Then a somber thought hits me: These are the moments I would be missing if I was still in Impetus.
Rage starts to drip in, mixing with the waves of happiness, poisoning them bit by bit. It’s not fair that there’s an entire community of people living without knowing what we, as humans, are actually capable of in feeling emotions and sensations so strongly. There’s much more than living in a neutral state all the time. The highs make the lows worth it and there’s an incredible balance taking place that renders every bit of who we are made to be, make sense.
Impetus is trying to make people into robots, minds without hearts. They need to be stopped. I never understood my purpose in life before; now I feel like I have one, and I will carry it through.
CHAPTER 25
“Knock, knock.” Marlena pops her head in the door of my hut. “Look what I found!” She’s holding an oval shaped mirror, outlined with an inch of glistening silver. It is like an item that someone found in an Annual Dig but yet meticulously cleaned up to be sparkly once again.
My reflection in it shows my flushed red cheeks. It appears that the heat with Liam earlier hasn’t worn off. At least I look somewhat okay otherwise for having an impromptu date after rolling out of bed. Although a little too late to care anyway since Liam had been looking at me all morning.
“For me?” I ask, walking closer to her and rubbing my hand along the frame of the mirror.
“Yes, ma’am! Apparently Gavin put in a special order for you so now you have your very own.” A teasing smile crosses her face. “Just in case any more boys sneak into your hut first thing in the morning, now you can give yourself a quick once over in the mirror.”
“Marlena!” I gasp. Then I can’t help myself as a giggle escapes my lips. “You saw?”
“I almost stood guard outside! I tried to distract Nate for as long as I could but there was no holding him back. I spared you a few extra minutes, though!” She rests the mirror against the wall. “Maybe next time Liam is in here, he can hang this for you?” Her eyes are gleaming with humor.
“I’ll put him to work.”
“What are you planning to pay him with?”
“Marlena!” We are both laughing hysterically. “I can’t believe you!”
“There’s no denying that man is easy on the eyes! Don’t even try to say you haven’t noticed.”
I’ve definitely noticed. It’s hard not to.
“All the girls here have been talking about him since he arrived.” She goes on, taking a seat on the stump stool. “I was wondering who was going to get to him first.” She winks at me.
I sit at the foot of the bed, facing her. “I don’t know about ‘getting’ him, but I like it when he’s around.” I admit. It’s nice having another girl around to share these things with. Then a thought strikes me. “You’re not one of those girls that were trying to vie for him were you?”
Marlena blushes. I’ve never seen her get like that so I think for sure that she likes him until she responds with, “No, he’s not really my type. He’s handsome, that’s for sure. But…no.”
Relief washes over me. I would hate it if Marlena liked Liam. There’s no way anything could happen with him if that’s the case. Besides, she has every quality any guy could possibly want. I wouldn’t stand a chance.
“So… who’s your type?” I ask, surprised that Marlena hasn’t explained further. She loves to talk so it’s rare for her to not go into detail over something.
“It’s not really a type…” Her eyes meet mine for a moment and then she looks away quickly. “Hey, do you like the mirror? Maybe Gavin could get a different color or something if you don’t like the silver.”
I’m disappointed that she doesn’t want to talk more about guys. It’s fun exploring this side of life with another girl. Although, I don’t want to push her to tell more. We don’t know each other well enough yet.
“I do,” I give into the change of subject. “Nah, another color isn’t necessary. I’m not sure what else would go with bamboo.”
She snorts as she points to my ugly multi-fabric curtain we made for a door. “Yeah, we don’t really get too picky with decorations, do we?”
“I think we may not be cut out for design work!” I walk over to the curtain, balling it up in my hands and letting it drop again. “Where does all of this come from anyway? The fabric pieces, the mirror, the food… you can’t tell me it’s all randomly being found in the forest or dug up in Digs.”
Marlena sits up a little straighter. “Gavin still hasn’t shared much, huh?”
“Nope.” I’m disappointed and there’s no sense in hiding it. I feel left in the dark on so many things.
“Ugh. He’s going to kill me for this.” Marlena stands up and puts her hands on her hips. “Do you want to see where all these things come from?”
“Like right now?” I ask. I only expected to be told, not to be shown.
“Yeah, but it’s quite a walk…” Her voice drops off. I know she’s worried about whether or not I can handle it.
“I’ll be fine, Marlena. I appreciate your concern, but I promise I’m good.” I’m not completely sure if I am. But I’m not going to back down on finding out more truths about Rebirth and the life that Gavin has been hiding for all of these years.
She taps her chin, as though evaluating my condition herself. After a silent moment she says, “Ok, we’ll have to stick to the outside of the path so we don’t get in anyone’s way. Promise me you’ll let me know if you’re struggling at any point, okay?”
I nod in agreement.
Marlena sighs loudly. “He’s really going to kill me. Let’s go but once we get out of Rebirth, we have to stay quiet.”
We walk out of my hut extremely slow as though Marlena is afraid I’m going to break. Or maybe she’s doubting the trip we’re about to make. Although I don’t know her well, I do know once she puts her mind to something, nothing will stop her- not even the wrath of Gavin, which speaks volumes. So I know even if she’s second guessing showing me this big secret, she’s at least going to do it now no matter what.
