“Baby, you’ve lost weight,” said Richard. “You’re not eating properly.”
“My appetite has been a little off. But that’s happiness.”
“You’re argumentative,” said Richard.
I shrugged. “I have my opinion. I like to share it.”
“How can your father’s betrayal not affect you?” said Richard.
“I’m over it.”
Richard looked over at Cameron.
“Dr. Lucy Raul is a great therapist,” said Cameron. “Now, if you’re not connecting with her either—”
“Why can’t you be my therapist?” I said. “You’re Richard’s, and you’re his friend.”
“Unique circumstances,” said Cameron.
“Mia, you’ve been unsettled since Napa,” said Richard. “Since you saw your father—”
“My dad’s dead. At least he wants us to believe that.”
“Well he now knows you know that he’s very much alive,” said Cameron. “Perhaps I could set up a meeting?”
“Don’t you dare.”
Richard looked shocked.
“Sorry,” I said.
Cameron’s laser focus zeroed in on me. “You’re doing well. Keep talking.”
“He might as well be dead. He faked his death so he could start a new life with a new wife.” I pulled my hand out of Richard’s grasp. “I’m fine. Therapy is like muddying the water. It’s a luxury for the rich.”
“You’re so disagreeable,” said Richard.
“Why stir all that crap up?”
“It’s more about clearing the air,” said Cameron.
“Richard, it’s not you I’m upset with,” I said. “It’s me for trusting you.”
Richard looked hurt, and I felt terrible and wanted to take it back.
“Immersing yourself in our specific lifestyle centers around trust,” said Cameron quietly.
“Richard, that first session made me feel so close to you,” I said.
“You merely got your feet wet,” said Richard. “Other than trespassing into Chrysalis, you’ve never truly been exposed to what it is we practice.”
“What about the dungeon? You took me through a session there.”
Richard looked sympathetic. “Light spanking.”
Cameron gave a nod. “What we’re trying to establish is your understanding of the psychological aspect of BDSM, which is intense. We’re talking about establishing trust before one becomes a submissive.”
“I’m stable. You just confirmed it.”
“Yes, you are, but you don’t trust us,” said Richard. “You said it yourself.”
“You have to earn trust,” I muttered.
“I should have told you immediately about your father,” said Richard. “I was trying to protect you. I love and care about you. What more do I have to do to earn your trust back?”
“Make me part of your lifestyle.”
Richard glanced over at Cameron. “We could use drastic measures?”
“What measures?” I said.
Richard ignored me and kept his focus on Cameron. “A master’s expertise.”
My toes curled in anticipation.
“You’ve got this,” whispered Cameron to him. “I think it’s only fair to give her what she’s asking for. Start slow.”
Richard turned back to me. “Mia, first I need you to open up to me.”
I folded my arms across my chest.
“So that’s a no then? That’s your answer?”
“Richard tells me you’re having nightmares?” said Cameron.
I tried to push my latest night terror from my mind, a foggy memory of me on a boat, drifting out to sea and away from Richard, away from Cameron. The only two men who had ever taken the time to know me. Love me.
Other than Bailey, I’d never felt such a connection. A feeling of belonging.
“We should explore your dreams,” said Cameron. “Mention them to Dr.—”
“You banned me from Chrysalis.” I shot him an accusatory stare.
“I fucking hate chaos,” snapped Richard.
Cameron gestured to calm him. “Let’s get back to your father, Mia. Richard has a point. We need to establish you’re in recovery from this event before—”
“It’s like there’s a tidal wave behind my words,” I said. “What if I start crying and never stop? I don’t want my past to have that kind of power over me.”
“It’s best to open up and get it behind you, baby,” said Richard. “You’ll feel better for it.”
“Does my pain scare you that much?” I said.
He looked away. “I want what’s best for you.”
“You’re what’s best for me.” I took his hand and squeezed it. “You’re scared you might break me even more, is that it?”
“How could I live with myself?” he whispered.
“You think I’m like Emily? You think I’m not strong enough.”
Richard dragged his fingers through his hair. He looked tired, worn down, as though this battle raging within was winning.
I swallowed hard. “Richard?”
“Yes,” he said quietly. “Like Emily.”
Bringing up his dead ex-fiancé was a low blow, but no crueler than refusing to give me the healing I needed. Emily, his lost love who he had lived with in New York. Emily, the elegant socialite who had slit her wrists when Richard’s father’s financial scandal had touched her family.
Cameron slid off the bed and stretched. “It’s time you two had a real talk. You both have to trust each other with your feelings. Push fear aside and share your concerns. It’s time you moved forward together.”
Richard stared down at his hands, his brow furrowed.
He still loves her.
“Stay here tonight,” said Cameron. “Get some sleep. Things are always easier to cope with in the morning.”
He closed the door behind him.
Richard unbuttoned his shirt, taking his time to undress. His eyes averted from mine. I rolled onto my side, not wanting to see the memory of Emily in his eyes.
Not wanting to see we weren’t going to make it.
CHAPTER 3
THE SOUND OF running water stirred me awake.
