“We must respect Richard’s wishes,” he said. “I must respect Richard’s wishes.”
“Richard’s wrong,” I whispered.
Cameron went to speak and then seemed to think better of it. His eyes locked onto something outside the window.
I let out a long sigh.
“Mia, share that thought with me,” he said, that steely focus back on me.
Cameron, there’s something about you.
“Have you not learned by now you can tell me anything?” he said. “That nothing shocks or offends me?”
“As far as I’m concerned you’re all going to hell,” I snapped.
He laughed. “Where did that come from?”
I glanced over at the spanking bench and then back at him.
“As much as you want me to spank you for that, it’s not going to happen.” He looked sympathetic. “Mia, it’s not a no. It’s a not right now.”
“I failed you.”
“Why do you say that?”
“You needed me to help you save Richard. All I’ve done is hinder his recovery.”
“Richard’s doing great. Because of you. Now it’s our turn to be there for you.”
“How did you know?” I said. “When you first found me. How did you know I would be drawn to this lifestyle?”
“A hunch. The only way to know for sure was to get you in front of three of the world’s most distinguished dominatrixes.”
“During my interview?”
“Lady Penny is not only my secretary, she’s also a qualified psychologist.”
“They knew when they interviewed me?”
“I validated their findings when I met you.” He glanced at his watch. “I have to go. I have a clinic starting in an hour.”
Surely sailing around the world on a yacht or hanging out at a gentleman’s club would be less stressful than being a doctor? Cameron really was interesting. And so damned handsome. Part of his allure was the kindness in his smile. The same one he held for me now.
“Aren’t you volunteering at the soup kitchen tonight?” he said. “Leo will pick you up at five.”
“I can drive myself.”
“He’ll drive you.”
I shrugged my reluctance and glanced over at the spanking bench, the only therapy that felt like it would work.
“Finish up on your sessions with Dr. Raul,” said Cameron, “and maybe Richard will come round.”
I headed towards the door.
“Goodbye then.”
I ignored him.
“No goodbye, Mia?”
I grabbed the handle, wondering how he’d react when I slammed the door.
“Mia,” he said softly. “Come here.”
Slowly, I turned to face him and forced myself not to roll my eyes.
“Now, please.”
I couldn’t look away, couldn’t turn away. “What?”
Cameron rested a finger beneath my chin and raised it. His gaze, his touch, his attention, caused a shudder.
My nipples hardened, pushing through my blouse and giving away my secret crush.
“We need to shatter that barrier,” he said.
A frisson tingled and spiraled, and invisible fireworks burst out of my chest as though in testimony to our forbidden chemistry.
Scarlet’s words came back to me. “His special brand of skills will change you irrevocably.”
“Mia,” he said.
A wave of lightheadedness. “Yes.”
“After much thought…”
I blinked up at him.
“Make mine an Earl Grey.”
I scurried out.
Being around him was making my heart ache. And I had no idea why.
CHAPTER 6
CAMERON ARRANGED THIS for me.
Despite my initial reservation of volunteering at Charlie’s Soup Kitchen in Santa Monica, I soon learned what a joy it was to serve nutritious hot meals to the homeless. Dr. Laura had been right about concentrating on other people’s needs and I’d come to realize I was pretty lucky.
After settling in and getting to know everybody and where everything was, I felt like I belonged here. The modest kitchen was staffed by two chefs, Andre and Jose, and they worked here full time serving the dining room, which sat just over fifty at a time.
Charlie’s was run by Luke and Rebecca, a young married couple, and they made me feel welcome. This was my third week and I was being treated like a respected member of the team. After finishing off my errands that included stock taking in the kitchen, as well as wiping down the tables in the front after closing, I waved goodbye to Rebecca and Luke who were getting ready to lock up.
I grabbed my purse and made my way outside.