As we edge out of Rebirth, Marlena takes out a compass from her pocket. “You’ll eventually get one of these when Gavin shows you all the paths we take.” She whispers. “On this one, we’re going to move slightly off the normal path to stay hidden. So be careful of what you’re stepping on because I’m not sure what will be in our way.”
The second the last syllable left her mouth, I stumble on a small root that is poking out of the ground in an inverted U symbol and trip. “Oomph!“ I cry out as I tumble forward, catching my balance right before I fall.
“Are you okay?” Marlena asks as she reaches out for me. The uncertainty of our trip washes over her face.
“I’m fine. Just a stumble. I’ll be more careful.” I try to console her. My right toe is throbbing in my shoe. I’m fighting hard to keep a constrained look on my face so she doesn’t see that I’m hurt.
She gives a determined nod of her head, and turns back to lead the way. I’m keeping my eyes on the ground, careful about anything else that may suddenly appear in my way.
Voices stop me in my tracks. Marlena is waving, telling me to crouch down. She’s already in position, hiding behind a bush.
“We got some real good stuff this time! He must have been in a good mood!” I can tell it’s Nate’s voice. There’s a rustling sound of a bag as though he’s digging through something.
“I don’t think he gets to necessarily pick it, dummy. They just give him extra of whatever they have.” Lindsay fires back.
“Whatever. You know he makes special requests.” The crunch of food like somebody taking a bite of a carrot or apple follows.
“Eww, don’t chew over the rest of the stuff like that! You’re such a—“ Their voices fade away.
We wait a few seconds before Marlena gives me the sign that it’s okay to continue on.
A few other times we have to dodge behind bushes as other people from Rebirth go down the pa
th and back up. I counted six different voices and each time they’re walking in pairs, obviously taking different supplies from one location into Rebirth.
My curiosity level is rising as we get closer. Marlena is right, it is quite the walk from Rebirth and my toe is still throbbing. My body is aching in other places too, not fully recovered from everything it’s gone through. But adrenaline is pumping through me, keeping me focused on what’s to come.
Marlena drops to her hands and feet and motions me to do the same. She waits for me to inch right next to her and together, we crawl several more feet. She stops and points through the bush that’s in front of us.
It takes a little searching to find a hole in the bushes big enough for me to see through. Once I do, I finally see the sight and I have to hold back a gasp.
There’s a huge pile of boxes sitting in the middle of a grassy area. Liam has a clipboard in his hands and he seems to be counting the contents in each one, marking the results on a clipboard, and then setting the box to the side. We watch as the two-person teams from Rebirth come and grab the boxes that have been counted and walk them back to the community. There’s definitely a strong system in place and it seems to work well.
All of a sudden, Gavin appears from the distance, balancing two extremely large boxes in his hands. They must be heavy because his muscles are bulging and the veins in his arm are protruding. He sets them down in the pile, obviously struggling when bending down with them.
“That’s all of them.” He says, standing back up and wiping his hands together. “Where are we at so far?”
Liam stands so they can both see the clipboard as they flip through the pages together.
Marlena leans over and whispers, “Gavin won’t ever show us where he gets the supplies from. So he gets them and brings them to this spot. There’s a team of ten of us who only know about this and will rotate shifts bringing the supplies from here back to Rebirth. It gets to be a bit tedious but it’s a good workout.”
“He won’t tell anyone where they actually come from though?” I recall the story he told me when we first met, about how apples and other things from our community comes from a different community far away. It’s strange that he won’t be more clear to his own people in Rebirth.
Marlena shakes her head. “No, unfortunately. He makes a good point when he says it doesn’t matter. We have everything we need.”
That’s exactly what I’ve said about Impetus before and that belief turned out to be a mistake. I don’t say this out loud, though. As soon as I think it, I regret the thought. Rebirth is completely different than Impetus. Gavin is completely different then the Community Officials.
We both turn our eyes back to the spot in the bushes we each found. Gavin and Liam are gone, though. The pile of boxes is all that remains.
“That’s strange. He always says we should never abandon—“
“What in the world are you doing?” Gavin’s angry voice makes us both jump and turn around quickly.
“Gavin!” We exclaim in unison.
“You scared us.” Marlena adds.
“What are you doing, Marlena?” Then his eyes land on me. Pointing to me, but directing his question to Marlena, “What is she doing here?”
“I gave her your mirror and we started talking about where this stuff comes from. I didn’t think it was bad to show her.”
“But yet you were cowering in the bushes so you must have known it wasn’t a good idea!”
“We were just—“
“I don’t care!” Gavin is outraged. “Bottom line is we could have seriously hurt you!” He holds up the knife in his hand as proof. “I thought you were a damn spy or someone not from Rebirth, Marlena! And she-“ he points to me, emphasizing “she” with pure disdain, “-does not need to be out here!”
I stand up from the ground so that Gavin is looking directly at me instead of pointing down to me like I’m a child who has broken a rule. “First of all, my name is not ‘she’. Secondly, are you pissed because you are concerned I’m still weak or because you want to continue to hide things from me?”
