“I didn’t mean for this to happen,” he said again.
She believed him, but that didn’t help when panic was her go-to emotion. “It’s all fun and games until the condom breaks and someone gets pregnant.”
Chapter Five
Nathan’s head felt like it was ready to explode. It was a sensation that was becoming increasingly familiar where Cindy Elliott was concerned, but this time wasn’t about passion. He struggled to process information that was a lot of fact swamped by buckets of emotion.
Fact: The condom broke.
Fact: She was pregnant.
Fact: The odds of this happening were ridiculously low, which put it firmly in the miracle column.
Emotion: He went from holy crap my boys are badass to holy crap I’m going to be a father.
That was a fact that gave him serious pause since he’d been parented in absentia and had no working model of how to raise a kid.
Cindy was staring at him, then abruptly she stood and slid her purse more firmly on her shoulder. “I just thought you should know about the baby.”
“Are you leaving?” He didn’t think she could surprise him any more, but somehow she always did.
“We’re done here.”
“Not by a long shot. Sit down.”
“Why should I?”
He met her gaze and the fear there went a long way toward tamping down his irritation. “For one thing this habit you have of running out on me is really getting old.”
“And?” She folded her arms over her chest. “You said ‘for one thing,’ which means there’s another reason I should sit.”
“We’re not even close to being done here.”
“What else is there to say?” Her tone oozed suspicion and mistrust, but she sat.
“I’m not sure,” he admitted. “This is a shock.”
“Tell me about it. At least you told me when—you know.” She looked down, suddenly shy. Charmingly so.
Nathan knew she meant he’d warned her about the condom malfunction. He realized something else, too. She didn’t trust him to not run out on her like the last bozo who’d robbed her blind then dumped on her and disappeared. If nothing else, being on his own as a kid had taught him to be the soul of responsibility.
He leaned toward her and rested his elbows on his knees as their gazes locked. Her brown eyes were a mixture of gold and cinnamon with a healthy dose of innocence thrown in. The vulnerability there tugged at him, making him want to fold her in his arms, a feeling that came out of nowhere. The things he couldn’t explain made him acutely uncomfortable.
“Look, Cindy, you’re not in this alone.”
“What does that mean?” she asked.
“That we’re in this together.” How lame was that answer? he thought.
“Oh, so you’re going to carry this baby for nine months?”
He hadn’t realized doubts about her intentions to do just that were even in his mind until her sarcastic statement indicated otherwise. Relief coursed through him.
“The differences in our anatomy being what they are, I can’t really do that—”
“But you would if you could,” she finished wryly. “It’s easy to promise something when there’s no way you can possibly be held accountable for not following through.”
Again he felt like he was paying the price for another guy’s sin. “I’m not running out on you like the last son of a bitch.”
Her gaze jumped to his as anger and hurt gleamed in her eyes. “So you’ll be around.”
“Yes.”
“I see.” Primly she folded her hands in her lap. “We already established that you can’t take over getting big as a battleship or deal with enough water retention to float it. So what else is there?”
“We’ll work it out as we go along,” he offered.
“Maybe you could finish up my classes and the internship I need for my degree.” She snapped her fingers and shook her head. “Nope. Wrong again. Someone would notice and I’d be out on my backside because of cheating.”
“Look, Cindy—”
“Actually, I can probably finish all of that before the baby is born.” She tapped her lip thoughtfully, but there was panic around the edges. “Then all I have to do is give birth and find a better job because I have to afford good child care along with having an infant who’s depending on me. Piece of cake.”
“The martyr act is admirable, but you didn’t get like this on your own. I’ll help you.”
“So in between saving premature babies you’re going to watch ours so I can finally get my career on track?”
“Like I said, we’ll figure things out.”
“I’ve never experienced a ‘we.’ There’s always just been me. My body, my problem.”
“My baby, too,” he said quietly.
All the fight drained out of her and she leaned back in the club chair. “Just so you know, I know I’m being unreasonable. If it’s all right with you, I think I’ll blame it on pregnancy hormones.”
“That works for me.”
As a corner of her full mouth quirked up, he felt an absurd surge of desire. The subdued lighting here in the bar made a sexy shadow of the small dent in her chin and he desperately wanted to explore it with his tongue. Somehow during that brief, passionate encounter when they’d made a baby, he’d missed out on discovering every single inch of her and wanted another opportunity. Not likely now. A good thing because it wasn’t rational. And definitely not smart.
He excelled at rational and smart, but somehow Cindy changed the rules on him. She was pregnant with his child and this was uncharted territory. It was also a medical condition and that was someplace to start.
He took a sip of his club soda. “Other than hormones, how are you feeling?”
“A little queasy,” she admitted.
He wanted to say something clinically clever, tell her how to fix it, but this wasn’t his specialty. “Have you seen an obstetrician?”
Her expression turned wry. “I just barely peed on the stick.”
“So that would be a no,” he concluded.
“No,” she agreed.