Leo had gone for the car. His constant presence made me wonder if he also served as my bodyguard. Throughout my shift, he’d sat at a corner table while watching customers come and go and only occasionally took his eyes off me to check his phone. His towering height, classic square jaw, and flawless suit and tie, hinted of his military background that Cameron had mentioned. Leo had apparently been a marine and had even seen action. Those dark eyes might have been kind but they also hid an interesting past.
I waited for him on the corner, a little way down from Charlie’s. I didn’t want to be seen climbing into a top of the line Rover Land Cruiser.
“Mia!”
My gut wrenched when I saw Lorraine, my step-mother. There was no sign of the Rover, so there was no chance of hopping in and making my escape. Lorraine crossed the street. That wrangle with breast cancer had left her painfully thin, but at least her hair was growing back. Dressed in low hung jeans and a T-shirt, she actually looked better than she had in years. Her remission had given her a new lease on life it seemed. The lightness in her step had made its way back.
“Mia, please,” she said. “We have to talk.”
“Did Bailey tell you I work here?” I was unable to suppress my annoyance.
“You won’t return any of my calls.”
“Lorraine,” I said. “I’ve already told you I need more time. What you did to me was unforgiveable.”
“I’m here to explain.”
“You knew my dad was alive and you let me believe he wasn’t. Have you any idea how cruel that was?”
“I was trying to protect you. It was hard to tell you. He rejected me too, Mia. He started a new life without us.” She looked frustrated. “I only found out he was still alive days before you did.”
“That’s a lie,” I said. “And you know it. You got rid of all his stuff in a fit of rage and you had me help. You told me we needed the money.”
“It wasn’t easy taking you on, Mia.”
“I’m not ready for this,” I said wearily.
The Rover pulled curbside and Lorraine gave it a passing glance. “Where are you living now?”
“With a friend.”
She had no right to know about Richard.
Leo leaped out of the driver’s side, his dark eyes trying to get a read on Lorraine. He opened the rear passenger door and gestured for me to get in.
“Do you know this man?” asked Lorraine.
“Yes, of course. Bailey tells me you’re in remission. I’m happy for you. Really I am.”
She looked guilty. “Look, I know this is a bad time…”
I swallowed hard, reaching into my handbag and pulling out the rest of my cash. “Sorry, it’s all I have on me.”
She took the thirty dollars and shoved it away in her bag, throwing a self-conscious glance at Leo. “You’re a good daughter.”
“I’m sorry, but us meeting is too soon,” I said.
“Who are you?” she snapped at Leo.
“He’s a friend,” I said. “He’s taking me home.”
She looked harried. “Bailey tells me you’re working for some wealthy men. They’re not taking advantage of you are they?”
Bailey had no right to share anything about my new life. I’d have to warn her to keep her big mouth shut. “Lorraine, you lost the
right to know anything about my life when you betrayed my trust.”
“Mia, please.”
“It’s best we don’t see each other for a while. I’m working through everything and this isn’t healthy for me. My therapist—”
“Therapist?” she said. “How can you afford that?”
“I’m not paying for it,” I said, hating where this was going. “I’m sorry, I have to go.”
“Who does this car belong to?”
“My boss.”
“I’m worried about you,” she said, gesturing towards Leo. “Is he your boss?”
“No.” I climbed into the back of the car and Leo shut the door behind me.
Sinking into the luxury leather and feeling guilty for leaving her behind, I burst into tears, unable to stop the torrent of emotion that had merely lay beneath the surface. Lorraine had betrayed me but she still needed me too. I didn’t feel strong enough for either of us right now. Seeing her again dragged it all back. That terrible day when I’d discovered my father was still alive and had abandoned me. Lorraine had kept the truth from me. My father had not only left a bad marriage with his second wife, Lorraine, he’d also struck a deal with the devil and left me behind too.
Forgiveness seemed out of reach for either of them.