Without a second’s hesitation Gavin responds, “Both.”
I am stunned by his clear honesty and sting of his words. I am generally strong when it comes to comebacks and pushing back against Gavin. I have nothing on this one. My heart feels like it dropped in my stomach.
“Gavin, hey,” Marlena turns Gavin’s shoulders so he’s facing her. “Listen, it’s my fault, not Evangeline’s so don’t get mad at her. I know you talked about her being part of the team, so I jumped the gun a bit too soon. We didn’t screw anything up, no one is hurt, all is fine.”
Gavin glares at her, as though he’s going to attack and rip her apart. After a moment, his shoulders loosen in tension. “Okay, Marlena.” He shakes his head in obvious disappointment. “Just take her back, ok?”
She nods and lets go of his shoulders. Turning back to me, she says, “Let’s get going.” She takes my right arm and puts it over her shoulders and then slides her arm around my waist. I made it just fine here and she knows that. But now she has to prove to Gavin that she is taking good care of me and not putting me at risk of an even slower recovery period.
Gavin doesn’t look at me or say anything else. He pushes through the bushes and walks back to the box pile. I watch him and then see Liam who must have returned to the pile earlier. He is focused, looking through each box, obviously trying hard to act as though he didn’t hear the commotion that took place. I’m glad because I would be embarrassed if he was more of a part of it. The way Gavin treats me can be so infuriating.
Marlena is fairly quiet as we walk back to Rebirth.
“Are you okay?” I ask her.
She tries to brighten up her face. “Yeah, it’s just never fun to get yelled at. Especially by him.”
“He seems to respect you, though. I don’t think he would have calmed down at all if it wasn’t for you.” It’s such a true statement and as soon as I say it, I feel a bit pained. I wish I could have that same affect on Gavin as she does. “I mean he gets me a mirror which seems sweet but then when he talks to me, it’s like I’m a child. Sometimes I don’t think he realizes that I’m not the 6-year old little girl he met twelve years ago.”
“That’s why you’re different to him, Evangeline. None of us will ever have that same relationship with him that you do. None of us have that history. He can be complex, sure, but you’re probably going to be the only one that ever figures him out.” Her face is crestfallen as she says this. She obviously has an equal amount of respect for Gavin as he does for her.
“Ha, I’m not too sure about that.”
“I am.” Marlena murmurs.
We walk in silence all the way back to Rebirth. I’m not sure what Marlena meant and it’s hard to determine exactly how she’s feeling. Maybe that’s why I like her so much. She doesn’t just remind me of Jacqueline; she reminds me of Gavin too.
CHAPTER 26
Over the next several months, I begin to regain my strength. Gavin teaches me how to fish so we spend the later part of some mornings and evenings sitting at the lake that’s only about half a mile away. We sit in silence. Gavin claims it’s to not disturb the fish but I know the truth is so that he’s not forced to answer my questions.
He offers several times to teach me how to hunt but I leave that to him. I like to eat the results of his hunt but I don’t want any part in killing an animal- especially not using the hunting traps he sets up. “They’re too close to humans.” I would try to explain, not being able to find the words to describe that I simply can’t make something so similar to us suffer in any way. It brings back too many bad memories of what Impetus tried to do to us.
Liam teaches me how to find herbs and natural remedies to care for physical ailments. It doesn’t take long for that to become my primary role- finding herbs, mixing, finding out what they can do and aiding the people of Rebirth when they are in need. Gavin once admitted to me that he found out the role of a
Nurse would have been my future in Impetus. Of course I never gave them the chance to tell me that at the Futures Ceremony so it was a nice, semi-comforting sort of thing to hear. At least the Community Board would have gotten that part right. I would have enjoyed being a Nurse.
I also discover that I’m good at boxing. What started as a challenge from Nate while watching him, Liam and a couple of other guys during their training session has turned into me now joining them 3-4 times a week. Marlena and some of the other women will come watch us and support me with hoops and hollers as I face different men in the makeshift boxing ring. I am good, quick and can throw a decent punch.
“It’s your intuition.” Liam always tells me with admiration in his eyes. “You always seem to know what they’re going to do next.”
I win some matches, but others I lose. We don’t go hard on each other because everyone doesn’t actually want to cause harm to another person in Rebirth so “losing” is more like admitting that the other person has a few better moves than the other. Even with that common rule, Liam always refuses to face me in the ring. I give him a hard time but secretly I’m glad. I couldn’t imagine even pretending to hit or attack that face of his.
My early mornings have become routine with spending time with Liam while Gavin is away. Every morning he now comes in my hut with a soft knock on the door and a blanket in his hands. He’ll spread it on the floor then we will walk out and make a quick breakfast before anyone else is awake and go back to my hut to eat it. The secret side of Liam is always revealed with his consistently funny stories that he’ll share from adventures of the day before. We also find ourselves dreaming about different places we would travel based off of old books we found or have seen if the world still existed like it did in The Before where it was safe and not completely in ruins. I am absolutely fascinated with how his mind works and love how he views the world around him.
The Remedy Files: Illusion Page 19