“I think we’re doing it. One day at a time.”
“Baby steps,” we say in unison.
“Jinx.” I lean down and steal a kiss off her lips.
Izzy moans with approval and tugs at my lips with hers. She pulls back and touches the whisky to her mouth. “It’s good. I approve.”
“I’m glad.”
“You’ll never guess what bomb my mother decided to drop on me this morning.”
“I’m not the explosive in question am I? Let the record show I’ve always had a healthy fear of Bobbie Sawyer.”
She gives a little laugh, and her hair spills over my chest like a dark scarf.
“No, it has everything to do with the studio. She wants to sell it.” Her features melt with grief. I know for a fact that studio is like a second home to Izzy, sort of the way the bar is mine.
“Sounds like we have a lot more in common than we thought.” I tell her all about the talk my father had a few weeks back. “I think I’m going to take the place over myself. I just need to figure out a way to buy out my parents.” I pinch my eyes shut a moment. “It’s going to be hard, but I know I can do it.”
“Holt.” She pulls back with a laugh caught in her throat. “I think that’s fantastic. Do you think I’d be able to pull off something like that?”
“I don’t see why not. Heck, maybe your mother would go easy on you and let you take over payments. With my father remarrying a gold digger, who wants to turn those vodka bottles into shoes, it’s a little more complicated. But I know you, Iz, you’ve been running that place on your own since as far back as I can remember. You’ve got this. Are you sure it’s something you want?”
“Want?” She shakes her head and takes another sip. “It’s something I need. I can’t imagine my future without the studio in it. It’s been the anchor in my life for as long as I can remember. That’s my baby.” She settles those blazing eyes over me and brushes her fingers across the stubble on my cheeks. “You’re perfect, you know that?” Izzy stills. Her breathing all but stops. “What do you think people will say about us?”
“Who the hell cares what they say. But, if I had to guess, I’m betting they’ll say we’re damn lucky. That’s all anyone should ever say about us.” I sink a kiss over her lips again, and her tongue meets up with mine. The fireworks start up, and we miss the first ten minutes.
Izzy rests her head on my chest as we catch the grand finale. So many brilliant sparks lighting up the night and then they’re gone in seconds, nothing but a memory. I can’t help but wonder if that’s what will happen to us. I started a chain of heartbreak years ago, and I’ve always thought it should end with me. But I’ll fight to keep that from happening to the two of us. She’s the first and only girl I’d fight all of hell to keep safe from the curse I’ve brought on my family.
“What are you thinking?” Her voice rises, soft as smoke.
“I’d fight for you, Izzy. We’re right and nobody can tell us otherwise.”
She looks up as her eyes shine into mine.
“I don’t think we should finish the whiskey, Holt.”
“Why’s that?” A smile tugs on my lips, but I won’t give it.
“Because I want us to be sober for what happens next. I’ve waited far too long for this moment, and I want to remember it. I want you to remember it. I want us to be present with body, heart, and soul for the things we’re about to share.”
My body pulsates like a bomb.
“And what things are those?” My lids grow heavy with lust. It’s taking all of my strength not to pin her to the floor and make love to her right here under the stars both real and manufactured.
“The thing I’m glad I saved most—me.” She picks up the whiskey sour. “One last sip—a gift from me to you.” She takes a final hit before setting the glass down. Her lips find mine, and I pull the liquor right out of her mouth. Her hands wander up my shirt as the taste of whiskey permeates our kisses. I’ll never be able to look at a bottle again without thinking of Izzy.
“That was one hell of a show,” she whispers, tracking kisses all the way to my ear. “You think you can top that?”
A gentle laugh rolls through me. “Oh, sweetie, I know I can.”
I dig my fingers into her hips as our mouths get lost in one another again.
“How about we take this party somewhere private?” Her lips quiver a bright ruby red. Izzy is glassy-eyed and hopped up on anything but liquor.
“You sure you want to do this?”