Leo didn’t question me about Lorraine. He merely played track after track of loud music, blasting it through hidden speakers as though knowing I needed this distraction. He took the side streets to get me home as quickly as possible. The music lulled me, though barely touched the surface of this self-hate.
I’d brought this all on myself. All of it.
Refusing to let Richard see me like this, I made my way inside the house and went straight for our bedroom. Splashing water on my face, I shoved down the pain. A shift in my mood always unsettled Richard. Since moving in with him three weeks ago, I’d learned to suppress my angst. He had enough of his own demons to contend with.
This Mediterranean Malibu beach house was Richard’s home, despite him insisting this was our place now. With its spacious rooms, including five bedrooms, it was tastefully decorated with immaculate furniture as well as those impressive far eastern pieces he’d collected from his world travels. There was also the usual suspect of his bachelor past, a den full of New York Giants memorabilia. Whenever he was in there, I left him alone. I was more than happy to swim in the sparkling pool or take a walk down the pathway at the end of the garden. It led onto a beach. That ocean still awed me, even now.
It was hard to feel I belonged amongst all this luxury.
Within minutes I’d changed into my little black dress that would be perfect for tonight’s event at Pendulum. The place that didn’t exist. The place that Richard was taking me tonight. Despite Cameron expressing his reservations, I knew Richard wouldn’t take me anywhere I wasn’t ready for.
After putting the finishing touches on my makeup, I slid into my strappy high-heels. A fluff of my hair and I was ready.
Richard was in the kitchen. He was feeding Winston, his British Bulldog.
“I didn’t hear you come in?” he said. “You didn’t come find me.”
He looked swanky in black pants and a white shirt. His hair was newly washed and I wanted to bury my nose in it.
His pale blue eyes took in my dress. “Are you wearing that to see Dr. Laura?”
My sense of unease persisted. “My appointment’s cancelled.”
“Did she cancel it?”
“You didn’t ask me about Charlie’s.”
He shook his head as though shaking off a thought. “How did it go?”
“Great. I like it there. I’d love for you to do a shift with me.”
“Sure.” He didn’t sound convincing. “Just tell me Leo doesn’t take his eyes off you?”
“Everyone is super nice. It’s very safe.”
He rolled his eyes. “Until it’s not.”
“Cameron’s seems fine with me being there. He agrees with Dr. Laura—”
“Have you been crying?”
“Seasonal allergies. Do you have any Benadryl?”
“I have Claritin. Benadryl will make you drowsy. Sure you’re okay?”
“Never better,” I said sheepishly.
“Why are you dressed up?”
“For tonight.”
Richard opened another cabinet door. “Not this one, baby. It’s a private event. Members only. Sorry. This one’s been on the books awhile.”
“Where are you going?”
“Manhattan Beach.” But he didn’t say Pendulum. He merely moved on to another cabinet. “That’s weird.”
“What are you looking for?”
“I could have sworn we had a full jar of peanut butter.” He scratched his head and stared into the cupboard as though expecting it to reappear.
I bent down to pat Winston.
“I was going to make myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich,” he said.
“Why can’t I come with you?”
He turned to look at me. “It’s a boy’s night.”
I tried to keep the disappointment out of my voice. “Is Cameron going?”
“No, he’s still at the office.” Richard pulled out his cell. “There’s lasagna in the fridge. Or you can order in. Did you cancel your appointment because you thought you were coming with me?”
I feigned I was helping look for that jar of peanut butter, opening the cabinets one by one.
Richard stared at his BlackBerry. “Cameron’s asking why you cancelled the car.”
“How does he know?”
Jeez, that guy didn’t miss anything.
Richard came towards me and cupped my chin. “You’ve told me these sessions with Dr. Raul help you. They are helping, aren’t they? You’re not just telling me what you think I want to hear?”
“They are helping.” I broke away from him.
Instead of an intriguing evening at a secret location, I was going to trawl through painful memories so a doctor could get paid. The entire process was a waste of time.