Sitting on the edge of the mattress, I took in Cameron’s bedroom again. His jacket was still lying across the back of that high-backed chair.
Red rose petals lay at my feel and trailed off towards the bathroom. I climbed out of bed and padded across the hardwood floor, following them.
The bath was full of water and foamy bubbles frothed. A few rose petals had been scattered upon the soap suds. Several candles were lit, their flames throwing shadows on dark green walls. With the blinds still drawn, it would be easy to forget it was dawn.
Richard sat below the window with his back pressed against the wall. “Good morning.”
I knelt at his feet and leaned into him, wrapping my arms around his neck and nuzzling close.
“I ran a bath for you.” He rose and pulled me up with him. He twirled his finger for me to turn around and tugged at the strings of the corset to free me. “Who helped you into this?”
“I tightened it and turned it around,” I said.
“Sounds like a neat party trick.” He loosened the corset enough for him to ease it up and over my head. It didn’t take him long to remove my stockings and panties too.
“Did you bring a change of clothes?” he asked.
“Yes, they’re in my car.” I turned around and took in his beautiful face that looked so worn. “Did you sleep?”
“A little.” His hand swept through my hair. “God you’re beautiful. You’ve been so knocked about by life it really has blinded you to how hauntingly gorgeous you are.”
Stepping forward, I buried my face against his chest, wooed by his words and wanting to believe them. “I came here to ask Cameron—”
“I understand.”
“No, listen.” I looked up at him. “I wanted Cameron to reassure you I am ready to be your sub.”
“Dressed like that?”
“I thought it would get his attention.”
“Oh, you got his attention.”
“I wanted him to show me how to please you.”
“You do please me. It’s not about that.” He gestured to the bath. “Get in. I’ll bathe you and we’ll talk.”
“Nothing happened.”
“I know,” he said gently. “It’s my fault you’re here. I know you felt you had no choice.”
“You’ve just been hard to talk to lately.”
“I admit it.” He gestured to the tub again. “I’ve been working through something.”
“You once told me we couldn’t be together if the dynamics of our relationship wasn’t me as your sub.”
“I was an arrogant ass.” He nudged me forward. “In.”
Dipping my foot into the hot water felt good, so welcoming.
He took hold of my forearm and guided me in and I sunk into the water. Stretching my legs out, my body disappeared beneath white bubbles frothing around me.
Richard eased my long hair away from my neck, pulling it over the back of the tub so it wouldn’t get wet. His fingers running through it made my scalp tingle, and it soothed me.
He reached for a bottle of soap and squirted a musky scented liquid onto a golden sponge and brought it up and across my throat, trailing it down and around my breasts. I let out the softest sigh. The dark, luring scent filled my nostrils and made me feel heady, along with the pleasure of being bathed. It wasn’t just where that sponge might migrate that was turning me on. The aroma was dreamy.
“I’ve been thinking,” Richard said softly. “About my lifestyle and what it means to us.”
“I so want to be part of it,” I said. “I like it.”
“Hear me out, Mia.” His frown deepened. “I know we shouldn’t talk about past loves, but for this purpose we need to.”
Cameron’s bathroom was luxurious. White tiles and gold covered faucets. The room was almost as big as my old studio apartment.
“Mia?”
Reluctantly, I snapped back to him.
“Emily wasn’t into it. She hated the idea of any kind of pain connected to sex.”
“Even though it’s cathartic?”
He shot me a look of sympathy, as though sensing I wasn’t getting where he was coming from. This seemed hard for him too, and the sooner it was out the better it would be for both of us.
He swept the sponge across my belly, moving in circles. “I loved her completely. So much so that I was willing to change. Be anything she wanted me to be.”
“What did she want you to be?”
“Normal.”
I too had asked Richard to pull back on his involvement with the scene. I’d even gone as far as asking him not to take part in his regular duties as one of Chrysalis’s senior dominants. I regretted that now.
“I turned vanilla for her.” Richard squirted more soap onto the sponge.
I gripped his forearm, hoping he’d read from me the words I wasn’t ready to say. The need for me to be taken, dominated, mastered, enslaved. Richard had awoken within me a need so deep that I marveled I had never known that part existed until he’d roused it that evening in Enthrall. That night he’d taken me into the depths of the club and brought more pleasure then I had ever known.
“I love you,” said Richard, shaking me from my daydreaming. “You’ve already been through too much to endure any more mishandling.”
“What are you saying?”
“Mia, you came to work for us at Enthrall. We took advantage of your innocence and brought you into our world when you probably would never have considered living this scene.”
“I’m glad I found it.”
Or had the scene found me?
Either way, I found it exciting and had grown to desire it completely. The enthralling intimacy shared between master and sub had an addictive intensity. And there was still the lure of Chrysalis. That sprawling manor nestled amongst the hills of Bel Air.
“What are you thinking?” asked Richard.
“Nothing.”
He peered beneath blond lashes. “You never had the chance to explore a real relationship with a man who is gentle and loving—”
“You’re gentle and loving.”
“Yes, but I also have an inclination to do very bad things to you.”
I swooned with the thought. “I want that.”
