “We should do it more often.”
“Hmm, yeah,” Cameron half agreed, stirring his food aimlessly. “Sure.”
“Okay.” Dad clattered his cutlery down. “You two are up to something – will you please tell me what it is? I can’t take this strain anymore. It’s driving me nuts.”
I stared at Cameron. He stared at me. It was now or never – time to finally put this weird tension to one side. It had to be me who said it; it was my issue, after all.
“Okay, Dad, it’s about the guy I told you about the other day.” I watched him nervously glance toward Cameron. “Don’t worry, he knows everything now.”
“Oh, that’s good.” His face burst into a grin. “It’s all out in the open, so you can just be together, right?”
“Well it isn’t that simple...”
“Dad, it’s Marcus. As in, my friend Prince Marcus from England.” Clearly, it was only some of us who the secret had to be kept from. “And, Maddie liked him, too, so when she found out about Blair and Marcus, she used some photos to make a story... to make it look like Blair betrayed him while also boosting her career.” I was grateful for the simplistic way of explaining the complex web I’d woven. “So, Marcus has gone back home and left Blair heartbroken.”
Dad took my hands in his and smiled at me softly. “Honey, if this is the man for you, then you need to make it right. Whatever happened, you can work around it.”
“But I can’t; he’s in another country. He won’t even talk to me. How can I explain when he won’t listen?”
“You make him listen. Go to him, speak to him at home. You’ll regret it forever if you don’t at least try.”
I glanced to Cameron, who was nodding in complete agreement. Their support filled me with sheer determination. I could do this. I had to at least give it a try or I’d live my life in regret forever more.
“Okay,” I panted breathlessly. “Okay, I’ll do it. I’ll book my tickets today.”
A genuine smile consumed my lips as I considered the scary journey I was about to take. I was going to leave the country, to bravely try to confront the man who wouldn’t speak to me, the one I knew I was falling in love with. It would be a terrifying trip, but preferable to sitting around stewing in my own misery.
“You’ll be fine,” Cameron told me softly. “If Marcus really is the one, then this will work out.”
“And, if not,” Dad interjected, just as kindly, “at least you’ll get some closure and you can start again.”
I was lucky; I had the two best men in the world in my life. Yes, sometimes they questioned my choices, but I could clearly see now that was only because they cared about me. I might not have had my mom around anymore, but at least I wasn’t alone.
Knowing that I had such a great family to come back to, whatever the outcome, made
this whole mess a little easier to tackle. One way or another, I could survive it.
Chapter 33 – Marcus – Friday
Aren’t fresh starts supposed to feel a little less... samey? I had felt so positive when I landed back on English soil, like this was exactly where I was supposed to be, but now that feeling just wasn’t there anymore. The sheen had gone, and all I found myself left with was an empty, hollow feeling inside.
“Are you ready to go to breakfast?” Paul asked curiously, giving me a weird look. I had to feel grateful to him. Despite our years of barely communicating, he seemed to be the only one who could sense how much I was struggling. “Or do you need a bit more time?”
“No. No, I’m ready,” I did my best to reassure him. “Thanks.”
“Is it weird being back? We can go out if you like?”
I appreciated the gesture, but I instantly shook my head. I wasn’t enjoying being back in our family home, but it beat wandering the streets. Getting a taste of recognition in America reminded me of how relentless life could be here in the spotlight, and I was nowhere near ready to go back to that just yet. I needed a little more time to adjust. “No, here is just fine.”
We wandered down the spiral stairs in silence. I couldn’t talk, even if I wanted to. I was too lost in my own unpleasant thoughts. I had the horrible sensation inside that I’d made a big mistake by coming back. I’d felt like I was making the moral choice, but now I could see it as running away... what I always did. I kept thinking the grass would be greener somewhere else, but it’d never been as green as it was when I was with Blair.
Before she betrayed me.
“Okay, there it is again, that dark expression of yours. You’re going to have to tell me what happened in America. You’ve been a different person since you got back.”
“I’m just adjusting,” I said, giving him that pitiful excuse once more. “That’s all.”
“Come on, Marcus.” Paul was starting to sound frustrated. “I know we’ve never been close because we’re such different people, but you do understand that I am human, too? I have been through things myself. Maybe I can offer you some advice, and if not... Maybe it’ll feel good to get something off your chest.”
I yearned to get it off my chest, just to stop the crushing sensation. “It’s a woman, okay?” I shot back a little sharper than I intended to. “I got my karma for screwing over so many people. I was betrayed.”
“The pictures?”
I shut my eyes as shame washed over me. Of course, Paul knew all about them. “Yes, the pictures. It was supposed to be a fun little secret, but clearly, she didn’t see it that way.”
“Why was it a secret?”
“Because...” All of a sudden, all the excuses we gave ourselves seemed like bullshit. If we’d just been honest about what was going on in the first place, maybe things would’ve ended up differently. “Because she’s my friend Cameron’s sister and because her friend had a crush on me. I don’t know... It was all so complicated. Although it never felt that way when I was with her – it felt like the easiest thing in the world.”
“Did you love her?” Paul gave me a soft look, making my heart sink lower into my chest.
“Maybe... But it doesn’t matter. She betrayed me in the worst way possible – there isn’t any coming back from that.”
“Do you honestly think she would do that? If you fell for her, there must be something damn special about her. It’s just hard to believe that someone like you would get fooled.”
