by Lyn Lowe
“There won’t be anything to catch, if they think I’m a Hollow too.”
Vaughan’s eyes widened to the size of fists. “You can’t!”
“Sure I can. I spent a long time not speaking, before they brought me back here. It’s easier than you think. And anyone can stare blankly into space when their lives depend on it.”
“No,” his friend insisted. “I know you can do it, I mean you don’t want to. Kaie, you have no idea what it means to be a Hollow with the military! You’re better off waiting for the Namers!”
“They can only follow simple instructions. There’s only a couple of things a military would do with people like that. I’m guessing they’re the ones thrown in to enemy ambushes and certain death. That only matters if I can’t get away before we reach the front lines.”
“It might matter a lot sooner than that. I’ve heard what the soldiers say about the Hollows, when they’ve come before. They don’t just get sent off to die. I think… I’m pretty sure the soldiers have sex with them too.”
That could make things complicated. He wasn’t going to play statue while some sword waving asshole tried to poke him. But that only mattered if someone decided to try. There was no reason to assume he would be put in that situation. He would plan for it, but he wasn’t about to scrap the idea on a possibility.
“Doesn’t matter.” He picked up Keegan and climbed to his feet. The boy made unhappy noises, but didn’t start screaming, so Kaie started pacing. “Is there any way to get another body added to that list? Make the soldiers think there should be five?”
“I…” Vaughan stared at the floor and chewed on a lip. “Maybe. Are you… are you sure about this? You can’t take Peren and Keegan with you.”
“That is no different than it ever was.”
Vaughan pursed his lips. “You are leaving them to a hard life.”
Kaie shrugged. It wasn’t an easy knowledge to live with. It kept him awake since Josephine told him about the time limit on his happy family. “I’ll be doing it to them one way or another. You survived without any parents. At least Keegan will have you and Peren.”
The other man frowned. “I survived because she needed me. That wasn’t enough for our mother. What if it’s not enough for Peren either?”
“She’s stronger than that,” he insisted. “She’s not going to let Keegan grow up without her.”
Vaughan let out a slow breath. “My mother said that too, once.”
“That won’t happen with her.”
“You can’t be sure of that. Peren’s too young to understand what she’s signed up for, but we both know this life has broken more than have survived it.”
Kaie snorted. “You’re big brother routine is touching. Truly. But Peren’s plenty old enough to understand. She’s what, twenty? And a mother. At some point, you’re going to have to face the fact that she’s a grown-up too.”
“More like twelve,” Vaughan muttered, crossing his arms over his chest. “It doesn’t matter how old she is. She’s still my sister, and Keegan is still your son. That’s supposed to mean something.
Kaie shook his head. He couldn’t explain how much it meant to him. He couldn’t even give Vaughan a hard time about the unfair comment about Peren’s maturity. The conversation couldn’t continue. It was too easy to think about Peren curling up into herself every night, tears gathering at the corners of her eyes. Too easy to imagine all the ways his life might end up ruining hers.
“I need to know where this pick-up is happening, and how to get there without my own Hollow shadow or Boss Geo interfering.”
“I… You want me to figure all of that out?”
“No. You find out the first part. Smart people will handle the rest.”
The boy nodded, not responding to the insult.
“Okay. Then we just have to figure out a way to set the Autumnsong estate on fire without killing anyone.”
Vaughan groaned but didn’t argue.
Seven
“What do you think?”
Peren tilted her head to the right, the way that always reminded him of a bird. “It’s not stupid.”
“Of course not,” Kaie scoffed. “I’m asking if you have any ideas about ditching the Hollow escort and Geo.”
“Yes.”
He waited. She said nothing else, just tucked a blanket around Keegan. The kid didn’t so much as whimper. Brat.
Peren came back to sit against the wall, taking her usual place under his arm. He felt the tension drain from her shoulders as she pressed against him. This was Kaie’s favorite part. Well, second favorite, but a close second. Would she still relax like that, when he was gone?
“Well?”
“Well what?”
He scowled at her, but she batted her long blonde eyelashes at him with such an overdramatic imitation of innocence, the expression dissolved into a chuckle. “Well, what’s your recipe for rat stew? You know what.”
“Oh that. Yes. I have a cunning plan.”
“Gods woman. Cut the games and just tell me.”
She snickered and poked him in the side hard enough to bruise. “That’s not asking nice.”
Kaie rolled his eyes. “Peren, precious, would you please tell me what you’ve thought of to keep the bad folks from scooping out my brain again?”
“Better.” She tipped her head up like she was thinking. Or trying to get a kiss. It was hard to tell with this girl. “But no. You haven’t earned it yet.”
He sighed. “What?”
“You’re always so serious. All sweaty work-outs and broody plotting. And broody storming out. Some of it is quite sexy, but it’s no fun. You should tell me jokes or a story. You were always good at telling stories.”
“Peren,” he squeezed the bridge of his nose between the fingers of his free hand. “I don’t know any stories anymore.”
“So make one up!” She insisted. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to strangle her or laugh. Both options were appealing. “Or… oh! Sing me a song!”
Mother of his child. Laugher it was. “I’m not singing.”