“Okay.” He nodded thoughtfully. “I can give you a couple of names. But Rebecca Hamilton is at the top of the list. She’s very good and I think you’d be comfortable with her.”
“I’ll see if she’s a tier-one doctor on the Mercy Medical insurance plan.”
“I’m sure she is because she has medical privileges there. If not, I’ll take care of it.”
“It? What does that mean?” Tension made her straighten in the club chair.
“I’ll take care of the expenses.”
“Because?”
“It’s my responsibility.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Wow, that gave me a warm and fuzzy feeling.”
“Is that the hormones talking again?”
“Yeah. Me, my hormones and I.” She closed her eyes and shook her head. When she met his gaze again, the hurt was back. “I’m not your responsibility, Nathan. I can take care of myself and this baby.” Apparently, responsibility was one of those words that triggered a hormonal response. He tucked the information away and searched for something to say that wouldn’t tap into that well of defensiveness she had going on. He was attempting to say and do the right thing without research and training to fall back on. It was like trying to move a canoe with one paddle.
He blew out a long breath. “Look, Cindy, I want you to have the best prenatal care.”
“Why?”
The word responsibility came to mind yet again but it hadn’t gone over well either time. There was no reason to believe that had changed. So he rephrased. “Just so we’re clear, I am going to be involved. Because this is my child, too.”
She stared at him a long time before saying, “I guess this is a bad time to realize the flaw of sleeping with you to get you out of my life.”
And then she really did leave. He sat there for a few minutes as the situation sank in. A baby. It hit him like a meteor dro
pping out of the sky.
His baby.
Right now his child was growing inside her.
Holy crap.
An hour ago Nathan had been talking to Cindy and now he stood in the NICU at Mercy Medical Center, staring at a baby small enough to fit in the palm of his hand.
An infinitesimal embryo formed from his DNA and Cindy’s was actually growing into a baby. He just couldn’t wrap his head around the concept and make it real. Especially with the beeps, whooshes and noises of the high-tech sensitive equipment filling the room. This was where babies ended up when there was a problem pregnancy.
“Why are you still here?”
Nathan turned at the sound of the familiar female voice. “Hi, Annie.”
The petite, blue-eyed brunette was his medical partner in the neonatology practice. They’d met in school and become friends. She’d introduced him to his late wife and was one of the select few who didn’t blame him when the relationship unraveled just before Felicia died. He knew the failures were all his and would carry the burden of that for as long as he lived. This woman’s friendship meant a lot to him, especially because he didn’t deserve it.
Annie looked up. The pixie haircut suited her small face. “You know I’m on call this week.”
“Yeah. I just wanted to come back and check up on this little guy.”
She glanced at the gladiator. “I just looked over his latest oxygen saturation levels. The CO2 and PO2 results are all in normal range. He’s doing pretty well for as small as he is.”
“Yeah. I read his chart.”
“Respiratory therapy was just here to check the ventilator. It’s all good, Nathan.”
“I’m worried about a bowel perforation.”
“You’re always concerned about that. I am, too.” She settled her hands on her hips and slanted a puzzled look at him. “But something’s up.”
“What makes you say that?” Was it tattooed on his forehead? One-night stand? Father-to-be?
“This is me,” she said. “Don’t even try to pretend I don’t know you better than you know yourself.”
He was pretty sure she was right about that and felt a little sorry for her. Because she was wasting her time on him. “Nothing’s going on.”
“Oh, please.” She huffed out a breath. “I’ll buy you a cup of coffee and we can talk.”
“Buy?” He stared at her. “Really?”
“Okay. Technically, I’ll pour. Doctor’s dining room. Now.”
Nathan looked at the infant, the tiny chest moving up and down with help from the ventilator. “I don’t know. What if he needs—”
“Don’t go there. The ‘what-ifs’ will make you crazy.”
He shook his head. “Maybe we should—”
“Look, Nathan, we’ll be right downstairs. If anything happens we can be here in a minute or less. On the really bright side—” She smiled tenderly at the baby who couldn’t see her. “This little boy gets two neonatal specialists for the price of one because you’re going schizoid on me. You need to talk. I know that look.”
“Okay.” From knowing her a long time he knew that it was easier to give in than argue and lose.
They headed to the dining room on the first floor of the hospital. It was reserved for the doctor’s use and available twenty-four hours a day. The tables were covered with white cloths and there was always one urn with coffee and another containing water for tea. Sodas were packed in ice beside the table with hot drinks. At specific times the steam table held varieties of warm food, but off hours there were only pastries, muffins and fruit.
Annie went to get two cups of coffee while he filled a small plate with sweets. They sat at a table by the floor to ceiling windows that looked out on Mercy Medical Center Parkway and the spectacular lights of the Las Vegas Strip in the distance.
Nathan bit into a brownie and realized he was starving. Lunch had been hours ago, and after Cindy’s baby bomb-shell, food had been the last thing on his mind.
He finished the brownie and scarfed down a muffin, then noticed the expectant expression on his friend’s face. “What?”