“You’re the one who promised to teach me everything and anything I ever wanted to know.” She lowers her lids just enough. “I want to know the things you do, Holt. I’m ready to go there if you are.”
If I had any question on whether or not Izzy was a virgin, I think it’s just been answered. How the hell that happened I have no clue, but I’m damn glad about it. I’d be a liar if I didn’t say I was dying for this moment for as long as I can remember, and now it’s that much sweeter.
She presses her lips to my chin. “You in?”
“All the way, baby.”
“Good.” Her eyes widen as if she were surprised after all. “You’ll be my first, Holt.” Her cheeks redden a deep shade of burgundy, and, in this dim light, Izzy becomes her own shadow.
“I’m glad.” I dot her lips with a simple kiss. “I’m hoping to be your last.”
I scoop her into my arms as we make our way inside. Izzy pulls me down by the neck, and our lips fuse over one another as if we were putting out a fire in each other’s mouths. I kick the screen shut with my foot, but I couldn’t care less if an entire swarm of mosquitoes flew in. There’s not a single thing that could spoil this night.
“You sure about this?” I whisper straight into her mouth through a kiss.
“Positive.” She rakes her fingernails over my bare chest until it feels as if she’s about to draw blood. But I don’t mind. I want it to hurt, to feel good, to do both at the very same time.
We engage in one long lip-lock, bumping down the hall as I carry her to the bedroom. I send up a quick prayer, hoping it doesn’t smell like a pile of old gym socks. But I don’t notice the smell or the fact that I’ve got stacks of crap lying around waiting to greet her in the morning. None of it matters. Right now this is about us, Izzy and Holt, two names I’m hoping will one day be synonymous with one another.
My father and that messed up summer bounces through my mind. I don’t think I can live with that guilt forever. Maybe sometime soon I’ll try to figure a way out of that hell. I think I’ve suffered enough. I think we all have.
I sit Izzy down on the edge of the bed and slowly take off my T-shirt. There’s just enough moonlight streaming in, highlighting us until we look like a pair of apparitions. I run my fingers through her hair, soft and slick like strands of silk that go on forever.
Izzy dips her fingers into the lip of my jeans and plays with the button until it gives. She lowers the zipper without ever taking her eyes off mine and gives my boxers a firm tug. I reach down and pull off her top in one easy move. Izzy’s skin glows like marble. The shadow of her bra hugs her curves in all the right places. I reach back and unhook it, holding it together a moment as I lock eyes with hers. She gives a knowing smile as if to say she’s still on board, and that’s all the reassurance I need.
Izzy slinks out of her bra and tosses it in the corner.
This is it, the point of no return, and I’m damn glad about it.
I reach down and work like hell to get those skintight jeans off her body. She slinks right out of them and they thump to the floor with a pronounced finality.
This is it—nothing but skin over skin. The moment I’ve spent half my life dreaming of is actually here with the girl I’ve always loved. A part of me wants to say those words. To say them every minute of every day until it sinks in for her. If anyone deserves to be loved it’s Izzy. But I don’t plan on spooking her—baby steps. For now I’ll just have to show her how I feel. Make love to every inch of her, and that
’s exactly what I plan on doing all night long.
I reach to the nightstand and pull out a condom, hold it up to the light for her to inspect.
She gives a little laugh. “Is this the part where I say trick or treat?”
“You don’t have to. I plan on delivering both.”
Her chest rumbles with a laugh and takes me with it. “That’s exactly what I was hoping you’d say.”
“If you’re nice, I might throw in a few fireworks.” I run my lips in long, hot tracks all the way down her neck. “Aw, heck—for you, kitten? I’ll throw a few in anyway.”
She arches her back, pressing her softness into my chest, and I die a little on the inside.
Izzy pulls me in and takes a gentle bite out of my ear.
“I feel like I’m going to bring down the party with my lack of carnal knowledge,” she whispers it low like a secret.