“I bet you have a great singing voice!” Peren prodded. “If you won’t sing for my idea, won’t you sing for me?”
He twisted around until they were facing each other, tucking a strand of her hair back behind her ear. “I am not going to sing, Peren.”
She sighed and slumped back against the wall, pulling away from him. “You’re no fun. Sometimes I miss when you were fun.”
He tried to keep his face blank. She saw through it. She lifted a hand to his cheek, flashing a smile that showed off the gap in her front teeth. “Hey, I said sometimes. This, all this, it means you’re leaving. I just wish you could be happy for a little bit of the time you’ve got left with us.”
“What makes you think I’m not?” That hurt too.
“Because you’re different this time. Before, with you being all lost and broken, you needed me. This time you don’t need me. You don’t need anybody. You’re all angry and intense and full of fiery purpose, and it doesn’t seem to leave you room for anything else. I like to think you stay here because you want me… But if you do, it’s not because I make you happy. I know that. I just wish it could be.”
Kaie grimaced. He wanted to tell her how wrong she was, how the glimmer of happiness he got from imagining her in his cell was just a shadow of what he found here with her and Keegan. The words got caught in his throat. If he said it out loud, she could use it against him.
“It’s not a game Peren.”
She shook her head and folded her legs up against her chest. “You’re wrong. That’s all life is.” Peren tucked a strand of her hair back behind her ears and pursed her lips. For a moment, Kaie was afraid she was going to cry. She didn’t.
“Boss Josephine told you about the revolt last time you were taken,” she began slowly. “They asked me to join them. I didn’t, because of Keegan. And because I knew you would be mad at me, if I threw away my life for yours. But I do know everyone who did.
Not all of them were from East Field, either.”
Kaie arched his eyebrow as he tried to banish images of Peren being executed from his mind. “Who in West Field gives a damn about me? Aside from you.”
She rolled her eyes and smiled. “Plenty of people. You have this thing about you – you always have – where people around you just feel more… hopeful. I’ve never been able to figure out what it is. You remind us all of what we used to be, and what we might be again. Some people hate you for it, but mostly it makes everyone want to be with you. On your side.”
“Anyway, only one person from West Field joined the actual riot. The plan was to bring you here – to me, I think – once the others got you out. So there had to be people here waiting, to protect and help you when you got here and could plan the escape. None of them were caught. They’re all still waiting for your great bid for freedom.”
Kaie flinched. “I’m going to lead a bunch of idiots to their deaths to cover my own escape.”
Peren studied him thoughtfully. It was the same look she gave to the stew every night. It left him feeling a distinctly unpleasant kinship with his dinner. “Why not?”
He scowled. “Because.” Because he liked the tiny smile on her lips each morning, when she looked through him and saw something good. Because he never wanted her to look at him the way Josephine did, back at the well, with disappointment and a desire to be done with him. Because she and Keegan would be left behind to face the consequences of anything he did to get away and it was bad enough that he was abandoning them without adding more deaths to his name. Because he didn’t want his son growing up thinking he was a monster.
“Oh. Because. I see now.” Peren shrugged her shoulders. “They don’t need to die to be a distraction. And that’s really all you need.”
The instant the last word was out of her mouth, everything snapped into place. It was all so perfect he laughed out loud.
“I knew you would figure it out,” Peren said softly. She leaned forward and ran her fingertips across his jawline. “I didn’t think it would be harder to say goodbye this time. I didn’t think it could be.”
Kaie grinned and caught her fingers up in his hand, kissing them as he tugged her gently forward, into his arms. “I’m not going anywhere tonight.”
She gave him a stern look, but let him pull her close. “Don’t think you can have your way with me, just because you’ve figured things out.”
“Or because I have almost every night?” He teased.
She stuck out her tongue. “Exactly. I’m not that kind of girl.”
“Come on Peren,” he coaxed, kissing her wrist as he pulled her into his lap. “This might be my last night with you. Tomorrow, I might be running for my life, with nothing but dreams of you to keep me company. If you say no, we can forget it. But, if this is our last night, couldn’t we spend it like this?”
She blinked, looking at him owlishly. She pulled back from the kiss he was trying to place on her neck, but not far enough to be a rejection. “Why did you say that?”
Kaie smirked. “Because I am trying to be so charming, you have no choice but to bed me.”
Peren laughed, hard enough to turn her face red and bring out a handful of snorts. “Oh no! It’s going to take more than a charming smile to win me over! You are going to have to earn it!”
“Earn it?” He tried to frown but got the feeling it wasn’t very convincing. “I told you already, I’m not singing!”
“If you want me to take these pants off, you will this time!”
And, because he really did want those pants off, this time he did.
Eight
It wasn’t their last night together. Nor was the next one, or the one after that. By the fifth day, Kaie was starting to worry that the Namers would arrive before the soldiers did. He was scrambling to come up with any other plan. Short of using up the lives of the people of West Field, he couldn’t come up with anything. That option was becoming significantly more appealing with each passing day. Better Keegan know him a monster than a Hollow.