“You know you can tell me anything, Mia, right?”
“Yes.”
“Then tell me why you were crying?”
I wanted to tell him not to go out tonight, but I didn’t want to be that kind of girlfriend.
I headed back into the bedroom.
“Why won’t you open up to me?” he said.
“I’m fine,” I called back. “I wish you’d leave me alone.”
“I’m telling Cameron you’re seeing Dr. Raul.” Richard followed me down the hallway. “And please, this time open up to her. She costs a small fortune.”
“I thought Cameron was the best therapist?”
“You need gentle handling. A female therapist—”
“Isn’t that reversed sexism?”
He followed me into the bedroom. “Can I say this, Mia?”
Defiantly, I rested my hands on my hips.
“We have a bright future together. I love you. I want you to be happy. It makes me sad to see you sad.”
I fell into his arms and hugged him tight.
“See? Everything’s fine,” he said, rubbing my back.
He was right. I’d been so guarded lately, so full of mistrust. It was time to find my center, just as Dr. Laura had suggested.
It was time to trust again.
Richard kissed my forehead. “Besides, there’s no fucking around in Cameron’s chair.” He laughed. “He wouldn’t put up with your attitude.”
I thumped Richard playfully. “And look how you turned out.”
“Exactly. Cameron’s mad experiments turned me into a psychological Frankenstein.”
I stared up at him.
“I’m joking,” he said. “Despite my reluctance to admit it, Cameron’s a genius.”
“My loveable Frankenstein,’ I said, laughing. “Let’s go find you something to eat before you go out.”
“Ten girlfriend points. Looks like you made it back to even.”
I thumped him again and
together we made our way back towards the kitchen.
CHAPTER 7
RICHARD HAD FORGOTTEN his BlackBerry. I grabbed it and flew out the front door.
His Mercedes sped out the driveway, passing the black Land Cruiser pulling in. My ride was here. Leo threw me a wave to let me know he’d seen me. I ran back inside and grabbed my purse, dropping Richard’s BlackBerry inside it. I set the alarm on the way out.
Thanking Leo for holding the rear passenger door open for me, I climbed in and settled into the backseat, sinking into the soft leather.
“Small detour,” I told Leo. “Manhattan Beach. Richard’s forgotten his phone and he’ll be lost without it.”
“Well be cutting it tight, Ms. Lauren.”
“It’s okay,” I said. “Can you follow Richard’s car?”
Leo glanced at me in the rearview. “The Mercedes? Sure.”
“Thank you.”
It felt good to be bailing Richard out, and I was glad Leo offered no resistance. He did, after all, have Cameron to answer to, but he’d understand.
We left Malibu along the Pacific Coast Highway, keeping Richard’s car in our sights, heading towards Manhattan Beach.
The ride was smooth, and despite some traffic slowing us down we followed the sunset along, all the way to Pine Avenue.
As we pulled up, I saw Richard parked in front of a sprawling white house. All modern glass windows and soft lighting coming from inside. I’d not expected him to be visiting a private residence. He leaned against his Mercedes, his arms folded.
I was so happy to have come through for him. He might even change his mind now and let me join him.
“Leo,” I said. “Can you pull round there.”
He drove around the corner so we were out of sight and pulled up to the curb.
“Give me a few minutes.” I stepped out.
Richard might be a little annoyed to see me at first, but once I’d handed over his phone he’d be relieved and I’d earn more girlfriend points. It made me happy.
I slunk back behind a palm tree.
Richard had approached a cab that had pulled up behind his car. He opened the rear door and a tall, leggy blonde climbed out. She looked about thirty, and if you’d have told me she modeled for Victoria’s Secret I’d have believed it.
Her sparkly silver dress was way too short and showed off her stocking tops. Bright red lipstick marked a stunning face, flowing locks, and unlike me she was busty. She oozed sex appeal. And she was wearing a black collar around her perfect slim neck.
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