“No, Mia. Look, we’ve swept you up into our world and quite frankly you don’t belong.”
“What are you saying?” I reached for his arm.
“It’s my job to protect you. Even if it means protecting you from me.”
“But Richard—”
“I’ve given this a great deal of thought.”
My head spun into a panic. “But I—”
“I’m going to give it up.”
Or was it the room spinning? It was hard to tell. Richard threatening to deny his natural urges went beyond his promise to protect me. He’d be living a lie.
“My love for you goes so deep,” he said. “You’re my oxygen, Mia. If I ever hurt you, I would never forgive myself.”
Sinking lower, water whooshed around me and bubbles spilled as I recalled the day he’d taken me to Hsi Lai Temple. We’d sat opposite each other sipping tea in the small corner café and he’d shared the story of how his father had betrayed the family in a crooked financial scheme. The incident had brought shame. The fallout forced Richard into hiding and he had dropped his last name, Sheppard.
We’d both been dealt a cruel hand. Only Richard had survived his, guided through the healing process by Cameron. A remarkable feat by a talented therapist. Though Cameron’s unusual techniques were never discussed. Nor would they ever be, apparently.
The very reason I’d come here.
This misunderstanding was forcing a fracture in a perfect relationship. The trust we once shared was an illusion.
“I like it when you spank me,” I whispered.
“Spanking leads to darker exploits.” He brushed a strand of hair out of my eyes. “It triggers something in me.”
“Which I want to explore.”
“No, Mia. It’s best it remains dormant.” He swept the sponge between my thighs and I arched my back, pushing my breasts out of the water, my nipples hardening.
“I can still fuck you hard, baby.”
But it’s not enough.
It will never be enough. Not now. Not after he’s shown me what ecstasy is.
“But you need it,” I said. “You find solace in it.”
“I find solace in you.”
He moved the sponge languidly between my thighs. Widening my legs, I moaned my pleasure. Gripping the edge of the bath, I lost my will to speak.
“I’ll do anything to protect you,” he said. “Keep you from danger.”
My head fell back and I stared up at the ceiling. The truth seemed to seep out of those dark green walls as I realized he feared I was as vulnerable as Emily. His lost love he’d been destined to marry. Emily, who bled out from her wrists after slicing through them with a razorblade. Emily, who he’d found dead in the bath—
I scrambled to get out, knocking his hand away then staggering from the bath.
“Mia?” Richard reached for me.
My feet slipped on the tile. Righting myself, I stumbled forward, reaching for the door handle. Naked and still covered in soap suds, I burst into the bedroom.
And jolted to a stop—
Cameron stood inside the door.
His gaze rose from the screen of his phone and locked on me. “Breakfast?” he said calmly.
I wrapped my arms around myself in a futile attempt to cover up.
The warmth of a towel enveloped me.
“Mia, what’s wrong?” said Richard, pulling me back towards him. “Did I say something to upset you?”
“Mia?” said Cameron, his tone deep.
I gestured to the bathroom, but I couldn’t say her name.
C
ameron took in the scattered petals. “Looks romantic.”
“I fucked up,” said Richard.
“I don’t see how,” said Cameron.
“I’m such an idiot.”
Cameron tucked his phone into his pants pocket. “Well, Mia?”
I swallowed hard, feeling the terrible awkwardness, and said timidly, “Emily died in the bath.”
Cameron frowned. “Richard had nothing to do with that.”
“No, but—”
“Then apologize,” said Cameron.
“She doesn’t need to apologize,” said Richard. “It’s my fault.”
“Sorry,” I said. “My mind kind of ran off.”
“It’s my fault.” Richard gave a nod. “I wanted to create a new memory. I thought it would help push out the old one.”
“Marvelous idea,” said Cameron. “Maybe next time share the plan. Look, I have to go into work. I have a patient waiting for me in the ER. He’s had a psychotic break, according to the resident.” He arched a brow. “Looks like a current theme.”
“We’re fine.” Richard gestured this was all some big misunderstanding.
“Mia?” asked Cameron. “You okay?”
I gave a shrug. “I overreacted.”
“I agree. Get back in the bath,” he said.
I stepped back, but he quickly closed the gap between us.
“This moment is evidently not for you,” said Cameron. “Richard is working through something. Be patient with him. Give him what he needs.”
Despite Cameron being set on using this moment to help his best friend, my uncertainty grew. I glared at Cameron for his misplaced encouragement. “I’d rather take a shower,” I said.
“Of course,” said Richard.
“Richard says he’s giving up the lifestyle,” I burst out.
Cameron gave a nod. “Whatever makes him happy.”
“You won’t change my mind,” said Richard.
“Your happiness has always been of the highest importance to me,” said Cameron. “You know that.”
“I have your support then?”
“Are you giving it up for you or her?” asked Cameron.
“She’s so fragile.”
“I disagree.” Cameron leaned towards me and reached for my towel. He grabbed a corner and pulled it off.
Naked again, I relaxed and dropped my arms to my side. A sense of freedom flooded me. No more hiding.
Enthrall Her Page 2