“Maybe, but it happened...” I shook my head, ridding all thoughts of Blair from my mind. “Let’s go and eat something. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”
As we sat down at the table with our matching plates of pancakes, I was transported back to a time when we were much younger, when we were on the same page. We used to giggle together, to fool around, to get into trouble. Back then, I never thought there would be a time when we were barely speaking.
I guess Paul grew up, and I never did.
“So.” He smiled guiltily at me. “Have you spoken much to Dad yet? I know he’s eager for you to get back to your responsibilities.”
“I’m not ready,” I bit out, anger flooding me. Why couldn’t everyone see that I’d been through a very difficult time and that I just needed to adjust? Why were the weights piling back on my shoulders?
“Son...”
Oh, my God. I shot Paul an evil look as I spun around in my chair. I didn’t know how long Dad had been there, but he’d certainly heard my rage.
“What’s up, Dad?” I bit down on the inside of my lip while I waited for his response. Despite the emotional chat we’d had in America, I could still feel that distance between us. There was still a rift there, and I wasn’t sure how we could even begin to heal that now. I wanted to, and I got the sense that he did, too, but neither of us were quite sure where to start.
Paul slid back his chair in a not so discrete manner and snuck from the room, leaving Dad and me alone for the very first time since the plane journey back. The atmosphere in the oversized, grand dining room was so thick it could be cut with a knife.
“Son,” Dad sighed and moved into the chair next to me. “I don’t ever want you to feel trapped. I thought I was doing you a favor by bringing you back. I assumed that this is where you’re supposed to be, but now... Now, I’m not so sure.”
“Better here than America,” I shot back automatically.
“No, I know. I understand you weren’t having the best time there, but you don’t seem happy here, either. I thought that once you stopped running, once you embraced your royal duties, you would take to them like Paul does. But you aren’t Paul, so why should I assume that?”
“Well, I suppose I haven’t really tried yet,” I replied guiltily. “But I will. I’m just... dealing with some stuff right now.”
“The girl?” he asked curiously, staring deep into my eyes. “The one who came to see you just before we came back? Is she the reason you’re struggling?”
I nodded sharply, unable to vocalize my response.
“Well, if that’s the case, then I want you to really think about where you want to go next with your life. All I want is for you to be happy, both you and Paul. I know this is your life and your responsibilities, but I’m not going to force you to be someone you’re not.”
“I appreciate what you’re saying,” I replied quickly, needing to shut this talk down before it completely overwhelmed me. “But we’re done. She betrayed me, and that’s all there is to it.”
“Things aren’t always as black and white as they seem. It might do you good to remember that.”
He gave me a loaded look, and I could tell in that moment that he was thinking about Mom. To be honest, for Paul and me, she was always a bit of a mythical creature in the background. She clearly wasn’t maternal, she never had any time for us, and to be honest, we never really got to know her. I can only assume that she married for duty and that her heart was never in any of it.
She’d spent our entire lives in and out of “spas,” a fact that we’d always accepted without question, but now I was questioning everything. Did Dad marry out of duty, too? Maybe he lost someone he truly loved along the way. I guess I always saw my parents as adults put there to make my life challenging, not people with lives and loves of their own.
“Thanks, Dad.”
As he stood up to leave the room, I felt something lift. For the first time since I’d been back, my chest felt lighter, and I felt a bit free. We’d cleared the air, maybe not in the most perfect way ever, but it was the best it was going to get. I’d certainly been left with a lot to think about.
Although, the bare facts were still the same, whatever way I looked at them. Blair had tricked me, the photographs were used in the magazine, and my life was somewhat ruined. I shook my head and abandoned my food, deciding to hide out in my room a little while longer.
Love clearly wasn’t for me, and the sooner I accepted that, the better. Just because marr
ying for duty hadn’t worked out for Mom and Dad, didn’t mean it wouldn’t for me. A relationship without my heart in it meant I couldn’t get hurt.
“Sorry about that.” Paul caught me in the hallway and gave me a sympathetic look. “Dad wanted an honest conversation with you, and I couldn’t see any other way to get it started.”
“It’s fine.” I waved my hand dismissively. “It all needed to be said. Maybe things will be better from here on out.”
“I hope so. And what Dad said about things not being black and white, I agree with that. Maybe if you can’t speak to this girl, you should talk to her brother... the one you’re friends with. Maybe he can give you a better insight.”
I had missed calls from Cameron, but I hadn’t returned any of them because I was afraid. I didn’t want to hear him yelling at me for the one thing I was utterly heartbroken about. It killed me to know that he would hate me, too. Again, it was one of those things I was going to deal with when I was “adjusted,” whenever that would be.
“Yeah, maybe,” I replied glumly. I didn’t want to appear that I was being defeatist, even though that was exactly what I was being. “Thank you anyway, Paul.”
I stalked back up the stairs with a heaviness hanging over my heart. I felt like I was trapped, like I didn’t know what to do next, like I couldn’t move forward no matter which way I looked at it.
As I slumped back onto the bed, I pulled out my phone and glanced at Cameron’s name, wondering if I would ever work up the courage to put in that call. I knew Blair’s number was still in there, still under “B” in my contacts, but I couldn’t bear to look at it even to delete it. I just couldn’t face that yet.
I hovered my finger over the call button, trying to force my finger downward to press it. If I didn’t face it soon, I would lose my friendship with Cam forever, which was the opposite of what I wanted.