Peren kept shooting him glances. She was on the other side of the shack, holding Keegan up so the baby could play at walking, while he stitched closed a hole in one of her spare shirts. He yelled, earlier, about how often he needed to do that. She was likely the most klutzy creature in all creation. But he didn’t really care about that, and they both knew it. So she took his tirade without a word, which made him feel like an ass. He wished that, just once, she would fight back.
She was waiting for him to explode. Kaie didn’t see any problem with admitting that he didn’t start out particularly sane to begin with, and this was pushing the limits dangerously close. The fact that he just sewed her shirt into his pants was a pretty clear indication that his mind was not as it should be.
“Gods dammit.”
“You could just run,” she said softly. “We all could. Vaughan could use the Jhoda to keep us safe.”
He scowled at her. “If your brother thought there was any chance of that working, you two would’ve been gone long before I knew you. The first time I knew you.”
“No,” she insisted quietly. “He didn’t think that way before we knew you. I know it would be hard, but it’s better than waiting for them to come take you…”
He opened his mouth, not sure what was going to come out. Nothing pleasant. Her proposal sent a blade of regret, well aimed and white hot, right through his gut.
He was spared the fresh layer of guilt. Vaughan burst into their home, forgoing the usual knock on the wall. The boy was flustered, hair wild and face bright red, as he gasped for air.
“I came as soon as I could! They got here a few hours ago. They’re leaving soon!”
Peren scooped up Keegan and the two of them were at his side in an instant. Kaie ripped the stitching he just finished, removing the shirt from the leg of his pants and letting it fall to the floor. He felt the fingers of her hand trail down his right arm and slide into his hand. He laced his own around them, squeezing. “They’re here.”
Kaie let out a slow breath, a little amazed at how calm he felt.
“Okay. You ready?”
“No!” Vaughan gasped. “I can’t do this!”
Kaie swallowed, hard, against the shout rattling in his throat. This was not the time for threats. With so much effort it made his face hurt, he smiled. “Hey, don’t be an idiot. Of course you can. I’ve seen you use your magic for stuff way more complicated than this.”
“It’s not about complicated…”
“Exactly!” Kaie barreled ahead, releasing Peren’s hand so that he could put one on each of Vaughan’s shoulders. “Look, I know you’re afraid you’re going to get caught. I get that. But you know me pretty well. Is there any chance I’d ask you to do this, if I thought you’d screw it up and get us found out?”
“No,” Vaughan admitted.
“Right. I’m not risking the only other person in Lindel who can look out for Peren and my son. I’d rather go back to the Namers myself. I’m counting on you, Vaughan. Not just for this, but for every day after.”
The other man’s eyes lifted from the earth and spine straightened. With a tight grin of his own, Vaughan offered his hand. “I won’t let you down.”
Kaie relaxed into a more earnest smile and took the man’s wrist in a firm shake. “Never thought otherwise,” he lied. “Remember, count to fifty after you get to the first house. And when you’re done, don’t follow the path. Cut through the field. The lights aren’t strong enough to reach that far.”
“I will,” Vaughan promised. Then, quickly as he appeared, he darted out the door and into the night.
He wanted to follow. Ached to, actually. But the timing needed to be perfect. So he was stuck in the house, hoping that everyone remembered their jobs. And with no choice but to say goodbye to the one person in the whole damned estate he didn’t know how to let go.
She was waiting, when he finally managed to turn around. There were none of the tears he expected.
Not from her, and not from their son. She was too strong for that.
Keegan launched forward as Kaie took a step close. There was one terrifying second, when Peren lost her hold on the boy and he didn’t quite get his where the boy almost went down head-first. But Keegan didn’t seem to notice, thrusting two chubby arms forward until all ten tiny fingers were wrapped up in Kaie’s hair. And pulling.
He shouted with pain as his head jerked forward under the weight. It took Peren’s help, and a great deal of cursing before he was able to free himself. The boy’s grip was like steel. The whole time, Keegan didn’t crack a single smile, staring on with an intensity that didn’t belong on the face of a baby.
“What in the Abyss was all that?” Kaie demanded, massaging his scalp as he handed Keegan back.
Peren was snickering, but she sobered up at the question. “He knows you’re leaving.”
He rolled his eyes. “You too? Peren, precious, I want to think our son’s a genius just as much as you and your brother, but he’s not even talking. He doesn’t know.”
She shook her head with a sad smile and took Keegan to his basket, placing him inside with a soft kiss. “I’m not saying he understands. But he knows; has known for weeks, I think. Don’t ask me to explain it. I can’t. But don’t you tell me I’m crazy.”
“Fine,” Kaie agreed with a shrug. What use was arguing? He wouldn’t change her mind. Instead, he knelt on the other side of the basket and, taking pains to hold his hair away from where tiny fingers could reach, leaned in and kissed Keegan’s head as well.
“You be smart little man,” he murmured. “Don’t worry about good. You be smart and fast and strong. But especially smart. I won’t forget you. Not ever. You stay alive and safe until I can figure out a way to come get you.”
Keegan made the strange, intense face again and reached for him. Kaie leaned away just in time to keep his ear out of the boy’s hand. He couldn’t help but chuckle. “Good boy.”