I sucked him off until his body tensed up with his approaching climax, his hands clenching in his hair and his eyes fluttering, then I stopped. A desperate whine escaped his lips as he met my eyes again. "Not yet, baby," I told him breathlessly, feeling just as desperate as he did. His brow furrowed in frustration, but he didn't argue with me, letting me keep the control I needed right now.
I climbed further up his body, and the frustration in his eyes bled away as I lowered my soaking wet sex down onto the underside of his cock where it rested on his belly. I rubbed my folds up and down his length and watched him bite his lower lip. "Sydney," he moaned, all his need and desire for me evident in that single utterance of my name. I couldn't wait anymore.
I raised my hips up and reached down between my legs to grip his cock in my hand. His breath caught in anticipation as I brought the head of it to my entrance, rubbing it through the wetness there. I slipped the head into myself and slowly lowered myself onto him, feeling him fill me up and watching his eyes squeeze shut in pleasure.
"Fuck me. Fuck me please," he whimpered, his hips thrusting upward. I gasped as his cock pressed further up into me, hitting a sweet spot inside me. I lifted myself up and eased back down again, shuddering at the feel of him moving inside me. I began to move my hips up and down, resting my palms on Jensen's chest for balance. His hands moved down to cover mine, and I didn't deny him the contact. He gripped my hands tightly in his as I fucked him. I found my perfect rhythm, and he began thrusting his hips up to meet mine. I tensed as the pleasure built higher and higher, my body thrumming with it. I threw my head back, delighting in the feel of this man inside me and my love for him. I wanted this feeling to last forever.
I started to get tired, my rhythm faltering as I began losing my momentum. "Jensen," I pleaded and he understood immediately what I needed. His hands moved down to grip my hips, and he began pumping them hard and fast on his cock, my climax once again building up inside me. I was almost on the verge, my breath stuttering, when Jensen moved one of his hands, and I felt him press his thumb to my clit, sending me over the edge into pure bliss. I screamed as I felt my insides contract around him, my world ripped apart by my orgasm as it fired across my body, filling my vision with an explosion of white light. He gripped my hips with both hands again and pumped me fast and hard against himself, stretching out my release and setting off his own.
"Fuck, Sydney! Fuck!" he shouted as his body shuddered and his cock pulsed inside me as he came. His body convulsed up off the bed, his hands digging almost painfully into my hips as his climax tore through him. I slumped forward onto Jensen's chest as I came back down. I could feel his heart pounding under my ear as he wrapped his arms around me and held me against himself. We lay there together, both of us still panting for air, our bodies spent and worn out.
"I'm never leaving you again," he whispered hoarsely. "Never, I'm yours as long as you want me."
"I'll always want you," I replied vehemently and his arms tightened around me. "I need you." A sob escaped me as my emotions overwhelmed me. I felt him press his lips to the top of my head.
"Shh, baby, don't cry," he said softly. "I love you, and I'm sorry I got angry with you and tried to run. I swear I would have come back. I just couldn't handle being angry with you and I...I was afraid that I'd yell at you again."
"You can yell at me all you want, just don't ever run out on me again. Okay?" I said through my tears. I felt him nodding. "And I love you, too," I added and felt him exhale and relax underneath me. I sighed in relief and let myself drift away until sleep pulled me down and took me into its sweet embrace.
There was still a huge elephant in the room. Neither of us had mentioned what happened with David today, me out of fear of angering him again, and I think he just wanted to avoid the subject altogether. We were sitting on Jensen's couch eating the pizza that he had delivered a little while ago and watching TV. Jensen was dressed in a pair of lounge pants, and I was wearing one of his T-shirts. I could feel the tension of unspoken things between us, and it made me feel sad and a little hopeless. I still felt guilty about what I had done. Instead of having David talk to him, I should have told him what David did, and that he could help Jensen if he wanted it and left it at that. It probably wouldn't have worked anyway, but at least Jensen wouldn't have thought I was manipulating him. Hell, I had manipulated him, and I felt horrible about it.