“Don’t count on it. But I think it’s too much to teach in just one session,” I tease. “We’ll have to make this a reoccurring event.”
“Oh, is that right?” She rakes her nails over my back, soft as a feather. “You up for nightly sessions?”
I look down at Izzy with the smile dissipating from my lips because things just got serious, and I want to remember everything about this moment.
“I have nothing against the morning or afternoon either,” I whisper.
“Lucky for me, I’ve got nowhere to go tomorrow.”
“That’s funny, I was just about to write myself off the schedule.”
“Sounds like a great idea.” She digs her fingers into my hair.
“We’re a great idea.” My mouth lands over hers, exploding with every emotion I’ve ever felt for her.
This is happening.
We’re happening.
And for the first time in a long while, I don’t feel an ounce of guilt over how happy I am.
I hope it lasts.
I hope Izzy and I last, too.
The Beginning of Us
Izzy
Dear Dad,
Sometimes life has a way of surprising you, in a good way. I’m okay with that. More than okay.
Almost happy for once,
~Iz
If I could describe my life in colors it would begin with a pure azure blue the exact color of my father’s eyes, then, after he left, an entire sea of navy to represent the long dark night he cast us into. The black of midnight would come in right at my eighteenth birthday. It created a stain that bled through for almost ten long years. Then this new world Holt has brought me into, first yellow, then orange, then red with aching passion. We were ripping through every shade of pink, electric blue, green as bright as springtime, peaches and creams, the deep salmon of a brand new day. Every color was present and accounted for. They were all here, in every hue, with Holt spilling them at my feet like a deck of playing cards. We had unearthed one of life’s biggest secrets, how to push past the darkness and fall madly, deeply in ruby red love. And, although I’m not ready to say those words—to hear them—I’m ready to live them, to let them vibrate over me in a rainbow poured out from the hot of Holt’s mouth, from the weight of his steely body over mine. Holt is delivering me from the darkness, taking me by the hand and leading me out of those charred woods I lost myself in so long ago. I don’t know how to thank him. I don’t think there are enough thank yous to let him know how indebted to him I really am. Holt is the only man I’ve ever felt comfortable with. The only one that doesn’t make me feel as if I want to jump out of my own skin simply from being in the same vicinity. Holt makes me feel at ease. He makes me crave his kisses, addictive as candy.
“You okay?” He presses a warm kiss onto my forehead, and the shadow of a smile etches up his cheek.
“Better than okay.”
Here I am, thrust in a brand new world—one that my friends, my sister, entered into forever ago. My heart pounds as if it’s trying to hammer its way out. My body goes numb as the gravity of what’s about to happen sinks in.
“I must be laughable to you.”
“What? Izzy.” Holt leans in until his warm breath brushes over my cheek. “I don’t know what happened that left you so hurt, but I promise—you’re everything good in my life. I will always be here for you. We fit—deep down inside, we’re the same person. I’ve wanted you as a part of my life ever since I stepped in that dance studio when I was just a kid. It was you, Izzy. Every day since that moment it’s only been you my heart has wanted.”
My breathing picks up as my mind swirls with thoughts of that fated day. Is it a coincidence that Holt was there that afternoon, venerating my beauty through his starry eyes, and that it’s him who’s pulling me through to the other side of this great ache that swallowed me whole so long ago?
“I remember that day.” I dig my head into the pillow. “And now I want to build new memories.”
Holt gently cradles the back of my neck, pulling me closer until a breath can’t be squeezed between us.
His mouth crashes over mine. Holt sings my praises, venerates my beauty once again by way of his white-hot, electric kisses. These were impassioned pleas for me to hear him, to feel his affection, and I want to. I want it all with Holt.
I pull him down and feel his weight as he lays his chest to mine.
“Izzy”—he draws back until our eyes connect, and my adrenaline rockets through my skull—“I’m in love—”
I touch my finger to his lips and shake my head ever so slightly.