“Tell me what’s going on.”
“First you tell me why you’re so sure something is.”
She tilted her head and gave him an “oh, please” look, then sighed with resignation. “For one thing, you look just like you did when things between you and Felicia were going downhill.”
Ironic. Before the baby, there hadn’t been anything between him and Cindy except lust, but it felt like more than he’d ever had in his marriage. Felicia was a wonderful woman—pretty, funny, sweet and smart. They’d been friends and got along great. With his career on track, he’d figured it was time to get married. There was no lightning strike, but everything had pointed to them being a good match.
Only when it was too late did he realize that the logic was badly flawed and Felicia had left because he didn’t love her. That was the last thing she ever said to him.
“It was a car accident, Nathan.” Sympathy swirled in Annie’s light-blue eyes. “Some idiot had been drinking and was going too fast. He didn’t stop for the red light. That’s why she died. It had nothing to do with the fact that the two of you didn’t work as a couple.”
“I know.”
“That’s not what the look on your face says.” Annie sighed. “But I didn’t bring you here to rehash the past. I want to know why you’re hovering over that baby in the unit.”
“I always hover.”
“Not like this. Usually you’re cool and clinical. That’s not what I just saw.” She must have noticed his protest forming because she held up a hand and said, “Don’t even waste your breath.”
“Okay. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
“You didn’t.” She grinned.
He took a deep breath and said, “Cindy Elliott is pregnant with my child.”
“What?” Annie blinked. “Who?”
“She works in housekeeping here at the hospital.”
“I didn’t know you were seeing anyone.”
If just seeing her was all he’d done there wouldn’t be a baby. Seeing her had only made him want her. Wanting her had made him determined to have her. He couldn’t even say he’d been irresponsible. After seeing her earlier, he could say that having her once had definitely not made the wanting disappear. If anything, his hunger for her was stronger.
Nathan took a sip of coffee, then set the cup back on the saucer. “I met her at the hospital fundraiser.”
“But you said she works here.”
“Right.” He dragged his fingers through his hair. “I didn’t recognize her in a different environment.”
“You mean all dressed up.” Annie’s look oozed pity. “Bet that didn’t go over well.”
“You’d win that bet.” He laughed, remembering their verbal sparring that night and how clueless he’d been. It wouldn’t add anything to this story if he shared that the smell of Cindy’s perfume gave away her identity. “I asked for her phone number, but she refused to give it up.”
“Ah.” Annie held the coffee cup and her eyes sparkled with amusement that escaped him.
“What does that mean?”
“So many things, so little time.” Turning serious, she said, “You obviously got together in spite of not being able to call her.”
“Because I saw her here, there was no need for the number. I asked her out and we went to dinner.”
There was also no need to share that Cindy had agreed to see him in order to get him to back off. Now he knew that was about the jerk who used her. He wondered if having that information would have cooled his jets, then he figured probably not.
“And you’re sure the baby is yours?”
“The condom broke,” he said.
Perplexed, Annie shook her head. “Isn’t it amazing? We can build a space station and put people on it, but no one can manufacture glitch-free birth control.”
“Go figure.” He stared at the crumbs on his plate.
&nbs
p; “So that’s the reason you’re hovering.”
He nodded. “I never looked at what we do from the father side of the fence before.”
“I see.”
“That makes one of us. The thing is, I’m a doctor. I know all the things that can happen. I know what can go wrong.” He pointed at her, then himself. “We see babies every day who don’t go full term. The chances of survival go down when they’re born too early—”
“Don’t think that way,” she warned. “There’s no reason to assume a healthy woman in her—”
“Twenties,” he supplied.
“Right.” She nodded. “With good prenatal care a normal pregnancy is the probability.”
That didn’t seem like enough to ensure a healthy child, he thought. “There must be something more I can do.”
“You’re going to hate me for saying this,” she informed him.
“What?” he asked, bracing himself.
“Support Cindy emotionally.”
If he had faith in feelings, Felicia probably would still be alive. Science was what he believed in. He wasn’t aware of any scientific study that proved emotional support would guarantee a full-term, healthy child. “You know better than anyone that I don’t do emotional.”
“Right. If you can’t see or touch something, it doesn’t exist.”
They’d argued this point for hours in medical school and finally agreed to disagree. “There must be something else I can do.”
“Other than finding her the best obstetrician in the valley there’s only one other thing I can think of.”
He waited, but she didn’t say more. “Are you going to share?”
“Make sure she has what she needs to minimize her anxiety,” Annie suggested. “Don’t let her exert herself. The rest of it will just fall into place if you’re supportive of her.”
He wasn’t so sure. Cindy had been pretty concerned about work, school and the expenses involved in caring for a newborn. “Are you sure that’s enough?”
“Positive. Just physically be there.”
Okay. He could do that. He was a doctor, after all. Physical was what he did. So, it was settled. While Cindy was pregnant with his child, he would be her shadow.
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