I suddenly felt tears filling my eyes. I put my plate down next to me on the sofa, and desperately tried to stop crying. It was no good, Jensen noticed immediately. He looked at me for a moment with pursed lips and sad eyes, then moved my plate over to the coffee table along with his own and scooted closer to me.
"Baby, what's wrong?" he said as he pulled me into his arms.
"What I did to you today was horrible," I whispered as the tears coursed down my face. "I feel awful about it. I'm so sorry."
"It's okay, baby. I'm not upset about it anymore," he said as he leaned back and wiped the tears from my face with gentle fingers.
"I just wanted to help you," I said as I stared up into his eyes. "You need help," I added earnestly. He closed his eyes for a second with a deep sigh, then opened them to stare off over my head, his face unreadable. My breath caught as I feared he was pulling away from me again.
"I know," he finally spoke, so quietly that I almost didn't catch his words.
"David would be more than happy to help you or find someone else who can," I suggested and held my breath, waiting for his reaction.
He sighed again and clenched his jaw, the muscles in his cheeks flexing. "No," he said firmly as his eyes met mine. I could see a hint of anger in them. "I don't want help from David or anyone else he suggests."
"But..." I interjected.
"I'll only let you help me," he interrupted me. "I'll only talk to you."
"Why?" I asked in confusion. "I'm not qualified to do that."
"Yes, you are," he insisted. "You understand. You've been through this yourself."
"But I can't...I don't..." He silenced me with a finger on my lips.
"You make me feel safe," he told me with soft eyes, his words filling me with awe that he felt that way about me. "The closest I've ever been to talking about it was with you."
He was referring to the first panic attack I had witnessed after trying to push him into talking to me two weeks ago. It had been terrifying and heartbreaking to see. The only thing he had managed to tell me that night was that he had killed his brother Jordan. It was complete bullshit since it was an accident, but something that he truly believed deep inside. If that was the only time he shared anything with anyone, then he had a long way to go to get better. I felt overwhelmed. What if I couldn't help him or made it worse?
"I don't know, Jensen," I said anxiously. "What if I can't do it?"
"I believe in you, Sydney," he said insistently. "You're the strongest person I know."
I was speechless. I didn't know how to respond. He had a point. I had been there myself. I guess I'd been trying to block out and forget everything that happened to me back then, since I'd been doing so well these last few years. Part of me was afraid that in helping him I could stir up my old issues. That thought filled me with terror. I couldn't afford to go back to any of that, and I wasn't sure I was as strong as Jensen thought I was.
"Baby," he said as he pulled me into his arms again. "I'm not asking you to do anything right now. I'm not ready for that. I just need you to be here for me right now, alright?"
"I...I can do that," I said with a nod.
"Good." He picked up my plate off the coffee table and handed it to me. "Now finish your pizza."
"Okay," I said and settled back into the couch with my food. We settled into a comfortable silence for a while. We finished our pizza then he laid on the couch and pulled me down until I was tucked on my side between him and the back of the couch with my head on his shoulder. I placed my hand on his chest and felt the slow and steady beating of his heart. His fingers began to stro
ke the hair on the side of my head, and I sighed contentedly, nuzzling my face against his warm skin. His slow easy breaths started to lull me into sleep, and I was surprised when Jensen started speaking out of nowhere.
"I wanted to call you during...it today." His voice rumbled through his chest and vibrated against my hand. I lifted my head to look at him. He was staring at the television, his face expressionless.
"Why didn't you?" I asked him, my voice shaking a little, in shock that he was sharing anything about his panic attack with me.
"I didn't want to burden you at work with my fucked-up shit," he confessed, still not meeting my eyes.
"Well, if you want my help, that shit is going to have to end," I said sternly. He finally looked at me as amusement ghosted across his face. "I can't be there for you if you don't let me."