“No words,” I whisper as tears blur my vision. I can’t go there. I’m not ready. Don’t know if I’ll ever be.
I arch my head into the pillow and bite down hard over my lip. Holt leans down and peppers my face with heated kisses Here it is—done, in the record books. Holt Edwards is my first, and, lucky for me, he wants to be my last.
Holt reaches down and threads his fingers through mine. This feels right, natural, and pure. Not one part of me wants to run screaming. No—in fact, I want this feeling—this moment—to last a hundred years. I want this moment to stretch out like a rubber band until it snaps from delirious pleasure, and all of time is frozen in this wonderful night forever. Holt promised me tricks and treats—fireworks—and he’s delivering far more than that.
Time moves in uneven jags as Holt loves me with his body. My nerves dance on their raw edges, shouting with a fury as a fire builds in me that only Holt can quench.
Holt is racing to the finish line as his muscles tense over me. I glide my hands down his back and dig my nails into his hips. Holt tracks wet kisses to my temple, dripping down to my ear, panting up a storm, making me warm and heady. “You okay?”
“Yes.” I find his lips and tear off a kiss. “God, yes.” I pull his bottom lip into my mouth and graze it with my teeth. “For the first time in my life I feel better than okay.” I fall back to the pillow and pant through a smile. “I feel happy. You make me happy, Holt.” Tears come without permission. It’s true. Holt cut the head off the demons that have haunted me for so long, and I feel whole again.
“You make me happy, Iz.” And strangely he looks grieved at the concept.
I take a quivering breath. “So when do we break out the whips and chains?”
Holt rumbles out a laugh before licking a line from my cheek to my ear. “Whenever you’re ready, kitten.”
“With you I’m always ready. You push me past my comfort zone in a good way. Until a couple of weeks ago, I was only going through the motions. It’s you who’s teaching me how to live.”
“Really?” His smile arches up in a shadow before blooming into something far more vexingly wicked. “Because I’m about to teach you something else.”
“Oh, yeah? What’s that?”
“Something good.” Holt lands his lips over mine, rotating his tongue through my mouth as if he were drilling for oil. He moves his lingual efforts down my cheek, dripping those molten kisses to the nape of my neck, stopping briefly at my collarbone.
“How’s that feel, kitten?” He buri
es another soft kiss into my stomach before I can answer.
“Insanely good.”
Holt looks up and gives the flash of a smile that ignites the room like a bolt of lightning.
His mouth dives over me again as he twirls his tongue into my belly button, and I tremble with an involuntary laugh.
“Maybe too good,” I whisper. “But I’m not complaining.” I thread my fingers through his thick, glossy hair. All those weeks I’ve wanted to do this. Holt has the most amazing soft hair, slick and cool.
He moves his meandering kisses to my waist. Holt traces out the curve of my hip straight down my leg, my shin, then races back up through the inside of my thigh and my legs clamp shut.
“Whoa.” He inches back. “No one said tonight was going to end in a decapitation.”
“Nor should it.” I pull him back up by the arm, and he lands another mouthwatering kiss over my lips. Holt has it backward. He’s the one that tastes like heaven. Who knew the best part of my existence would be the day I fell into Holt Edwards’ mouth? His bed.
“I want to make you feel good.”
“You do.” I tuck myself beneath him. “You know what I like?”
“Piña coladas and getting caught in the rain?”
“Making love after midnight.”
Holt reaches over to his nightstand once again.
I think we can go on forever like this.
I think we will.
The morning light cuts through my lids like a laser, blinding me, pulling me away from the blissful dream I’m having. Holt and I are on a warm sunny beach, rolling in the sand, losing ourselves in a sea of wild kisses. And then I startle, wide away.
“God!”
“Morning to you, too.” He gives a kiss through his smile. “More like afternoon. It’s one-thirty.”
“It is not!” I bat his arm before drawing him in.
“God’s honest truth.” His teeth bump against mine, and I savor the feeling.
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