"I should have called you," he said with regret. "I shouldn't have disappeared all afternoon and not answered your calls. I'm sorry about that."
"Where did you go?"
"I'm not really sure," he answered sheepishly. "I just drove mindlessly around until I came to my senses and realized I needed to come get you. I feel bad that I made you sit outside that building all alone waiting for me for so long."
"It was only twenty minutes," I said reassuringly.
"I should have been there on time. I want you to be able to count on me to take care of you." His eyes filled with sadness as he held my gaze.
"You weren't late on purpose," I told him, "and you weren't thinking clearly either, baby."
He didn't respond, and he didn't seem convinced by my words, his face still looking sad and now ashamed as well.
"You know," I said with a small smile. "You don't always have to be the strong one. Sometimes I can take care of you."
He closed his eyes and sighed as a gentle smile flowed across his lips. Then he opened them again to look at me with warm affection. "I fucking love you so much," he growled out as he hugged me tight.
"And I fucking love you, too," I retorted with a warm smile of my own.
"Potty mouth," he called me with a smirk.
"Fuck you," I told him with amusement, and his eyebrows flew up at my crassness.
"Sydney Harper," he admonished me with a grin. "What has gotten into you?"
"Hopefully, your cock," I said, and he burst out laughing. It was a beautiful sound, and it was good to hear it again. It had been far too long since I had heard him laugh like that. I laughed with him, feeling joyful that he had shared some of what he was feeling with me. It was a small start, but it was definitely a move in the right direction for us. I snuggled back down into his arms to watch television with a sigh as he started stroking my hair again.
Not long after that I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew I awoke sometime in the middle of the night in Jensen's bed. His big warm body was wrapped around mine under the blankets, his steady even breathing lulling me back into slumber with a contented smile on my lips. This is where I belong.
"Wake up, baby." Jensen's deep sexy voice pulled me from sleep. I grumbled unhappily until I felt his warm soft lips touch mine. I hummed happily as he kissed me awake. When he pulled away I opened my eyes to find his smiling face hovering above mine. "Good morning," he said sweetly as he brushed my hair out of my face.
"Morning," I mumbled sleepily and smiled up at him. His face suddenly turned apologetic.
"I'm sorry," he said with concern on his face. "I can't take you to work today. After skipping out on most of yesterday I'm going to have to work late. I can take you to your car and meet you at your place after work, but we've got to get up now so you can get to work on time."
"That's alright," I continued smiling even though the clock said it was five-thirty. "I don't want to forget how to drive, and I need to go to my place anyway. I need to do some laundry and see Lauren. She probably thinks I moved in with you."
"Would that be so bad?" he asked with a suddenly serious expression.
"It's a little early in our relationship for something like that, isn't it?" I asked with a wry smile.
"You pretty much live here anyway," he said reasonably, a small smile on his lips, his eyes intent on mine.
"Stop it," I glared at him. "You're freaking me out. I'm not moving in with you right now. It's too soon."
"So...does that mean someday you will?" he asked with a boyishly hopeful expression on his face.
"You're pathetic, you know that?" I asked him as I smiled again.
"Only with you, Sydney. Only with you." He leaned forward and kissed me again.
"Now move," I told him as I pushed him away. "I need to get up." He rolled onto his side and watched me get up out of the bed. I started walking toward the bathroom when he spoke again.
"You didn't answer my question," he said in a deep sexy rasp. I turned to him with an exasperated huff.
"Fine," I conceded. "Yes, someday a long, long time from now, I'll move in with you. Is that what you wanted? Are you happy now?"
His grin was probably the biggest I had ever seen on his face. He nodded, his eyes lighting up and filling with affection. God, I loved this man.
"Good," I said brusquely, feeling my eyes misting up as I turned and hastened into the bathroom, feeling a little overwhelmed by my emotions. I could feel his eyes on me all the way across the room.
An hour or so later we were out the door and on our way to my apartment. Jensen was calm and relaxed as he drove me home in his truck. I don't think I had seen him like this since we had gotten back together. It was a welcome change. I guess talking to me last night had helped him after all. It made me feel more confident that I'd be able to help him. He pulled up in front of my building around seven to drop me off. If I was lucky Lauren would be home, and we could talk for a bit before going to work. Jensen kissed me thoroughly once the truck stopped.
"Love you, baby," he whispered in my ear then placed his hand on my jaw. "I'll miss you." His thumb caressed my lips as he held my gaze with a gentle smile on his face.
"I love you," I whispered and placed my palm on his cheek. I stared back at him helplessly. Last night was good for us. We had weathered our first fight and come out the other side stronger for it. It made me feel even more attached to Jensen, and I didn't want to leave him.
"I've got to go, baby," he said with regret. "I've got a lot to get done today."
"I don't want to be away from you," I said softly.
"Me either," he concurred. "This having to be an adult stuff sucks."
I nodded in response.
"I should hopefully be here around six-thirty or so tonight," he said.
"Alright," I said, still not moving out of my seat
"Go on." He motioned toward the door.
"You're not the boss of me," I said in mock indignation.
"Sometimes I am," he growled at me with a sexy twist of his mouth. I stuck my tongue out at him. "Don't tease me like that," he warned me as he stared at my mouth, "or I'll throw you up on the hood and eat your sweet pussy in front of the whole building until you're screaming my name."
"Now who's a tease?" I asked him seductively.
"I really have to go, baby." His voice was filled with disappointment.
"Okay," I agreed reluctantly as I opened the door. "I'll see you tonight. Love you."
"Love you too, Sydney," he said as I climbed down out of his truck. I closed the door and waved at him as he drove away.
I headed into the building when he was gone and made my way up to my apartment. My phone suddenly beeped while I was in the elevator, and I grabbed it out of purse thinking it was probably from Jensen, but it was from that same wrong number that I had gotten texts from the other day.
Do you know who he visited at work yesterday morning or who's visiting him at work today? What the hell? Who was this moron?
This is a wrong number. I texted back and got no reply. Weird. Hopefully whoever this was would take a hint and stop sending me their random bullshit.
When I e
ntered the apartment, I was happy to find that Lauren was home. I found her in her room just finishing getting dressed for the day. She was wearing a gray pencil skirt and a dark-blue short-sleeved blouse with her blond hair in loose waves.
"Looking good, sis," I commented from her doorway. She turned toward me with a grin.
"I wondered when you'd show up again. Did you run out of clothes?"
"I did, but I also missed my big sister," I told her as stepped closer to give her a hug.
"You're all touchy-feely today," she said as she hugged me back. "I take it things are going well with Jensen?"
"We had a real breakthrough last night," I said as we headed out of her room and into the hallway. "We had our first fight and worked through it."
"That's a good thing," Lauren said as we entered the kitchen.
"He actually opened up to me about some stuff, and it felt good that he trusted me that much," I continued as Lauren pulled two mugs out of one of our cupboards.
"I'm happy for you, Syd," she said with a smile as she poured coffee into the mugs. "Do you want some toast?" I nodded and took the full mug she offered me. "You know that man adores you, right?"
"I know," I said with a soft smile. "I feel the same way about him."
"Just promise me that you guys will take it slow," she said with concern in her blue eyes as she pulled a loaf of bread out of the cupboard. "I don't want to see you get hurt again."
"We're not moving in with each other or anything like that," I assured her. "We just needed to be together to reconnect this week."
"Just be careful, okay?" she said as she turned away from the toaster after putting the bread into it. Her eyes were serious and a little worried. "You guys have been moving awfully fast."
I felt a twinge of irritation with my sister. Part of me wanted to tell her it was none of her business how slow or fast Jensen and I did anything, but I hadn't seen her in days and picking a fight before both of us left for work didn't seem prudent. I decided to let it go and change the subject.
Let Me Save You Page 15